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Are You A Quitter?

Are You A Quitter?

by | Jan 22, 2024 | Self Development

Last Friday was known as Quitters Day. When I read that, I spat my coffee out. That sounds a little weird right? But when I read a Fortune Well article, I was astounded that they have a name for the second Friday of January —  

“Only two weeks into the year, many people have fallen short of their New Year’s goals. The second Friday in January is known as “Quitter’s Day,” when people are most likely to throw in the towel on their resolutions.”

Studying the statistics of people who resolved on New Year’s Eve, yesterday was the day you were likely to have stopped backing yourself.

The reality is that sticking to something new can feel hard and uncomfortable. That’s a normal and very human reaction to change. Any form of desired change takes effort and requires consistency.

Here are seven tips to support you to continue your pursuit of the goal

1. Reconnect with your big goal

When working in my own clinical practice, I prioritise bringing my client to a place of remembrance. What is it they want to feel when living out their dreams? For there is great power to be wielded when you reactive your feelings centre.

Unfortunately, when it comes to activating change, our normal human neurological survival programming will activate diversion to defend yourself when anything in life feels uncomfortable. This will look like avoidance and procrastination.

This will immediately impact your capacity for change. Anything new, foreign, unknown or hard will turn on your defence program. This means when anything starts to feel hard your brain will drive you to stop. Your brain will take the path of least resistance because it takes energy to create change.

That same defence program will subconsciously sabotage your willingness to maintain a new routine, thing or aspirational activity. Your defence program causes you to quit because your brain is holding onto a program that is signalling an alert it’s not safe.

What does help to soothe the defensive program is to connect with the positive feelings of your desired goal, and breathe mindfully. 

2. Take bite-size actions

Often when you create a goal, the dream of what you want is vastly different from the place where you are now. Therefore the leap from the present moment to the future can induce overwhelm, doubt and fear. Often the actions you attempt are drastically different from what you are used to doing and this triggers the unsafe reaction.

Here’s the thing, you can eat an elephant, you just have to take one bite at a time. You can complete a marathon, one step at a time. No one says you have to run it. These metaphors are useful reminders that small actions, repeated consistently over time, generate big change outcomes.

3. Keep trying

Many people attempt at a new activity, and when they fail, they give up. There are a couple of reasons for this. 

  • Some people have a fear of failure, so the mere thought of attempting something they have never done before causes paralysis
  • Some people need things to be perfect, so to attempt something new and not be good at it, causes their self-worth to diminish
  • Some people fear the unknown, so the thought of trying something new without knowing the outcome can induce inexplicable anxiety
  • Some people have a fear of being out of control and will invest their time and energy planning. This creates unrealistic expectations of outcomes being a certain way and generates disappointment when the expectation isn’t met. Planning also negates the windows of opportunity and flow to close off, which can diminish the excitement of performing new things.

The trick with anything new is to make the new action so small that it doesn’t matter if you don’t get it right the first time. You simply continue trying until you’ve mastered the task and then continue to the next stepping stone. 

Small actions allow you to push through fears and be spontaneous until you achieve victory. Remind yourself that when you were born, you didn’t stand up and run around. Learning to walk took a year. This gives you that little bit of perspective and incentive to keep trying.

4. When you don’t see an instant result

It’s frustrating when you’re investing the effort and don’t perceive any external changes. This is a choice point, and often the place where many people go back to the beginning and give up.

The trick here is to be consistent with two things — 

a) undertaking small change activities every day (many small steps create a big change path)

b) reminding yourself daily of how living the dream life feels 

This advice sounds counterintuitive, however, real change comes when we reverse engineer our action steps based on our connection with how we want to feel. The more you remind yourself of what the energetic frequency of the dream feels like, the more you will want to connect to it and be living it.

5. When you invest and still don’t see results

Whatever you do, don’t stop. When you hit that point when you’re not seeing results, and you will, this is the time to remind yourself of the success already achieved. 

Celebrate every little success, every step taken, every day that you have been consistent. Recognising every little achievement, and every positive bite of success verifies your desire for change. Celebration keeps the resilience momentum going.

If the motivation has taken a hit, and you feel the speed wobbles beginning to shake get an external cheerleader. Take a new action, get support, or shake up the new routine.

I walk every day. But I walk further and faster when I have a walking ‘mate date’.

When I decide I want to change something in my life I do this —  

  • I reflected on the feelings of living the desired result of what I want
  • I pondered all of the likely steps involved in gently moving forward, you can call them milestones if you like
  • I listed all the likely supports I might need like comfortable shoes, a walking buddy, or even a YouTube exercise class (for rainy days)
  • I explored all the beautiful areas I find myself relaxing in when I walk so that my eyes have different perspectives and never get bored when I exercise
  • I created a list of audio books thanks to Spotify that keep me company when I do the tread mill

So you see a plan can look easy enough, right? It is. 

Remember how you learned to walk. First, you engaged your core muscles so you could sit upright. Then momentum had you on your tummy. Then you developed the strength to use your arms and you learned to crawl. Then you stood, then stepped. 

It’s a process and it takes time. Be kind to yourself as the change unfolds. I remind clients who wish to lose a lot of weight. There will be plateaus as your body recalibrates the metabolism and hormonal programs. Be patient and continue being consistent.

Often the change we want occurs and we don’t see it until someone points it out to us. Go back to the client wanting to lose weight. They know the scales state the numbers are dropping, but they perceive they haven’t lost anything until they bump into someone they haven’t seen in a while.

Remind yourself that your mind will play tricks and default to the basic setting of where you started. If you find yourself floundering, get into your journal, or book an appointment with your therapist and purge out all the feelings associated with your current roadblock.

6. What to do when your life feels “blah” and uninspiring

When you experience that can’t be bothered feeling when you wake up first thing in the morning, take action anyway. This is a crunch moment whereby your brain has defaulted back to the beginning. You need to remind that brain program that it is unwanted and change is required.

Have your workout clothes beside your bed so that you have little choice but to put them on and go outside walking. Preparation for the ‘blah’ moment is critical. 

If your goal is to lose weight, then invest time each week in planning meals. If you know you’re prone to take out or have a busy schedule, devote a couple of hours on the weekend prepping a pre-planning menu. This is one of the very best ways to love the inside of you when you’re busy and want to achieve success.

When you go to bed at the end of the day, think of your dream goal outcome. Go to sleep focussed on how good it feels to be living that outcome. This creates the mental space and high vibe for you to awaken to tomorrow.

7. Accept Failure Is Likely

When you scaffold a new habit, you need to have a level of acceptance that your desired outcomes may not initially be perfect. What is critical for ultimate success is the initial adoption of a mindset that incorporates consistent efforts. This means becoming your cheerleader and congratulating yourself every time you try.

Taking the action is what you should consider as significant and a win.

Conclusion

Whether you made a NYE resolution or not, deciding to change something in your life is the easy part. Following up with consistent action and backing yourself is achievable when you have tips on how first to plan and then follow through.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

What If You Were One Decision Away?

What If You Were One Decision Away?

by | Jan 15, 2024 | Self Development

Could that choice change your entire life?

Did you recently get sucked into the vortex of shiny object syndrome? Go on be honest, if only with yourself. Do you watch those skinny people videos and wish silently to yourself “I wish that were me?”

I recognise that’s got the potential hit of a fish slap to the face, but the reality is, the media we are exposed to at this time of the year can feel icky. There’s so much shiny shit everywhere, it’s almost a syndrome. Those shiny videos incorporate a bombardment of a specific type of messaging that commences the exact moment the last Christmas carol is sung, and we’ve stuffed that last bit of turkey into our mouth.

Yep, I’m talking about the flood of social media messages to create the perfect New Year’s Resolution. The messages bombard the societal audience with the falsehood of unobtainable perfection.

The reality is that these messages are based on the foundation of shame and societal expectations. There’s no consideration for the experiences that caused you to react to life and create a defensive reaction.

The modern-day New Year Resolution marketing suggests that you need, should, and must, be actively wishing your life to become drastically changed. Those boosted social media posts and paid advertising, provides the false enticement to the audience, that you can live your dream life.

The reality is that this messaging drives an unhealthy desire for a life that is outside of you. It also drives an unhealthy comparison-itis, where you judge yourself for being too much or too little, and not being perfect. This activates a deep sense of shame and unworthiness.

According to the Australian Institute of Health & Welfare, New Year’s Day is a red-flagged day for increased instances of suicide rate. Frankly is it any wonder people don’t feel good enough when the societal voices flood our sensory experiences with messages of perfection?

A good therapist, practitioner, or even coach should remind their clients of this fundamental truth — there is no such thing as perfection.

Who’s to say there is anything wrong with you?

Your support person should be asking you this instead. “Why is it you believe you need to change so drastically?” They will help you explore the driving force behind the desire for change, to help you gain an understanding of your why.

As a Change Facilitator, my clinical role is to support people to first identify a client’s big goals. Then together we create a realistic action plan that maps out those success steps toward the outcome, including how each phase will feel.

Only then can the real work begin, whereby we unpack the obstacles that lay in front of the action needed to be implemented? Together we explore the space of discomfort.

Discomfort is the common ground for many who feel stuck, overwhelmed or unable to proceed forward. It’s the place where failure is born. Uncomfortable is the destination, where there is a scrap pile of parts of you that require resolution, resources and support for you to move forward.

We all have parts of us, that come out on deck and help navigate the ship. Some get to steer the wheel, and some parts of you influence which direction you take — approach or avoidance.

When working with parts of a person, whether it be their anger, frustration, or even confidence, there is a fundamental truth that nearly always applies to every single client. You can’t move forward without embracing discomfort in some way.

Think of a time you loved the thought of going to a workout. Does that feel pleasant? Now remember how good it felt afterwards. It felt great — right?

As we enter a new year, we’re entering an energetic space of self-discovery, exploring the parts of you holding onto discomfort. This can be the joy of the New Year energy. You get to look forward and focus for a few moments, on how you want to be living your life. You have the choice to reflect on how well you want to shine your light.

This reflection will highlight that you have amazing parts. Additionally, your exploration may uncover that there is discomfort being held within.

The reality is that there are parts of you that you needed when you were young, that have now evolved, matured or faded. Those historical parts may still be holding onto thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that once helped you to feel safe, secure and comfortable. Some of these parts may now be outdated, outgrown, or simply unresolved.

In your evolution called life, you’ve matured, you’ve had experiences that have enabled you to learn and mature. However, there may still be a subconscious part that is holding onto some form of stress or discomfort.

Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

To step forward into the next version of you, you have to get comfortable with that discomfort. It is part of you, and therefore not something to avoid.

There I said it, out aloud. To create change in your life, you need to push yourself beyond the discomfort that is currently holding you back. To create meaningful change in your life you need to be able to meet your discomfort where it is at. This is where the lesson learning takes place.

To overcome the intensity of discomfort take consistent action, every day. It’s a form of desensitization, showing up to the discomfort and performing the change action.

So remind yourself of how it will feel after taking action. This will help you make the start. This is the single decision that creates change. Face the discomfort and decide to do it anyway!

Make that decision that recognises the most potent part of you needs to be out on deck, steering your ship forward. Make that decision that those parts of you beneath the deck need to be heard, seen, and acknowledged in some way. Working with your parts will make your journey a little easier in the long run.

Conclusion

As you make that all-important decision to change, allow me to remind you to be gentle with yourself and your decision. Your decisions should acknowledge and include embracing those parts of you that require healing, forgiveness, or even letting go. Activating change in your life requires bringing love and acceptance to all of your parts, especially those that hold onto and generate the sensation of discomfort.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Defuse Your Ticking Time Bomb

Defuse Your Ticking Time Bomb

by | Jan 15, 2024 | Self Development

Are you a slave to the ‘to-do’ list?

There was a time when I once started my week trolling through pages of things I had to do. The reality was that when I attempted to gauge the enormity of the list, I instantly became overwhelmed. The panic would set in. I’d lose my focus because my brain had neurologically switched to a defence-based survival program.

Each time I looked at that to-do list, I became reactive and would emotionally dysregulate.

Being neuro-divergent, experiencing all the ADHD tendencies of inattention, when I look at a big ‘to-do’ list of tasks, I still unravel every time.

These days I use my ADHD as my superpower. I have a strategic plan of what I want to achieve for the year ahead. For each goal, there is a master list of all the actions that need to be checked off. It identifies major sections of work to be completed.

My planning these days is more than just a list of words — it’s a fluid, living thing that constantly flows.

My planning now includes tools like mind maps — so I can see how one task leads to another. I can see the flow of things. This also enables me to look down upon my outstanding work and assess where I can batch work items together.

The beauty of the bulk of my work these days is not many tasks are new.

As an ex-detective and auditor, I jump with glee. The beauty of repetition means I’m then in a space to simply refine the productivity of tasks.

When you overcome the hurdle of learning what has to be done, it feels great to accomplish. Then when get the chance to repeat the process, the task can feel less hard and overwhelming. This is because you’re becoming familiar.

Here is the gift of repetition, you get to create and implement the mindset of “rinse and repeat”. Your confidence begins to grow and your productivity starts to naturally.

What’s more important, you are creating more mental energy to consider what’s next on the list to be accomplished, or creating space inside your head to become creative for something new.

When you can see the big picture of the strategic plan, and how all the little tasks and actions feed into it, you are creating a new scope of work. You can more readily identify exactly what has to be done and allocate a reasonable amount of time to complete each task.

Essentially, I’ve come to learn to love the guidance provided by a master to-do list, because now I chunk it all down in a way that my brain can process. I also understand the price my nervous system pays when I don’t walk away from being overwhelmed by that first glance of the to-do list!

Here are my suggestions to maximize your productivity and smash the to-do list

1. Get some free guidance

If you’re in school, you’re likely to be guided by teachers who provide you with a rubric of what is required to achieve the bare minimum or maximum grade. If you’re a solopreneur, the guidance of where to start and what to do is blurred.

There is frankly a shit tonne of information online and via social media outlets. That in itself is overwhelming. Where do I start?

Hopefully, your qualification course has set you up with the basic foundational elements. Here’s where I found some free golden nuggets:

  • Private Facebook groups — be wary of the hard sell tactics. A good facilitator will drive topic-based dialogue within a peer support group, as well as allow frequent sharing of your business links. This promotes both goodwill and fabulous networking opportunities.
  • Local face-to-face practitioner network gatherings
  • YouTube instructional videos — it’s not hard to find someone with a bit more experience or knowledge than you, sharing tidbits for free in a video.
  • Podcasts — find people you resonate with.

2. Ensure you’ve got a business buddy

This sounds a little weird, but you do need someone to bounce ideas off. You need someone to vent to when the tech doesn’t work. You need someone who understands the highs and lows you experience.

You need someone who isn’t family or an existing friend, who understands the mental-ness of running a business to be there to high-five you or pick you up from the corner and tell you to stop sucking on your thumb!

Get yourself a workwife who can support your mindset with a reality check-in. This person doesn’t need to be female, they just need to be prepared to collaborate and support when required.

A business buddy can be someone who sits beside you and steps you through a process that has caused you overwhelmed. Better still do it online and record the session so you have your own instructions for repeating the process.

3. Work with a paid coach

I’ve been in business for twenty years, and I’ve got another twenty years of corporate experience. Yes, there were times when the two overlapped. So I understand the juggle of migrating out into the big world on your own.

I’m someone who runs paid coaching. I’ll also be the first to put up my hand to admit I continue to invest in myself and receive coaching as well. In my humble opinion, this is the only way we stretch ourselves into the discomfort of learning new things.

A good coach will do two things — provide valuable knowledge and observe whilst you digest that information. A good coach will listen to you wail when your triggers are activated, and then support you to work through them.

Ideally, your chosen coach will provide you with a formula of tasks to ‘do the work’ and techniques and tools to manage your stress trigger response as you accomplish the tasks.

4. Eat with frogs

Mark Twain once said, “If the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that it is probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long.”

Interesting quote right?

It got me thinking about what is the worst thing I have to do in my business that I often avoid or procrastinate on. This concept also reminded me that I can achieve high vibe manifestation and intentional energy first thing in the morning, so it makes sense to smash out the most loathsome job first. Then it’s smooth sailing after that dreaded task is done.

Best bit? You don’t have to eat a real frog to be successful!

In reality, your “frog” is your biggest, most important task. It is the one you are most likely to procrastinate on if you don’t do something about it.

So, “eat that frog,” is another way of saying that if you have two important tasks before you, start with the biggest, hardest, and most important task first. Discipline yourself to begin immediately and then to persist until the task is complete before you go on to something else.

You can take this frog-eating concept further by co-collaborating with a like-minded colleague. Sit side by side, and knuckle in together with those challenging jobs!

5. Master One Thing At A Time

It’s so easy to become caught in the ‘have-to’ trap. Marketing on multiple social media platforms is a classic example. The key to progressing and ultimate success, especially as an entrepreneur, is to nail the process of a single task at a time.

When you drag your focus over multiple tasks, your focus becomes diluted. This causes a dip in your productivity.

Conclusion

There is no shortage of methods to get all of the jobs done for your life. The trick with any of them is don’t be afraid to tackle the hard things first.

The best advice I can share from personal experience is to give a technique or method at least three attempts. Don’t spend hours failing, take regular breaks to minimize the amount of frustration energy that could build. Be sure to reach out and seek support or help to overcome the challenge.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website. Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here 8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland
Create A Guiding Word

Create A Guiding Word

by | Dec 31, 2023 | Self Development

How To Boost Your Annual Intention

In your reflections on the year coming to a close, have you felt frustrated or stuck? Perhaps you’re feeling uncertain about how to steer your unique truth north and feel like you’ve lost your way.

As a component of creating my Annual Intention, I always find myself returning to a Dharma ritual I’ve practised for nearly two decades.

Dharma is a Sanskrit word which translates to ‘right direction’. Therefore when you actively explore your dharma, you are immersing yourself into a quest to gain perspective of your purpose, passion and power. This exploration is an assessment of whether you are pointing true north in your journey to life and fulfilling your highest purpose.

Combining your reflection of what you’re in control of, and what lessons you’ve learnt during the year just past creates the perfect foundation for identifying a guiding word. This word will bring you back to the intention of where you want to be in life.

Your dharma isn’t something you search for or find outside of yourself. It’s a feeling that resonates deeply and speaks only in your heart. Your dharma is your rhythm. It’s just like the wind rustling through the trees, playing a sacred symphony of sound. That song is ever-evolving, and so too are you.

“Everyone has a purpose in life…a unique gift or special talent to share with others. It’s not a failure if you realise it would be helpful to have a guide light your path and find your way forward again!”

I utilise a combination of intuitive heart meditation to activate my soul vision. I weave a combination of NLP and hypnotic suggestion to shift negativity out of my belief system. I work from within my heart, for this is where I find my light to activate my truth.

I adore working within a group and harmonising the collective energies. Sometimes the guiding word just drops in, landing purposefully within my heart. Other times, the meditation reveals omens and clues that can reveal themselves with post-meditation journaling. 

I often find myself surprised that when I dedicate heartfelt attention to my life and those desires for more joy, happiness and health, how easily that singular word will float into my conscious awareness. That guiding word holds an enormous amount of power.

The repeating and reconnection of this word throughout the year, re-activates your intention made within my heart at the beginning of the year. Revisiting this word invokes the magic of my resonance. 

Using this guiding word is like a positive anchor to all you are becoming.

The meditative power of defining your dharma comes through observation and reflections on your precious life. Through gentle exploration, you easily understand how you can honour your life path or dharma.

The guiding word can be likened to that of creating a mission statement. You use it to remind yourself of how to remain on a true course, always pointing north.

Acceptance of our dharma provides an energetic space to expand and create balance in our lives. The dharma intention you create enables you to build the platform from which you ground. Re-evaluation of your dharma is like inspecting the footings of your home, ensuring strength and support to move forward.

I love implementing an annual guiding word, for it can weave miracles into your life. I’m reminded of the brilliant quote by Gandhi that tells the tale of how a word can influence your entire life.

“Keep your thoughts positive, because your thoughts become your words.

Keep your words positive, because your words become your behavior.

Keep your behavior positive, because your behavior becomes your habits.

Keep your habits positive, because your habits become your values.

Keep your values positive, because your values become your destiny.” ~ Gandhi

Regularly referencing your guiding word, reactivates your annual intention. It directly connects you to your exploring your dharma. This creates kindness and a gentle exploration of aspects of life that may be holding you back.

Remember your Dharma is that little voice within you, that tugs at your heart, that niggles away to grab your attention. It’s the whispers from your gut instinct of what is your true path. 

Following your Dharma can lead you along your life path as well as day-to-day. The key question is do you listen to the messages your heart sends you? Using your guiding word will align you directly to this path.

Coming to understand who you are is a process. It takes practice to slow down long enough to pay attention. You have an entire lifetime to figure out who you are — and that is an evolution in progress. Having simple tools like a guiding word can gift you a little helping hand along the way!

When I reference my guiding word, I am instantly transported into the vulnerability of my full Dharma, I am enough. I recognise and understand the fear associated with exploring deep within and do it anyway. 

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Ask Yourself The Hard Questions First – Click here

Two Magical Questions – Click Here

Create Change in 2024 With Intention – Click Here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland
Create Change In 2024 With Intention

Create Change In 2024 With Intention

by | Dec 28, 2023 | Self Development

Have you ever created a NYE resolution whereby you successfully achieved a successful outcome? No? Me either!

It’s taken me a bit to figure out the reason why resolutions don’t work.

At a societal level, traditionally we have chosen resolutions to negate something unwanted in life. However, our modern culture understands so much more about psychology.

The Oxford Dictionary defines a resolution as a firm decision to do or not to do something and an intention as an aim or plan.

Resolutions are flawed for several reasons including:

  • they are only mental thought that have connected to a negative default position — something you no longer want;
  • they are based on something you desire in the future, rather than right now in the present;
  • are often vague and have no delivery boundary in the future
  • often based on a comparison you’ve made with something that someone else has or does;
  • they lack room to amend or reconfigure the deliverable outcome, it’s all or failure;
  • their start date and time are very specific, with no flexibility for planning and implementation;
  • there is no flexibility nor invitation to explore the feelings, beliefs or habits that maintain what it is you are trying to change.

For example, that moment that you decide to quit smoking on a whim. The resolution does not address why you are smoking in the first place, nor does it address why you maintain the habit. It also doesn’t include an alternative plan to reduce if quitting cold turkey becomes too much.

The resolution based on a thought, does not set you up with a proactive plan for a positive achievement outcome. Additionally, the resolution doesn’t attend to anything in your emotional department.

There’s the power of creating an intention over a resolution. An intention is a process by which you connect to a positive and desired feeling, something you want. The resolution statement is often a default from avoiding a feeling, sensation or habit you don’t want in your life.

Stating or naming the resolution as the fireworks explode at midnight is easy. It’s almost a token gesture. You are simply identifying the desired change status you want in life. But there is no substance or basis for the commitment you are so flippantly stating.

The negativity that comes with resolutions, smacks you up the backside of your head by the end of the second week of January — if you’ve made it that far. The reason resolutions fail so quickly is that they are only a statement of what you want. There’s no plan of action, no support, no backup.

It’s important to recognise the definitions as you form your intentions. Your intention should guide your desired action that leads you towards the desired goal or outcome.

Remember resolutions are simply the destination of the outcome you desire. An intention frames the stepping actions of your desired outcome. The intention plan acts like a roadmap for how to arrive at the desired destination.

I am fondly reminded by the abundance of emails I have read this week, that you do not have to have 2024 all worked out by the 1st of January. The beauty of the annual intention is that you can take as long as you like to achieve your desired outcome.

It’s the Yuletide Season, whereby the twelve days of Christmas forecast the future twelve months. There is something really special about carving out space to reflect and release the expiring year with all its experiences. Reflect on the lessons learned this year, before opening up yourself up to more dreaming and deeper desires. Utilise an intention that allows you to create the plan and the energy for your desired change.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Hypnotherapist, Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author.

She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Two magical questions

Two magical questions

by | Dec 28, 2023 | Self Development

Two Magical Questions To Explore The Start And Define The End – How To Create A Meaningful Intention

You must first understand your starting point to generate any meaningful change in your life. It’s called the present moment, or today. The starting point of change begins where you are right now!

Just two quick questions before you continue scrolling…

As a Change Facilitator, I spend every single client and group session asking people the following two questions.

1. Where are you at today?

2. Where do you want to be? 

In other words, have you gifted yourself time to reflect on the year that is drawing to a close?

We’ve had almost 365 days of experience. Jump into your journal and explore the centre of your feelings, yep we’re working in the heart, not your head. 

How well did you thrive or survive 2023?

What were those experiences like for you? Try not to think of those experiences as good or bad, but rather did you have the tools to face the challenges brought to your door?

Did those tools sustain you to move through the experience or merely survive it?

What did you learn about yourself or others or situations?

Did you reach a point of desired change where you’ve now decided it is time to stand up? Is it time to step forward? Is it time to change?

If you’ve answered yes, but are uncertain of ‘how’ don’t stress. Just trust that the decision to draw the line in the sand is a good one! 

Exploring what was pleasant, or not, what you would repeat and do again, or not, is a gift of awareness. Identifying feelings associated with a specific experience supports you to create boundaries, review beliefs and refine your understanding of the world you live in. Your feelings will enable you to create a firm boundary.

For those wanting to deep dive a little further, there’s a fabulous tool called the Wheel of Life (WOL). Traditionally the WOL coaching tool enables you to quietly reflect on many facets of your life from wealth, health, relationships, career etc.

The WOL exercise is generally used to support your reflections on your recent experiences (like the year just done) and discern what you’re actually in control of. When using this tool with clients I’m sure to remind individuals to gift themselves permission to be kind as you deep dive. 

Allowing yourself to discover what you might not be in control of, and perhaps what needs to change in terms of behavioural patterns is a powerful, yet confronting activity.

“THIS WISDOM IS GOING TO HELP GUIDE YOU WITH WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO IN THIS NEXT YEAR OF YOUR LIFE.” — Mel Robbins

Identifying information about what you’re in control of is extraordinarily powerful. It allows you to decide whether you continue forward in the same way. If your recent experiences were not positive, then perhaps ask yourself whether you want that to continue — regardless of whether you know what action needs to be taken to make a change.

To generate energy for change on a physical, mental and emotional plane, you must first know where you’re starting from. Knowing the start will naturally steer you into a direction of change, in other words, flowing into the space where you want to go next. 

Mel Robbins recently released a digital download WOL whereby she encourages the reader to reflect on your past year using the premise of the following questions:

  • What’s working in your life right now?
  • What’s not working?
  • What are you willing to do the work for to have change?
  • What are you not willing to do the work for?

Answering these simple questions can help you to define the potential boundaries of change. Remember, some things may not be able to be physically changed, for example, the death of a loved one. However, your reaction to an event or experience can be changed. 

So during your reflection of the year just past, be honest with yourself and explore what was hard. The ‘hard bits’ are where you did some intense up-skilling and possibly learnt some life lessons. 

Identifying the shitty bits enables you to discern what you need moving forward. And perhaps most importantly reflecting on those moments gifts you an awareness that you are far stronger than you ever imagined.

Without realising it, you have grown in the last 12 months. You’ve changed. You have developed your kind of wisdom just by navigating the path of life.

“WHEN YOUR GOALS ARE INFORMED BY THE THINGS YOU’VE STRUGGLED WITH, THOSE GOALS TAKE ON A RICHNESS OF MEANING.” — Mel Robbins

Exploring the psychological space where are at today, through reflection of the year just past enables you to readily identify a starting point of your life as a whole. Consider using the Wheel of Life tool, or Mel Robbins digital downloadable (click here) and explore your life — relationships, health, wealth, love etc.

Allow your answers to surprise you, as any identified area for change is your destination moving forward. It’s that simple and complicated. 

Gift yourself an hour to ask yourself where am I now, and what is my intended destination? I encourage you to then reflect on any aspect of your life where you’ve identified a source of stress or low score. In other words, where do you want to be? 

Asking yourself frank questions like “What am I in control of?”, and “What can I surrender and just go with the flow?” allows you to fine-tune the road map to move forward. 

The ultimate destination of your reflection isn’t to win a million dollars. You only end up with the same challenges you have now, and a million dollars worth of bills.

Your intended destination should be what will make you happy in the various areas of your life. When you identify what your desired happiness looks and feels like, you can then draw up an action plan of how to achieve it.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland