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Create Change In 2024 With Intention

Create Change In 2024 With Intention

by | Dec 28, 2023 | Self Development

Have you ever created a NYE resolution whereby you successfully achieved a successful outcome? No? Me either!

It’s taken me a bit to figure out the reason why resolutions don’t work.

At a societal level, traditionally we have chosen resolutions to negate something unwanted in life. However, our modern culture understands so much more about psychology.

The Oxford Dictionary defines a resolution as a firm decision to do or not to do something and an intention as an aim or plan.

Resolutions are flawed for several reasons including:

  • they are only mental thought that have connected to a negative default position — something you no longer want;
  • they are based on something you desire in the future, rather than right now in the present;
  • are often vague and have no delivery boundary in the future
  • often based on a comparison you’ve made with something that someone else has or does;
  • they lack room to amend or reconfigure the deliverable outcome, it’s all or failure;
  • their start date and time are very specific, with no flexibility for planning and implementation;
  • there is no flexibility nor invitation to explore the feelings, beliefs or habits that maintain what it is you are trying to change.

For example, that moment that you decide to quit smoking on a whim. The resolution does not address why you are smoking in the first place, nor does it address why you maintain the habit. It also doesn’t include an alternative plan to reduce if quitting cold turkey becomes too much.

The resolution based on a thought, does not set you up with a proactive plan for a positive achievement outcome. Additionally, the resolution doesn’t attend to anything in your emotional department.

There’s the power of creating an intention over a resolution. An intention is a process by which you connect to a positive and desired feeling, something you want. The resolution statement is often a default from avoiding a feeling, sensation or habit you don’t want in your life.

Stating or naming the resolution as the fireworks explode at midnight is easy. It’s almost a token gesture. You are simply identifying the desired change status you want in life. But there is no substance or basis for the commitment you are so flippantly stating.

The negativity that comes with resolutions, smacks you up the backside of your head by the end of the second week of January — if you’ve made it that far. The reason resolutions fail so quickly is that they are only a statement of what you want. There’s no plan of action, no support, no backup.

It’s important to recognise the definitions as you form your intentions. Your intention should guide your desired action that leads you towards the desired goal or outcome.

Remember resolutions are simply the destination of the outcome you desire. An intention frames the stepping actions of your desired outcome. The intention plan acts like a roadmap for how to arrive at the desired destination.

I am fondly reminded by the abundance of emails I have read this week, that you do not have to have 2024 all worked out by the 1st of January. The beauty of the annual intention is that you can take as long as you like to achieve your desired outcome.

It’s the Yuletide Season, whereby the twelve days of Christmas forecast the future twelve months. There is something really special about carving out space to reflect and release the expiring year with all its experiences. Reflect on the lessons learned this year, before opening up yourself up to more dreaming and deeper desires. Utilise an intention that allows you to create the plan and the energy for your desired change.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Hypnotherapist, Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author.

She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Meet Joy In It’s Tracks!

Meet Joy In It’s Tracks!

by | Oct 29, 2023 | Self Development

Tell Yourself These Three Things To Find Your Peace

I have found myself working with clients lately who tell me they feel completely stuck in their lives. They describe experiencing lots of intense big feelings. They are connected to symptoms of anxiety, overwhelm and report an inability to move forward.

Are you experiencing this too?

Are you lying in bed at night, and feeling completely overwhelmed with all the thoughts of the day, instead of falling asleep?

Do you wake feeling exhausted and continue to overanalyse life? Is it easy for you to make decisions, or does the analysis paralysis kick in and everything has to be considered?

Before I commence any work with clients, I find myself exploring all their perceived blockages. I get the client to explain in detail how they internally experience their challenge.

When you breathe air into that area that feels stuck, things start to open up from within. You can gain an incredible understanding of exactly what is jammed into tiny spaces. You can learn, see and feel all of the things that contribute to what you are perceiving as stuck. When you shine a light on the resultant subconscious behaviours that you implement unknowingly to keep you safe.

When you are in neurological survival, you aren’t thriving. Your clarity of thought has been sabotaged. Your decision-making ability has been hindered by trying to process too much information.

When you are in survival, your brain is simply reacting to the outside world. You aren’t seeking joy bubbles, and you are running a behavioural program that is likely anchored into something from the past.

