I feel like I’ve tried everything

I feel like I’ve tried everything

by | Oct 21, 2025 | Self Development

Is this statement the biggest miss?

Whenever I hear a client tell me that they perceive they “have tried everything”, I know they’ve missed the most obvious thing. In fact, I wish I had a dollar for every single time I heard this phrase about someone on their healing journey.

Clients often boast of the list of things they’ve done to resolve their issue. They’ve set goals, created vision boards, put reminders in their phones, changed their routines, sampled every single diet known to mankind, taken expensive supplements and tried various therapies.

Their lists are expansive and exhaustive.

After twenty years of running a therapeutic space, I have one thing that my clients haven’t tried — reviewing their perception of themselves. Your self-image is critical to any change process.

So often, we look outside of ourselves to problem-solve something that is actually an internal issue. Your thoughts, feelings, and subsequent behaviours come from within you — these emotional aspects are a part of you.

You can’t cut that part out of you, nor can you stop it by pushing a button, taking a tablet or drinking a potion. You can however, learn to accept and hopefully love these emotional parts of yourself.

I ask clients (who have ‘tried everything’), what their worst perception is of themselves — I am treated with a stunned look or blank face. Sometimes I wish I had a camera to capture their reaction, because it’s so dramatic.

If the person is brave enough, they will admit their negative self-beliefs. These deep and dark confessions sound like –

  • not good enough
  • hopeless
  • unworthy

It’s word vomit like this that dissolved your positive foundation. I use the metaphor “think of your body as a house”. When you have strong positive beliefs, the foundation of your house is solid and grounded. But when you experience thoughts and feelings that are negative, you’ve got termites.

Negative self-beliefs eat away at your confidence —using the metaphor, negativity destabilises your walls and roof, letting in the outside weather. Imagine looking at a termite-infested house, with rotting walls and holes in the roof.

Go on, imagine that right now.

Imagine trying to relax or get warm during a storm, with the rain and wind gusting through all those holes. Imagine how uncomfortable you’d become.

This is what happens to your body when your belief in self becomes negative. When you continue with negative self-beliefs you erode your inner world-

  • your outlook on life
  • your willingness
  • your motivation
  • your boundaries (especially with how you allow others to treat you)
  • how you show up to the world

To stabilise your emotional foundations, I use a combination of modalities and tools to support my clients in defusing the negative emotional energy associated with their lowered self-belief.

Try my H.E.A.L. method – Four simple steps to guide you inwards and find your solution for healing

 My H.E.A.L. Method is a simplistic approach designed to guide individuals through their healing process that is both intuitive and effective. By following these four steps, you can facilitate your own personal growth to restore positive belief in self.

STEP ONE — H: Hear

The first step is to hear what you are saying. This involves listening deeply to the language you use about yourself. 

Emotional negativity is comprised of thoughts, feelings and behaviours (because they can’t be separated). There is power of choice when you explore what you are feeling, what you think when you feel those thoughts, and what your resultant behaviour becomes.

Your ability to ‘hear’ gives you a conscious awareness of your triggers.

STEP TWO — E: Evaluate

So you’ve started listening attentively. Your next step is to evaluate the emotion you become aware of. This will often be associated with those thoughts and feelings you’ve become stuck within. Gentle exploration of what activates your old pattern of negativity invites you to make different choices of what you may need to accept and even release.

Evaluating your own signals from your body and mind can be empowering. You’ll very quickly be able to identify people, places or situations that push all your buttons and cause the negative flag to fly.

It’s critical during this phase to be really kind to yourself — because we all have experiences of big feelings, patterns, triggers, and areas that need attention. 

STEP THREE — A: Adjust

Once you have gained a clear understanding of what and how your negative self-belief likes to dance, it’s time to adjust. You can choose to make a myriad of changes to your lifestyle, mindset, or environment that support your healing journey. 

The best part of this step is giving yourself permission to pause once you’ve recognised your old pattern has been reactivated, and make a choice to change. This could involve setting boundaries, adopting new habits, or seeking support from professionals.

When you work with me, know that we don’t knock down your walls, we don’t destroy, we explore and adjust. We use kindness to repair and rejuvenate your nervous system so it feels safe to make those adjustments.

Sometimes you install windows within your walls, unlock doors, or install a ladder to climb over the obstacles you’ve built yourself.  At each session we renovate your house to allow more light to shine from within, and for you to access your true inner essence. This is high vibration at work.

STEP FOUR — L: Liberate

The final step is to liberate yourself from the constraints of past pains and patterns. Embrace the freedom that comes from hearing, evaluating and adjusting to achieve your desired healing outcome. 

Liberation from old negativity incorporates celebrating all progress (no matter how small the step is) and continuing to nurture your well-being. What could be better to create meaningful change in your life than to maintain this new, healthy emotional state to balance your life?

Liberation often comes via homework, which gives you the opportunity to reconnect to the path that shines your light, over and over until it becomes subconscious muscle memory.

Conclusion

Following the H.E.A.L. Method is a process. You drive the speed at which you progress and create meaningful change in your life. By implementing the H.E.A.L steps, individuals can embark on a transformative journey towards healing and personal development.

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Mental Health Counsellor, Kinesiology Practitioner + Accredited Business Mentor, Wellbeing Coach, Meditation Facilitator,  Hypnotherapist, and Resource Therapist. Karen is also a published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Best Club In Town

Best Club In Town

by | Aug 16, 2025 | Self Development

We Do Not Care Club

I work really hard at attempting to not troll mindlessly through social media. But there are days that feel “ho hum” and even a lot “meh”. It was one of those days that I stumbled across a hilarious reel by Melani Sanders.

Melani is the founder of the “We Do Not Care Club”. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but she paraphrases all the crap women of that certain age are fed up with. I showed it to my husband, and he exclaimed that, whilst funny, it’s a public announcement that might save your life!

Melani is a 45-year-old mother of three in West Palm Beach, Florida. She’s probably like other working mothers experiencing the change; she’s fed up and needs a good laugh.

According to Dr. Yvette Alt Miller, “the We Do Not Care Club is a viral movement helping women ditch unrealistic expectations and focus on what matters in maturing women’s lives.” And she’s right.

Women of a certain age have had these crappy BS influencers, social standards and medical system gaslighting up to their eyeballs! Women of a certain age is a triggering statement in itself. So let’s get it all out on the table, folks, I’m talking about women experiencing peri-menopause and menopause. I’m talking about how a woman can lose herself as the oestrogen drops and the social influencers get louder and more prominent.

This is a time of our lives when we become cranky and less tolerant of those we love the most. This is attributed to the drop in hormones that allowed us to fall in love and make babies, and put up with a myriad of crap to remain married. Those hormones kept us tolerant of your stupidity, whining, outbursts, and demands on our time, energy, and mental capacity.

Can you tell I’m already a club member!

Yet as those same hormones that helped us love you dwindle, so too does our capacity to tolerate things that frustrated or upset us. As the last of our viable eggs is released, and the hormonal balance flutters, we start missing periods, or worse, experience flooding periods. We feel like we’re on fire from the inside out. We steam and sweat when outside and it’s cold outside.

In my own experience, I swear more, and I don’t care! (That should read I don’t give a f*ck).

The pause makes us feel different within ourselves. Without oestrogen lubricating our joints, tendons, and organs, things change drastically. This change isn’t subtle. We begin to digest differently — physically, mentally and emotionally. Even our brain rewires during this phase.

Estrogen is in everything. We begin to experience a depth of fatigue. Women’s memory glitches. We can so easily feel like we’re going crazy.

Is it any wonder we transform into Oscar the Grouch?

It’s called ‘the change’ for a very good reason.

Whilst there are physical changes, and the medical industry is just starting to recognise that gaslighting women that their life-altering symptoms are not normal and can be assisted. Frankly, I don’t know how some doctors have kept their jobs.

There are emotional and mental changes that occur due to the loss of estrogen within the brain and neural pathways. Know that there are positive actions you can undertake to support your evolving neuroplasticity, but it takes time.

Imagine, if you will, that estrogen is the conductor of a grand symphony, orchestrating a harmonious balance within the body, especially during fertile years. When that time of change arrives, that same conductor abruptly decides to take a permanent vacation to a tropical island. The conductor is a bit of a bastard and takes the sheet music too. This leaves behind a cacophony of violins playing out of tune and trumpets blaring at random intervals.

With estrogen on its sabbatical, women may find themselves in a whirlwind of emotions — sometimes cranky, sometimes tearful, and for some, it can be the source of serious mental health problems, especially if their memory is affected.

What most don’t understand about the neuroscience of menopause is that the brain literally rewires itself to function without estrogen. If we could take a sabbatical, like estrogen, then we might fare better.

“We do not care if our clothes are tight — they fit when we bought them,” Melani stated matter-of-factly, with her deadpan face. It’s stuff like this that makes me laugh hard at my evolving hormonal situation. It’s refreshing to know I’m not alone.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that is jammed packed with messages of being skinny and ageless. We are meant to change, not remain the Stepford wives. Yet we sacrifice our joy to achieve something that’s not often humanly normal. And then we punish ourselves emotionally and mentally for not achieving the desired plastic fake outcome.

“We do not care that we just went grocery shopping and we’re ordering takeout instead of cooking — we are tired.” Have tears rolling down my face with her brutal honesty.

The fatigue and weight gain from menopause have personally stopped me in my tracks. And I’ve tried everything to create change in this space. Where I landed was “I am the heaviest and happiest I have ever been — and I do not care”.

Latest research indicates that once ovaries stop manufacturing estrogen, it’s generated by fat cells. So I don’t care that my body has adapted, I am an evolving ecosystem!

“We do not care if your house is aesthetic — our house is a hot mess and we’re ok with that.” God bless you, Melani. This satire will inspire thousands globally to ditch unrealistic societal expectations, to find joy in their lives. And perhaps a nap.

Dr. Miller discusses the risk of feeling inadequate or even depression when we fixate or obsess over our perceived shortcomings. In this menopause phase of heat glitching, sweating, not sleeping properly, and swearing, I am routinely reframing my thoughts. This permits me to let go of unreasonable expectations from others.

“We do not care if we have fingerprints on our glasses — we can still see.” Melani, I love you! Your dry humour is hilarious.

The We Do Not Care Club is thankfully taking off. I can only hope that it generates a viral movement of women walking away from the mental to-do list. My wish is that this club allows women to declare that there are more important things in life than how tidy your home is or how put-together you look. Ladies, if you showered and put on pants before leaving the house each day during this phase, you’re winning.

Conclusion

Thanks to Melani Sanders for entertaining me. You’ve provided me with real content that reminds me not to sweat the small stuff. Thank you for keeping it real. Thank you for creating space for hundreds and thousands of women to have a reality check on what’s important in their lives as they evolve through their change phase.

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Mental Health Counsellor, Kinesiology Practitioner + Accredited Business Mentor, Wellbeing Coach, Meditation Facilitator,  Hypnotherapist, and Resource Therapist. Karen is also a published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

It’s Not Rude To Sigh

It’s Not Rude To Sigh

by | Jul 9, 2025 | Self Development

It’s Not Rude To Sigh – It Could Save Your Life!

As a kid, I was always scolded by the adults around me for sighing. So I did it more to piss them off.

It’s clear to me now that my ASD defiance traits, but back then, it was one of the few ways I could express myself when I couldn’t find words when I felt frustrated or angry. Struggling to express myself when feeling heightened was a common thing — it often is for neurodiverse kids.

Through a bit of research and review of my clinical notes, I’ve come to understand that sighing is beneficial for several reasons.

Benefit One — An unconscious sigh is a life-sustaining reflex that helps preserve lung function.

 

A sigh is a deep breath, but not a voluntary deep breath. Think about this — the sigh starts as a normal breath, but before you exhale, you take a second breath on top of it.

The involuntary sigh boosts the lungs’ ability to exchange oxygen and carbon dioxide. In turn, this boosts the function of the alveoli, the air sacs where the gas exchange occurs. The only way to pop them open again is to sigh, which brings in twice the volume of a normal breath.

Therefore, sighing is brilliant if you are a notorious shallow breather, like someone who is anxious or experiencing lung dysfunction.

Benefit Two — Regulation of body function

 

We breathe in air, a mixture of gases, to promote oxygen exchange into the body. The rhythm and frequency of your breathing are modulated by more than one part of the brain.

When our blood gas chemistry is balanced, then our organ systems, such as filtration within the kidneys, and blood pressure and heart rate respond accordingly. When there is balance in our chemistry, our nervous system receives the ‘balance’ signal that all is well in our world.

For example

  • The forebrain (cortex, hypothalamus, and amygdala) regulates our breathing during exercise
  • afferent pathways of regions within the forebrain, regulate the ancillary muscles of the diaphragm, tongue, larynx, pharynx, chest, glotis, and postural support muscles to allow breathing mechanisms to synchronise and function normally , for example, talking whilst walking
  • The mid-brain regulates the exchange of gases such as oxygen and carbon dioxide , and it’s worth noting there is a flow-on effect to blood pressure and the function of organs like the heart and kidneys. Additionally, the midbrain regulates any changes within breathing, to respond to fluctuations of internal and external temperatures, as well as sleep cycles.
  • The brain stem regulates changes to breathing based on cognition and emotional responses.

I know boring brain stuff (which I love). Your breath is therefore influenced and overridden when your sympathetic nervous system is activated- when you’re in a state of fight-or-flight.

According to Mark Krasnow, a professor of biochemistry at the Stanford University School of Medicine, his findings shed light on a network of cells in the brain stem that generates the breathing rhythm. Krasnow states that along each side of the brain stem, two networks of 200 neurons control the sighing reflex.

“Unlike a pacemaker that regulates only how fast we breathe, the brain’s breathing centre also controls the type of breath we take,” Krasnow said. The sighing reflex is therefore comprised of small numbers of different kinds of neurons , each with their stimuli that activate different types of breathing. One area of neurons programs regular breaths, another sighs, and the others could be for yawns, sniffs, coughs, and maybe even laughs and cries.

“Sighing appears to be regulated by the fewest number of neurons we have seen linked to a fundamental human behaviour,” explained Jack Feldman, a professor of neurobiology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA

Benefit Three — Possible Reduction of Anxiety

 

UCLA Neurobiologist, Jack Feldman states that “A sigh is a deep breath, but not a voluntary deep breath.” Feldman continues, “It starts out as a normal breath, but before you exhale, you take a second breath on top of it.”

On average, a person sighs every five minutes, which translates into 12 sighs per hour.

A person with conditions like panic disorder, anxiety, and hypervigilance is dominated by their over-active sympathetic nervous system. These types of conditions cause people to tend to shallowly breathe, and not deeply inflate the lungs or stretch the diaphragm. Therefore introduction of breath work can improve a client’s limited or reduced sighing reflex.

Therefore, consciously improving the capacity of your breathing could prove useful in healing your experience of anxiety disorders and other psychiatric conditions where sighing grows debilitating.

Benefit Four — Emotional Regulation

The mechanism behind the emotional roots of conscious sighing remains a mystery to Western medicine researchers. Feldman acknowledges, “There is certainly a component of sighing that relates to an emotional state. When you are stressed, for example, you sigh more.”

Within eastern modalities, we know that the sigh is a nonverbal form of release. Sighing is a process of letting go, releasing that which no longer resonates with your emotional state. The sigh is the physical method of venting some mental or emotional stress out of the body.

Kinesiology and meditation models both depict the deep sigh as the physical and mechanical mechanism that attempts to override the sympathetic nervous system dominance. When you add the sound of your voice to your sigh, you’re adding your own unique internal vibration, which acts as a medicinal frequency to the emotional component you are releasing into the air.

The Heart Math Institute and research undertaken by Dr Joe Dispenza clearly illustrate that a deep sigh, which is longer than the inward breath, downregulates the vagus nerve, downregulates the sympathetic fight-or-flight reaction, which in turn, has a consequential positive effect on the enteric nervous system.

In other words, the sigh has a deeply soothing effect on the nervous system. A sigh is surprisingly simple, and allows you to bypass your conscious brain altogether — a natural form of regulation for the emotional self.

Conclusion

 

It’s not rude to sigh; in fact, it’s essential to regulate yourself emotionally. You can calm your nervous system immediately with a sigh. Here’s the formula : Two inhales, followed by an extended exhale.

First published with WordGarden, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

If your IMPOSTER self is running your life and training like an Olympian, then maybe it’s time to show it some kindness?

Did you know I run a one day retreat? I’ve created an experience that allows you to meet your Imposter and call forward an internal cheerleader – so that you can soothe the fear of failure or imperfection, overthinking, or need for control.

We are all deserving of unconditional love and kindness – just for being born. We also deserve to ackowledge our internal imposter doesn’t need to run our life!

Prefer audio – visit the I am Change-ing podcast!

Click here for the episode

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Stop Fighting Your Imposter

Stop Fighting Your Imposter

by | Jun 10, 2025 | Self Development

Try loving this part of yourself instead.

When I started exploring this topic with a client, I gained an understanding that the common societal belief is that Imposter Syndrome is a silent saboteur of success and mental well-being. In my therapeutic experience, this is not true.

I have reflected, read textbooks, and consulted peers. My mindset landed at the following — that your imposter is ‘part’ of you that drives your personality’s natural defences.

We all have an imposter part.

So often we resent this part without understanding its function — this part of you is trying to keep you safe.

Your IMPOSTER incorporates those parts that involve self-doubt, fear of failure, perfectionism, discounting praise, and even overworking.

But here’s the thing, if you allow it, your imposter can run wild and keep those defensive walls up high. Your neurological wiring drives the subconscious defensive battle. This requires a lot of your energy (both physical and mental) to maintain hyper-vigilance, intended to keep you safe.

The investment in regularly activating your defensive walls can erode your resilience and motivation. If this is you, then it’s likely that your confidence bubble bursts before you get to fully embrace complete success sensations.

Feeling safe to actively work on your life challenges and roadblocks teaches you how to get out of your own way in terms of avoidance and procrastination.

Let me ask you this, have you struggled to achieve all that you want?

Do you have a nagging internal voice that whispers, “You’re not good enough.” Let me assure you of a common truth: you are enough, and it’s time to believe it.

In my experience, you can wrestle with your imposter part your entire life. Eventually, you will resent it, dread it and perhaps even fear it showing up. When this happens, your conscious mind is doing battle rather than paying attention to the key messages your imposter is trying to share with you.

I realise that until we learn to embrace the imposter part, we will never achieve the true success and outcomes we desire.

I recommend meeting your imposter with kindness and an open mind. The more I expand into the mental space of the imposter, the more I have come to realise the importance of learning to love your imposter as an asset.

Your imposter self will guide you on arising fears and doubts — so that you can take action.

Your imposter self will make you feel tired or overwhelmed, and therefore signal the need for rest.

Your imposter self will drive overthinking until you write yourself a list of things to do, and can tell yourself “that’s ok” when you don’t complete it.

Here are five strategies to embrace your imposter with kindness

1. Acknowledge Your Thoughts & Feelings

It’s vital for you to recognize that your thoughts are common, fast paced, and temporary. Yet, we so easily can become unstuck when those feelings are not acknowledged and become stuck. We tip into the overwhelm or overthinking space in an effort to make sense of something, that if it had of been acknowledged, it would have continued to flow out of your mind.

We have up to 60,000 thoughts a day, of which around 75% are negative and of that around 90% of those are from yesterday. The more you can acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, even if only calling out ‘garbage thoughts’, the less you propel forward to tomorrow.

2. Celebrate Achievements

Stop taking for granted all of the small wins. Your Imposter keeps score and is watching, always on alert. So if you can call forward your cheerleader to acknowledge every little win. Every small hit of dopamine keeps your mindset positive, which boosts your motivation to continue moving forward.

Therefore keep a record of your successes and reflect on them regularly. This may be journalling or simply tracking colouring, as suggested by Russ Harris in his published work “The Happiness Trap”.

3. Talk About Progress & Success

I don’t know about you, but my profession requires that I undertake supervision. I also choose to participate in coaching and networking circles.

These groups allow me to share my feelings with trusted colleagues, friends or mentors. Often this is a safe space for me to gain fresh perspectives, especially if I feel stuck.

4. Challenge Negative Thoughts

When you permit yourself to recognise the Imposter speech, those negative thoughts and feelings, you can acknowledge them for what they are — garbage.

Replace fear of failure, self-doubt, or even overthinking with neutral or positive language and action boosts your capacity to remain competent during times of stress.

You can challenge negativity with journalling, affirmations, tapping or even breathwork.

5. Set Realistic Goals

Let me ask you this — do you believe you will ever finish your ‘to-do’ list? The realistic answer is that there is always something to do. We will always need to eat, do dishes, bathe and wash clothes.

When it comes to your work or study, are your action lists achievable? Have you broken tasks into manageable parts that allow you to recognise your progress along the way? Or does your Imposter part appear and you procrastinate because the task feels enormous or unachievable?

Conclusion

We all have a part of our psychology called our Imposter. It’s not a syndrome but merely a defensive mechanism to keep you safe and secure. It shows up with a truckload of perceived negativity. And I wonder what might change for you if you could pause the stress reaction, and treat your Imposter with kindness.

I wonder what might change for you?

If your IMPOSTER self is running your life and training like an Olympian, then maybe it’s time to show it some kindness?

Did you know I run a one day retreat? I’ve created an experience that allows you to meet your Imposter and call forward an internal cheerleader – so that you can soothe the fear of failure or imperfection, overthinking, or need for control.

We are all deserving of unconditional love and kindness – just for being born. We also deserve to acknowledge our internal imposter doesn’t need to run our life!

Prefer audio – visit the I am Change-ing podcast!

Click here for the episode

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Wellbeing Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Mental Health Counselor, Resource Therapist, and published author.  She is a Change Facilitator!

Karen is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

The Great Confidence Con

The Great Confidence Con

by | May 10, 2025 | Self Development

‘Fake It Till You Make It’ Is A Confidence Killer

It’s reasonable to postulate that everyone on the planet, at least one time has experienced a lack of confidence in themselves or their abilities. Confidence is an internal resource that you build as you stretch your comfort zone boundaries.

The opposite of confidence involves that part of you called your imposter. Let me be very clear, it’s normal human psychology to have an imposter self. Your imposter part formulates the thoughts, feelings and behaviours associated with your defensive survival program.

Your imposter part believes it is keeping you safe.

To clarify, your imposter is that part of you that fears failure or needs control, or things to be perfect.

Your imposter part is responsible for your overthinking and worrying about every little thing.

It’s worth stating again — everyone has an imposter, which is normal. Stressful experiences will cause your imposter to behave like it’s on steroids and amplify those negative traits to keep you safe.

It is often your confident part that can reassure you to have a crack, the negative feelings will pass. If however, your confident part is hiding, or is being sat on by your imposter part, guess how easy it is for you to remain focused, concentrate or succeed at anything?

Guess which part is out on deck yelling “The sky is falling”??

Yep, it’s tough to feel confident when you’re experiencing fear-based emotions.

So what is confidence?

Confidence is defined as the internal embodiment of your ability to trust in yourself — your abilities, decisions, or character. Your confident part demonstrates a strong presence to the outside world, is often assertive, and capable of making clear decisions.

Confidence is that trait that becomes the driving force for you to maintain learning new things, even when the lesson is hard. Confidence drives your motivation to continue through the perception of failure.

What isn’t normal, and can become quite destructive to the human psyche, is when your confidence account has run dry. This can occur when your imposter has been left unchecked.

“Confident” describes someone, who is self-assured, while “Confidence” is the feeling or belief in one’s abilities or qualities.

Without confidence, your natural capacity to value your worth will be challenged. This is a dangerous place for the human psyche, for a person lacking in self-worth or confidence will struggle to face life and its experiences.

One of the worst pieces of advice I’ve heard, read and witnessed is the “fake it till you make it”. If your imposter part is operating at Olympic pace, faking and pretending to be something you perceive you can’t do will feel impossible, and further reinforce negative thoughts, feelings and actions.

You risk reinforcing the misperception of lowered self-worth and confidence. This can so very easily become the root cause of anxiety and depression, especially for vulnerable or traumatized children.

Instead of ‘faking’ anything try these tips instead…

1. Know your worth

I wish I had a dollar for every time I told a clinic client that everyone is deserving and worthy of unconditional love, just for being born. I am constantly reinforcing self-worth for clients working through their stress patterns.

For whatever reason, some people have had negative experiences that make them question their belief in themselves. Experiences such as bullying, cultural, or sexual discrimination can leave a person feeling disposable, unlovable, or just not good in some way. This type of negativity erodes your confidence foundation.

The reality is that only you can define your worth. You’re in charge of allocating the confidence credit score system. If your confidence has rusted in any way, implement positive action(s) with techniques such as affirmations, tapping, or therapy to address the root cause of your feeling good.

Your self-worth infiltrates every aspect of you and formulates the foundation of confidence in all ways, so deal with the confidence rust as soon as it appears.

2. Know your good qualities

An important aspect of confidence is understanding the associated good qualities that have built your ability to trust and believe in yourself. This is an all-knowing kind of thing. Awareness of your good qualities contributes significantly to having a strong sense of self-worth.

Knowing and acknowledging your good, positive qualities, involves honest self-reflection. You gain so much power when you can recognise that there are things about you that are good, maybe even great.

​Indeed, we all have good qualities. This is what makes us unique and individual. We all have something to offer the world. Be sure to make a list, as this will become your future evidence that you can refer to on days when you feel challenged in the future.

But if your imposter part is spending your mental energy thinking about the qualities that you perceive you lack, little time or energy is remaining to explore the good or positive qualities. Getting into the habit of regularly self-reflecting, also supports you to identify when you have a garbage thought (negative self-talk) and do something about that.

If your confidence has begun to rust and you’re struggling with identifying all your positive qualities seek support from someone close to you. So often when the imposter has been running wild, your perception or sense of the world becomes blurred and you can so easily lose sight of what others see in you. Simple things like humour, determination, humility, knowledge or skills. Then it’s just a matter of shifting your mindset to focus on these good qualities.

3. Recognize things to be learnt or mastered

Tony Robbins can be quoted as saying “There is no such thing as failure, only results”. What Tony references in his teachings with this statement, is that if your mindset is open and positive, you can never fail only learn.

When you allow yourself to attempt a task, especially if it is new, then adopting an open mindset and allowing yourself to become curious will naturally boost your confidence.

How?

Your perception of the outside world is based on failure, it’s based on curiosity and seeking more information. Your mindset remains open to being fed more information, rather than closing down and operating a survival-based program.

As you identify things to learn, you are creating milestones for a future-forward path. This builds momentum and motivation and your confidence can soar.

4. Be kind to yourself

When your imposter is out for air, you can experience a myriad of fear-based thoughts and feelings associated with failure, and needing to be perfect or in control. Your imposter can so easily become a cruel inner critic if left unchecked.

Quite frankly, your imposter can be a bit of a bastard. But here’s what I’ve learned working clinically for over two decades — your imposter shows us self-doubt, perfectionism, needing control and all of those behaviours when you ignore its presence.

What would happen to your imposter if you loved it?

When you can observe those self-critical inner thoughts, you can meet the imposter’s negativity with kindness. Try using re-framing statements like, “I did the best I could”, or, “I’m proud of myself for the effort I put in”, or “I’m glad I had a go”.

Alternatively, you could call bullshit on the garbage thoughts and feelings. Take a couple of deep breaths, go for a short walk, scream into a pillow, or even tap.

This self-talk can help you re-write internal scripts that can help you become more confident.

5. Give everything your best effort

By doing your best, we have a locked and loaded response to your inner critic. When you hear those inner monologues starting to put you down, you can respond with, “I did my best.” And that is all you can do. When you do your best (while not striving for perfection and telling yourselves you could do more), you may be able to give yourself a bit more of a break and perhaps be more self-accepting.

Conclusion

Boosting self-confidence can be challenging and even at times, quite difficult. Focussing on these key skills can help. I hope that these suggested strategies can support you on the right path towards increasing your self-confidence whilst you soothe your imposter part.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

If your IMPOSTER self is running your life and training like an Olympian, then maybe it’s time to show it some kindness?

Did you know I run a one day retreat? I’ve created an experience that allows you to meet your Imposter and call forward an internal cheerleader – so that you can soothe the fear of failure or imperfection, overthinking, or need for control.

We are all deserving of unconditional love and kindness – just for being born. We also deserve to ackowledge our internal imposter doesn’t need to run our life!

Prefer audio – visit the I am Change-ing podcast!

Click here for the episode

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Be Your Own Cheerleader

Be Your Own Cheerleader

by | Jan 12, 2025 | Self Development

Accountability is not a tool that you use to shame yourself.

Accountability is an active form of mindfulness that you can use to honour the commitments you make to yourself (and potentially others).

I use accountability as a tool to follow through on the promises I make to myself. Read that again if you need, because your capacity to follow through is an incredibly powerful resource.

I use accountability techniques to refine how I map out the small actionable steps to achieve my goals and associated responsibilities. Mapping my accountability is especially useful to motivate me when I’m starting something new and feel like I’m in the weeds, struggling to push through or feeling overwhelmed.

The use of accountability map can instill a positive sense of ownership of what you want (without guilt or shame if you don’t immediately achieve). I regularly refer my clinical clients to use accountability maps because you can readily track the small successes you’ve made (and easily dismissed). 

Acknowledging those small wins that generate feel-good hormones and puts credits of hope into your happiness account. This is what can significantly impact your personal growth in a positive way — small hits of dopamine. 

Why do I love accountability mapping so much? Because the positive action of mapping provides you with conscious permission to become your own cheerleader. 

When you map where in your life you’ve been accountable, you remain present rather than triggered. This is a neurological space in your mind, whereby you can allow your imagination to unfold and envisage seeing more success. It is these visions that kick start motivation to continue. This part of your psyche is your inner cheerleader!

Here are four reasons why your ‘inner cheerleader’ could use accountability as a crucial tool in achieving your goals.

Increased Focus

When you can hold yourself accountable (not is a space of shame or guilt), your cheerleader self can revisit your clear goals and objectives. Regularly revisiting and refreshing your vision of what you want to achieve enables you to remain focused. 

This focus boosts your capacity to concentrate on the small actionable steps which will result in what’s truly important in relation to achieving your goal.

Improved Productivity

When your cheerleader tracks your progress, you can identify potential inefficiencies and areas for improvement. Reflection by your cheerleader isn’t a bad thing. Tracking your performance supports you to identify any arising gaps. This will keep you honest with yourself in terms of progress or procrastination.

In my experience when I track my personal progress, I find myself leaning into more efficient use of my time and resources, as well as improving new techniques. My inner cheerleader naturally streamlines processes and systems to ensure I am repeatedly hitting the targets and then expanding to the next goal.

Enhanced Self-Discipline 

Working with your inner cheerleader boosts your accountability capacity through encouragement whilst do-ing the action. Actively utilise that positive internal dialogue from your internal cheerleader to boost your self-discipline and drive a hunger for more consistent effort and dedication to your goals. 

The more positive dialogue you have inside your everyday mind, the more you will crave this subtle serotonin boost and crave more success. You will naturally crave how good it feels after you have completed the small actionable task, rather than focussing on how you feel before the event.

Boosted Confidence

Allow your inner cheerleader to recognise and celebrate everything and all achievements – no matter how small. Cheering all aspects of your beautiful life naturally builds your self-esteem. Your self esteem and belief in self builds the foundations of your confidence in your abilities.

Conclusion

I don’t know about you, but I call upon my inner cheerleader for every single Park Run I participate in. I call upon her when I’m vacuuming or even doing the dishes. That positive part of my psyche is always around cheering me on, no matter what I’m trying to achieve. 

Give your inner cheerleader a shout out today and allow yourself to be mindful of how you feel after you complete the task.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

  • Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here
  • 8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here
  • Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

Listen to the audio version via the “I Am Change-ing” Podcast – click here

First published with WordGarden, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is an advanced Kinesiology Practitioner, Wellbeing Coach, Hypnotherapist (including psychotherapy), Resource Therapist (Ego State), Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and trainee Counselor (Mental Health).

Karen is a published author of This Is My Roar.

She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland