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Tips To Detach From Drama

Tips To Detach From Drama

by | Oct 10, 2022 | Self Development

Become the navigator of your inner peace

 

No matter how great it is, from time to time, we all have drama in our life.

Have you been racing around this week?

Planning, shopping, and cooking meals?

Dropping and picking up kids from school and activities?

Squeezing in time to rush off the gym or feeling guitly for abandoning the poor dog! I’m such a sucker for sad puppy eyes!

Do you use the excuse that you don’t have time? I bet there’s a side dish of guilt and perhaps even shame you serve yourself with this?

Maybe you have the misperception that the solution for dealing with all that popcorn (pop-up thoughts) in your head will arrive, once the kids are ok?

Perhaps you find yourself mentally blocked due to all that crazy shit running around in your head?

I can almost hear your head nodding in agreement! Guess what we all experience this from time to time.

Do you experience those moments of overwhelm – especially when you are relaxing? Does that anxiety spin your head because there simply is no logical reason for you to feel anxious – your life is amazing right?

Right????

Don’t kid yourself.

We ALL have stuff!!!

Here’s the thing.

We when live our life at full speed, there is no capacity for our body to rest, let alone process anything that we have experienced.

It’s at this point I hear the “yeah but” excuses like:

  • I’m too busy
  • There’s no time
  • I have to stay up late
  • I like having me time
  • Just have to get it all done before I go to bed, go to the gym, go to work
  • I am exhausted
  • But I count my calories
  • I only drink on weekends
  • I’m down to three red bulls a day
  • I’m overwhelmed
  • I’m panic over everything
  • I’m afraid of …

Underlying all those excuses is simply FEAR

Fear comes in many forms but often relates to two different time zones – the past or the future.

Fears from the past look and feel like:

  • judgement
  • letting go
  • perfectionism
  • not good enough

Fears of the future look and feel like:

  • uncertainty
  • unknown
  • expectation
  • need for control

1. Take A Breath

We all breathe, but do we do it well?

When you are relaxed your body breathes without giving it conscious thought.

But what happens to your breath when you’ve activated your survival reaction? What happens to your body when your flight-fight-freeze stress response is activated?

What I see every day in the clinic are clients who have become anxious, meerkat look-alikes!

People often need conscious reminding to just breathe when they are experiencing a trigger response. This is because on a subliminal level, your brain’s response believes your survival for life has been challenged in some way.

It’s vital to remind yourself that you are likely to experience some resistance to change when trying to gather your thoughts, or even a rational response. This is common.

So next time drama smacks you upside the back of your head, try taking a slow deep and purposeful breath to calm yourself. In relation, the slow deep breathing brings you back into the present moment – this is the only time zone where you can make change.

2. Dial Down The Survival Switch

We all have built-in neurological survival switches that keep us safe from perceived threats. When the switch is activated, there’s a biochemical response, and the body is flooded with stress hormones, which prime the body to fight, flee or freeze.

The trouble is, when we’ve done our survival reaction for a long time, we create subliminal habits and become reactive to all sorts of things. In turn this can formulate habits which drive anxiety and panic.

Try rubbing your switching points the next time you feel overwhelmed or panicked. Want the points, download the freebi guide below.

There’s no quick way to turn off these subliminal stress reactions, but you can wind down the dial of the intensity. Over time, becoming consciously aware of when you’re triggered, and taking small actions, enables you to change the neuroplasticity of your reactive programs.

Conclusion

Change is always possible, especially with a little consistent effort. The trick I find to detaching from drama, is to know which little action that I need to implement.

Want more?

Download the free ebook – Detach From Drama.

This eBook is a A 36 page resource to navigate the path to your inner peace.

By submitting this form, I consent to receive a regular newsletter which includes invitational offers and related promotional communications from Karen Humphries T/A Blooming From Within. You can withdraw consent at any time. 

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

Time to make a change?

Bookings – book today for an individual appointment

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Join the private membership group Above & Beyond.

Learn more about other services offered click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

The Mother Load

The Mother Load

by | Jul 10, 2022 | Self Development

5 Tips How To Embrace The Mother Load

I heard the phrase ‘mother load‘ the other day, and it resonated strongly. It summed up the stress experienced by a mother who so often does for everyone else first, and there’s not much else left for her.
 
So often in clinic I work with women who have lost their identity in being the amazing mother, wife, and employee that they are. I can put my hand up and say I was one of them!
 
Working through my treatment and multiple surgeries, I had a lot of time to reflect and change the way I do life. I had time to review the rituals that keep me energerised.
 
I came to realise that if I don’t honor self first, if I don’t fill my bucket first, then everything else suffers. I choose to allow my own child to see my humanness moments – because I’m not superwoman. I don’t want to emulate that sterotype and perpetuate the pattern to another generation – that women have to be everything.
 
Be yourself. Live your life.
 
Allow your kids to see your full spectrum of life – this is how they learn to regulate themselves!
 
Yes install a filter, because kids don’t need to know everything. However, they do need to see you not be everything for everyone.
Kids do need hear ‘no’.
Kids do need to learn how to mop, vacuum, set the table, stack the dishwasher, wipe down the bench, cook meals, pack up after themselves. It’s called life.
 
Here’s to the mothers (and fathers) who have the patience of a saint and continue to breathe through yet another emotional crisis.
 
Here’s to the mothers (and fathers) who keep trying their best, especially when working through their own stuff whilst juggling all the things in the air.
 
Here’s to everyone who is honest about the intensity of the mother load – you’re freaking rock!

Here’s to everyone who parents with integrity, and passion.

Cheers to everyone who puts the emotional welfare of their children above all else.

So how do we embrace the Mother Load?

1. Learn To Juggle Less

I often relate all of the things we do in a single day, is very similar to juggling balls in the air. More often than not, we feel overwhelmed, when we try to add extra balls to what we are already trying to juggle.

If you’re already at maximum juggle, and trying to add more, something has to fall – right?

Sometimes we need to recongise, that a solution we are seeking can only be found, when we place all of the balls down, and turn our head and see what it is we were looking for.

It’s not failure, if you pause what ball you choose to throw in the air. It’s not failure if you discern what ball to throw, and what to put down.

Sometimes, it’s actually more efficient, and far less stressful to simply juggle one or two things. What’s the worst that can happen – you do those few things really well?

2. Debate  Like A Hostage Negotiator

One of the best things I ever learnt to do was debate like a hostage negotiator (I thank my lucky stars for my eccletic edutcation and technical training).

What I mean by this, is that when you are juggling, you’re using a lot of mental energy to keep all the balls in the air.

A hostage negotiator needs to understand the personal investment needs of everyone involved, so that the discussion can commence. A good discussion will quickly identify who needs what, and in what time frame. But more importantly, you ihighlight the other persons’s why. 

When you understand the emotional response of what is driving someone’s bheaviour, it no longer becomes peronal – it’s just a logistical solution to solve.

So often, family members get involvled in heated discussions, because they have made the a situation personal. They are reacting. They have activated their defence programs.

At the end of the day, you’re the hostage to negativity when you invest in the drama of others! Learn to simply observe amd ask the qurstion – why is this important right now?

3. Identify the Emotion

It’s frustrating when an emotional response drives sub-conscious and reactive behaviours. It leaves us feeling out of control. What’s actually going on is our Inner Child is expressing an unresolved emotional reaction from the past.

Acknowledging the emotion (that is driving the the defensive behaviour), is a present time response. It’s not a reaction. Therefore responding in present time deactivates the old reactive survival pattern so that  you can take immediate action.

I teach how to talk to your inner child in a recent podcast episode.

4. Make Time To Decompress

Life in westernised society is fast paced. It’s choatic. It’s hectic. If you’re lucky enough to be afford activities, life is even busier.

Add kids to the mix, and the juggle at times can feel mental. Its enough to make you want to stay in bed.

I find when I work with parents who struggle with the mother load, they haven’t dedicated any ‘time out‘ to themselves.

Sleep isn’t enough to charge the battery. You need to physically rest. When the body is rested, the mind follows, and can soothe all those thoughts and feelings that are doing laps inside your head.

When you’ve got kids, taking time out can feel like a luxury you can’t afford. Zoning out infront of the TV or social media doesn’t actually count!

When was the last time you walked the dog whilst listenin to a podcast?

When was the last time you sat in your  favourite chair and read a great book – for the fun of it?

What about a trashy magazine that takes you a week to read over each and every coffee break?

It’s worth noting that the Heart Math Institute researced that three minutes of meditation daily (or even practicising mindfulness), resulted in hours of wellbeing felt in the body.

Find what works for you to decompress consistently each day. 

5. Do Good, Not More

It sounds easy enough to do good, not more – but have you made the mind body connection with what actually soothes you?

Most of the time, when we pause the juggle, we have the oportunity to connect with our feelings. It’s at this point we can acknowledge the reactive emotion and do something about it.

It is these moments that we can discover what really matters. 

Conclusion

Reflection is such a gift to self to evolve the way we do the juggle of life and create opportunity for true life balance.

It’s only when we are present, and not operating a past tense survival program that we can focus on the things you can juggle (rather than drop or do poorly).

For more information about our survival switch and techniques to defuse it, view my book “This Is My Roar – Transform Your Trauma Tale.” Click here for more information.

Want to read more like this?

What Really Matters – click here

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation & Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis Facilitator,  and self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

The Art Of Relaxation

The Art Of Relaxation

by | May 30, 2022 | Self Development

The Art of Relaxation

I read a fabulous quote the other day, “relaxation is one of the most complex phenomena – very rich, multidimensional“, I just wish I could locate the author to give credit, because this quote is gold!

Right now, we’re experiencing a level of societal stress that hasn’t been experienced since the recession in the 1980’s, or for those still alive, the great depression during the war.

For most people, having experienced two years of uncertainty and unknown during the pandemic, worrying about whether life will return back to normal, has exacerbated our sympathetic nervous system’s flight-fight response. Extended lockdowns has not been kind for most, and from a mental health perspective, damaging and traumatic. Effectively our capacity to feel calm and relaxed has been interupted, and in some cases reduced, due to long term stress.

Everyone on the planet, has something in their past, which is unresolved, and causes them to feel triggered in present day. This trigger drives a neurological survival response.

As a clinical practitioner, I support clients to learn how to recognise when they have activated their neurological survival programs of flight-fight-freeze. I joke that this state of survival makes you look like a meerkat, looking this way and that with crazy eyes.

When you’re in meerkat mode, you have reduced capacity to absorb all of the informaation in your visual field, so you have to turn your head at everything that moves. This leaves you feeling a little ‘hyped-up’. It also uses an incredible amount of physical energy, and leaves you feeling very tired at the end of each day.

To tell someone to relax when they are in meerkat mode is useless, because they have no capacity to undertake any higher ordered thinking (in the neo cortex), or find relaxation solutions (pre-frontal cortex). When you have activated your sympathetic nervous system, and look/feel like a meerkat, you are operating your repitillian brain – you’re doing whatever it takes to survive.

Why relaxation is complex?

1. Need To Feel Safe

There’s a number of emotional investments we have to work through in order for the relaxation effect to work. Taking note that we’ve likely activated our meerkat survival program, we have to be able to firstly feel safe. This sounds a little odd, but understanding that if you feel safe, you are more likely to deactivate the survival program and neurologically return to a state of ‘rest-digest‘ of the parasympathetic nervous system.

When working in clinic, I always advise the client to start with slow and purposeful breathing. I lead the way, and we harmonise our breathing rhythms – it always feels safer to work in pairs or groups. Working in isolation, or infront of a practitioner, can feel intimidating, which perpetuats the meerkat survival behaviours.

The outward breath is always through an open mouth, supports toning of the vagus nerve (longest cranial nerve which influences breathing, heart rate and digestion). Marrying the breath of the practitioner provides you with evidence that you can change, and do have internal resources to achieve relaxation. This builds energy for trust in self.

2. Becoming Present

The breath brings us into the present moment. This is the place in time where you can proactively create change in your life. This is the neurological space that we can switch from being a meerkat and back into rest and digest (of the parasympathetic nervous system). When we activate this switch, we regain access to reintegrate our brain function, to access the neocortex and pre frontal cortex.

3. Learning to Trust

An integrated brain means that your capacity for analysing the issue, identifying solutions to feel safe can begin. When we feel safe in the space of purposeful breath, we are creating capacity for learning to trust in our individual abilities.

Often when I work with employers or teachers, I take them through a variety of relaxtion techniques after revisiting purposeful breath. Actively demonstrating how focus, motivation and memory all improve with these simple mindful breathing activities enables the client to return to their collective tribe of colleagues or students and share their experiences.

4. Learning To Let Go

Many of the corporate presentations I do, involve introducing how the brain works at a very basic level. I actively discuss the survival switch and meerkat mode. It’s worth noting that I’ve never had anyone NOT connect with that anxious or overwhelmed feeling.

At every single presentation, I ask participants to rate their level of stress. We discuss we’re in a safe space, and I invite them to close their eyes. I take them through some basic breathing techniques as well as some guided meditation to identify and let go of stress. We open our eyes and I check in with how they’re feeling.

Re-introducing participants to their relaxed self is often a surprising revelation for the audience. Their perception that relaxation is hard, has been disproved.

Participants quickly learn to recognise that letting go can be as easy as connecting into themselves, registering where they store stress, and breathing it out.

It’s often not until we have physically overridden the nervous system that we realise how much stress our body has been carrying. The use of the quick breathing technique is often all people require as evidence that they can let go of their stuff in their mental and emotional realm. Afterall overanalysis of thoughts and feelings wastes a lot of physical energy.

5. Do Good, Not More

Purposeful breathing is a type of relaxation that is extremely effective when consistently repeated.

At corporate presentations, I find myself discussing strategies with leadership, of the neuro-biological need for regular mindfulness practice to drives higher efficiencies and focus in staff.

Asking staff to do more when there is little to no physical/mental capacity is a receipe for disaster.

Asking staff to do good, and supporting them with resources to be good, is in my opinion an ideal space to start.

Conclusion

Relaxation therefore is art and at times complex, because it requires a consistent commitment to undertaking actions that support you feeling safe, being able to trust, and let go.

It’s only when we are present, and not operating a past tense survival program that we can focus on the things you can embrace (rather than control).

During a typical working day, depending on the type of work, you may need to reset your nervous system at regular intervals. Breathing techniques, getting up for water breaks, and changing your visusal field all contribute to resetting your neurological state.

For more information about our survival switch and techniques to defuse it, view my book “This Is My Roar – Transform Your Trauma Tale.” Click here for more information.

Want to read more like this?

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

What Is My Dharma?

What Is My Dharma?

by | Jan 7, 2022 | Self Development

Welcome to the personal journey of your Dharma

Have you ever wondered how people manifest anything they want?

Does that leaving you scratching your head wondering where you are at in life?

Dharma is a Sanskrit word which translates to ‘right direction’. Therefore when you actively explore your dharma, you are immersing yourself into a quest to gain perspective of your purpose, passion and power. This exploration is an assessment of whether you are pointing true north in your journey life and fulfilling your highest purpose.

Your dharma isn’t something you search for or find outside of yourself.

“Everyone has a purpose in life…a unique gift or special talent to share with others” – Unknown source

Exploring your dharma enables you to:

  • Define your dharma through observation of you living your precious life
  • Understand how you honour your life path, or dharma
  • Create a mission statement to remind you how to remain on true course, always pointing north.

When we are connected to our dharma, even though life can throw us experiences that generate emotional high or low responses, we can remind ourselves of our true purpose. This enables us to celebrate the wins, to accept the defeats or lessons being learnt.

Acceptance of our dharma provides an energetic space to expand and create balance in our lives. The dharma intention you create enables you to build the platform from which you ground into. Re-evaluation of your dharma is like inspecting the footings of your home, ensuring strength and support to move forward.

Embracing our dharma creates a desire, deep within, that keeps us pointed to our true north. Your dharma starts with connecting to you heart space which seeds positive thoughts.

You might be scratching your head wondering where you could make a start on exploring your dharma! Let me share some tips!

“Your dharma is not a career, or a project, or a certain role you play. It’s the unique vibration that your soul carries to everything that you do and every way that you are.” —Sahara Rose

10 Tips to Discover Your Personal Dharma

1. Pay attention to shows up (ie synchronicity)

The universe / god (call this what you want), is very good at guiding you, giving you a nudge or two and even providing a trail!

I recommend you pay attention to what or who keeps showing up in your life. When someone or something shows up over and over, it’s likely that this is tied to your dharma.

2. Accept invitations from spirit

You can label these invitations ‘callings‘. The invitation calls to things that you feel deep inside, that guide you. The trick with callings is to remind yourself that sometimes they don’t necessarily make sense to anyone else but you.

Remember this is often a gut based feeling, rather than something you’rethinking. Callings are preparation for connecting with your dharma, or life purpose.

4. Your journey path is not a straight line

The path to your connecting with your dharma is not straight, and can spiral into a myriad of directions. It can even feel like a rollercoaster of ups and downs!

Spirit has a funny sense of humor. For just when you think you’ve connected with your dharma, spirit is likely to throw you a curve ball with a new challenge and lesson to learn.

Let me give you the tip, it helps a bunch to flow with this process, and where required, surrender to the notion that the journey isn’t always forward or as you expect.

5. Make friends with the unknown & unexpected

It’s important to know that connection to your dharma can be push or pull you into a myriad of directions that aare unexpected, unknown and ometimes uncomfortable.

There’s no point trying to control the path that you’re on. The trick i becoming a mastermind at going with the flow.

6. Create a connection ritual that aligns you to spirit

The trick with this tip is to figure out how best to nurture your soul. Implement simple small actions like yoga, meditation, coluring, painting or walking in nature.

I find any activity that connects you to your heart space is all it takes to align to your truth. Your heart space is where you’ll locate the information about your dharma.

7. A cup of courage is required to walk on the wild side

Discovering your dharma is sometimes not a cake walk. It requires you to embrace your moxie!

I encourage you to call upon a higher level of universal trust. Here’s another way of looking at this connection … you are a precious child of the universe. So when you commence connecting with your dharma, you are rejoining your spiritual tribe.

8. Be patience and kind with your self

Your dharma is not something you can catch, take a pill, make magically appear,  or generate a quick fix.  Connection with your dharma is a life long  journey.

They key is to take small steps, then stride,  then leap, and then allow yourself breathe deeply.

You know the old saying, patience is virtue.

Wrap Up

According to Sahara Rose “if you’re not living your dharma, you may experience feelings of being stuck—like you’re taking action, but not really moving forward. The future doesn’t excite you. You’re surviving rather than thriving.”

Does this resonate for you?

The symptoms of stuck can feel like anxiety, depression, unworthiness, or just feeling off and not yourself. I know from personal experience, that when you are live life in accordance with your dharma, you learn to experience the sensation of acceptance with who you are. You learn to enjoy expressing and sharing your unique gifts with the world. There is so much personal power associated with this connection.

Perhaps by sharing these tips is you can see your callings, journeys and even seeming missteps can be coalesced into a pathway toward your personal dharma.

Maybe the next time you hit the pause button and take time out for yourself, ask yourself the following question – what is the change that you so deeply want to see in the world?

Any answer is an important clue to discover your personal dharma, your sacred duty, your mission here on earth. The more clues you discover, the greater  the opportunity to shine your light bright!

If you are inspired, I invite you to book at Dharma Meditation Session and explore your why!

Want to read more like this?

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, and self-confessed laughaholic. She is an avid Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Breast Cancer Is The Time To Gather Your Tribe

Breast Cancer Is The Time To Gather Your Tribe

by | Aug 31, 2020 | Breast Cancer

Breast cancer is challenging enough, there’s no need to do it alone. No one needs to be that strong.

Have you got a tribe? A girl posse if you will? I do and I’m the luckiest girl in the world with the love they have gifted me during my breast cancer chapter. Without them, I know I would not have made it. It’s a strong statement, but that’s my raw truth.

I know I needed them when I was initially diagnosed. I needed them when I had multiple surgeries. I reached out in tears when I received my pathology news. My tribe caught me before I hit the floor and held me until I could stand on my own again. 

My tribe triple dog dared me to dress up and make chemotherapy my bitch (which I totally did!). And together we have a big enough collection of titty jokes for me to do stand up comedy.

MY tribe was and continues to be, a sacred circle of trust, love and laughter, and unconditional love. It’s a space that awakened my true warrior spirit. Women are incredibly powerful in their own power, but when they gather, something magical happens when they combine their energies

Reaching out for comfort and support is vital when you’re feeling too many feels during a personal crisis such as breast cancer. This is a time when overwhelm can set in, and that bullshit gets in the way of connecting to your intuition. Knowing what you innately need (in terms of deciding your treatment), when you need it, and choosing who will provide that all require you to have your wits intact, not shattered in pieces on the floor. 

Without a connection to your gut instinct, you may struggle to make sense of the diagnosis, or clearly decide with your full heart knowing of your treatment. Furthermore, your recuperation to treatment may be hindered as you hang onto to unwanted or unresolved emotional stress.

Never risk blindly stepping along a pathway navigating a crisis, and be solely rely on the advice by an external party. By all means, gather your medical teams (and there will be multiple parties), and listen to their recommended actions and reasons behind that. But make your decisions always being true to your gut instinct. 

I’ll happily talk to anyone who wants to about my breast cancer experience. I strongly feel that open dialogue is critical to demystify the array of fears associated with the disease and it’s treatment. I know the conversations I had with my posse were emotionally charged, as we dissected scientific-based facts and how that related to my cancer now and my long term prognosis with or without treatment. Some of these conversations even prompted some of my friends to finally go and have their initial screening mammograms.

I recently watched a webcast presentation by Breast Cancer Network Australia which included very wise advice by Breast Cancer Oncology surgeon Miss Carolyn Baker:

  • every person’s breast cancer experience is unique and different;
  • be careful of the avalanche of war stories of other people’s experiences
  • seek an individualised care plan
  • understand the pathology of your cancer which will set the tone of your treatment — grade, size, receptors, and nodes must be in your discussions
  • age, breast size, general fitness all determine the best mode of care by your team (multiple modalities incorporating various treatments)

Every breast cancer experience, in my opinion, is an enormous opportunity to learn and refine so much about yourself. It’s also a gift to solidify the bonds of friendship and your tribe. Whilst there are proven treatment protocols for various stages of your cancer, with the loving support from my tribe, I decided to drop the cancer fight and embrace it — I made my experience my own. 

I am a firm believer, your cancer is not your journey. It is an experience. There is no way I will allow cancer to dictate how I live my life. If detected early enough, the survival rates are exceptional with varieties of treatment options available. 

Having a posse to hold space and listen whilst you verbally purge is exactly like going to group therapy. Do you feel renewed when you gather? You know what I mean – do you laugh so hard that your ribs and jaw ache as you talk to each other?

Can you share your deepest secrets and still be supported? Do you all take turns sharing your fears and worries, and talking out options and solutions?

Do you gather often to share yourselves and get stuff off your chest? Ahem, pun not intended but worthy of a snoopy snigger nonetheless.

For me having a posse during this shit festival called breast cancer was soul-saving. 

My posse collectively lifted me up and held me high to the rising sun every time I felt low. Energetic medicine is miraculous like that. And even if you don’t believe in it just think of someone you love who isn’t home — does your love for them change? No. Do they feel your love regardless of where they are? Yes.

My posse hugged me (even remotely), made me laugh and cried alongside of me when I needed it the most. I never felt alone. We did this together. I am endlessly grateful for their constant presence.

I was never judged, only loved unconditionally. This is the gift of gathering your tribe. When women come together we form an unspoken union, a sacred space if you will.

I pulled together those people in my life that I could trust unconditionally, who would honour my secrets, hold me up, not gossip and offer me, love, in their own unique way. 

The reward for that trust I have been gifted a space so sacred that I could enable a self-healing so powerful that I could reinvent myself.

Here are my tips for when to gather your tribe! 

Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

A cancer diagnosis is a button pusher. No doubt about it, this news is a life changer for you as the patient and can induce terror in those around you. Everything you thought life was going to be is destroyed at that moment, at best it is put on hold. Expectations of how life was going to be are decimated.

To deal with the shock of diagnosis you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to feel all the feels, at your pace and in your way. Don’t hold anything in. 

Allow yourself to ask for help. And make this time about your healing.

Accept there may be gossip

It’s human nature that people will talk. They’ll talk behind your back. They’ll talk about your diagnosis, your treatment, even your hair loss!

Sometimes people talk about your stuff behind your back because they are afraid to talk to you. They are afraid for you. They are afraid of getting cancer themselves. 

Cancer is like cooties, it’s not catching but people don’t want to be associated with bald eagles! My rule of thumb is what people say about me is none of my business. They are entitled to opinions, and to vent or share their concerns.

My inner circle of friends speak to my face. We talk about everything and anything. We take it in turns going around the table when we do talk. That’s what friendship is all about. 

Limit your communications

I used a private messenger chat forum via Facebook to communicate with my tribe. It meant I only had to provide an update once, rather than repeat bad news over and over.

My tribe included persons of trust in all aspects of my life. This way if I was out anywhere at an event or activity, I knew there’d be a posse member somewhere who I could lean on to simply walk, or run interference from nosy bastards.

Share info from your specialist 

Your medical team are likely to throw a tonne of information at you. Share this literature and links, like that at BCNA, with your posse, so that you are all on the same knowledge page. It does make for great open conversation where you can openly debate science, facts and your emotional response.

Your job is to digest the knowledge you have cancer. Your friends have the job of holding space whilst you do that.

Have a communal calendar 

Let your posse know when the big appointments are coming up. That way you have an entire tribe manifesting abundance in your favour. Additionally, you create the potential for offers from your tribe to give you lifts, cook meals, babysit kids, clean, and even shop for you.

Accept help when it is offered

After my mastectomy-reconstruction surgery, I had 145cm of suture line healing. It was difficult to stand for weeks. My whole body was battered and new. It was difficult to cook and clean. So when friends offered a meal to mop I begrudgingly accepted. 

One of my friends said this to me. “Honey you are always the first to offer, please let me love you by cooking a meal or doing this one little thing. I can’t do anything else and feel helpless so let me do this little thing“.

I couldn’t argue with that and had to stick my ego in the closet! Believe it or not, your tribe make offers to help you because this is their way of showing you they love you!

Have firm boundaries 

I was very strategic with who I invited into the messenger group and shared details with. There were representatives from all aspects of my life. These friends all knew they were in a circle of trust, and respected the confidentiality I had shared with them.

These people were able to share vital news within my networks on my behalf. My tribe fielded questions and nipped gossip in the bud. They were protective and loving, and this created space for me to focus on my healing. I was so blessed to be held in such a special space of loving support.

Know Who To Tell & Trust?

There is nothing worse than having to discuss and re-tell your cancer story over and over again. There’s only a number of critical people in your life that need to know the news immediately. Your partner and your kids. That’s it. You may choose to only tell this group and leave everyone else guessing.

Final Words

A breast cancer diagnosis is terrifying, and not a chapter of your life that needs or should be done alone. No one needs to be that strong. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable, share the emotional load, and be supported strengthens your relationships.

Allowing yourself to be part of a tribe means you get to surround yourself with love and concentrate on healing. My wish for you is that you have a powerful posse too who can conjure a sacred circle if you are ever in need. 

My Tribal Prayer
May my tribe always shine light upon you to find your own light.
May you never feel alone and always supported.
May your posse be filled with abundant love xxx

Resources & References:

Breast Cancer Network Australia Webcast –

Just diagnosed: what’s next?

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Resource Therapist, Kinesiology Practitioner, Wellness & Business Coach, LEAP, NES + TBM Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author.

Karen is a self-confessed laughaholic who loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen sees the value in bringinh her tribe together for all to flourish.