When you are in the space of survival, you are not present.

There is an art to returning to the present moment. It is where you can create change. The present moment is where you can reset and revitalise. It’s also where you maintain motivation to continue chasing joy bubbles.

 

Here are three things you can tell yourself to return to right here, right now.

1. Start the day right

Before your feet hit the floor, the moment you wake up. Take a deep breath in and out. Smile (because the muscles required to move your face generate a tiny dopamine hit) broadly and state the following-

“Good morning gorgeous! Today is going to be a great day!”

Sounds ridiculous I know. But seriously try this. The reason it’s so successful is that this is your first energetic intention for the day. 

This singular statement can be likened to ringing the bell for the universe to come calling, ready to take your order for the day. This statement (or something like it) is very intentional. It drives purpose and it is very high in vibrational energy.

Stating this statement first thing in the morning is like you are creating your internal weather system. It’s the easiest way to manifest emotional sunshine for your day ahead!

2. Choose again.

Throughout the day, remind yourself that the human mind can experience up to 80,000 thoughts a day. I know busy mind right? Additionally, you need to be aware that these mostly subconscious thought processes can contain up to seventy-five per cent negativity.

Why so blue?

Your brain automatically defaults to what you thought about yesterday. You’ve laid the thought cable already through your analysis, review, and audit. And then you attached emotions to the thoughts — in other words you have already attached evidence that you were correct to feel bad about the thought.

The brain has already placed the thoughts into the memory system. Evidence locked in. It’s that simple.

When you have a positive thought, your brain will seek evidence to demonstrate you were correct. Therefore it takes a little more effort on your part to create a shift in the tide of negative you think about.

I liken your body to a gigantic hotel. Your mind is the presidential suite. When you have a negative thought come along, it’s like a homeless person is using the bed of the presidential suite as a toilet — you get the drift. 

That negativity needs to be immediately evicted for you to remain present.

If the thought is crappy and negative, then your presidential suite is being trashed and abused. This is what negativity does to your psyche.

Due to the sheer number of thoughts in your mind, in my clinical experience, we don’t need to analyse everything. You simply need to insert a circuit breaker into the mind mix and change the direction of where you’re heading.

You can try saying “choose again”, which was coined by Gabby Bernstein a decade ago. Alternatively, you could try the Byron Katie question “Is that real?”

Both are useful and have their place as guards against negative thoughts continuing.

Here’s the thing, the moment you consciously recognise that something negative has sprung up into the mind, you can choose to take action. Insert the circuit breaker question and simply breathe.

The use of breath allows you to calm down physically through the recognition that you aren’t under threat. This breath brings you into the present moment and reactivates the brain that the old survival program is not required.

Once you’re present again, you can better discern what is real and right in front of you, or what is simply an old and unwanted thought pattern. In this moment of recognition, you are changing the plasticity of your brain and choosing a new neural pathway to reroute the thoughts.

Fair warning. When you first begin to ‘choose again’, or ask yourself ‘is this true?’, you may easily become overwhelmed with the number of times your awareness is alerted to negativity.

Let me say that this is normal when you first realise how much smack you think and say to yourself!

I choose to see this as a very productive step forward, and you can too. The more you acknowledge, the more you shift, and the faster you change the old reactive thoughts.

3. Wrap up the day well

At the end of the day, as you’re brushing your teeth be sure to make eye contact with yourself. Allow your eyes to soften at who you see. 

This is a simple act of kindness to and for yourself.

This single gesture also sets you up to dialogue with yourself. No matter how extreme your day has been, you need to celebrate you survived another day. 

Dig deep and find some small component of your day that you could celebrate — even if only starting a high vibe with your morning intention.

Celebrating small wins allows the body to create small hits of dopamine. It also trains your mind to actively seek positivity, instead of becoming trapped once more on the negative mouse wheel.

This simple exercise works well for your night and sleep routine. You’ve inserted a circuit breaker of thinking of the negative and actively gone searching for evidence of what was potentially good. 

For those days where it seems nothing has gone well, I invite you to use the time to reflect on what you learnt about yourself or another. This activity allows you to place yourself in another’s shoes and observe their behaviour or actions. 

Observation allows you to see another’s experience, without you having to judge or invest in their drama. Sometimes when you can acknowledge that another‘s behaviour is subpar, the realisation is a gift on many levels. 

We are all human, working towards perfecting our imperfections. We all have good and bad days. We all experience stress. We all respond differently to stress.

Conclusion

What might you lose if you could set your intention, keep those negative thoughts in check, and wrap up a day by being your cheerleader? Give just one of these tips a go, to shift your motivation to live the life you want!

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Need a taste of calm?

Click here to enjoy Karen’s latest
freebie offer.

Enjoy this program’s short presentation, which includes the experience of a meditative hypnotic recording to support resetting your calm.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website. Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here 8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland
Seasons Greetings Or Reflections?

Seasons Greetings Or Reflections?

by | Dec 17, 2022 | Self Development

Could you pause this festive season from all that running and determine what best serves you moving forward?

What could you gain from limiting your festive season celebrations, to pause long enough, to reflect on the year …

I recognise that’s an odd question.But gosh, when you can gift yourself some precious moments to pause, you can find gold, buried deep within.
Could you limit your festive season celebrations to pause long enough to reflect on what worked and what didn’t?
But between all the running around that happens at this time of the year – with kids breakups, work parties, and social gatherings – we so easily deplete ourselves.
With all this running, a great fatigue set in, at the soul level.

Have you paused long enough recently on how you’ve navigated this challenging year?

This year has been challening for so many reasons.  Many have spent a year running back towards their definition of ‘normal’.
Are you one of them?
Our lives changed so drastically during the last two years. They changed to a space whereby they won’t return to what we once knew.
Our need to escape and return to all the old things that there known, certain and reassuring, for some, became an addiction.
Is it time to sit down somewhere comfy, put your feet up with a cup of coffee, and simply reflect on what worked in your life this year and what didn’t?

Have you created an unrealistic expectation that next year will be the best in your life?

If you answered yes to that question, then perhaps we should talk about sabotage patterns!

Can I invite you to use your reflection skills to reframe those expectations? Know this, you’ll need to to generate a certain willingness to make some changes?

I’m not talking rocket science. I’m talking about reflecting on how the simple things in your life like-

🥳 housework
🥳 shopping, or even
🥳 shuffling the kids to all the things.

Out of all of your commitments – can I invite you to reflect on what actually works in your life?

And perhaps whilst you’re at the task of reflection, can I invite you to consider what’s not working?

Take a deep breathe and ask yourself how not working affects you?

Here’s a fabulous reset tool for any overwhelming stress caused. Click the link below.

Reframe your New Year Intention

Considering the things you’ve identified that didn’t work this year, consider now what small changes you could make to restore calm and internal peace?

Could it be as simple as offering family members an experience instead of a present this festive season?

Might you also consider making a stronger commitment to more self care next year?

Perhap you may book a year’s worth of self care appointments?

Conclusion

Whatever your reflection of this year is, can I invite you to reframe anything negative into a motivating force to make slight alterations for the future?

Often it’s just little things, repeated over time, that generates big results.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

A Spiritual Awakening Is Just Muggle Speak For …

A Spiritual Awakening Is Just Muggle Speak For …

by | Dec 17, 2022 | Self Development

I recently had a client in my clinical practice, weeping and sobbing.

She’d been accused of changing during the pandemic by her husband. She agreed with him and responded “you’re right, I’ve had a spiritual awakening”.

He didn’t like it. Not one bit. They fought. He told her that she was different now, and he wanted the woman he married before children. He wanted the woman who was once

  • carefree and vivacious
  • liked to have fun
  • had all the time in the world for him
  • loved wild, passionate, hot monkey sex

I told this client that a spiritual awakening is simply muggle speak for loving yourself.

Let’s clarify something — most of us are hot to trot in our twenties.

When we are young, we often lack inhibitions and therefore willing to try all sorts of things in life. And most importantly we are energized to undertake those activities.

There’s a reason for all that energy — it’s not spread out anywhere yet. It’s all yours. All that golden bright light is yours. Your days, your time, your joy is yours to do with as you please.

And then the shift comes as soon as the babies arrive. Your investment in others meanders, causes your heart spark to spread outside of yourself. You are no longer the center of your attention whilst the babes need you for survival and nurturing.

There is a shift within relationships as we share the load of the babies in our home. Traditionally the societal expectation and conditioning infers that the woman remains at home as the home maker and nurturer.

Any parent, regardless of gender, will tell you that active parenting is challenging. Showing up constantly to be the parent you choose to be can be exhausting. And you tend to lose a little of yourself whilst parenting young children.

The act of parenting creates a form of disassociation from your heart — that space deep deep inside. All that giving separates you from that inner part of you, where your calling resides. Where your inner child listens and feels to every experience you have. Whilst this space is physically small, it is energetically enormous.

This sacred space holds your inner treasure and alignment to your soul space.

Sometimes your inner self, (that inner child) can no longer hold onto all the fear, or the pain, or the worry, or the thoughts. All that emotional energy must spill out. This causes us to shed tears and provide some semblance of release.

When we hang onto all that unprocessed emotional energy, we pause our maturation. We pause our growth. Our evolution stalls.

The thoughts, feelings and attitudes that trigger us boil within, much like a rumbling volcano.

This causes the frustration, anger, and rage to build until we explode — volcano eruption.

The bread winner who leaves the home each day for work, may wonder where their partner has disappeared when fronted with these exploding emotions.

It’s quite common for the breadwinner to experience confusion at their mate’s despair. For they are unaware of the cabin fever experienced by their partner. They aren’t observing the lack of adult conversation or stimulation. They are oblivious to the boredom and simple desire for connection -not sex.

It stands to reason, that when one partner leaves the house each day and experiences the joy of stimulation of variety — different places and people. The person left behind has the experience of too much time to think combined with a temporary loss of identity (you become someone’s parent).

And the search for self begins. When you feel so lost and detached from yourself, the motivation to find yourself again is high. You become a seeker, of your own truth.

This is the beginning of the spiritual awakening.

For those entertained with the outside life, the thought of the spiritual awakening can be quite intimidating and often misunderstood. It can feel threatening to pay witness to your partner to evolve and actively become a seeker of truth.

The person on the spiritual awakening can change in front of your eyes.

After all, a spiritual awakening is simply a state of mind and heart harmony whereby you learn to like yourself, accept yourself, respect yourself. Your spiritual awakening is your journey to love yourself.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

4 Ways To Lift the Curse of The Good Girl

4 Ways To Lift the Curse of The Good Girl

by | Dec 12, 2022 | Self Development

You can be good to yourself first

 

As children, we are often exposed to a parenting style that has been passed down through generations. It’s fundamentally a societal shame.

The behaviour pattern creates a structure around a false belief that the parent is in charge, is the boss, is the only one to have an opinion, needs or emotions that need to be met.

In a recent Instagram post, Dr Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist), the “good girl” conditioning we receive in childhood creates an expectation that we should be agreeable, pleasant, polite and nice.

Dr LePera continued that this taught behaviour incorporates a training that the child does not express their feelings, especially anger. The child is encouraged to surrender all boundaries – just think of having to have your photo with Santa or hugging pervy old uncle Arthur at the family gathering.

The good child is also advised to hide their needs.

When a person parents with this behavioural style, the expected result is a good child. The actual outcome is a traumatised child who constantly seeks conditional love, in an attempt to heal a massive emotional wound.

From the child’s perspective, this consistent treatment creates a wound which contains low self worth, low self esteem and a sabotaging behavioural pattern of never feeling good enough.

The rigid parent instructs (who is a good child themself), teaches and actively guides their child to behave in a certain way – especially when out in public.

We are told that our behaviour is an extension of our parents capability of controlling us, which in turn apparently validates their role as a good parent.

What actually happens is the child becomes a super pleaser. They don’t know how to face their emotions because they are always too busy helping everyone else.

We are told as children, that if we aren’t good we don’t make the nice list – and it’s inferred that we are bad. The threat of santa not visiting is enormous to a child and the ultimate punishment.

A good girl grows up with the understanding that a good person doesn’t speak up, share their opinion or behave in a certain way

A good girl grows up with the understanding that a good person doesn’t speak up, share their opinion or behave in a certain way … because you know, the neighbours might think something bad of you.

Dr LePera suggests that this type of good girl is referenced as ‘mature for their age’.

However the sacrificing of your needs for others, sets up life long patterns of sacrifice, whereby you feel guilty as the adult for doing anything for yourself.

Girls who are encouraged to drop boundaries of their emotions and personal space automatically develop the freeze response.

This leaves the adult completely incapacitated to respond when triggered. The result is activated anxiety, an inability to express self clearly, and automated emotional dysregulation. And it stems back to when you were forced to ignore your feelings about that drunk uncle as a kid, and embrace that person because it would look like you’re being rude.

The result of being a good girl is that you crave being liked, because this is the behaviour that has been reinforced as a child – do what it takes to fit in and be accepted.

The child is warned “don’t rock the boat”, and the message is well received – act out at your own peril.

That warning is the actual curse for the child – a silent  threat of consequences.

 

This subconscious need for approval, fitting in and being liked becomes a hypervigilance of approval seeking.

Dr Lepera describes that when we aren’t frozen, we disassociate – we enter fawn phase. That translates to don’t create conflict, don’t rock the boat, appease at all cost.

Lepera states that the good girl doesn’t learn vital interpersonal skills like expression of needs, creation and enforcement of boundaries, or conflict resolution.

This need to suppress all the emotions creates a cauldron of unresolved, unexpressed emotions that simmer away, just ready to explode out like a volcano erupting.

Here’s the thing, denying the expression of the feelings, especially publicly with a side dish of shame creates two things.

Firstly, it generates fear. Fear to let go, fear of being judged, and fear of the unknown. All of this crap creates the disillusion that we aren’t authentic if we tap into our feelings bucket.

Secondly, if you decide to siphon off the feelings bucket, it has to be done in a controlled way or you are no longer good or there is something wrong with you.

Lepera’s advice is golden – “it’s not our role to get approval from those around us.“

I am reminded of Regina Brett’s quote – “What other people think of you is none of your business.” Another person’s response to you is their stuff.

If you’ve been raised by a good girl, then you haven’t been taught to connect with your own emotional response. Y ou’ve been taught to shove those feelings down into a deep dark abyss.

Modern psychology now understands that raising children as a good girl isn’t mirroring the resilience skills required to function adequately into adulthood – feeling secure within oneself.

Our role in life is to

  • understand and connect to our emotions
  • learn how to clearly express what we need and want
  • install boundaries or limits to ensure our safety.

Lepera offers up some gems of wisdom of how to heal this good girl wound through unlearning the patterns.

1. Recognise your emotional limits

The young good girl may have learnt that when you’re emotional your parent(s) react negatively. This may have lead to harsh punishment, rejection or the silent treatment.

This develops the hypervigilance pattern and fear of saying the wrong thing, getting it wrong and fear of failure.

It’s ok to to speak your truth. If this upsets another, their reaction is their stuff, not yours. You don’t have to pick it up and become responsible.

Know that if someone is upset, they can adult and express their feelings. If the other party doesn’t communicate – that’s ok too. It means you no longer have to search for clues.

2. Know your needs

Lepera states that the young good girl learns through repeated experience that their needs don’t matter. Learning to say / not say something or behave in a certain way to be polite, or not appear rude will over ride the discomfort of hugging the drunk uncle.

The key here is to connect into those bodily feelings and initial thoughts. Even a ten second breath or not responding out aloud, but acknowledging what you’re thinking and feeling starts the process.

Practicising the pause and reverse the swirling stress are two techniques which enable you to connect into what you’re needing.

3. Install and maintain boundaries

I cringed reading Lepera’s statement that most good girls have their boundaries violated. They key is learning to say no without the guilt, apology or guilt.

Here’s some examples:

  • “I’m not available at that time”
  • “I’m not comfortable with that”
  • “I’m not seeking feedback right now”
  • “no thanks”

4. Accept you aren’t for everyone

Not everyone will agree, understand or get your vibe. This doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong – like it was when your parent didn’t approve of you doing something as a child.

People moving in their own path is simply an indication that you’re individual and doing your own thing.

Conclusion

Being raised a good girl can feel like a curse. But it’s just a behavioural habit. Habits can be changed.

The only person you really need to be good to and for – is you.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland