Goodbye Chandler

Goodbye Chandler

Goodbye Chandler, you were a good friend

The news of Matthew Perry’s death came as a shock to a generation of fans of the TV sitcom Friends. A similar shock arrives to loved ones who are left to deal with suicide.

Why did Matthew Perry’s death hit some of us hard?

The obvious first response is the actor’s young age. 54 is too young to die. However if you have lived an adult life of depression and addiction, there is an argument that you have been trapped within a mental prison cell. Did Matthew Perry serve 25 years of hard time?

Those close to him may say yes. Hopefully, the public will never be privy to those details, after all, he finally has the right to privacy and eternal rest.

I think we feel the impact of the loss of this famous actor because Matthew’s character represented the reality of what everyone faces — with a side dish of hilarity.

The fact remains, that Matthew Perry’s portrayal of Chandler Bing was fabulously delivered. His comedic timing clearly demonstrated the spectrum of your humanness that includes:

  • Vulnerability
  • Self-doubt
  • Self-depreciation
  • Wavering confidence
  • Ability to speak up
  • Capacity to follow your dreams

The Chandler character appealed to the masses because of his human flaws, rather than his perfection. The show’s writers should be commended for creating the perfect, fun-loving goofball. They portrayed the new-age man to a tee. Juvenile most of the time, funny and yet vulnerable and wanting what everyone really wants in life…friends.

But here’s the thing, Our Western society doesn’t really promote befriending yourself.

In reality, the actor battled real-life demons and is quoted as not recollecting three seasons of filming episodes due to substance abuse. Where were his actual friends during this time?

Matthew Perry wasn’t my friend or acquaintance but, he did represent the vulnerable parts of me. I evolved through my early twenties with this show as my neighbour and weekly companion. The character stories were relevant and invoked visceral responses.

I too use goofy banter to distract myself and others when I am not totally confident in a situation. I use humour when the discomfort of big feelings arises.

I too adore the simplicity of reclining into a leather couch with mates, sharing deep and meaningful banter with my besties. Like the character, I can share more of my true self when my body is comfortable.

I demonstrate my affection with big hugs and fart jokes. The characters of Chandler and Joey, and their escapades capture how most of us lived in our twenties. Simple. Cheap. And most importantly taking the piss out of each other.

So why does society love the goofy funny guy?

Humour is used as a blanket. Humour hides emotional pain and suffering and allows us to pretend when our human treadmill feels hard.

The art of portraying Chandler, through his literal and physical battle with depression and weight gain, was courageous. Matthew Perry showed up even though he probably hated every second of being seen publicly. He was doing the work to survive when so many simply checked out.

Perhaps his friends were present, behind the scenes, cheering him on. Perhaps that is why he lasted so long inside the depression prison.

The Friend’s sitcom resonates with us all of that age because the script reenacted our real-life drama and chaos. Our humanness isn’t perfect. Things don’t always work out. There are highs and lows. Some values and beliefs differ but an understanding that it is our differences that compliment our relationships.

The real takeaway is if you have real friends then you are the richest person in the world.

If you value your loved ones, check in on them. The question “Are you OK?” isn’t something you should ask once a year. It’s something you must ask every time you have encounters. The rate of suicide is rising because people feel isolated and alone. A simple conversation may just save someone you love.


I hope Matthew Perry can now rest those demons that he battled. I hope his friends can smile whilst sharing fond memories.

Matthew Perry’s death reminds me (and I hope you do too) to make the effort to connect with your mates as often as possible and fill your cup. Regardless of whether you call them friends, mates or even your tribe, our humanness dictates we need them in our lives. I hope you’ve found yours.

We all live and die. What makes life meaningful is what we do with it between those two milestones — good and bad- and who we share that journey with. Hopefully, you’re sharing your experiences with others.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Withinclick here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself?Click here

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About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

The Unspoken Pandemic Effect

The Unspoken Pandemic Effect

Learning to feel safe again

Media revved up a frenzy that we were finally free. The third booster had been released. The government were forced to relinquish the restrictions due to the immense pressure of Victorians saying “no more”.

Where were the well-being and proactive health messages?

People were denied …

Here are some things you can do to feel safe once more

  1. Reconnect with friends and family over a shared meal — pausing to eat allows you to ease into a conversation.
  2. Rejoin your group activity or team sport — to be around small groups of people once more
  3. Practice meditation to soothe your nervous system
  4. Return to shopping inside the supermarket
  5. Shop locally and support your neighbours and their business — we love to see you in person


First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Practice The Pause  – click here

5 Ways to Boost Self – click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Change Facilitator. She is a qualified Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Watching The Trees Shimmy Shake

Watching The Trees Shimmy Shake

Engaging in childlike moments of wonder


When was the last time you paused and watched autumn leaves fall?

Let me tell you about a wonderous moment I had the other day walking down the main drag of town. 

I consider myself a bit of a lucky bitch right now. I have time up my sleeve with COVID. To support my recovery from PTSD I purposefully make more time to observe small things around me. 

As I rise I set my intention for the day — to surrender to ordinary thinking. I often ask the universe to send me small miracles that make me smile and fill my heart with pure joy and demonstrate life outside of the square of normalcy.

You may find it surprising to find that watching autumn leaves fall fits the bill of miracles, but then again I am a bit of a self-confessed weirdo. I’m totally ok with that. Your opinion of me is none of my business! I remain focussed on self, the things I can embrace in my heart space, and practice surrendering to the things I can’t.

Picture this. 

You find yourself walking in the glorious warm sunshine. A small breeze is blowing as you steer your path amongst the heritage-listed English elms, down the Traralgon Avenue of Honour.

These magnificent trees line each side of a wide green belt of the original township’s main road and were planted to commemorate the First World War. Given their size and sheer colour magnificence I can believe that!

At times the light is dappled, as the overhead branches provide cover and shade. The sun is thawing from a recent cold snap, yet the air is still fresh. To someone like me who’s just had chemo and the hairs, on the top of my head, are thin, it’s chilly out. That’s ok, that is why hats were invented, they aren’t just a fashion statement.

Back to my walk.

There are times when spirit whispers to me, like receiving a coded message meant only for me. Other times I feel drawn intuitively to look at something. It is as if a hidden magnet is turning my head and inviting me to share a secret.

I was admiring the green lush grass growing everywhere after recent heavy rain. I saw a bogged truck and felt for the driver who was getting reamed by the site foreman. Oh, the stories these trees could tell of the adventures that have been held at their feet.

And yet as I walked I marvelled at the trees which had red-green leaves patched with oranges and golds as you looked up. I liken natures artwork to that of a renaissance painting that I once saw in the national art gallery. I could have been in any country, and yet I was in my simple home town, admiring the fleeting autumn colours. 

The array of nature’s colour canvas was so inviting that I paused, simply so I could soak in the view. I mean just how often are you gifted the opportunity to stop and stare in wonder? It’s often only when you are travelling that you truly relish what you see.

And just like that, a breeze lifted some of the golden hues from the upper branches and began to swirl. If the leaves hadn’t of moved, I would have presumed I had stepped into the matrix and the movie had been paused.

The uplift of the breeze held the falling leaves almost as if they were in suspension, shimmying around the tree. It was absolutely mesmerising.

I likened it to a scene from Harry Potter whereby the ‘Whomping Willow’ shakes its autumn leaves off as winter snaps it to attention.

This aerial flight of the golden leaves was in slow motion. Their descent was not rushed, and they dispersed like a troup of ballet dancers, each dancing but as a collective. So every single leaf contributed to the overall kaleidoscope of the performance. 

Due to the number of trees, all shedding their golden leaves at the same time, and forming this suspension mid-air, the trunks of the trees appeared to shimmer. It was if they were actually belly dancing, and the leaves formed the outer rim of the headdress. 

I have videoed it in my mind as it was simply spectacular to watch.

Remembering it now I am taken back to my childhood whereby my brother and I would rake up fallen leaves in our backyard and burn them. Our family dog would lay in the piles of leaves, presumably because she had short hair and the piled leaves were warm in the sun.

There were several times my brother would rake up the piles of leaves over her as she mooched and slept. And as she awoke startled there would be a massive pile of movement as she emerged and vaulted upon the nearest squealing human.

I’m pretty sure that dog had a wicked sense of humour for this escapade re-occurred a lot each year during raking!

My fondest memory is that same dog hiding in a pile of raked leaves, with only her small wet nose poking out. Cheeky mutt. My brother had called out to her, and her wagging tail had given her location away as the rusty leaves crinkled with her movement. And hence her sudden emergence from the pile of leaves is where came the story of the snoopy snigger — my brother killing himself laughing and rolling around the raked leaves with the dog.

To this day I’m still not sure who had more fun — my brother or the dog. And again I’m reminded that I didn’t capture it on film, but it is indelibly marked in my memories.

There is something magical watching the living art display evolve as the seasons change from hot scolding sun of summer to cold nights and sunny days of autumn. Then as the ice queen arrives and delivers winds and weather from Antarctica the leaves burn in colour. 

It is much like day time fireworks in slow motion.

I shall return tomorrow with my camera and attempt to capture the miracle of the shimmy shake on film, with leaves captured in suspension mid-air. But if I don’t see the miracle, I need only close my eyes and the vision is right there, indelibly etched in my memory bank as another small miracle I got to witness.

Miracles are everywhere when you surrender to ordinary thinking. I found the day I chose to change was the day I began to bloom.

Dine In Your Sunshine

Dine In Your Sunshine

The other day I left the house at dawn for my usual wake up walk. Immersion into nature for me is the best way to ground and illuminate my senses and activate my intuition. It’s my way to get ready for the day and how I set my intention for happiness.

With each footstep forward, my inner voice was calling me for something very specific. I had a need which was not met during the lockdown. I was craving connection and not just electronic! I needed to see, touch and listen to friends in person (rather than online). I needed a mate date.

I have fantastic friends, and spending time with them is like sunshine therapy. I always leave their presence as a full vessel.

So the very minute restrictions were lifted for social distancing this week, we began the appointment tennis match of when we were all available. Sometimes this can drag as we wade through diary clashes. This time it merely amped the excitement of our imminent gathering.

Excitement is really an injustice, and the word divine comes to mind as we all gathered at a friend’s house. We had previously agreed to walk and take advantage of the current glorious autumn weather, and grab a bite to eat from a local cafe.

We love supporting our favourite local businesses. Being biz owners ourselves, it’s vital to honour and respect the effort that your locals are making to continue providing you with a beautiful heartfelt service during these unprecedented times.

Making note of the constant jibber-jabber and snoopy singers (because we were in public and raucous laughter always attract undue attention), we collected our food order and found a nearby picnic table. And this is where the magic happened.

We were bathed in sunshine as we sat and ate a simple meal.

We had beautiful fresh food in front of us, and yet it felt like a meal fit for royalty.

The smell of perfectly brewed beans combined with fresh air and freedom. And instead of rushing into conversation bursts, we all collectively sighed with smiles on our faces.

Together at last. The gathering had formed, and the reconnection had been made. Sometimes words are not required, and the pause is just as enjoyable as the noise.

It was almost post-orgasmic in pleasure, just sitting in the same physical space as my girls, bathed in sunbeams from above, and love beams amongst us.

Bliss is the word that comes to mind. How is it that a simple picnic can uplift one’s spirits so greatly? It wasn’t the chew or the brew, but it was definitely the crew I was with!

And then the usual round the table routine commenced, taking it in turns to update the others began. Love was shared with words. Loved was shared with heartfelt eye contact. Love was shared with smiles and raucous laughter, and more snoopy sniggers when the conversation turned to something naughty.

It could have been pouring rain outside that day, but the love shared amongst friends, in simple connection over a takeaway sandwich and coffee was better than watching a sunrise. That day we made our own sunshine and for that I am grateful.

Let Your Autumn Leaves Fall

Let Your Autumn Leaves Fall

This is the season to get ‘bare’ and heal.

Favourite time of year

Autumn would have to be my favourite time of year on so many levels. The nights are cool so you can sleep. The days have glorious warm sunshine which doesn’t burn you or cause you to sweat to the point of chaffing!!

Energetically, autumn is the time of year we acknowledge the abundance of summer. The peak of sunshine and solstice has passed. We can celebrate the goals kicked and reflect on those that missed the posts and didn’t score.

Autumn should be when we slow down and progress towards our hibernation period of winter. As we lose external daylight we are energetically forced to find the light within. This is a normal part of our transitional process for our evolution.

I don’t know about you, but I reflect on my NYE intentions during this season. I review my goals and ask myself whether they are still relevant, and if they are, I question myself whether I am on track. I do this from a place of non-judgement.

It’s like a self-audit. You can pick and choose the feelings, thoughts and actions, and make any required modifications to your life.

It’s ok to not be in a space where you expected. Life is meant to be fluid and filled with unexpected change as we walk our journey path.

It is in this reflective space that you can be kind to self and explore any opportunities that have arisen along your path. You can embrace cross roads, instead of being fearful of them.

Just like the leaves on the deciduous trees which constantly change, we are entering the energetic phase of baring our branches (our patterns and beliefs and dreams). The falling of the leaves allows us to become vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to be exposed for this is where you find your raw truth — your hidden treasure of innate wisdom.

Before the equinox descends upon us, be gentle with self. It’s like filling up your love account for self. The more happiness deposits you can make, the larger your capacity for more love.

Set your intention to be open to all possibilities which allow you to be happy. I find simply setting my intention for being open to experiences of joy each day, invites the unexpected into my life. I am constantly surprised at my capacity to love when I set simple intentions, rather than planning out life to the last minute.

Set your intention which allows you to be connected to self and your inner harmony and peace of mind.

Set your intention for ‘easy’, so that you can always be open to the fork in the road and connecting to your intuition and innate knowing.

Just keep breathing, watching the tree colours change each time you are outside and walk. Allow nature to trigger your imagination and the universe to surprise you with wonder.

Be like the tree and allow your change process to evolve.

Here are some steps to support your pruning phase this autumn.

Sharpen the shears

You have to be prepared to cut out the deadwood. Journalling is a fabulous activity for this. Writing out all the arising feelings as you sit quietly and explore, reflect, and goal setting is an extremely liberating and purging gift to self.

Rake up the fallen leaves

Collect your thoughts and feelings through journaling and meditation. It’s important that when the feelings arise into consciousness, you don’t dwell on them. Use the breath to acknowledge and gently release that which no longer serves your higher purpose.

Mulch the tree roots

Fuelling your body with sufficient nutrition and water is essential in your change process. A healthy gut promotes your brain to work better and be more readily adaptable in this stressful world.

Fertilize the soil

When I first typed this I wrote fertilize the soul. By this I mean to be selfish and meet your needs.

Self-care is vital with any change process. For some, this may include a relaxing bath each night. Perhaps a walk in nature. Cuddle the pets or kids can reinforce your physical connection to others. Massage is another ripper activity for the self-care tool kit.

As always be sure to get good sleep to rest the body and the mind.


In summary, allow yourself to align to the seasonal change. Surrendering to the energetic shifts aligns you to your unique path and the steps you are about to take. Surrendering to your leaves falling and your branches becoming bare will prepare you for your upcoming winter hibernation.


Ode To The Mother

Ode To The Mother

I have been asked all week what I will be doing for ‘Mother’s day’? And I responded to everyone with the same response, “what I do every day!!!!

I celebrate how bloody lucky I am!

For me, the special and poignant times have including carrying a pregnancy to almost full term, after having so many failed and miscarried experiences. I was lucky.

It was beautiful giving birth and that first year of breastfeeding with little sleep. I absolutely celebrate that I had a birthing experience, unlike others who are whisked away to theatre for an emergency caesar. It was magical when my girl was placed on my hot sweaty chest for the first time. Nothing compares.

I cherished all those exhausting moments and lost hours of sleep as something I was able to achieve rather than survive. The first steps. The first words. The evolution of my girl walking and then running, away from me squealing with delight, but always returning to my arms. The hugs are always special, and again I feel lucky.

I’m so lucky compared to others who aren’t privileged enough to hold a live baby. My heart goes to those women who are unable to feel life growing inside them. Or worse have felt that movement, and then it stopped and they birthed an endless sleeping baby. Doesn’t make them any less a mumma in my eyes.

It was heartbreaking having to work and send my girl to daycare but this experience enabled me to embrace the concept of allowing a tribe to raise and care for my girl.

Ever since I can remember my girl has gone with me wherever I have gone. It wasn’t unusual to see us at a goddess gathering, with me participating in a healing circle and my girl curled up on a meditation cushion with her colouring book.

Even a decade later the colouring is more mature and my friends all still huddle around the lunch table colouring with her and exchanging beautiful heart-warming dialogue. She is an amazing soul and just fits in. Again I pinch myself for being so lucky.

Age is no barrier as all my close girlfriends co-share the raising of my child. She has all their numbers on her phone and she has reached out to them in times of need when I was having treatment. For that, I feel so lucky that she trusts my wisdom in who I have introduced into her life as role models.

In sharing the joy of parenting this precious person, I too am gifted with a deepening of these relationships with strong grounded women. They aren’t just friends. They each fulfil a mother and sister like qualities in our relationships. We nurture each other. There is love. There are hugs. There are laughter and tears alike. Again I pinch myself for my luck.

I had tears of pride when my girl received an award last year at school, even though she has a learning challenge she worked her butt off. And so all those months we spent researching and investigating schools has paid off as they also nurture my child in a mother like way. The school is an extension of my circle of trust for my child.

I melt every time she hugs me and I am grateful even with homeschooling when she screeches out “mum I need help“, for I know it won’t be long until she doesn’t need me on a daily basis anymore.

I am grateful for the highs because they far outweigh the lows. She infuses the colour into my life that I never thought imaginable.

It’s days like today that my girl and I will get out one of my departed mum’s recipes and tell Nanny stories. My mum has been gone from the physical plane for over five years now, but we still are connected to her loving presence through photos and quilts, and stories of love.

There may be tears but they always have joy imbedded. You see today is my first mothers day on the other side of my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.

I simply feel lucky to be here. I feel lucky to feel as strong and vibrant as I am right now when others aren’t.

I am so grateful and take nothing for granted. Every day I can be a parent is a rich gift.

My wish for all mums today, whether you birthed a live child or a sleeping angel, is that your heart expands so greatly with all these memories that it forces your mouth up into an enormous smile that lasts all day.

My wish is you too, belong to a tribe whereby you are nurtured as you mother your children, nieces and nephews, cousins and friends kids.

My wish for you today is you are connected to your heart space and have experienced unconditional love.

Happy mothers day from me to you.