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Tips To Detach From Drama

Tips To Detach From Drama

by | Oct 10, 2022 | Self Development

Become the navigator of your inner peace

 

No matter how great it is, from time to time, we all have drama in our life.

Have you been racing around this week?

Planning, shopping, and cooking meals?

Dropping and picking up kids from school and activities?

Squeezing in time to rush off the gym or feeling guitly for abandoning the poor dog! I’m such a sucker for sad puppy eyes!

Do you use the excuse that you don’t have time? I bet there’s a side dish of guilt and perhaps even shame you serve yourself with this?

Maybe you have the misperception that the solution for dealing with all that popcorn (pop-up thoughts) in your head will arrive, once the kids are ok?

Perhaps you find yourself mentally blocked due to all that crazy shit running around in your head?

I can almost hear your head nodding in agreement! Guess what we all experience this from time to time.

Do you experience those moments of overwhelm – especially when you are relaxing? Does that anxiety spin your head because there simply is no logical reason for you to feel anxious – your life is amazing right?

Right????

Don’t kid yourself.

We ALL have stuff!!!

Here’s the thing.

We when live our life at full speed, there is no capacity for our body to rest, let alone process anything that we have experienced.

It’s at this point I hear the “yeah but” excuses like:

  • I’m too busy
  • There’s no time
  • I have to stay up late
  • I like having me time
  • Just have to get it all done before I go to bed, go to the gym, go to work
  • I am exhausted
  • But I count my calories
  • I only drink on weekends
  • I’m down to three red bulls a day
  • I’m overwhelmed
  • I’m panic over everything
  • I’m afraid of …

Underlying all those excuses is simply FEAR

Fear comes in many forms but often relates to two different time zones – the past or the future.

Fears from the past look and feel like:

  • judgement
  • letting go
  • perfectionism
  • not good enough

Fears of the future look and feel like:

  • uncertainty
  • unknown
  • expectation
  • need for control

1. Take A Breath

We all breathe, but do we do it well?

When you are relaxed your body breathes without giving it conscious thought.

But what happens to your breath when you’ve activated your survival reaction? What happens to your body when your flight-fight-freeze stress response is activated?

What I see every day in the clinic are clients who have become anxious, meerkat look-alikes!

People often need conscious reminding to just breathe when they are experiencing a trigger response. This is because on a subliminal level, your brain’s response believes your survival for life has been challenged in some way.

It’s vital to remind yourself that you are likely to experience some resistance to change when trying to gather your thoughts, or even a rational response. This is common.

So next time drama smacks you upside the back of your head, try taking a slow deep and purposeful breath to calm yourself. In relation, the slow deep breathing brings you back into the present moment – this is the only time zone where you can make change.

2. Dial Down The Survival Switch

We all have built-in neurological survival switches that keep us safe from perceived threats. When the switch is activated, there’s a biochemical response, and the body is flooded with stress hormones, which prime the body to fight, flee or freeze.

The trouble is, when we’ve done our survival reaction for a long time, we create subliminal habits and become reactive to all sorts of things. In turn this can formulate habits which drive anxiety and panic.

Try rubbing your switching points the next time you feel overwhelmed or panicked. Want the points, download the freebi guide below.

There’s no quick way to turn off these subliminal stress reactions, but you can wind down the dial of the intensity. Over time, becoming consciously aware of when you’re triggered, and taking small actions, enables you to change the neuroplasticity of your reactive programs.

Conclusion

Change is always possible, especially with a little consistent effort. The trick I find to detaching from drama, is to know which little action that I need to implement.

Want more?

Download the free ebook – Detach From Drama.

This eBook is a A 36 page resource to navigate the path to your inner peace.

By submitting this form, I consent to receive a regular newsletter which includes invitational offers and related promotional communications from Karen Humphries T/A Blooming From Within. You can withdraw consent at any time. 

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

Time to make a change?

Bookings – book today for an individual appointment

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Join the private membership group Above & Beyond.

Learn more about other services offered click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

The Mother Load

The Mother Load

by | Jul 10, 2022 | Self Development

5 Tips How To Embrace The Mother Load

I heard the phrase ‘mother load‘ the other day, and it resonated strongly. It summed up the stress experienced by a mother who so often does for everyone else first, and there’s not much else left for her.
 
So often in clinic I work with women who have lost their identity in being the amazing mother, wife, and employee that they are. I can put my hand up and say I was one of them!
 
Working through my treatment and multiple surgeries, I had a lot of time to reflect and change the way I do life. I had time to review the rituals that keep me energerised.
 
I came to realise that if I don’t honor self first, if I don’t fill my bucket first, then everything else suffers. I choose to allow my own child to see my humanness moments – because I’m not superwoman. I don’t want to emulate that sterotype and perpetuate the pattern to another generation – that women have to be everything.
 
Be yourself. Live your life.
 
Allow your kids to see your full spectrum of life – this is how they learn to regulate themselves!
 
Yes install a filter, because kids don’t need to know everything. However, they do need to see you not be everything for everyone.
Kids do need hear ‘no’.
Kids do need to learn how to mop, vacuum, set the table, stack the dishwasher, wipe down the bench, cook meals, pack up after themselves. It’s called life.
 
Here’s to the mothers (and fathers) who have the patience of a saint and continue to breathe through yet another emotional crisis.
 
Here’s to the mothers (and fathers) who keep trying their best, especially when working through their own stuff whilst juggling all the things in the air.
 
Here’s to everyone who is honest about the intensity of the mother load – you’re freaking rock!

Here’s to everyone who parents with integrity, and passion.

Cheers to everyone who puts the emotional welfare of their children above all else.

So how do we embrace the Mother Load?

1. Learn To Juggle Less

I often relate all of the things we do in a single day, is very similar to juggling balls in the air. More often than not, we feel overwhelmed, when we try to add extra balls to what we are already trying to juggle.

If you’re already at maximum juggle, and trying to add more, something has to fall – right?

Sometimes we need to recongise, that a solution we are seeking can only be found, when we place all of the balls down, and turn our head and see what it is we were looking for.

It’s not failure, if you pause what ball you choose to throw in the air. It’s not failure if you discern what ball to throw, and what to put down.

Sometimes, it’s actually more efficient, and far less stressful to simply juggle one or two things. What’s the worst that can happen – you do those few things really well?

2. Debate  Like A Hostage Negotiator

One of the best things I ever learnt to do was debate like a hostage negotiator (I thank my lucky stars for my eccletic edutcation and technical training).

What I mean by this, is that when you are juggling, you’re using a lot of mental energy to keep all the balls in the air.

A hostage negotiator needs to understand the personal investment needs of everyone involved, so that the discussion can commence. A good discussion will quickly identify who needs what, and in what time frame. But more importantly, you ihighlight the other persons’s why. 

When you understand the emotional response of what is driving someone’s bheaviour, it no longer becomes peronal – it’s just a logistical solution to solve.

So often, family members get involvled in heated discussions, because they have made the a situation personal. They are reacting. They have activated their defence programs.

At the end of the day, you’re the hostage to negativity when you invest in the drama of others! Learn to simply observe amd ask the qurstion – why is this important right now?

3. Identify the Emotion

It’s frustrating when an emotional response drives sub-conscious and reactive behaviours. It leaves us feeling out of control. What’s actually going on is our Inner Child is expressing an unresolved emotional reaction from the past.

Acknowledging the emotion (that is driving the the defensive behaviour), is a present time response. It’s not a reaction. Therefore responding in present time deactivates the old reactive survival pattern so that  you can take immediate action.

I teach how to talk to your inner child in a recent podcast episode.

4. Make Time To Decompress

Life in westernised society is fast paced. It’s choatic. It’s hectic. If you’re lucky enough to be afford activities, life is even busier.

Add kids to the mix, and the juggle at times can feel mental. Its enough to make you want to stay in bed.

I find when I work with parents who struggle with the mother load, they haven’t dedicated any ‘time out‘ to themselves.

Sleep isn’t enough to charge the battery. You need to physically rest. When the body is rested, the mind follows, and can soothe all those thoughts and feelings that are doing laps inside your head.

When you’ve got kids, taking time out can feel like a luxury you can’t afford. Zoning out infront of the TV or social media doesn’t actually count!

When was the last time you walked the dog whilst listenin to a podcast?

When was the last time you sat in your  favourite chair and read a great book – for the fun of it?

What about a trashy magazine that takes you a week to read over each and every coffee break?

It’s worth noting that the Heart Math Institute researced that three minutes of meditation daily (or even practicising mindfulness), resulted in hours of wellbeing felt in the body.

Find what works for you to decompress consistently each day. 

5. Do Good, Not More

It sounds easy enough to do good, not more – but have you made the mind body connection with what actually soothes you?

Most of the time, when we pause the juggle, we have the oportunity to connect with our feelings. It’s at this point we can acknowledge the reactive emotion and do something about it.

It is these moments that we can discover what really matters. 

Conclusion

Reflection is such a gift to self to evolve the way we do the juggle of life and create opportunity for true life balance.

It’s only when we are present, and not operating a past tense survival program that we can focus on the things you can juggle (rather than drop or do poorly).

For more information about our survival switch and techniques to defuse it, view my book “This Is My Roar – Transform Your Trauma Tale.” Click here for more information.

Want to read more like this?

What Really Matters – click here

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation & Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis Facilitator,  and self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Dine In Your Sunshine

Dine In Your Sunshine

by | May 20, 2020 | Personal

The other day I left the house at dawn for my usual wake up walk. Immersion into nature for me is the best way to ground and illuminate my senses and activate my intuition. It’s my way to get ready for the day and how I set my intention for happiness.

With each footstep forward, my inner voice was calling me for something very specific. I had a need which was not met during the lockdown. I was craving connection and not just electronic! I needed to see, touch and listen to friends in person (rather than online). I needed a mate date.

I have fantastic friends, and spending time with them is like sunshine therapy. I always leave their presence as a full vessel.

So the very minute restrictions were lifted for social distancing this week, we began the appointment tennis match of when we were all available. Sometimes this can drag as we wade through diary clashes. This time it merely amped the excitement of our imminent gathering.

Excitement is really an injustice, and the word divine comes to mind as we all gathered at a friend’s house. We had previously agreed to walk and take advantage of the current glorious autumn weather, and grab a bite to eat from a local cafe.

We love supporting our favourite local businesses. Being biz owners ourselves, it’s vital to honour and respect the effort that your locals are making to continue providing you with a beautiful heartfelt service during these unprecedented times.

Making note of the constant jibber-jabber and snoopy singers (because we were in public and raucous laughter always attract undue attention), we collected our food order and found a nearby picnic table. And this is where the magic happened.

We were bathed in sunshine as we sat and ate a simple meal.

We had beautiful fresh food in front of us, and yet it felt like a meal fit for royalty.

The smell of perfectly brewed beans combined with fresh air and freedom. And instead of rushing into conversation bursts, we all collectively sighed with smiles on our faces.

Together at last. The gathering had formed, and the reconnection had been made. Sometimes words are not required, and the pause is just as enjoyable as the noise.

It was almost post-orgasmic in pleasure, just sitting in the same physical space as my girls, bathed in sunbeams from above, and love beams amongst us.

Bliss is the word that comes to mind. How is it that a simple picnic can uplift one’s spirits so greatly? It wasn’t the chew or the brew, but it was definitely the crew I was with!

And then the usual round the table routine commenced, taking it in turns to update the others began. Love was shared with words. Loved was shared with heartfelt eye contact. Love was shared with smiles and raucous laughter, and more snoopy sniggers when the conversation turned to something naughty.

It could have been pouring rain outside that day, but the love shared amongst friends, in simple connection over a takeaway sandwich and coffee was better than watching a sunrise. That day we made our own sunshine and for that I am grateful.