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5 Tips To Discover What Really Matters

5 Tips To Discover What Really Matters

by | Aug 7, 2022 | Self Development

5 Tips To Discover What Really Matters?

 

Last week I worked with an executive client who is working through the transition of upscaling their role from Operations Manager to Business Owner and co-Director. As you would imagine, this is both exciting and incredibly stressful at times.

I liken this transition to that of a solopreneur – who initially enters the workforce as a practitioner AND and everything else you do when you work for yourself. Business owners wear a lot of hats and bear all the responsibility.

As is so often the case, life gets extraordinarily busy sometimes. The juggle can often feel overwhelming for anyone. This feeling of overwhelm can be especially heightened when you:

  • work for yourself; or
  • have an executive job or leadership role; or
  • work alternating day/night shifts;
  • juggle parenthood (homeschooling) with working from home
  • you / partner experience an illness

We discussed the importance of holidays, of escaping the mundane groundhog-itis of a routine and exploring new places or activities. Taking a time out, no matter how big or small, is a gift to our mind, body and spirit.

This change of scenery to our senses as an experience is often a holiday in itself.

This is why it’s vital to reconnect with friends and family, to leave the home and get outside – to create stimulus to the heart and mind. This practice reminds us we aren’t alone.

But more importantly, planning and taking a holiday is incredibly therapuetic for so many reasons. During my conversation, this excecutive laughed and confessed to slowing down enough to finally understand the phrase “stop and smell the roses“. In her case it was travelling through Italy and eating the glorious food in wine country.

But here’s the thing. Whilst I was more than a little jelly scrolling through her travel pics, my heart melted when she recalled sitting in a remote country villa and simply watching the Italian locals go about their day.

She smiled fondly, and told me she figured out life, what really matters – love, family and the simple pleasures of life.

We laughed, smiled and sighed.

Both in agreeance at the anology that Italian culture and focus on what is important is something we could bring a little more into our lives.

Not all of us can take a trip to Italy.

It was then the conversation steeered back to how to translate this Italian experience back into every day life, back into the workplace, back to her team?

My response was to create an energetic invitation, and then lead by example.

So what really matters in your life?

To answer this, you need to be in the right space and have an open mind and heart. I’m talking down time. Rest. Mini break. The space in your life whereby you reset, recuperate and regenerate.

This action is actually life giving – to yourself AND those around you. Our human experience isn’t designed to live like robots, punching the time clock and making widgits.

1. Self Love

When we ask ourselves what really matters, it’s imperative that we are connect to our heart space, rather than be stuck in our head.

Everything external to us, in the outside world should be considered an illusion. You literally have no control over it. At best you’re an observer of the space around you.

Your past experiences, and reactions to them, will drive how you express your values.

When we look within (from the heart), we are activating the source of our power – unconditional love. Afterall, who deserves this more than anyone other that you loving yourself?

In my book This Is My Roar, I reference Tony Robbins identifies six common human needs to be met: certainty, variety, significance, growth, contribution, and loving connection.

The human need that stands out for me (to understand what is important) is the need for loving connection. Experiencing challenges in our lives can severely impact our loving connection to ourselves and others.

When you are in a state of flight or fight you are operating from a reactive mental state rather than the feeling centre of your heart. 

In my clinical practice I support clients to defuse their stress so that they can heal their connection within themselves. This can be so traumatic that it disconnects you, even momentarily, from your inner self and your own internal resources.

This disconnection is a separation from the deepest and most sacred part of you. This interrupts your perception of feeling safe in your life and creates what I call your trauma tale. It’s this separation from this human need for loving connection that establishes the experience as reactive and stressful, leaving you unable to respond.

2. Experiences versus stuff

When you have a life changing experience like an epic holiday, or even a cancer diagnosis – you look at life a little differently.

Sometimes a fresh perspective, a clean slate, and space to breathe enables you to focus on actually what is important – such as creating a life long memory versus buying yet another thing for your wardrobe.

I’m reminded of the shoe dilemna in Sex & The City when Carrie fell in love with an apartment to purchase, but didn’t have the savings for a deposit. Carrie was heart broken as she sat amongst her designer shoe collection. It wasn’t until her friends pointed out that the entirity of her shoe collection equated to a $40,000 deposit!

I love the apporach that Marie Condo has for life. Your possessions must bring you joy – and not in the moment. Your possessions should fulfill a purpose, rather than sit on a shelf not bringing you joy.

3. Be a vibrational match to what you are wanting

When it comes to manifesting what is actully important right now, it’s often useful to consider the wise words of Abraham Hicks (channelled by Ester Hicks).

Every desire you have in life, no matter how big or small is answered by the universe. Read that again, and then reflect on the quality of your internal dialogue.

Reflect on your outlook on life. Without shame, blame or guilt, be really honest with yourself and assess is your outlook positive or negative?

Reflect on what is important and determine whether you’re even in a vibrational space that allows the full vibrational manifetation of the answers you seek in life.

Are you aligned to the art of allowing? Another alternative ways of asking this are you

  • a vibrational match of what you are asking for before you can receive it?

  • aligning with your own desire?

  • embracing the art of allowing the wellbeing that is natural to flow?

  • living a life of non resistance to what you want?

  • appreciating what you already have and who you already are?

  • embodying the art of happiness?

  • art of paying attention to the way you feel and wanting to feel good?

  • the art of paying attention to your emotions?

  • guiding yourself to reframe you life into a space of feeling better / good?

“This is the art of deliberate creation, whereby you purposefully align to your thoughts to waht you want. Whatever you give your attention to where you stand, you give your vibration attention to.” – Ester Hicks

4. Do Good, Not More

At corporate presentations, I find myself discussing strategies with leadership. We have a neuro-biological need for regular mindfulness practice to drives higher efficiencies and focus in all staff.

In other words, don’t send your members of management or leaders offsite to a retreat to learn what is important – conduct a workshop where they sit with their teams and learn what is important to their staff. 

Understanding what is important to your individual team members, provides you with insight of what their “what really matters“. As a leader, your job is then create an energetic invitation for your staff to arrive at a space of mutual appreciation of what really matters to the collective.

Asking staff to do more when there is little to no physical/mental capacity is a receipe for disaster.

Asking staff to do good, and supporting them with an invitation and resources to be good, is in my opinion an ideal space to start. It can be as simple as a peaceful breakout room to escape the desk, a fruit box to share amongst staff or sit and have coffee chat during the day.

Sometimes a simple casual check-in supports your staff feeling valued and heard.

5. Find your tribe

There’s an old saying that it takes a tribe to raise a child. The same analogy can be used  for the adult. Humans are not nomadic by nature. We are deigned to function as a pack, a tribe.

From an societal perspective, to nuture our humanness, we need some time to replenish by ourselves, but we need external touch (hugs) and communication to nuture the spirit within.

So even your family are triggering, be sure to have people in your life who nurture you physically, mentally and emotionally – this is what’s really important.

In modern western culture there’s lots of positive conversation and dialogue these days surrounding a workplace culture – how well do people get along?

With the pandemic interfering with team cohesiveness, the current challenge is to reconnect your work tribe in positive ways rather than more zoom meetings. 

Conclusion

Discovering what is really important to you and your team is a game changer for you as an individual and a leader. This can also readily translate to creating positive changes to your team environment.

Will everyone get on board? – no. All you can do is focus on your mindset, and allow that to be the energetic invitation for others around to join you.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

Time to make a change?

Bookings – book today for an individual appointment

What is Kinesiology?

Join the private membership group Above & Beyond.

Learn more about other services offered click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

The Mother Load

The Mother Load

by | Jul 10, 2022 | Self Development

5 Tips How To Embrace The Mother Load

I heard the phrase ‘mother load‘ the other day, and it resonated strongly. It summed up the stress experienced by a mother who so often does for everyone else first, and there’s not much else left for her.
 
So often in clinic I work with women who have lost their identity in being the amazing mother, wife, and employee that they are. I can put my hand up and say I was one of them!
 
Working through my treatment and multiple surgeries, I had a lot of time to reflect and change the way I do life. I had time to review the rituals that keep me energerised.
 
I came to realise that if I don’t honor self first, if I don’t fill my bucket first, then everything else suffers. I choose to allow my own child to see my humanness moments – because I’m not superwoman. I don’t want to emulate that sterotype and perpetuate the pattern to another generation – that women have to be everything.
 
Be yourself. Live your life.
 
Allow your kids to see your full spectrum of life – this is how they learn to regulate themselves!
 
Yes install a filter, because kids don’t need to know everything. However, they do need to see you not be everything for everyone.
Kids do need hear ‘no’.
Kids do need to learn how to mop, vacuum, set the table, stack the dishwasher, wipe down the bench, cook meals, pack up after themselves. It’s called life.
 
Here’s to the mothers (and fathers) who have the patience of a saint and continue to breathe through yet another emotional crisis.
 
Here’s to the mothers (and fathers) who keep trying their best, especially when working through their own stuff whilst juggling all the things in the air.
 
Here’s to everyone who is honest about the intensity of the mother load – you’re freaking rock!

Here’s to everyone who parents with integrity, and passion.

Cheers to everyone who puts the emotional welfare of their children above all else.

So how do we embrace the Mother Load?

1. Learn To Juggle Less

I often relate all of the things we do in a single day, is very similar to juggling balls in the air. More often than not, we feel overwhelmed, when we try to add extra balls to what we are already trying to juggle.

If you’re already at maximum juggle, and trying to add more, something has to fall – right?

Sometimes we need to recongise, that a solution we are seeking can only be found, when we place all of the balls down, and turn our head and see what it is we were looking for.

It’s not failure, if you pause what ball you choose to throw in the air. It’s not failure if you discern what ball to throw, and what to put down.

Sometimes, it’s actually more efficient, and far less stressful to simply juggle one or two things. What’s the worst that can happen – you do those few things really well?

2. Debate  Like A Hostage Negotiator

One of the best things I ever learnt to do was debate like a hostage negotiator (I thank my lucky stars for my eccletic edutcation and technical training).

What I mean by this, is that when you are juggling, you’re using a lot of mental energy to keep all the balls in the air.

A hostage negotiator needs to understand the personal investment needs of everyone involved, so that the discussion can commence. A good discussion will quickly identify who needs what, and in what time frame. But more importantly, you ihighlight the other persons’s why. 

When you understand the emotional response of what is driving someone’s bheaviour, it no longer becomes peronal – it’s just a logistical solution to solve.

So often, family members get involvled in heated discussions, because they have made the a situation personal. They are reacting. They have activated their defence programs.

At the end of the day, you’re the hostage to negativity when you invest in the drama of others! Learn to simply observe amd ask the qurstion – why is this important right now?

3. Identify the Emotion

It’s frustrating when an emotional response drives sub-conscious and reactive behaviours. It leaves us feeling out of control. What’s actually going on is our Inner Child is expressing an unresolved emotional reaction from the past.

Acknowledging the emotion (that is driving the the defensive behaviour), is a present time response. It’s not a reaction. Therefore responding in present time deactivates the old reactive survival pattern so that  you can take immediate action.

I teach how to talk to your inner child in a recent podcast episode.

4. Make Time To Decompress

Life in westernised society is fast paced. It’s choatic. It’s hectic. If you’re lucky enough to be afford activities, life is even busier.

Add kids to the mix, and the juggle at times can feel mental. Its enough to make you want to stay in bed.

I find when I work with parents who struggle with the mother load, they haven’t dedicated any ‘time out‘ to themselves.

Sleep isn’t enough to charge the battery. You need to physically rest. When the body is rested, the mind follows, and can soothe all those thoughts and feelings that are doing laps inside your head.

When you’ve got kids, taking time out can feel like a luxury you can’t afford. Zoning out infront of the TV or social media doesn’t actually count!

When was the last time you walked the dog whilst listenin to a podcast?

When was the last time you sat in your  favourite chair and read a great book – for the fun of it?

What about a trashy magazine that takes you a week to read over each and every coffee break?

It’s worth noting that the Heart Math Institute researced that three minutes of meditation daily (or even practicising mindfulness), resulted in hours of wellbeing felt in the body.

Find what works for you to decompress consistently each day. 

5. Do Good, Not More

It sounds easy enough to do good, not more – but have you made the mind body connection with what actually soothes you?

Most of the time, when we pause the juggle, we have the oportunity to connect with our feelings. It’s at this point we can acknowledge the reactive emotion and do something about it.

It is these moments that we can discover what really matters. 

Conclusion

Reflection is such a gift to self to evolve the way we do the juggle of life and create opportunity for true life balance.

It’s only when we are present, and not operating a past tense survival program that we can focus on the things you can juggle (rather than drop or do poorly).

For more information about our survival switch and techniques to defuse it, view my book “This Is My Roar – Transform Your Trauma Tale.” Click here for more information.

Want to read more like this?

What Really Matters – click here

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation & Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis Facilitator,  and self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

The Art Of Relaxation

The Art Of Relaxation

by | May 30, 2022 | Self Development

The Art of Relaxation

I read a fabulous quote the other day, “relaxation is one of the most complex phenomena – very rich, multidimensional“, I just wish I could locate the author to give credit, because this quote is gold!

Right now, we’re experiencing a level of societal stress that hasn’t been experienced since the recession in the 1980’s, or for those still alive, the great depression during the war.

For most people, having experienced two years of uncertainty and unknown during the pandemic, worrying about whether life will return back to normal, has exacerbated our sympathetic nervous system’s flight-fight response. Extended lockdowns has not been kind for most, and from a mental health perspective, damaging and traumatic. Effectively our capacity to feel calm and relaxed has been interupted, and in some cases reduced, due to long term stress.

Everyone on the planet, has something in their past, which is unresolved, and causes them to feel triggered in present day. This trigger drives a neurological survival response.

As a clinical practitioner, I support clients to learn how to recognise when they have activated their neurological survival programs of flight-fight-freeze. I joke that this state of survival makes you look like a meerkat, looking this way and that with crazy eyes.

When you’re in meerkat mode, you have reduced capacity to absorb all of the informaation in your visual field, so you have to turn your head at everything that moves. This leaves you feeling a little ‘hyped-up’. It also uses an incredible amount of physical energy, and leaves you feeling very tired at the end of each day.

To tell someone to relax when they are in meerkat mode is useless, because they have no capacity to undertake any higher ordered thinking (in the neo cortex), or find relaxation solutions (pre-frontal cortex). When you have activated your sympathetic nervous system, and look/feel like a meerkat, you are operating your repitillian brain – you’re doing whatever it takes to survive.

Why relaxation is complex?

1. Need To Feel Safe

There’s a number of emotional investments we have to work through in order for the relaxation effect to work. Taking note that we’ve likely activated our meerkat survival program, we have to be able to firstly feel safe. This sounds a little odd, but understanding that if you feel safe, you are more likely to deactivate the survival program and neurologically return to a state of ‘rest-digest‘ of the parasympathetic nervous system.

When working in clinic, I always advise the client to start with slow and purposeful breathing. I lead the way, and we harmonise our breathing rhythms – it always feels safer to work in pairs or groups. Working in isolation, or infront of a practitioner, can feel intimidating, which perpetuats the meerkat survival behaviours.

The outward breath is always through an open mouth, supports toning of the vagus nerve (longest cranial nerve which influences breathing, heart rate and digestion). Marrying the breath of the practitioner provides you with evidence that you can change, and do have internal resources to achieve relaxation. This builds energy for trust in self.

2. Becoming Present

The breath brings us into the present moment. This is the place in time where you can proactively create change in your life. This is the neurological space that we can switch from being a meerkat and back into rest and digest (of the parasympathetic nervous system). When we activate this switch, we regain access to reintegrate our brain function, to access the neocortex and pre frontal cortex.

3. Learning to Trust

An integrated brain means that your capacity for analysing the issue, identifying solutions to feel safe can begin. When we feel safe in the space of purposeful breath, we are creating capacity for learning to trust in our individual abilities.

Often when I work with employers or teachers, I take them through a variety of relaxtion techniques after revisiting purposeful breath. Actively demonstrating how focus, motivation and memory all improve with these simple mindful breathing activities enables the client to return to their collective tribe of colleagues or students and share their experiences.

4. Learning To Let Go

Many of the corporate presentations I do, involve introducing how the brain works at a very basic level. I actively discuss the survival switch and meerkat mode. It’s worth noting that I’ve never had anyone NOT connect with that anxious or overwhelmed feeling.

At every single presentation, I ask participants to rate their level of stress. We discuss we’re in a safe space, and I invite them to close their eyes. I take them through some basic breathing techniques as well as some guided meditation to identify and let go of stress. We open our eyes and I check in with how they’re feeling.

Re-introducing participants to their relaxed self is often a surprising revelation for the audience. Their perception that relaxation is hard, has been disproved.

Participants quickly learn to recognise that letting go can be as easy as connecting into themselves, registering where they store stress, and breathing it out.

It’s often not until we have physically overridden the nervous system that we realise how much stress our body has been carrying. The use of the quick breathing technique is often all people require as evidence that they can let go of their stuff in their mental and emotional realm. Afterall overanalysis of thoughts and feelings wastes a lot of physical energy.

5. Do Good, Not More

Purposeful breathing is a type of relaxation that is extremely effective when consistently repeated.

At corporate presentations, I find myself discussing strategies with leadership, of the neuro-biological need for regular mindfulness practice to drives higher efficiencies and focus in staff.

Asking staff to do more when there is little to no physical/mental capacity is a receipe for disaster.

Asking staff to do good, and supporting them with resources to be good, is in my opinion an ideal space to start.

Conclusion

Relaxation therefore is art and at times complex, because it requires a consistent commitment to undertaking actions that support you feeling safe, being able to trust, and let go.

It’s only when we are present, and not operating a past tense survival program that we can focus on the things you can embrace (rather than control).

During a typical working day, depending on the type of work, you may need to reset your nervous system at regular intervals. Breathing techniques, getting up for water breaks, and changing your visusal field all contribute to resetting your neurological state.

For more information about our survival switch and techniques to defuse it, view my book “This Is My Roar – Transform Your Trauma Tale.” Click here for more information.

Want to read more like this?

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

What Is My Dharma?

What Is My Dharma?

by | Jan 7, 2022 | Self Development

Welcome to the personal journey of your Dharma

Have you ever wondered how people manifest anything they want?

Does that leaving you scratching your head wondering where you are at in life?

Dharma is a Sanskrit word which translates to ‘right direction’. Therefore when you actively explore your dharma, you are immersing yourself into a quest to gain perspective of your purpose, passion and power. This exploration is an assessment of whether you are pointing true north in your journey life and fulfilling your highest purpose.

Your dharma isn’t something you search for or find outside of yourself.

“Everyone has a purpose in life…a unique gift or special talent to share with others” – Unknown source

Exploring your dharma enables you to:

  • Define your dharma through observation of you living your precious life
  • Understand how you honour your life path, or dharma
  • Create a mission statement to remind you how to remain on true course, always pointing north.

When we are connected to our dharma, even though life can throw us experiences that generate emotional high or low responses, we can remind ourselves of our true purpose. This enables us to celebrate the wins, to accept the defeats or lessons being learnt.

Acceptance of our dharma provides an energetic space to expand and create balance in our lives. The dharma intention you create enables you to build the platform from which you ground into. Re-evaluation of your dharma is like inspecting the footings of your home, ensuring strength and support to move forward.

Embracing our dharma creates a desire, deep within, that keeps us pointed to our true north. Your dharma starts with connecting to you heart space which seeds positive thoughts.

You might be scratching your head wondering where you could make a start on exploring your dharma! Let me share some tips!

“Your dharma is not a career, or a project, or a certain role you play. It’s the unique vibration that your soul carries to everything that you do and every way that you are.” —Sahara Rose

10 Tips to Discover Your Personal Dharma

1. Pay attention to shows up (ie synchronicity)

The universe / god (call this what you want), is very good at guiding you, giving you a nudge or two and even providing a trail!

I recommend you pay attention to what or who keeps showing up in your life. When someone or something shows up over and over, it’s likely that this is tied to your dharma.

2. Accept invitations from spirit

You can label these invitations ‘callings‘. The invitation calls to things that you feel deep inside, that guide you. The trick with callings is to remind yourself that sometimes they don’t necessarily make sense to anyone else but you.

Remember this is often a gut based feeling, rather than something you’rethinking. Callings are preparation for connecting with your dharma, or life purpose.

4. Your journey path is not a straight line

The path to your connecting with your dharma is not straight, and can spiral into a myriad of directions. It can even feel like a rollercoaster of ups and downs!

Spirit has a funny sense of humor. For just when you think you’ve connected with your dharma, spirit is likely to throw you a curve ball with a new challenge and lesson to learn.

Let me give you the tip, it helps a bunch to flow with this process, and where required, surrender to the notion that the journey isn’t always forward or as you expect.

5. Make friends with the unknown & unexpected

It’s important to know that connection to your dharma can be push or pull you into a myriad of directions that aare unexpected, unknown and ometimes uncomfortable.

There’s no point trying to control the path that you’re on. The trick i becoming a mastermind at going with the flow.

6. Create a connection ritual that aligns you to spirit

The trick with this tip is to figure out how best to nurture your soul. Implement simple small actions like yoga, meditation, coluring, painting or walking in nature.

I find any activity that connects you to your heart space is all it takes to align to your truth. Your heart space is where you’ll locate the information about your dharma.

7. A cup of courage is required to walk on the wild side

Discovering your dharma is sometimes not a cake walk. It requires you to embrace your moxie!

I encourage you to call upon a higher level of universal trust. Here’s another way of looking at this connection … you are a precious child of the universe. So when you commence connecting with your dharma, you are rejoining your spiritual tribe.

8. Be patience and kind with your self

Your dharma is not something you can catch, take a pill, make magically appear,  or generate a quick fix.  Connection with your dharma is a life long  journey.

They key is to take small steps, then stride,  then leap, and then allow yourself breathe deeply.

You know the old saying, patience is virtue.

Wrap Up

According to Sahara Rose “if you’re not living your dharma, you may experience feelings of being stuck—like you’re taking action, but not really moving forward. The future doesn’t excite you. You’re surviving rather than thriving.”

Does this resonate for you?

The symptoms of stuck can feel like anxiety, depression, unworthiness, or just feeling off and not yourself. I know from personal experience, that when you are live life in accordance with your dharma, you learn to experience the sensation of acceptance with who you are. You learn to enjoy expressing and sharing your unique gifts with the world. There is so much personal power associated with this connection.

Perhaps by sharing these tips is you can see your callings, journeys and even seeming missteps can be coalesced into a pathway toward your personal dharma.

Maybe the next time you hit the pause button and take time out for yourself, ask yourself the following question – what is the change that you so deeply want to see in the world?

Any answer is an important clue to discover your personal dharma, your sacred duty, your mission here on earth. The more clues you discover, the greater  the opportunity to shine your light bright!

If you are inspired, I invite you to book at Dharma Meditation Session and explore your why!

Want to read more like this?

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, and self-confessed laughaholic. She is an avid Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Reflect & Connect This New Year’s Eve

Reflect & Connect This New Year’s Eve

by | Dec 31, 2021 | Self Development

Take A Moment To Reflect

Do New Year’s Eve resolutions actually work?

In my opinion the answer is setting a NYE Resolution is a major source of shame, blame, and guilt in January.

Why is this?

When we create a resolution, it’s simply a statement of what you want your dream life to include. There’s very little, if any, actual planning of how you will achieve success of the goal you’re setting yourself.

Instead of setting a resolution for the new year could I invite and encourage you to reflect on the year that is drawing to a close and ask yourself the following questions?

1. What was great for you this year?

Are you able to set aside everything that occureed externally in your life this year, and just pause. Take a breath. Now ask yourself this – have there been any highlight moments for you this year that can be celebrated?

I encourage you to simply sit with what arises. Don’t push any feelings aside.

2. Is there any negative thing that could be reframed into a lesson being learnt?

And before you respond, give some thought to the rules of the law of attraction, which state that the universe hears everything you say!  Eeekkk so catch yourself stating “this year was shit”!

What if I gave you permission to reframe or look around the challenge to find the solution? What advice could you give yourself or what might you discover?

And let’s be honest, this fresh perspective may not solve the problem (call it a challenge instead) you’ve been experiencing. It may however, be an important jigsaw puzzle piece that enables you to forgive yourself for that negative reaction. In turn this may enable you to soften and feel better within yourself.

That is powerful stuff!

3. Is there a theme that arose or captured your attention this year?

Perhaps it might be a common feeling or thought process? It might be a trigger from a place, person or thing?

I invite you in today’s reflection to ask yourself “what is this trigger trying to tell me”?

Journal out everything that arises from this question.

Why? Because once that emotion is out, you create a space for heart space connection and capacity for courage to move forward.

4. What do I want to be feeling instead?

When I work with clients in my clinic, we commence every session with “so what’s been happening“?

This questions allows a lot of venting to occur, which opens the door for me to create an invitation to arrive at “so how do you want to be feeling?“

When was the last time you connected in with the feelings of your heart space – the space within you that is your truth?

This is the space and time to allow yourself to become very honest and ask connect with your inner truth.

5. What Is My Intention Moving Forward?

Making that connection with how you want to feel in your life can feel a little confronting, and that’s ok because this is where the lesson needs to evolve- learning more about yourself. I use guideded meditation to gently ease into this space and allow regular insight to connect me to my dream life. 

 Now that you have identified your why (the desired feeling), you can implement an action plan that drives you towards what you have to do to achieve that feeling.

Reflection doesn’t have to include shame, blame or guilt. It can simply be an honest observation of whether you’ve strayed from your path or self check-in as to how birght you shine your light!

Reflect and connect with the real emerging you!

Wrap Up

Creating an intention instead of a resolution, is like gifting yourself an invitation to undertake a consistent paced approach to change over the coming year. It creates a positive energised space, that is permission based, to focus on self. An intention energetically allows you to measure your progress without shame, blame, or guilt.

You’re either on track or you’re not.

When you allow yourself to be courage and look within honestly, you can change course, seek support, defuse old patterns – you can choose to change and bloom from within.

Whatever your tradition to ring in a new year, may you be blessed with the courage to really look at your reflection and appreciate just how amazing you really are!

Happy New Year gorgeous!

Want to read more like this?

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, and self-confessed laughaholic. She is an avid Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

6 Tips To Self Reflect

6 Tips To Self Reflect

by | Dec 5, 2021 | Self Development

A Little Look Within

Self Reflection enables you to face the awkward, uncomfortable and dysfunctional aspects in your life  can change your life!

I have multiple conversations in clinic every week with clients who have moments, and even periods of time, where they feel stuck? Perhaps this immersion into darkness only lasts for a couple of hours, or worse, the stuck lasts several days. Some report that it extends out to weeks and gasp, maybe months!

There’s a common denominator for nearly everyone I see — they don’t know why they are stuck.

I talk to these clients about the need for real honesty with yourself, in order to seek a deeper understanding of that close and very personal relationship called ‘me’ or ‘myself’. Diving deep into the relationship with yourself can support you to overcome sub conscious habits that restrict or inhibit you to live your best life.

If you’re nodding your head then self reflection might just be the thing you’re looking for.

Self reflection is not an activity to beat yourself up. Nor is it designed to instigate shame, blame or guilt yourself. And let’s continue with a bit more honesty and agree, that when you first actively begin to explore yourself, it can feel a little uncomfortable — if you allow it.

Self Reflection is defined by the Cambridge dictionary as
“a serious thought regarding your actions”.

 

In other words you’ve got to dig for the good stuff. For example for you to return to your heart space and perceive what worked well or what didn’t?

Self Reflection is a process of observing yourself. This includes your feelings, thoughts and actions. It’s a process that requires being honest with yourself and should not ignite negativity of self sabotaging behaviour of shame, blame, or guilt.

Self Reflection requires a couple of things in order to achieve a positive outcome. You require courage to explore your darkness as you search for your hidden treasure. This includes your flaws, mistakes and reprimands. Your darkness hides the quirks in your values and belief system. Your darkness hides your strength by running a vulnerability based survival behavioural program.

It means you have to be prepared to accept yourself and get the hell out of your head and step down into your heart space. Connecting into your heart space, you are accessing your innate wisdom. You are activating your intuition and perception of life from a space of love. When you disconnnect from all that over thinking, you are actually stepping back into your heart space.

Allowing yourself to be willing to explore within incorporates the need to embrace six ‘self’ attributes.

These include:

  1. Self-confidence —embracing that feeling of trust of your own abilities, qualities and judgement.

2. Self-image — how you see or perceive your abilities, appearance and personability.

3. Self-Worth — sense of your own worth or value as a person.

4. Self-Respect — pride & confidence in yourself.

5. Self-Belief — the belief that you can do things well.

6. Self-Esteem — confidence in your worth & abilities.

Self Reflection is therefore a personal growth tool which allows you to pause and determine how well you’re travelling your journey path. It’s so easy to reflect on your life with a negative filter like overthinking, worry or fear. Your nervous system drives this defensive type of mental based energy.

Self reflection can be used as a tool which supports you to evaluate, and celebrate what you have achieved in your life. With a little kindness for yourself, self reflection can support you to step out of self sabotaging patterns whereby negativity swirls around inside your head.

You can do this be using the power of reframing your perceived failures, simply as lessons not yet fully learned. In turn this creates a positive energy of acceptance and allows you to shift gears or direction to achieve success in the future.

So let’s explore what Self Reflection can do for you!

So let’s explore what Self Reflection can do for you!

Tip #1 Be Honest With Yourself

Self reflection is an invitation to be honest with yourself about how things are going in your life. Your observation should simply assess your behaviour during your experiences, in terms of your values and beliefs.

Are you aligned to your core values? 

Tip #2 Observe your behavioural patterns 

I invite you to gently lay down the need to judge yourself on this one and simply look at whether the same trigger consistently arises for you to address. This creates an opportunity to become aware of the habits that best support you to live your best life, or address the ones that are holding you back.

Tip #3 Understand Your Core Values

From the persepctive of Self Relfection and understanding your core values means reaffirming assessing what is important in your life.

Assessing your values (because some may change throughout your life as you mature) is like maintaining and re-affirming your inner compass to always point you in the direction of your true north.

Tip #4 Be Kind & Gentle!

Self reflection isn’t intended nor designed to beat yourself up about what has happened doesn’t change your experiences. All this does is make you feel like crap.

Remember to not use why questions, because they only leave you looking in the rearview mirror of the journey you’re taking. You need to ask what questions which enable you to open up to a different reality or version of your truth.

Tip #5 Be Forgiving

Self Reflection should encourage you to be gentle with yourself, especially when you don’t meet your expectations, don’t get it right, or completely mess it up.

We all make mistakes.

This is why reframing thoughts and feelings is so vital. Remember that our expectations are often unrealistic and set you up for a perception of failure or fear of not being perfect.

Tip #6 Keep Track Of Your reflections

Capture your observations, thoughts, feelings and whatever burns up your internal barometer in a journal. This enables you to monitor change over time. It helps you map the evidence of your success, or further identify where you can make small adjustments along the way to living your best life.

So Self-Reflection is really like a form of internl auditing.

It’s just like placing your thoughts and feelings in front of a mirror, and being able to examine what the heck has been going on. The reflection enables you to examine what is seeping out of the cracks or what has arisen from the dark depths of your sub conscious. As part of your internal audit, instead of going straight into reaction mode, you can choose to become curious and explore why certain emotional responses arise under specific conditions, or be triggered by specific places or people.

Self reflection is a very useful tool, especially if you’re trying to manifest that next big thing in your life. Perhaps you’re using affirmations or the law of attraction and you’re not quite reaching the desired outcome you seek. Self reflection enables you to look at various aspects of your life where you may be running a hidden sabotage pattern.

Self-reflection is a tool that instantly brings you into the present moment because it forces you to explore how am I feeling about x?

It’s a particularly useful strategy if you know you’re about to face something that may re-trigger stress such as a work situation or family gathering. Additionally it’s a useful tool when you’re studying or working on a project as it supports you to measure actual success and celebrate that!

So where in your life can self-reflection support you?

Let’s begin with your relationship with yourself.

We all know that knowledge is power. When you can acknowledge how a person, place, or thing can push your buttons or stress you out, you can take action to defuse the stress trigger. The relationship you have with yourself needs to be based in self love in order to manifest positivity and productivity. 

If you waste your energy and time with the negativity of shame, blame, guilt, judgement, or even resentment you’re wasting your life. This is because negativity stifles your energy to thrive and shifts you into a space of survival, in other words flight or fight.

The relationship you have with yourself is therefore vital in order to thrive in your life. The person who looks back at you every morning in the mirror is going to be the most important relationship you have in your life. It’s imperative to therefore consciously assess where you perceive any weakness or areas for improvement and this starts with where does your negativity spring up?

What pushes your buttons? What trips you up? What causes you to fall or go splat on your face? What fucks you up?

When you can sit quietly with yourself and honestly replay a stressful situation, accepting the flourish of emotions that may have transpired as a component of your reaction (rather than response) you are creating an opportunity for growth. It’s a choice point when you explore this quiet space because you get to decide how that reaction made you feel afterwards. 

You get to decide whether you might do it differently. You also get to explore where that reaction came from so that you begin to understand yourself on a far deeper level.

Want to read more like this?

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

Healing Emotions Hurt More Than The Physical Wounds – Click Here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, and self-confessed laughaholic. She is an avid Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland