fbpx
The Best Method To Focus At Work

The Best Method To Focus At Work

Become a Jedi Productivity Master every single day

As a self-employed fempreneur, I regularly get asked “How do you get it all done?

The answer is easy and complicated — I do one thing at a time. The secret is to know how to be efficient and focus your time well.

As a former trained detective and auditor, I’ve had systems ingrained into my work ethic for decades. But here’s the thing, it’s so very easy to become a slave to the ‘to-do’ list.

Whilst it’s great to capture everything you need to do. But if you become overwhelmed with everything on the list, that to-do list can be the single source that constantly activates your anxiety. This is when your focus gets flushed down the toilet.

The other thing about me is I hate to faff about. I like to tick things off the list, that feels very satisfying. I’m a hard worker with a side dish of defiance — I don’t like to be held hostage to a list of things that I must do.

Where possible, I batch specific processes (especially admin) that can be rinsed and repeated.

And I do all of these things using the Pomodoro method.

Pomodoro is a proven productivity hack

The Pomodoro Technique is a methodical time management system. It encourages you to work with the time you have. I find this incredibly invaluable, as it forces me to be realistic about what I can achieve. The Pomodoro Technique also forces me to work on one thing at a time, rather than attempting the entire to-do list.

The Pomodoro Technique was developed Francesco Cirillo who struggled to focus on his university studies and complete assignments.

The technique supports you to limit your focus on the most important tasks to be completed on that day. The technique steps include:

1. Start your day by identifying the most urgent or important item on your to-do list.

By all means, have a list of ‘all’ the things. Be sure to reference the list in fact, add to it, and delete things. But accept this list may never be completed — and that’s ok. By assessing the list, you are creating a scope of work for the day.

2. Choose a single task to focus on.

Sometimes a task is multi-faceted. The key to the first work cycle is to identify all the micro components of the task to ensure nothing is missed. This is your planning component, and it’s critical to keep you laser focused for the remainder of the day.

3. Turn off all distractions.

I can’t emphasize the importance of this enough. Turn everything off. Don’t open social media browsers. Silence the notifications, pings and pop-ups. Don’t even open your email. And place your phone either on the other side of the room or on silent in your desk drawer.

Turn it all off.

4. Set a timer for 25 minutes.

Your first work cycle incorporates that minuscule component of planning and then deep diving into your priority task. Whilst you may be tempted to continue ploughing through the timer, I recommend capturing whatever thought is in your head, then pens down.

Treat this process like it’s your final high school exam and the buzzer went off. Stop right thereafter capturing the idea.

5. After 25 minutes take a five-minute break.

Get up and walk away, get a glass of water to hydrate the brain. Perhaps check the phone + emails (don’t deviate beyond five minutes). Don’t get sidetracked.

This is where your commitment will be tested!

It’s worth noting that the scientific research indicates that when we get up and walk away there’s a couple of things happening.

  • reactivating your peripheral visual field to take in new sensory data of the surrounding environment — if you had switched on your flight-fight response, a change of scenery will turn your brain back on
  • movement will pump oxygen to your brain
  • water will hydrate and lubricate those neural pathways to support you remaining focused

6. Repeat steps 1–3 four times

Return to your workstation after your break. The key here is to review the task you were working on. Assess your progress. This isn’t a shaming exercise, it is the key that enables you to keep yourself exactly on track and laser focused.

So back to work with the timer and commence cycle two.

7. Take a longer break of about 15 to 30 minutes.

After a couple of cycles, it’s time to refuel. Nutritious food is required by the brain to continue functioning into the afternoon. Some rest time also allows that creative mind to reboot!

Here’s why the Pomodoro technique works.

The timer creates a sense of urgency — because sometimes we actually do function better with positive stress! The technique of working in short work cycles, allows you to remain focused on just one thing — this removes distractions and allows your creative mind to power up.

