Learn 7 easy practices of self-worship, to live your best life.
A child will nearly always run back to its mother when they are distressed, have a boo-boo, or simply in need of comfort. As we become teenagers we drift steps away from mother as our confidence and independence grow. We stretch out of the family unit a branch out onto our own journey path. Yet we are still in need of nurture and mothering.
As adults, regardless of whether we maintain a relationship with our biological mother, we remain in need of receipt of the same depth of loving nurture throughout life. Who better to provide that nurture to you than yourself?
After all, you know yourself better than anyone else — right? And yet, we so quickly and easily invest ourself and our energy into the drama of others, that we often lose sight of our nurture needs.
Nurture is not solely a role to be fulfilled by a partner, friends or children. There is to some extent an exchange of nurture, or mothering, in these relationships. The recognition of our needs, and responsibility to implement actions to feel fulfilled rests solely on our shoulders as individuals.
As adults, we get the choice to mother ourselves. Modern western society certainly advocates it through extensive ‘self-help’ promotions. So often the entrapment of a good marketing ploy places a perverse spin on the outcome we all desire and we struggle to implement the helpful mothering instructions.
Social media automatically establishes a comparison basis for the audience. For example “Are you happy like Suzie?” will be the copy in some ad of a perfect-looking chick with flat abs, no arse and a great job. The airbrushed model is not a realistic portrayal for most people who juggle the hustle of modern life. You don’t see nor appreciate Suzie’s struggle or challenges in life. You have no idea what she has accomplished to become worthy of this time in her journey. Nor can you see her stretch marks or what snack she gorged on inside her wardrobe in an effort to hide from the kids last night.
A mother is defined as a woman who gives birth or who has the responsibility of physical and emotional care for specific children.
The physical care based realm is obvious — food and shelter are the basics that come to mind. The emotional care for a child is a much more complex discussion. We age and mature, leave the family nest, but we never actually discard or shed our inner child. This facet of our psyche will always remain in need of mothering and loving nurture throughout our lives.
So let me ask this. If a mother isn’t mothering herself, what does her child learn through its observations?
Does that child learn that it is their job to fix everyone else? Does that child learn that their significant place in the world is not immediately important? If a child doesn’t see it’s mother/carer nurture themself (in my eyes a mother isn’t gender-specific), how do they learn to read their own internal feelings meter and respond accordingly? How does the child learn a language of receptivity to gauge when things aren’t right and ask for help?
If the mother is of service to everyone else and doesn’t meet their own needs, will the child see how exhausted they are? Or will the child simply continue asking for more with the expectation of request fulfilment?
A good mother is judged in western society for their physical appearance and their presence in the child’s life. But what if we sat back and redefined a good mother is someone who tries their best, is honest with their feelings especially in terms of how they communicate with themselves and others with their truth?
A good mother should be defined as someone who teaches a child how to become a responsible adult, with lessons of how to communicate openly whilst connected to their feelings barometer. This is done by leading through example. Often this involves negotiation after checking in with how you are feeling and determining your capacity for fulfilling the request from another.
Imagine if we truly valued how a mother guided a child to understand their own self-worth, self-confidence, and self-love. What if we perceived the performance of a mother based on how they showed their children how to value themselves through self-love actions. Imagine the resilience of our children, young teens and young adults if they were taught how to love themself?
Would our world be different if all parents were taught unconditional love, and then shared these lessons with their own children? Would our pace be slower? Would we naturally be more respectful? Would we naturally make eye contact when communicating, staring deeply into each other’s soul without feeling intimidated? Would we more readily express ourselves and not be afraid to follow our dreams?
So what can one do to mother themselves? I am constantly having this conversation in my clinical practice. I’ve not met a mother yet who doesn’t want their child to feel confident and resilient going out into the world. And yet, the majority of our teachings are from the behaviours and actions of our parents.
So let’s take a quick look at 7 ways you could improve your self-mothering today.
1. Decide you are worthy
Is today the day you can decide to value who you are? In an article by Psychology Alive, Dr. Lisa Firestone believes that “self-worth should be less about measuring yourself based on external actions and more about valuing your inherent worth as a person. In other words, self-worth is about who you are, not about what you do.”
The act of deciding your worth should not focus on measuring ourself against others, but paying attention to one’s intrinsic value. Always remember the golden rule that there is always someone richer, more attractive, or successful than you.
Self-worth is all about forming a positive and healthy relationship with your inner critique, who by the way often gets chatty when you’re close to success. Why is this? It’s just your old fear pattern being exercised. When this arises remind yourself you are close to success so continue mothering yourself!
2. Set your intention
Setting an intention is one of the very fastest ways to consciously activate your receptivity for change. For example, if you were to go out in the day, and not have set any intention or created any type of prayer or manifestation of how you want the day to go, then you’re getting on a bike with no direction. Intentions can provide roadmaps and reminders for how to want to live out each day.
Intentions give you purpose, as well as the inspiration and motivation to achieve your purpose. The practice of setting daily intentions can change your life with consistent application, especially when applied to self-care and mothering.
Here are some sample intentions to try-
- Today it is my intention to surrender to ordinary thinking
- Today is it my intention to be open to more joy in my life through
- today I gift myself permission to take timeouts and reset my mood where required so that I remain upbeat and dynamic
3. Commitment to self
The journey of life can new viewed two way. Either you’re drifting through it or you’re owning it and the lessons that are gifted to you. Make the commitment to back yourself today. No excuses!
Every time you feel yourself being tractor beamed into someone else’s drama, tap your hip (it’s a kinesiology based neurological reset button) and state aloud to yourself “RESET”. Literally, picture yourself stepping back and just observing the other party.
4. Take regular time outs
One of the very best lessons I ever learnt personally in relation to mothering myself first was this. If I use all of my energy being of service to everyone else, my bucket very quickly runs dry. That means I turn into a hot mess and I’m no good to anyone.
Giving yourself permission to take a time out is gold. It’s like resetting yourself to start the day again. We all have stuff crop up in our lives. Some days are better than others.
Utilise a ‘time out’ to reset the mindset from crappy to happy.
When I take time out throughout every single day, I maintain my centre and focus. I’m grounded. I’m energised. I am connected to my intuition. Break up the monotony of the daily routine with short bursts of activity — I chase puppies, hang out the washing, yoga stretch, meditate or dance disco 80s style.
5. Implement little love actions
Small loving actions such as rubbing scented lotion onto your skin, taking a bath, nature immersion, all make significant contributions towards lowering your cortisol levels and keeping you calm. The more relaxed you are, the better you sleep, the younger you look. The better quality sleep you obtain, the more energy you will have for tomorrow.
6. Be generous with your love language
Never limit the love language you give yourself inside your head. One of the best ways to consciously infuse self-worth, boost deservabilty and confidence, is to love all over yourself with how you communicate to and with yourself.
Find small ways to appreciate who you are and what you’ve got to offer in your own life and the world. Utilise that voice in your head to talk positive. Any time a negative statement is uttered tell Spirit “CANCEL THAT” and reframe immediately into something positive.
you will undoubtedly find yourself cancelling lots of negative thoughts in the first couple of weeks. However, keep reminding yourself that you are literally retraining your thought processes and making happiness bank account deposits each time you reframe something into positive.
Keep reminding yourself you are so worth this investment!
7. Be grateful & thankful
Harvard Health discusses “in psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships. People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways.”
Being thankful helps you to think more about other people’s feelings from their point of view. It’s called empathy. Remember this, creating thankful thought habits helps you get through life’s tough times. This is because you have trained your mind to reframe all of the good things in your life.
The only person actually responsible for the adult version of self is you. Sure you can blame your parents for your childhood, but your adult life and how well you live it is on you. Make the commitment to mother self today with unconditional love and intention.
Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, self-confessed laughaholic, and now Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’