Could that choice change your entire life?

Did you recently get sucked into the vortex of shiny object syndrome? Go on be honest, if only with yourself. Do you watch those skinny people videos and wish silently to yourself “I wish that were me?”

I recognise that’s got the potential hit of a fish slap to the face, but the reality is, the media we are exposed to at this time of the year can feel icky. There’s so much shiny shit everywhere, it’s almost a syndrome. Those shiny videos incorporate a bombardment of a specific type of messaging that commences the exact moment the last Christmas carol is sung, and we’ve stuffed that last bit of turkey into our mouth.

Yep, I’m talking about the flood of social media messages to create the perfect New Year’s Resolution. The messages bombard the societal audience with the falsehood of unobtainable perfection.

The reality is that these messages are based on the foundation of shame and societal expectations. There’s no consideration for the experiences that caused you to react to life and create a defensive reaction.

The modern-day New Year Resolution marketing suggests that you need, should, and must, be actively wishing your life to become drastically changed. Those boosted social media posts and paid advertising, provides the false enticement to the audience, that you can live your dream life.

The reality is that this messaging drives an unhealthy desire for a life that is outside of you. It also drives an unhealthy comparison-itis, where you judge yourself for being too much or too little, and not being perfect. This activates a deep sense of shame and unworthiness.

According to the Australian Institute of Health & Welfare, New Year’s Day is a red-flagged day for increased instances of suicide rate. Frankly is it any wonder people don’t feel good enough when the societal voices flood our sensory experiences with messages of perfection?

A good therapist, practitioner, or even coach should remind their clients of this fundamental truth — there is no such thing as perfection.

Who’s to say there is anything wrong with you?

Your support person should be asking you this instead. “Why is it you believe you need to change so drastically?” They will help you explore the driving force behind the desire for change, to help you gain an understanding of your why.

As a Change Facilitator, my clinical role is to support people to first identify a client’s big goals. Then together we create a realistic action plan that maps out those success steps toward the outcome, including how each phase will feel.

Only then can the real work begin, whereby we unpack the obstacles that lay in front of the action needed to be implemented? Together we explore the space of discomfort.

Discomfort is the common ground for many who feel stuck, overwhelmed or unable to proceed forward. It’s the place where failure is born. Uncomfortable is the destination, where there is a scrap pile of parts of you that require resolution, resources and support for you to move forward.

We all have parts of us, that come out on deck and help navigate the ship. Some get to steer the wheel, and some parts of you influence which direction you take — approach or avoidance.

When working with parts of a person, whether it be their anger, frustration, or even confidence, there is a fundamental truth that nearly always applies to every single client. You can’t move forward without embracing discomfort in some way.

Think of a time you loved the thought of going to a workout. Does that feel pleasant? Now remember how good it felt afterwards. It felt great — right?

As we enter a new year, we’re entering an energetic space of self-discovery, exploring the parts of you holding onto discomfort. This can be the joy of the New Year energy. You get to look forward and focus for a few moments, on how you want to be living your life. You have the choice to reflect on how well you want to shine your light.

This reflection will highlight that you have amazing parts. Additionally, your exploration may uncover that there is discomfort being held within.

The reality is that there are parts of you that you needed when you were young, that have now evolved, matured or faded. Those historical parts may still be holding onto thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that once helped you to feel safe, secure and comfortable. Some of these parts may now be outdated, outgrown, or simply unresolved.

In your evolution called life, you’ve matured, you’ve had experiences that have enabled you to learn and mature. However, there may still be a subconscious part that is holding onto some form of stress or discomfort.

Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

To step forward into the next version of you, you have to get comfortable with that discomfort. It is part of you, and therefore not something to avoid.

There I said it, out aloud. To create change in your life, you need to push yourself beyond the discomfort that is currently holding you back. To create meaningful change in your life you need to be able to meet your discomfort where it is at. This is where the lesson learning takes place.

To overcome the intensity of discomfort take consistent action, every day. It’s a form of desensitization, showing up to the discomfort and performing the change action.

So remind yourself of how it will feel after taking action. This will help you make the start. This is the single decision that creates change. Face the discomfort and decide to do it anyway!

Make that decision that recognises the most potent part of you needs to be out on deck, steering your ship forward. Make that decision that those parts of you beneath the deck need to be heard, seen, and acknowledged in some way. Working with your parts will make your journey a little easier in the long run.

Conclusion

As you make that all-important decision to change, allow me to remind you to be gentle with yourself and your decision. Your decisions should acknowledge and include embracing those parts of you that require healing, forgiveness, or even letting go. Activating change in your life requires bringing love and acceptance to all of your parts, especially those that hold onto and generate the sensation of discomfort.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

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