I continue to utilise this technique even when on holidays because it drives purposeful planning first thing in the day. I get to set my intention of what I want to achieve, and then focus on exactly what needs to be done. Additionally, regularly reviewing your progress at the commencement of each work cycle ensures you remain on track.

Why does it feel weird when you start?

If you’re a millennial, you’re addicted to your device. So to sit without distraction you will likely experience a teeny tiny amount of withdrawal. Hence working in short intervals will be perfect for you.

If you’ve finished a traditional Western education, you’ve been programmed to work in 45-minute intervals, without a break. You are forced to use one learning style, with an enormous amount of distractions around you.

If this is your work style, you’re potentially experiencing brain fade in the focus department at the 35-minute mark — am I right?

If you have a side dish of oppositional defiance like me, you’re most likely to work through the first couple of timer alarms. But here’s what you don’t know. The longer you work beyond the 25-minute interval, the more drastic drop in creativity and focus occurs.

Your brain can only store so much data before it switches off.

Can I build in some flexibility?

The technique recommends being quite rigid with the timing of cycles. To consciously understand and recognise how this technique could benefit you, stick to the rules when you start.

Try it for a week and be really honest with what components worked and which felt limiting.

I highly recommend finding your sweet spot. For me, I don’t like the timer because some days I am flowing and other days I need the rigidity. But I always pay attention the moment my mind starts to drift.

Daydreaming (this is actually self-hypnosis) is a normal phenomenon. It’s a fabulous cue to acknowledge it’s time to pause and do something completely different. This almost instantly resets your capacity to refocus and have another crack.

If nothing else, the detachment from your phone, social media and other electronic devices will support your nervous system to settle. This can only increase your capacity to focus!

Who could benefit from the Pomodoro?

There’s a range of benefits from using this technique. But it’s especially great if you –

  • allow little distractions often derail your whole day (this is especially true if you’re on the autism spectrum or are neuro-divergent)
  • consistently work past the point of optimal productivity
  • overly optimistic about your capacity to complete things from your list (you pile too much on your plate)
  • have lots of open-ended work items that could take unlimited or unforeseen amounts of time (e.g. studying for an exam, learning new tech)

Conclusion

I’ve been successfully using this technique for nearly twenty years. It’s become the foundation of my productivity and ability to be focused and smash tasks off the to-do list. If you’re looking to create a work-life balance and achieve it all, this technique may be for you!

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Listen to the podcast episode.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Practice The Pause  – click here

5 Ways to Boost Self – click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Change Facilitator. She is a qualified Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

What is The Cost of Not Walking Away From Your To-Do List?

What is The Cost of Not Walking Away From Your To-Do List?

A Fresh Perspective On Your To-Do List

There will come a time when you will feel safe enough to pause, even though your to-do list isn’t finished. I promise, but it does take a little effort on your part in order to break the habit that you need to do it all — today.

Having a to-do list is fabulous. It captures all of the things you’re juggling in the air. But it can also strangle you and hold you captive to a subliminal shame program. “If I don’t get this done I am not good enough”.

How many times have you caught yourself pushing, over-committing yourself and then forcing yourself to achieve?

How many times have placed too many things on your list for the week ahead?

Do you perceive you failed on Friday when even one thing hasn’t been ticked off?

For many of my clients, this conversation pushes all of their buttons and activates their survival program called panic and overwhelm. You see they are overwhelmed by their to-do list, and they feel unable to walk away.

Ask yourself these coaching questions

What would life be like however, if you could envisage a time in the future when you gift yourself permission to slow down, pause, stop and self-soothe?

What could life be like if you could soothe a frayed nervous system often enough?

What might it feel like to be more relaxed?

Might your capacity to focus and remain clear-headed be improved?

Might this clarity enable you to be creative or perhaps more productive?

Might there be fun times to be had?

What might it feel like if you could simply breathe and let go?

Having downtime can be productive — but this is only positive if you’re only viewing your to-do list, not thinking (read overthinking).

If you’re attempting to smash out the entirety of that list, your heart and soul won’t sing. What actually happens is that you get trapped inside your head with all those thoughts. The overwhelm kicks in when you’re unable to tick anything off the list because you can no longer focus.

The issue here is much akin to having fifteen browsers open at once. There’s simply too much to process.

Driving yourself to finish the list will just burn you out — so let me ask you is the price worth it?

What might life be like if that day when you could self-soothe was today? And if you could gift yourself permission to take a break, and restore a sense of internal calm, would you remain focussed?

What might life be like if you knew you could feel good?

What might that look and feel like?

What might you be doing?

How could you approach ticking things off the list differently?

Be patient, your nervous system has been holding onto your old reactive pattern for so long. Like I said before your nervous system isn’t wired to have those mental browsers open at once.

With the influence of social media and technological devices like our mobile phones, you’ve trained your nervous system to seek validation from minuscule snippets of stimulus. Hence you’re subconsciously seeking the next dopamine hit — all the time.

When you apply that same behaviour to your to-list, you instantly experience overwhelm because, unlike the social media newsfeed whereby you can scroll, the to-do list bitch slaps you with tasks all at once.

Be patient, without pausing to identify what has triggered you, you’ve unearthed a need for survival from deep inside your subliminal programming.

Facing your reaction can feel awkward and even downright uncomfortable.

Be patient, you feel uncomfortable because the feelings of your reaction haven’t likely ever seen the light of day. You’ve probably just experienced symptoms like anxiety, but never dealt with why you react in the first place.

When you can take a slow deep breath, and just sit in those feelings, you may realise the discomfort was a misperception. Your survival reaction could simply have been a fear of history repeating itself (from a past unresolved experience) when in actual fact, your brain simply needs to be reminded of the reality that you can only perform one task at a time.

But here’s the thing — you’ve grown and matured since you first developed your survival reaction. This means you now have knowledge and resources to better equip you to navigate your healing.

My wish is for you in learning to soothe away that discomfort so that you can tackle life and feel safe doing it. But also so you can feel-

  • it’s safe to play
  • it’s safe to have fun
  • it’s safe to slow down
  • it’s safe to have needs
  • it’s safe to seek support
  • it’s safe to say no
  • it’s safe to surrender
  • it’s safe to know your best is enough
  • it’s safe to accept that the to-list will never end
  • it’s safe to choose one thing off that to-do list and do that well
  • it’s safe to be imperfect
  • it’s ok to do one thing at a time, (and do that well)

Conclusion

One day, my wish for you is that you begin and continue to nurture yourself. Gift yourself permission to practice the pause. Need some assistance with how to work on one thing at a time and read the best method to focus at work.

Hopefully, with practice and consistency, you will come to accept that you really can choose to change and bloom from within.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Practice The Pause  – click here

5 Ways to Boost Self – click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Change Facilitator. She is a qualified Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland
The Worst Advice For A Solopreneur

The Worst Advice For A Solopreneur

Just Stick To Your Zone Of Genius

I’m currently working with a couple of local businesses. I provide mindset coaching to staff and leadership.

We do a lot of reframing of experienced and misperceived stress, using my external perspective of various situations.

I had an interesting conversation this week about how it comes to business, and advice provided to an office elder from a youngling, “you should stay in your zone of genius”.

Naturally, I called bullshit on that advice straight away. There was some pushback from this younger person (I can say that now that I’m in my 50s so I’m not being ageist).

I asked this person whether they knew the actress and singer Madonna.

“Well yeah of course” was the petulant reply.

You’ve seen her in music videos right?” Again the response was a resounding yes. There may have been a dramatic eye roll.

“And you’ve seen her doing press about her latest music video — right? She doesn’t get someone else to promote her product?

“Errrrrr, no.” was the meek response I received.

“Did you know she has a coffee table book?” I asked. Another meek response.

“Did you know she is the founder of artist-run music label, Maverick Music? Did you know she won a Best Actress Golden Globe Award for her role in ‘A League of Their Own’?” I continued. Silence ensued.

I witnessed a jaw drop when I asked this…

“What would the world look like if Madonna had simply remained the material girl and kept those plumber bands on her wrists?”

I laughed at the quizzical look in reference to the bands!

This generated a wildly colourful conversation about both my age and my ability to pull random facts from nowhere! I steered that conversation to how local businesses can approach marketing, growth and product evolution.

We talked about understanding that your audience has multiple niches, and you shouldn’t box yourself into just one. We discussed how you as an individual change and evolve over time, as does your passion. Your service and products should align with your evolution. Therefore your zone of genius evolves.

Take a leaf from Madonna’s books and continue to reinvent yourself to match the needs of the marketplace and your own heart-based passion.

I’ve had similar conversations with my own coach, especially when new tasks (like new-age marketing fads) felt awkward, hard or frustrating. She would ask me “What would Madonna do?

Here’s the thing.

There is this ridiculous societal stigma that your passion should speak for itself. Your passion is what keeps people coming back, but how do you attract them in the first place?

There is a misconception by millennials that if you have an email funnel, an app, a widget or do reels then you’ve got it sorted. There is a misperception that if you identify your niche, create clickbait, you’ll be flooded with money.

Well, I call bullshit on it all.

It’s crap advice if you want to create trust within your brand. If you want to remain in the marketplace beyond a one-hit-wonder season, product or offer, you need to appreciate yourself. You need to feed your passion to keep it alive.

You are more than one thing, and so is your business!

You will need to funnel that passion, energy and time into the behind-the-scenes aspects of your business. This takes consistent effort to arrive at the delivery place of service.

Not all aspects of running a business come naturally to people. Therefore staying in your zone of genius means you either spend money to get help running that business or you upskill madly and at lightning speed.

This can be exhausting and dampen your passion.

I read a post by an aspirational coach Simone Grace Seol, and I have to wholeheartedly agree with her statement –

“Getting to do ONLY what you’re talented at, have fun with, and feel passionate about, is called having a hobby. Nothing wrong with hobbies. But the minute you open a business, ALL of the rest of it becomes your business. 

— Simone Grace Seol

Here’s what I do know with almost two decades of experience running my own business. I’ve made myself passionate about everything in my business — otherwise, the myriad of tasks simply don’t get completed. I had to otherwise I get bored and the tasks feel like chores — which of course my human nature wants to avoid.

You have to be responsible for it all, or the wheels fall off something.

Stay In Your Zone Of Genius” statement infers that there’s a side dish of stupid lurking about, and we’re not capable of learning new things or changing.

Guess what?

Change is the one constant thing that shows up in our lives. We are literally wired for change.

Our evolution of change and the adaptations that are required to expand your zone of knowledge, competency and capacity is sometimes frustrating and downright hard. But when you nail something, you can feel euphoric.

We learn these big lessons by meeting the challenge head-on. It’s how we gain knowledge of what not to do and understand various processes of what works and why. This expands your genius outside of the zone you started in.

Always remind yourself Madonna started as the material girl and now has a golden globe, a music label, health clubs, a fashion brand, successful films and charities.

Did Madonna do it all at once? No, she evolved. She continues to follow her passion and interest and expand her capacity of service to the world. She no longer runs in a single lane, but many and that is genius.

Fundamentally, if you offer your zone of genius to the world for a fee or energy exchange, figure out what makes you feel good telling people about it — this is authentic marketing.

You don’t have to sing like Madonna, but holy moly you can channel that kind of passion and spirit.

Repeat the marketing process on your terms (so you continue to feel good about it). No one will ever criticise you for your passion. They may talk smack about what you’re doing, but if they personally attack you it’s a reflection of where the audience is at.

When you feel uncomfortable about the way you marketing, that energy shines through your message. Don’t taint your zone of passion with a ‘have to’. Simply let your light shine. This approach enables you to learn and expand your genius into new spaces.

Conclusion

Remember the journey that Madonna has taken. Her story is living proof that as long as you remain connected to your passion, you can be successful. Simply remain focused in your sparkle zone and allow that passion to push the limits of your zone of genius!

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

A Warning to Solopreneurs – click here

You don’t need a sales funnel to succeed – click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Change Facilitator. She is a qualified Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

You Don’t Need A Sales Funnel To Succeed

You Don’t Need A Sales Funnel To Succeed

5 Ways to consistently market your authentic self

I’ve been in business for almost twenty years. Over that time, marketing has come a long way. I often use the analogy that marketing is much like the telephone — it’s barely recognisable these days.

I’m mature enough to claim the following statement “In the olden days…”. I laugh as I say that, but when I’m coaching it’s a great icebreaker to demonstrate the journey that solopreneurs have taken over time.

Back in the day, you identified a passion topic. You studied. You got qualified. You hung your shingle out front of your shop or took an ad out in the local paper and bazinga, you got clients.

These days, many people get tricked into the belief from the social bombardment that is social media — that you have to perform like a circus monkey on TikTok in order to attract new clients.

Don’t fall for any of that malarkey.

Here’s the thing, doing anything new, especially out of your comfort zone is not pleasant. It can feel hard and overwhelming. It’s inauthentic to your true self, your beliefs and values.

Dedicate yourself to the practice of showing up to your authenticity — that humble feeling you experience when you’re holding space for a client or creating your product.

Remain connected to the passion in which you first learnt your craft or created your first ‘thing’.

And remain authentic as often as you can. This is your vibe, and it’s what attracts the clients.

Here are some of the top coaching tips I share

1. Advertise vacancies

Regardless of how new or established you are in your business, you will always have cancellations. Always. Your audience will love learning when you’ve got a free appointment.

This technique is fabulous for those entrepreneurs who don’t use an online booking system.

I used to advertise vacancy dates for the coming month and update that social media post each time I made a booking. Nowadays I simply point clients to my online booking system and they marry up their calendar to mine.

As your word-of-mouth referral begins, existing clients will share these ‘vacancy’ posts. Be sure to only ever use the same graphics, and this trains the audience’s eye to be on the lookout for this type of post!

2. Show up with offers — as an experiment

About 5 years ago, there was a bunch of hype around launching. To be honest, I found the big launch a lot of work and heartache, especially if the tech didn’t align.

These days I am much kinder to myself and continue to grow my brand with small offers. I test my marketplace for what the client desires. Whatever is successful remains on my website invitation menu.

The bonus of making small offerings is you continue to tell your audience that you are growing and evolving in new ways to support them. This builds on your service and brand reputation.

The final benefit of small offers is you are effectively honing your launching skills, so the second or third time you begin to scale the small thing that worked with the following:

  • You have nailed your messaging
  • You understand your niche
  • You have testimonials
  • You have a proven track record + evidence of your success

3. Start with a single social media platform

Here’s the thing, there are so many social media platforms, it can be bewildering where to start. Then there are the myriad of programs and plugins that allow you to market to multiple social media sites. This can be a trap.

My advice is to commence your marketing on one platform that you currently personally use. You will begin to understand that different audiences utilise various platforms.

For example,

  • my younger audience accesses Instagram, look at content after dinner and loves videos + reels
  • my more mature audience uses Facebook, look at content at breakfast and prefers quotes
  • my Linkedin audience loves to be thought challenged

4. Start simple marketing strategies

You do need an email list— because this becomes an asset in your business that you own. You don’t need a funnel straight away.

Why? Because generally speaking you need a free something to offer and dangle the carrot to sign up for your newsletter. I suggest keeping the process organic as this attracts people to the authentic you.

When you’re first starting in business you don’t have the types of resources to give away for free — you’re wanting to make money! You also are unlikely to recognise what additional information or homework tools your client may require until you start practising or selling.

You create these tools over time because you come to understand what your audience needs, how they need it and what format. For example, a younger audience may salivate over a TikTok video but a more mature client may love a pdf handout.

5. Be consistent

Whichever strategy you decide be consistent in that approach. Start with what your available time and capacity allow and continue in that frequency. There’s no point stressing yourself posting content every day on a social media platform if it kills you to do it.

Show up when you say you’re going to.

Deliver what you promise to bring to the table.

Apologise when you can’t.

You’d be surprised how engaging it can be to show a little vulnerability to your audience that you too are human and shit happens.

Conclusion

By all means, create the sales funnel once you have figured out the basic fundamentals of your business.

Be gentle with yourself as you launch your product or service to the world.

Be genuine in your offer, clients resonate with the energy that is contained within the service as well as the marketing.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

A Warning to Solopreneurs – click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Change Facilitator. She is a qualified Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

8 Ways To Respond When Life Dishes Out A Bitch Slap

8 Ways To Respond When Life Dishes Out A Bitch Slap

What To Do When It’s All Too Hard

We’ve all experienced the reality check of a hard or difficult moment. We’re familiar with the bitch slap sensation. You wouldn’t be human if you haven’t experienced this.

When hard shows up in your life, it can feel and look like overwhelm, stuck, or lost. You find yourself feeling reactive. There’s very little capacity to thrive in this situation.

When those reactive behaviors, thoughts, and feelings arrive, we often fail to recognize that we’ve simply activated an unconscious neurological survival program. This subliminal program runs unconsciously in order for you to defend yourself.

All humans all experience moments that can challenge us to the core of our being. Healing from our reaction to these hard moments is how we learn, grow and evolve — because we don’t want to continue feeling the slap.

Growing from the lessons learned is how we evolve, mature, and adults.

This reactive neurological defense program was created in response to a past experience, and it’s often created during our formative years. When the reaction is activated, the signal to our body is “This is not safe”.

As an adult, the slap of this reaction infers you simply don’t have the internal resources or capacity to immediately respond to what life throws your way. So our brain literally switches you into survival. The result is you either fight, flee or freeze.

It’s that simple, and complicated.

As a therapist, I hear a lot of disturbing stories. There are so many humans experiencing life without a functional moral compass or a competent neurological system that enables the client to relax. This is a learned behavior, and it’s been well practiced at a subliminal level.

What experiences you have witnessed, and your reactions to those moments remain intact until you work through that reaction. This is how we formulate beliefs about various things that happen to us.

No one is perfect. We all have slap experiences.

And I know that referencing a crappy childhood to explain away bad behavior is no excuse. But witnessing someone in the midst of a hard moment does allow me to have compassion and do my job well.

For me, the clinical days that can feel hard, are those when I hold space for minors who have experienced sexual assault by a parent. It’s simply one of those topics that trigger my own survival reactions.

But here’s the thing, this type of work is incredibly rewarding as well. To see a child and their family flourish after assault makes this job worthwhile. In fact, I’m doing this as a dis-service by referencing it as a job. This is my calling. Most days, the harder the story is to hear, the better work I do.

I’m sure this analogy is true for most types of employment — when you can overcome the hard days, you’re really accomplishing something incredibly positive in your life.

When you’re currently experiencing a moment where life is hard, it can feel extremely isolating. You look somewhat normal on the outside, but inside you, there can be a myriad of overwhelming negative thoughts, feelings, and turmoil. You can feel like you’re being bitch slapped across the face with a dead fish.

1. Practice the pause

Use Practice the Pause to begin the process of acknowledging when you have activated your survival reaction. This is a mindful breathing exercise that buys you time to recenter yourself and bring yourself back into the present moment.

Remember your survival reaction activates an unresolved feeling process from your past. When you can bring your nervous system back into the present moment, you are creating a choice point — a positive space to heal, a space to change.

This method also provides a lovely way to introduce rules of conversation to navigate your survival reaction.

2. Self-love

Once you’ve calmed yourself, a small act of self-love is just what is in order to reinforce you are in fact safe. You could start with something as simple as a forgiveness statement to yourself “I’m so sorry you thought that”.

This type of conversation is actually consciously engaging your inner child, that part of your psyche that observes everything you think and feel.

If this is too confrontational, try a short walk, a brief meditation or even a glass of water. Leave the trigger space and change your visual surroundings.

Any small action that supports you feeling better will do. This does not include bingeing on sugar or drinking alcohol — this is when you attach your unresolved emotions to the substance and create dependence habits.

3. Talk it out

Talk about whatever is pushing your buttons. Talk it all out to someone you trust. Share your feelings, thoughts, fears and worries with a trusted friend, family member or health professional.

Talking is one of the fastest ways to defuse the emotional component of a survival reaction. The key is to not overburden a single individual repeatedly, nor spread your trigger story to everyone you know.

4. Take a break

When we feel triggered and have activated our defensive survival reaction, there’s little capacity to focus or concentrate. There’s simply too much of the cognitive processing pathways shut down when you’re in survival.

Sometimes, you simply have to leave the space, place or person who has triggered you. Walk away. Refresh the scenery you’re looking at.

This forces the brain to switch back to rest-and-digest when you have to process your new surroundings. This is a beautiful and gentle way to reset your nervous system as well as your peripheral visual field — this enables you to see your reality through clear lenses.

Gift yourself a couple of minutes to settle the heart rate. Only once feeling calm and safe, do you then have the capacity to acknowledge you’ve been triggered. It’s at this point you can ask yourself “What do I need right now?

5. Write it down

Writing about what is inside your head is extremely useful when it’s difficult to find your words. It’s like siphoning off the pressure from a cooking pot.

Journalling can become quite meditative and also defuses the subconscious mechanism of overthinking. It’s the best form of purging the sting of that bitch slap.

Once your shizzle has been written down on paper, it’s no longer performing race laps inside your head!

6. Reflect on what is in your control

When we are triggered, we tend to dramatize everything inside our heads. Our mental energy escalates, and we can overthink and overanalyze. Repeat this mental anguish, and we begin to develop unconscious fears.

When you’re practicing your pause, you get to ask yourself the following:

  • is this actually real or imagined?
  • what does this feeling relate to?
  • What action can I acknowledge is my responsibility or in my control to resolve?
  • What is out of my control?

The reality is, if you’re not in control of the outcome then you have to shelf the thoughts. Acknowledge the discomfort you’re feeling. Breathe and allow yourself to resign to the fact there’s nothing you can do.

7. Be nice to yourself

At some point, there must come a time when you have to be nice to yourself. Because if you aren’t kind to yourself, who will be?

The damage of negativity associated with shame, blame, or guilt isn’t just a feeling. It impacts the beliefs we have of ourselves as an individual.

It’s one thing to have a bad day or week. But continue within the discomfort and heaviness of this type of unconscious emotional energy and you’re risking creating patterns that lead to symptoms of depression and autoimmune disease.

Whilst we may not have a choice who raises and influences us during childhood, we are absolutely in control of how we parent ourselves as an adult.

8. Take a step back

Removing yourself from hard situations gifts you the opportunity to breathe purposefully. A fresh view of your reality often enables you to quietly reflect on the challenge or situation with a different perspective.

When you gift yourself some space, you implement self-soothing techniques. You can also ask yourself “What do I need right now at this moment?

9. Focus on the positive

We all experience those days when it is hard. When you can acknowledge all that you are feeling and responsible for, there’s only one thing to do — seek to find something positive.

Sometimes this can be as simple as acknowledging that the old reaction is no longer relevant. Those thoughts and feelings are merely a habit and not actually relevant anymore.

Sometimes proactively reframing something negative into a positive can literally have the power to turn your frown upside down.

Conclusion

You can’t avoid the bitch slap of life from those hard moments. However, you can choose to change, and rewire your survival reaction. You can learn how to defuse the sting of that slap. With practice, you can thrive once again.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Listen to the podcast episode

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Withinclick here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself?Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

A Warning To Solopreneurs

A Warning To Solopreneurs

Don’t be fooled by the sharks, bots or scammers

I delete spam comments daily on my social sites. You have to be able to discern who is visiting your site and you have to read between the lines for possible scammers, cheats and time-wasters.

I delete all references that look like this-

Heey, great post. Share it to all arseholes located at @areholeland who have 100,000s followers.

Here’s why…

1. Check the spelling!

Any post that starts with “Heey” is your indicator of an impending sales pitch. Hit the block, then the delete buttons instantly. They are wasting your time.

2. Share it to …..

There is never a free ticket in life. You always have to pay in some way, whether it be money or some form of energy exchange.

When you are encouraged to share something to a different location, this is sales speak spam! The language itself is code for “please purchase some air space and I’ll get a percentage cut of what you pay.

3. The accounts aren’t real

Be aware if the ‘person’ making a comment on your fabulous post has no likes or followers. It’s likely to be a bot. We’ve all seen the promos to purchase 10K likes — well, that’s part of how they do it. They use algorithm machines to activate discussion traffic on your site, and direct traffic to your site based on #hashtag themes you nominate.

4. The importance of your network

If there is a genuine invitation to visit a site, there will be an actual person on the end of the account. They will have posts and have shared something with the world.

Even if they share nothing, there should still be pages they follow.

Numbers don’t lie, if there aren’t any on the account, then hit the block and delete buttons. Keep moving, nothing to see here folks.

A genuine invitation will hopefully eventuate because you’re growing your existing professional network. These are the very best shares to acquire.

5. Get curious

Sometimes you may receive DMs (direct messages) to your account with a sales pitch. Be sure to check the business as you may find the needle in the haystack and that larger company may just very well be interested in you and your product.

The reality is they are likely seeking free endorsement and advertising by gifting you a sample of the product.

Warning — read the disclosure statements carefully. You may stumble into an agreement by which you could be dispensed a product to sell, or liable to pay for post promotions on their site.

6. Check the integrity of the referral sites

I encourage all my business mentoring clients to explore the integrity of the promo site you’ve been directed to. Review the quality of posts including graphics and copy, and ask yourself these questions:

  • Does their vibe align with yours?
  • Is there a clear strategy or message achieved?
  • Does that strategy align with your own strategy, values and beliefs?
  • Are there a bunch of cheap-looking practitioners, authors, or coaches — if yes, block that page (so it can’t be tagged in a message to you again)

7. Genuine growth

I’ve challenged alleged highly acclaimed coaches who have stalked me in an effort to engage in sales conversations. Sure they can start out complimentary, but more often than not, there’s a sales pitch sent by the third message.

This indicates a bot or pre-planned message strategy has been engaged.

Sometimes there’s a real person involved who challenges me with the enticing question — “wouldn’t you want to grow your social site to 100K?

I have been known to reply with the witty “why would you presume I’m not successful with my current strategy?” I’ve had real people respond with apologies when I challenge their integrity.

Here’s the thing.

  • I have over 1000 clients in my database
  • I am always booked three months in advance
  • I post with authenticity and integrity and strong feminine vibration
  • I don’t sell my soul on tiktok trying to ride a skateboard
  • I don’t mime songs on reels
  • I don’t sell snake potion or promise a quick fix

What you see is me consistently showing up and achieving organic growth. Whilst I may only have 1.5K followers, I know most of them by their first names!

I know my niche. I know my audience. I know the key message. I know who I want to attract and how to talk to them.

We have a relationship. That’s worth more than hundreds of thousands of followers who never show up or truly engage on my sites.

I discern my audience and the boundaries of a professional practitioner.

I recognise and celebrate I’m not as big as NIKE. I am one hundred per cent okay with that. Sending me a “heey” message and thinking you can capitalise, buy or dip into my brand and reputation that I’ve built over two decades just won’t cut it.

Conclusion

The next time you receive a “heey … share it here” message, can I invite you to use the tips above, and discern the integrity of the comment? If your vibe doesn’t align, delete and block!

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Withinclick here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself?Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland