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What Is My Dharma?

What Is My Dharma?

Welcome to the personal journey of your Dharma

Have you ever wondered how people manifest anything they want?

Does that leaving you scratching your head wondering where you are at in life?

Dharma is a Sanskrit word which translates to ‘right direction’. Therefore when you actively explore your dharma, you are immersing yourself into a quest to gain perspective of your purpose, passion and power. This exploration is an assessment of whether you are pointing true north in your journey life and fulfilling your highest purpose.

Your dharma isn’t something you search for or find outside of yourself.

Everyone has a purpose in life…a unique gift or special talent to share with others” – Unknown source

Exploring your dharma enables you to:

  • Define your dharma through observation of you living your precious life
  • Understand how you honour your life path, or dharma
  • Create a mission statement to remind you how to remain on true course, always pointing north.

When we are connected to our dharma, even though life can throw us experiences that generate emotional high or low responses, we can remind ourselves of our true purpose. This enables us to celebrate the wins, to accept the defeats or lessons being learnt.

Acceptance of our dharma provides an energetic space to expand and create balance in our lives. The dharma intention you create enables you to build the platform from which you ground into. Re-evaluation of your dharma is like inspecting the footings of your home, ensuring strength and support to move forward.

Embracing our dharma creates a desire, deep within, that keeps us pointed to our true north. Your dharma starts with connecting to you heart space which seeds positive thoughts.

You might be scratching your head wondering where you could make a start on exploring your dharma! Let me share some tips!

“Your dharma is not a career, or a project, or a certain role you play. It’s the unique vibration that your soul carries to everything that you do and every way that you are.” —Sahara Rose

10 Tips to Discover Your Personal Dharma

1. Pay attention to shows up (ie synchronicity)

The universe / god (call this what you want), is very good at guiding you, giving you a nudge or two and even providing a trail!

I recommend you pay attention to what or who keeps showing up in your life. When someone or something shows up over and over, it’s likely that this is tied to your dharma.

2. Accept invitations from spirit

You can label these invitations ‘callings‘. The invitation calls to things that you feel deep inside, that guide you. The trick with callings is to remind yourself that sometimes they don’t necessarily make sense to anyone else but you.

Remember this is often a gut based feeling, rather than something you’rethinking. Callings are preparation for connecting with your dharma, or life purpose.

4. Your journey path is not a straight line

The path to your connecting with your dharma is not straight, and can spiral into a myriad of directions. It can even feel like a rollercoaster of ups and downs!

Spirit has a funny sense of humor. For just when you think you’ve connected with your dharma, spirit is likely to throw you a curve ball with a new challenge and lesson to learn.

Let me give you the tip, it helps a bunch to flow with this process, and where required, surrender to the notion that the journey isn’t always forward or as you expect.

5. Make friends with the unknown & unexpected

It’s important to know that connection to your dharma can be push or pull you into a myriad of directions that aare unexpected, unknown and ometimes uncomfortable.

There’s no point trying to control the path that you’re on. The trick i becoming a mastermind at going with the flow.

6. Create a connection ritual that aligns you to spirit

The trick with this tip is to figure out how best to nurture your soul. Implement simple small actions like yoga, meditation, coluring, painting or walking in nature.

I find any activity that connects you to your heart space is all it takes to align to your truth. Your heart space is where you’ll locate the information about your dharma.

7. A cup of courage is required to walk on the wild side

Discovering your dharma is sometimes not a cake walk. It requires you to embrace your moxie!

I encourage you to call upon a higher level of universal trust. Here’s another way of looking at this connection … you are a precious child of the universe. So when you commence connecting with your dharma, you are rejoining your spiritual tribe.

8. Be patience and kind with your self

Your dharma is not something you can catch, take a pill, make magically appear,  or generate a quick fix.  Connection with your dharma is a life long  journey.

They key is to take small steps, then stride,  then leap, and then allow yourself breathe deeply.

You know the old saying, patience is virtue.

Wrap Up

According to Sahara Rose “if you’re not living your dharma, you may experience feelings of being stuck—like you’re taking action, but not really moving forward. The future doesn’t excite you. You’re surviving rather than thriving.

Does this resonate for you?

The symptoms of stuck can feel like anxiety, depression, unworthiness, or just feeling off and not yourself. I know from personal experience, that when you are live life in accordance with your dharma, you learn to experience the sensation of acceptance with who you are. You learn to enjoy expressing and sharing your unique gifts with the world. There is so much personal power associated with this connection.

Perhaps by sharing these tips is you can see your callings, journeys and even seeming missteps can be coalesced into a pathway toward your personal dharma.

Maybe the next time you hit the pause button and take time out for yourself, ask yourself the following question – what is the change that you so deeply want to see in the world?

Any answer is an important clue to discover your personal dharma, your sacred duty, your mission here on earth. The more clues you discover, the greater  the opportunity to shine your light bright!

If you are inspired, I invite you to book at Dharma Meditation Session and explore your why!

Want to read more like this?

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, and self-confessed laughaholic. She is an avid Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Reflect & Connect This New Year’s Eve

Reflect & Connect This New Year’s Eve

Take A Moment To Reflect

Do New Year’s Eve resolutions actually work?

In my opinion the answer is setting a NYE Resolution is a major source of shame, blame, and guilt in January.

Why is this?

When we create a resolution, it’s simply a statement of what you want your dream life to include. There’s very little, if any, actual planning of how you will achieve success of the goal you’re setting yourself.

Instead of setting a resolution for the new year could I invite and encourage you to reflect on the year that is drawing to a close and ask yourself the following questions?

1. What was great for you this year?

Are you able to set aside everything that occureed externally in your life this year, and just pause. Take a breath. Now ask yourself this – have there been any highlight moments for you this year that can be celebrated?

I encourage you to simply sit with what arises. Don’t push any feelings aside.

2. Is there any negative thing that could be reframed into a lesson being learnt?

And before you respond, give some thought to the rules of the law of attraction, which state that the universe hears everything you say!  Eeekkk so catch yourself stating “this year was shit”!

What if I gave you permission to reframe or look around the challenge to find the solution? What advice could you give yourself or what might you discover?

And let’s be honest, this fresh perspective may not solve the problem (call it a challenge instead) you’ve been experiencing. It may however, be an important jigsaw puzzle piece that enables you to forgive yourself for that negative reaction. In turn this may enable you to soften and feel better within yourself.

That is powerful stuff!

3. Is there a theme that arose or captured your attention this year?

Perhaps it might be a common feeling or thought process? It might be a trigger from a place, person or thing?

I invite you in today’s reflection to ask yourself “what is this trigger trying to tell me”?

Journal out everything that arises from this question.

Why? Because once that emotion is out, you create a space for heart space connection and capacity for courage to move forward.

4. What do I want to be feeling instead?

When I work with clients in my clinic, we commence every session with “so what’s been happening“?

This questions allows a lot of venting to occur, which opens the door for me to create an invitation to arrive at “so how do you want to be feeling?

When was the last time you connected in with the feelings of your heart space – the space within you that is your truth?

This is the space and time to allow yourself to become very honest and ask connect with your inner truth.

5. What Is My Intention Moving Forward?

Making that connection with how you want to feel in your life can feel a little confronting, and that’s ok because this is where the lesson needs to evolve- learning more about yourself. I use guideded meditation to gently ease into this space and allow regular insight to connect me to my dream life. 

 Now that you have identified your why (the desired feeling), you can implement an action plan that drives you towards what you have to do to achieve that feeling.

Reflection doesn’t have to include shame, blame or guilt. It can simply be an honest observation of whether you’ve strayed from your path or self check-in as to how birght you shine your light!

Reflect and connect with the real emerging you!

Wrap Up

Creating an intention instead of a resolution, is like gifting yourself an invitation to undertake a consistent paced approach to change over the coming year. It creates a positive energised space, that is permission based, to focus on self. An intention energetically allows you to measure your progress without shame, blame, or guilt.

You’re either on track or you’re not.

When you allow yourself to be courage and look within honestly, you can change course, seek support, defuse old patterns – you can choose to change and bloom from within.

Whatever your tradition to ring in a new year, may you be blessed with the courage to really look at your reflection and appreciate just how amazing you really are!

Happy New Year gorgeous!

Want to read more like this?

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, and self-confessed laughaholic. She is an avid Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

6 Tips To Self Reflect

6 Tips To Self Reflect

A Little Look Within

Self Reflection enables you to face the awkward, uncomfortable and dysfunctional aspects in your life  can change your life!

I have multiple conversations in clinic every week with clients who have moments, and even periods of time, where they feel stuck? Perhaps this immersion into darkness only lasts for a couple of hours, or worse, the stuck lasts several days. Some report that it extends out to weeks and gasp, maybe months!

There’s a common denominator for nearly everyone I see — they don’t know why they are stuck.

I talk to these clients about the need for real honesty with yourself, in order to seek a deeper understanding of that close and very personal relationship called ‘me’ or ‘myself’. Diving deep into the relationship with yourself can support you to overcome sub conscious habits that restrict or inhibit you to live your best life.

If you’re nodding your head then self reflection might just be the thing you’re looking for.

Self reflection is not an activity to beat yourself up. Nor is it designed to instigate shame, blame or guilt yourself. And let’s continue with a bit more honesty and agree, that when you first actively begin to explore yourself, it can feel a little uncomfortable — if you allow it.

Self Reflection is defined by the Cambridge dictionary as
“a serious thought regarding your actions”
.

 

In other words you’ve got to dig for the good stuff. For example for you to return to your heart space and perceive what worked well or what didn’t?

Self Reflection is a process of observing yourself. This includes your feelings, thoughts and actions. It’s a process that requires being honest with yourself and should not ignite negativity of self sabotaging behaviour of shame, blame, or guilt.

Self Reflection requires a couple of things in order to achieve a positive outcome. You require courage to explore your darkness as you search for your hidden treasure. This includes your flaws, mistakes and reprimands. Your darkness hides the quirks in your values and belief system. Your darkness hides your strength by running a vulnerability based survival behavioural program.

It means you have to be prepared to accept yourself and get the hell out of your head and step down into your heart space. Connecting into your heart space, you are accessing your innate wisdom. You are activating your intuition and perception of life from a space of love. When you disconnnect from all that over thinking, you are actually stepping back into your heart space.

Allowing yourself to be willing to explore within incorporates the need to embrace six ‘self’ attributes.

These include:

  1. Self-confidence —embracing that feeling of trust of your own abilities, qualities and judgement.

2. Self-image — how you see or perceive your abilities, appearance and personability.

3. Self-Worth — sense of your own worth or value as a person.

4. Self-Respect — pride & confidence in yourself.

5. Self-Belief — the belief that you can do things well.

6. Self-Esteem — confidence in your worth & abilities.

Self Reflection is therefore a personal growth tool which allows you to pause and determine how well you’re travelling your journey path. It’s so easy to reflect on your life with a negative filter like overthinking, worry or fear. Your nervous system drives this defensive type of mental based energy.

Self reflection can be used as a tool which supports you to evaluate, and celebrate what you have achieved in your life. With a little kindness for yourself, self reflection can support you to step out of self sabotaging patterns whereby negativity swirls around inside your head.

You can do this be using the power of reframing your perceived failures, simply as lessons not yet fully learned. In turn this creates a positive energy of acceptance and allows you to shift gears or direction to achieve success in the future.

So let’s explore what Self Reflection can do for you!

So let’s explore what Self Reflection can do for you!

Tip #1 Be Honest With Yourself

Self reflection is an invitation to be honest with yourself about how things are going in your life. Your observation should simply assess your behaviour during your experiences, in terms of your values and beliefs.

Are you aligned to your core values? 

Tip #2 Observe your behavioural patterns 

I invite you to gently lay down the need to judge yourself on this one and simply look at whether the same trigger consistently arises for you to address. This creates an opportunity to become aware of the habits that best support you to live your best life, or address the ones that are holding you back.

Tip #3 Understand Your Core Values

From the persepctive of Self Relfection and understanding your core values means reaffirming assessing what is important in your life.

Assessing your values (because some may change throughout your life as you mature) is like maintaining and re-affirming your inner compass to always point you in the direction of your true north.

Tip #4 Be Kind & Gentle!

Self reflection isn’t intended nor designed to beat yourself up about what has happened doesn’t change your experiences. All this does is make you feel like crap.

Remember to not use why questions, because they only leave you looking in the rearview mirror of the journey you’re taking. You need to ask what questions which enable you to open up to a different reality or version of your truth.

Tip #5 Be Forgiving

Self Reflection should encourage you to be gentle with yourself, especially when you don’t meet your expectations, don’t get it right, or completely mess it up.

We all make mistakes.

This is why reframing thoughts and feelings is so vital. Remember that our expectations are often unrealistic and set you up for a perception of failure or fear of not being perfect.

Tip #6 Keep Track Of Your reflections

Capture your observations, thoughts, feelings and whatever burns up your internal barometer in a journal. This enables you to monitor change over time. It helps you map the evidence of your success, or further identify where you can make small adjustments along the way to living your best life.

So Self-Reflection is really like a form of internl auditing.

It’s just like placing your thoughts and feelings in front of a mirror, and being able to examine what the heck has been going on. The reflection enables you to examine what is seeping out of the cracks or what has arisen from the dark depths of your sub conscious. As part of your internal audit, instead of going straight into reaction mode, you can choose to become curious and explore why certain emotional responses arise under specific conditions, or be triggered by specific places or people.

Self reflection is a very useful tool, especially if you’re trying to manifest that next big thing in your life. Perhaps you’re using affirmations or the law of attraction and you’re not quite reaching the desired outcome you seek. Self reflection enables you to look at various aspects of your life where you may be running a hidden sabotage pattern.

Self-reflection is a tool that instantly brings you into the present moment because it forces you to explore how am I feeling about x?

It’s a particularly useful strategy if you know you’re about to face something that may re-trigger stress such as a work situation or family gathering. Additionally it’s a useful tool when you’re studying or working on a project as it supports you to measure actual success and celebrate that!

So where in your life can self-reflection support you?

Let’s begin with your relationship with yourself.

We all know that knowledge is power. When you can acknowledge how a person, place, or thing can push your buttons or stress you out, you can take action to defuse the stress trigger. The relationship you have with yourself needs to be based in self love in order to manifest positivity and productivity. 

If you waste your energy and time with the negativity of shame, blame, guilt, judgement, or even resentment you’re wasting your life. This is because negativity stifles your energy to thrive and shifts you into a space of survival, in other words flight or fight.

The relationship you have with yourself is therefore vital in order to thrive in your life. The person who looks back at you every morning in the mirror is going to be the most important relationship you have in your life. It’s imperative to therefore consciously assess where you perceive any weakness or areas for improvement and this starts with where does your negativity spring up?

What pushes your buttons? What trips you up? What causes you to fall or go splat on your face? What fucks you up?

When you can sit quietly with yourself and honestly replay a stressful situation, accepting the flourish of emotions that may have transpired as a component of your reaction (rather than response) you are creating an opportunity for growth. It’s a choice point when you explore this quiet space because you get to decide how that reaction made you feel afterwards. 

You get to decide whether you might do it differently. You also get to explore where that reaction came from so that you begin to understand yourself on a far deeper level.

Want to read more like this?

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

Healing Emotions Hurt More Than The Physical Wounds – Click Here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, and self-confessed laughaholic. She is an avid Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Ask ‘What’ Not Why

Ask ‘What’ Not Why

Asking “WHAT” instead of “WHY” to move forward in your life!

There is a simple and powerful tool I frequently use to reframe my mindset. Whilst it’s not a Law of Attraction technique I’ve learnt, it’s definitely can be used to boost your motivation, for activating change in your life.

Let me begin with this statement – we are all challenged with ‘stuff’.

When I’m challenged with something that triggers me, I don’t like to wallow in feeling uncomfortable or negative. I like to be proactive so I can get on with my life.

I’ve had periods of my life that were darker than others. These days I choose to embrace, the gift that landed into my world, and explore what the lesson is.

I’m talking about when I am triggered, and I need to find a solution.

I try wherever possible to keep my processes simple for shifting gears when my mindset is challenged.

Let’s discuss the hows and whys that drive me to asking a “WHAT” question.

I know that sounds weird so allow me to explain that a little further with a bit of a story.

 

Picture yourself in the middle of a shit storm of an experience. The chaos has kicked in, and you’re triggered.

I’ve not met a single person on the planet yet who enjoys the thought of “sucking it up” and getting on with things or pushing through.

The thoughts and feelings, associated with sucking it up, always seems to be the what we feel at the beginning of a stressful experience. This strategy doesn’t work for a number of reasons.

Global Pandemic Impact

Let me reference the stress of this global pandemic. On some level, at some point during the last 18 months, we’ve all undergone massive changes or been caught up in the societal stress that this virus has caused.

Perhaps you haven’t coped well with being isolated from your tribe of support?

Perhaps home schooling is your trigger?

Perhaps just the threat of another covid lockdown pushes all your buttons?

Maybe you simply don’t like change and the thought of being told you have to wear a mask when outside makes you angry?

I recognise that the thought of having to suck it up, and being told by our government that we have to isolate and wear masks is different, it’s physically uncomfortable, and for some incredibly stressful. The entire topic of whether or not you should get vaccinated is so personal, and yet it’s generating an enormous amount of dialogue in our community right now.

And then there’s all the stuff being reported in the media…

Just me saying those few sentences is enough to trigger me.

Well you know what? The entire topic is frankly a little overwhelming and its fear inducing.

I think what contributes to the societal stress, is that our news reporters are using war language, with references such as we are under attack from this virus.

Our politicians are constantly disagreeing with policy and decisions which makes it challenging to easily digest and trust any information being shared within the community.

I get it.

Are you questioning everything right now?

We’re finding ourselves asking a hell of a lot of questions, some of which are reasonable, and some are fear-based. I know from my own experience, it’s very easy to quickly fall down a rabbit hole, and wallow in the pity party.

The global pandemic is amplifying community fears right now. There is so much societal stress arising within our community conversations, of who and what to believe.

There is much anger and frustration and a whole lot of fear based reactive behaviour. These fears aren’t just based in the present moment, but being projected into the future.

For example the fear of the future and fear of uncertainty of how long our community will be threatened with repeated lockdowns. The fear of personal safety of going out into the community. The list of fears is currently endless.

I’m not going to debate the science nor am I going to wade into the arena of vaccinations. What I want to address in today’s epsiode is how to reset your mindset, and remain in your lane regardless of the stress trigger that pushes your buttons.

Let’s bring our focus back to you right now. Breath in deeply and slowly, and then sigh with an open mouth. 

This is Your life. It’s your mental health and emotional wellbeing. These are your strategies. Just pause for a moment or two!

Brene Brown talks about fear being contagious, especially when it’s discussed a lot. And let’s face it, you can no longer listen to free to air tv or radio without a mention of the pandemic within any given 30 minute interval.

That’s pretty intense energy to expose oneself to, when you’re empathic and sensitive. It’s especially intense when it’s the only conversation going on.

We all remember where we were when the Victorian lockdown was instigated. I was at chemo. I was alone because the hospital were on full virus alert and patients were not allowed visitors. So my driver waited in the car or went for a walk for the six hour treatment session. Then we drove home for 2.5 hours. That made my oncology treatment extremely stressful at times.

The strategy I used then and continue to this day includes the following-

Tip #1 Limit Your Exposure

I gain a lot of internal peace when I limit my exposure to too much information. So I seek out what I find to be a reliable source of science and facts that I need to know, from a single trusted source.

I get in, get what I need to process and digest information, and get out again.

I rarely listen to news because it triggers me. So I seek out the highlights from a trusted source without commercials, so my exposure time is reduced. I get what I need for that day or week ahead and then I switch it off, feeling informed and knowing what I need to do to contribute to keeping myself and my community safe.

Tip #2 Have A Family Plan

I make sure my family members check in with each other. We keep the lines of communication open. Determining where we are all at on a daily basis is a healthy way to proactively manage anything that arises.

This measures how well we are coping, and goes a long way to ensuring everyone can recognise when individuals need more support. It also identifies when we need to action more self care strategies in order to swim in our lane.

Checking in with the family sometimes means reverting to a weekly meals plan, because when you’re really busy to have to think of what to cook tonight, that could be the thing that sends you into chaos.

Tip #3 Exercise

Move your body! Our bodies store a lot of emotion. When you move them, you are gifting yourself the chance to release out emotions that aren’t serving you, like those fears.

So get in touch with someone you trust and exercise together!

Tip #4 Hydrate!

You’d be surprised the impact that water has in lubricating the body and the brain. We want all our neural pathways to easily communicate with each other not have to send random signals and hope for the best. Thats is when our survival instinct kicks in and we can begin to feel defensive.

Tip #5 Ask a WHAT Question

Ok so now you’ve got a rough plan. Now it’s time to ask the “what” question.

Let’s explore this what question a little more.

After listening to Tasha Eurich’s Ted Talk “Increase your Self Awareness” I was left with two profound key points.

Why” questions trap us into continuing to look in the rearview mirror of our life.

A why question often denotes an emotional component to answer or highlight a reason or cause. In the case of cancer, why would one person be diagnosed over another? In some cases, like smoking or drinking, the why is simple and easy to identify. There is an inference that the person’s actions were the cause.

The global pandemic however does not provide any reason or cause for the virus, but it does generate a whole lot of shame for anyone unfortunate enough to contract the virus.

A why question also denotes blame, shame, and guilt immediately to the inquisitor.

It infers the action of the question asker, to reflect on the reason of the cause of stress. In the case of my cancer experience, my oncologist states, it’s the luck of the draw. COVID is exactly the same.

In my experience and research, cancer and COVID is a little more than luck but still, no-fault should be drawn. Yet we self criticise, self punish and talk shit to ourselves when the going gets tough at the time! Other than making you feel worse and completely stuck, what is this serving you? You gain absolutely nothing from the stress you generate from asking ‘why’ questions.

I could talk about the involvement of epigenetics, diet and the management of chronic stress in one’s life — all of which contribute to cancer or suppressed immune systems.

There are likely to be the questions surrounding why me, but what if you were to consider what can I learn from this experience?

Does that one question stop you in your why tracks immediately?

Did you find yourself pausing and taking a slow deep breath and calming a little? And if you need to, pause this episode right now and do the simple breathing exercise of breathing in fully and slowly and then releasing a long slow elongated breath with an open mouth and sigh. Go on try a couple of breaths like that right now.

Feeling a little lighter?

Here’s the thing, whether you’re a newly diagnosed cancer patient or you have succumbed to the stress of the pandemic, none of those reasons you procured inside your head matter right now. Do they?

Looking for a cause is continuing to look in the rearview mirror of your life. The pandemic is here.

It’s not in your control to go back and make changes. It’s stressful trying to live in the past.

You can’t relive your life or get a do-over.

But YOU can make changes moving forward. It starts with focussing on what you can do in this moment right now.

You’re not doing yourself any favours by mentally beating yourself up with all the analysis of the why. Excessive or ongoing thinking literally will drain your physical energy to maintain the mental stamina to power the brain and continue assessing what did or did not go right or wrong.

The answer to overcoming the stress of a big life challenge like a cancer diagnosis or the global pandemic is to ask yourself this one question.

What is in my control right now?

Sit with that question and check in with your body. Is it still in a state of flight or fight? Or perhaps are you suddenly eager, to explore new horizons? Is there a shift? Try the breathing exercise again after asking yourself this question.

Mindful breathing and meditation is scientifically proven by the Heart Math Institute to have physiological benefits to both the body and our mental wellbeing.

Asking the what question shifts your vision, motivation and drive for life forward. It changes the mindset into a solution-orientated field.

 Asking what questions enable you to find a solution that works for you during this pandemic. I was working with a client the other day and we were joking about the tv series The Big Bang Theory’s character Sheldon. Uber smart, zero personality and yet to manage his anxieties and fears he has contingencies like a disaster management bag.

So asking yourself a What question today could help you map out what’s in your lockdown plan?

What type of exercise can you do and schedule it in? Give yourself the heads start and leave your running shoes at the front door!

What meals are easy to prepare?

What games can I play with my kids?

What people are on my contact list? Perhaps create a contact schedule so you’re reaching out to your tribe on a regular basis.

What project can I start or finish and make use of the lockdown time?

Final Words

One of the most empowering things you can gift yourself is to ask yourself what questions? Asking yourself what can I learn from this experience?” literally reprogram your conscious brain into solution-seeking actions, rather than hosting a pity party.

Migrating through these stressful experiences can be tough. You get thrown so many lessons to learn about yourself. Asking what questions enables you to have some little bit of control of the many small things you can implement looking forward in your life.

Want to read more like this?

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

Healing Emotions Hurt More Than The Physical Wounds – Click Here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, and self-confessed laughaholic. She is an avid Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Understanding What Is My Shadow Self!

Understanding What Is My Shadow Self!

What Is Our Shadow?

I’m a firm believer that we all have a shadow within us. Let me clarify that further by stating that I believe we are made of light and dark. And not in terms of good and evil, but in terms of what we acknowledge in terms of our strengths, and what we are yet to learn along our journey path.

Our light could be comprehended as the stuff of our behaviours and patterns that we have owned and taken responsibility for. And our darkness could be said to reflect those aspects of self which are still driven by fear or negative self.

When we undertake a spiritual journey, and commence exploring and owning our lessons, we uncover our strengths and internal resources. We build upon our internal resilience by utilising these resources to explore more facets of why we observe and respond, as opposed to react and invest in drama.

When we observe our feelings and responses, we are connected to our light. Our strength if you will.  For when we embrace our true strengths of our spirit, our hearts and smiles shine brightly. When we embrace our heart centred space with loving actions for self and others, our light shines brightly.

I talk about accessing my shadow self a lot in clinic and within my social media platforms. For me, it’s like a library of untapped resources and archives just waiting to be dusted off and explored. I’m saddened though, that people perceive our ‘shadow self’ as something to be frightened by. I find myself reminding them that our shadow isn’t a scary place, it’s just an untapped version of self.

What if we reframed your shadow self as simply uncovered treasure?

Our ability to access our light takes dedication and persistence. It is only as hard as you choose to make the process.

What might happen if you were gentle with yourself, as if you were nurturing a young child?

Do you not deserve to be treated with love and compassion?

Our logic-brain responds, “well yes it makes sense to be nice to myself”! But being nice to yourself is much more challenging. You see, modern culture taught us to fear. They have taught us to disconnect from our feelings from a very young age. For example, as a child, were you told to stop crying when your ice cream fell to the ground? Or were you hugged and reassured? That made you think didn’t it?

It wasn’t deliberate, but we’ve accumulated a myriad of responses to everyday events whereby we have disconnected from our feelings and gone into our head. This contributes to our observatory versus reactive habits. And this stuff has been around for eons. It’s old stuff that is predominantly subliminal.

Why? Because we’ve inherited certain behavioural patterns from generations of family. Because society hasn’t lived harmoniously and as communities, we’ve experienced sadness and hardships. So, from these inherited experiences, our relations developed responses to life. Some of them positive, and some of the negative. For example, imagine how strong the positive outlook was of our relations who lived through the great depression.

What if you could reframe from negative to positive?

 

For the most part, the negative responses to life are often repressed – because we don’t want to continue to experience them. It’s painful to experience (sometimes over and over again). And remember, we easily take on behavioural responses at a DNA level because we are eggs, inside our mother, whilst she is being gestated inside your grandmother. It would be fair to say this is deep stuff, and you’d be right!

We all have stuff.

 

Our stuff is old and entwined with every memory from our past. That’s what makes it a journey! Our lives are a series of experiences to which we can create compensation patterns of behaviour. The lesson is unravelling out of negative reactive space and back into love.

We live this life to experience new things perhaps. Some might say that we have this journey to overcome the triggers from the past and evolve to a new space.

 

So I’ll ask again – what if we reframed your shadow to simply be hidden treasure, just waiting to be found?

Our light isn’t seen in our reflection, but when we look within ourselves. We see glimpses of our light in the brightness of our eyes and the depth of our smile.

However, we only truly connect with our light when we connect with our emotional juice – that good juju feeling. It can help to close your eyes when you first start this process.

It’s that inner knowing that we are presently experiencing happiness and joy. And then we open our eyes and literally see the joyous experience we are having. We capture this feeling only when we are in ‘now’ state.

In her book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford defines the shadow self as “unmasking that aspect of ourselves which destroys our relationships, kills our spirit, and keeps us from fulfilling our dreams.

The famous Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology, Carl Jung, defined “shadow as the parts of ourselves that we have tried to hide or deny”. Jung further stated that “our shadow contains those dark aspects that we believe are not acceptable to our family, friends, and most important, ourselves. The dark side is stuffed deeply within our consciousness, hidden from ourselves and others.” Jung therefore theorised that people process the following from their shadow:

  • there is something wrong with me;
  • I’m not okay;
  • I’m not lovable;
  • I’m not deserving; and / or
  • I’m not worthy.

Does this sound familiar to you? Hopefully these aren’t feelings you consciously have all the time. If they are, then do talk to your medical professional. But all of us have been triggered at some point in our lives and have resonated with one or more of these statements.

It therefore stands to reason, that no one would consciously want to explore these negative thoughts and feelings. It has the potential to be uncomfortable at best and at worst down right painful. But I’ll challenge you with this question – Why would you want to continue carry the negative juju with you? Because this stuff that we carry is negative, we refuse to look at it, which influences our behaviours and actions.

In my opinion, the shadow self, is our best resource. This is because it’s that place within, that we can roll up our sleeves and explore what’s really going on. Often, we get ourselves stuck with our old patterns, and when you start to explore what it is you are afraid of, you defuse the negative energetic charge of the stress. And you start to feel better, your behavioural patterns change, and you literally feel lighter as you release the burden of the old way of life.

Get courageous!

The more you explore (of shadow self), the more opportunity you have, to allow your light to shine even brighter than before. So, dig deep. Be gentle with self as you explore the stuff that has been hidden until now.

Sometimes you can let go of chunks of old patterns, sometimes you have to chip away. But the common denominator is that you are exploring self and releasing the old to welcome the new. It is your willingness to look within that builds your resilience to tackle anything universe throws your way!

Understand that your shadow is a gift to you. It’s not something you ever get rid of. I like to think of it as an eternal resource library that I can access to explore more of why I do what I do! You too can choose to change, blooming from within as you embrace your shadow self too.

References –

Ford, Debbie (2014) “Revealing the Secrets of Your Shadow Self” source – https://www.healyourlife.com/revealing-the-secrets-of-your-shadow-self

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, and self-confessed laughaholic. She is an avid Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

How To Stop Making Excuses And Start Living Your Best Life

How To Stop Making Excuses And Start Living Your Best Life

How To Take Charge of Your Stuff

 

How you perceive these current global circumstances is a mindset choice.

  • I don’t have support.
  • I don’t have equipment or resources to achieve my goal
  • I don’t know the best way
  • I’m too old or young, to do what I want
  • I’m too busy to do what I want.
  • I’m too tired.
  • I’m too sore, too much pain or simply not feeling the vibe of wanting to do what I want.

Recognise the excuses are no valid, they aren’t you. They are conjured and fabricated from your self-doubt. The doubt arises from the fear that you may fail, miss out, be left behind, fear to be considered yourself unworthy, fear of feeling not good enough, fear the future, uncertainty or unknown.

Our truth is our capacity and commitment to rise above the experience and show the world who we really are, despite the fears of showing the world our true self.

And here’s the catch. You have to choose that outcome. You have to want your truth more than you avoid fear.

Starting your day with a positive intention-based mindset sets you up for success. Being aware of any negative dialogue you have during the day and reframing a negative thought, like a judgement, into something positive allows you to drag the energy of the excuse (and it’s associated behavioural pattern) into the consciousness to be addressed.

Being happy is like a savings account at the bank. It takes regular deposits into the account to make it grow, to evolve the habit and turn things around.

This commitment to self means no more cheating the rules, calling yourself on the laziness, and basically being committed enough to self to just do the life you want, over and over until it becomes the new habit of doing you.

Summary

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, self-confessed laughaholic, and now Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’