Two magical questions

by Karen Humphries | Dec 28, 2023 | Self Development

Two Magical Questions To Explore The Start And Define The End – How To Create A Meaningful Intention

You must first understand your starting point to generate any meaningful change in your life. It’s called the present moment, or today. The starting point of change begins where you are right now!

Just two quick questions before you continue scrolling…

As a Change Facilitator, I spend every single client and group session asking people the following two questions.

1. Where are you at today?

2. Where do you want to be?

In other words, have you gifted yourself time to reflect on the year that is drawing to a close?

We’ve had almost 365 days of experience. Jump into your journal and explore the centre of your feelings, yep we’re working in the heart, not your head.

How well did you thrive or survive 2023?

What were those experiences like for you? Try not to think of those experiences as good or bad, but rather did you have the tools to face the challenges brought to your door?

Did those tools sustain you to move through the experience or merely survive it?

What did you learn about yourself or others or situations?

Did you reach a point of desired change where you’ve now decided it is time to stand up? Is it time to step forward? Is it time to change?

If you’ve answered yes, but are uncertain of ‘how’ don’t stress. Just trust that the decision to draw the line in the sand is a good one!

Exploring what was pleasant, or not, what you would repeat and do again, or not, is a gift of awareness. Identifying feelings associated with a specific experience supports you to create boundaries, review beliefs and refine your understanding of the world you live in. Your feelings will enable you to create a firm boundary.

For those wanting to deep dive a little further, there’s a fabulous tool called the Wheel of Life (WOL). Traditionally the WOL coaching tool enables you to quietly reflect on many facets of your life from wealth, health, relationships, career etc.

The WOL exercise is generally used to support your reflections on your recent experiences (like the year just done) and discern what you’re actually in control of. When using this tool with clients I’m sure to remind individuals to gift themselves permission to be kind as you deep dive.

Allowing yourself to discover what you might not be in control of, and perhaps what needs to change in terms of behavioural patterns is a powerful, yet confronting activity.

“THIS WISDOM IS GOING TO HELP GUIDE YOU WITH WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO IN THIS NEXT YEAR OF YOUR LIFE.” — Mel Robbins

Identifying information about what you’re in control of is extraordinarily powerful. It allows you to decide whether you continue forward in the same way. If your recent experiences were not positive, then perhaps ask yourself whether you want that to continue — regardless of whether you know what action needs to be taken to make a change.

To generate energy for change on a physical, mental and emotional plane, you must first know where you’re starting from. Knowing the start will naturally steer you into a direction of change, in other words, flowing into the space where you want to go next.

Mel Robbins recently released a digital download WOL whereby she encourages the reader to reflect on your past year using the premise of the following questions:

What’s working in your life right now?
What’s not working?
What are you willing to do the work for to have change?
What are you not willing to do the work for?

Answering these simple questions can help you to define the potential boundaries of change. Remember, some things may not be able to be physically changed, for example, the death of a loved one. However, your reaction to an event or experience can be changed.

So during your reflection of the year just past, be honest with yourself and explore what was hard. The ‘hard bits’ are where you did some intense up-skilling and possibly learnt some life lessons.

Identifying the shitty bits enables you to discern what you need moving forward. And perhaps most importantly reflecting on those moments gifts you an awareness that you are far stronger than you ever imagined.

Without realising it, you have grown in the last 12 months. You’ve changed. You have developed your kind of wisdom just by navigating the path of life.

“WHEN YOUR GOALS ARE INFORMED BY THE THINGS YOU’VE STRUGGLED WITH, THOSE GOALS TAKE ON A RICHNESS OF MEANING.” — Mel Robbins

Exploring the psychological space where are at today, through reflection of the year just past enables you to readily identify a starting point of your life as a whole. Consider using the Wheel of Life tool, or Mel Robbins digital downloadable (click here) and explore your life — relationships, health, wealth, love etc.

Allow your answers to surprise you, as any identified area for change is your destination moving forward. It’s that simple and complicated.

Gift yourself an hour to ask yourself where am I now, and what is my intended destination? I encourage you to then reflect on any aspect of your life where you’ve identified a source of stress or low score. In other words, where do you want to be?

Asking yourself frank questions like “What am I in control of?”, and “What can I surrender and just go with the flow?” allows you to fine-tune the road map to move forward.

The ultimate destination of your reflection isn’t to win a million dollars. You only end up with the same challenges you have now, and a million dollars worth of bills.

Your intended destination should be what will make you happy in the various areas of your life. When you identify what your desired happiness looks and feels like, you can then draw up an action plan of how to achieve it.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’

Ask Yourself The Hard Questions First

by Karen Humphries | Dec 26, 2023 | Self Development

Before You Write Your NYE Resolutions List

I’m a huge fan of Mel Robbins, who recently published a digital workbook entitled “Make 2024 Your Best Year”. If I’m honest, the initial questions are a little fluffy, but that is not a bad thing. When being reflective, it can pay to ease into your exploration. But there’s some real magic as you continue scrolling.

When you undertake any reflection on life, like Mel, I encourage my audience to step down into real self-exploration with kindness. Do it gently so that you have time to process what you are learning. This allows for the alignment of your wants and needs.

We all want to live the dream life, but often we don’t know what we need to get it.

The timing of Mel’s workbook is divine. I’m meandering through the Yuletide season, reflecting on omens and utilizing the creative energy of the season.

The energy of the twelve days of Christmas enables you to forecast the future twelve months. I’m also reflecting on the year that is coming to a close, and asking myself hard questions that migrate beyond what did I achieve.

I started by asking myself what am I in control of? What brings me undone?

What tools do I have to shake the shizzle off when those moments arrive?

Are there any big feelings lurking in the shadows that require quiet contemplation?

What stress management mechanisms worked for me this year as I continued the balance between entrepreneur and mother?

What did I get right, and what were the circumstances that allowed success or failure?

Could I change anything about those scenarios?

This isn’t a shaming exercise, it’s critical thinking so I can plan for more success moving forward.

Most importantly, I ask myself what didn’t work in my life, my career, my parenting, and relationshipping. What doesn’t serve me well? And let’s be frank here, what was a pain in the arse that I can stop doing??

One of the traditions I have gifted myself over the years is permission to create an annual intention, instead of a new year resolution. The intention allows me something to work towards. Whereas the resolution feels like a punishment, that if I don’t first succeed, then I risk perceiving that I’m a failure.

Mel’s digital workbook is a modern ‘wheel of life’ exploration of the various facets of your life — health, relationships, career, and so on. It is written in a way that enables you to explore quite deeply. But there is one strategic thing missing — there is no prompt to connect you to your feelings.

It’s one thing to write what you think you’ve learned or want from life. The answers come from your head. It’s another experience to create a sensory experience that connects you to your dream life.

For example, do you have a vision of a new car? Of course, everyone has their ideal make, model, and color — am I right?

But when you can picture yourself living and doing and include sensory experiences like imagining what it feels like to touch the new car, to smell the new car smell, to sit in the warmed seats, to hear the music blaring out of the speakers, to touch all the buttons…you’re sensing yourself in the car right now rather than just looking at an external picture of it.

Be sure to ask yourself the question what did you survive this year that was hard? What did you learn from that experience? Have you experienced an event that enables you the gift of ‘never again will I do that’?

Perhaps you learned about the need for new boundaries about where or how you invest your time and energy.

Maybe you learned skills or language to say “no” or variations of that “Can I get back to you on that?”.

You may have developed an understanding of what you are actually in control of. Or perhaps you learned how to regain control when feeling triggered with new coping strategies and tools?

When answering these questions, are you then able to sit and complete Mel’s workbook with a fresh perspective of what feelings you desire? Might this instigate creating motivation that generates change now that you understand what triggers you or what brings you joy?

When you can comprehend what you’re really in control of or with, you can relax and flow more towards living the dream life you so desperately crave.

Perhaps you too will gift yourself an intention for the coming year, and allow yourself an entire year to fulfill and achieve all that it can deliver you in terms of experience!

Conclusion

We often experience joy after we have gained an understanding of what is or feels hard, uncomfortable, or awkward. Otherwise, how would we know what good feels like if we haven’t counter-experienced the opposite? So be sure to delve into the hard questions!

About Karen

Karen Humphries is a Change Faciltator. She holds qualifications in Hypnotherapy, Resource Therapy, Kinesiology, Wellness Coaching, and Meditation to name a few.

She merges all of her teachings into a unique style of facilitated change for her audience and clients.

She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’

7 Ways To Survive Hell Week

by Karen Humphries | Dec 19, 2023 | Self Development

Embrace calm instead of combat

I had a client tell me the other day, that in her household, the week before Christmas is referred to as ‘Hell Week’ — even by her kids. Read that again, this entire family, children included, actively referred to the week before Christmas as Hell Week.

Yep, insane right?

I shared the story of the festive season as a marathon. However, this client’s dread about how awful that particular week was going to be was next level. This client continued to state how awful each of the commitments was going to place a strain. They exclaimed how busy and rushed they would be from one event to the next. It was like a weather forecast — rain, torrential rain with the possibility of a cyclone.

Naturally, I called bullshit and we unpacked the big emotions about their perception of this heavy schedule. We worked through some fears and we also addressed some unrealistic expectations.

I quickly pulled them up on their mental attitude and self-talk language — they were manifesting all manner of chaos to knock on their door.

Additionally, and I think more importantly, this person was subliminally teaching their children to become fearful of this time of the year, or that something was wrong because they were busy. When one of the kids present at the session expressed shame. In tears, he told his mum that he felt bad for dragging his mother to attend his school concert because she was so busy.

It was a potent reality check for everyone. I guided the conversation out of shame, blame and guilt with the question “What can you now choose to change?”

The child was hugged and there were tears shed. The child was reassured that mummy was excited to attend the concert. I then asked this family “What are you in control of?”

This client and I identified at least 7 key strategic things that their family could do, to change their attitude and improve their ability to cope with their scheduled festivities.

Here are 7 ideas that allow you to embrace rather than combat the season.

1. Choose your attitude

It’s so easy to default to a negative attitude on a subconscious level when thinking of a busy week ahead. However, it takes a little effort to mentally cancel thoughts that don’t align with how you want to feel, and then reframe into something neutral or ideally positive.

When it comes to the festive season and its default ‘busy-ness’, you get to choose your encounters. If there are things like school concerts and end-of-year celebrations, choose who you will sit next to. Choose what you will be most excited to see. Choose what might make you happy.

2. Discern obligations

Just because you’re invited to social outings doesn’t mean you automatically have to say “yes”. Choose one event for each day of the festive season. And be wise even with these activities.

Remember Christmas is like running a marathon, you don’t achieve everything in a day or even a week. You are allowed to say “no” as an adult.

You are allowed to ask yourself “What will light me up from the inside?”, and then do that activity. But I encourage you to discern what will drain you if I squeeze in anything else.

Here in the southern hemisphere, those of us with teenagers are in the summer school holidays. Summer signifies an entire season of fun. If you can’t fit a celebration in during December, try rescheduling for January before school goes back.

3. Manage family expectations

So often I hear about unreasonable expectations from family members that involve discussions about tradition. Here’s the thing when you get married — you are expanding your tribe. There has to be negotiations. There has to be sharing. There also has to be some acceptance (aka disappointment) that you are not entitled to always get your way.

Negotiate a rhythm of exchange that works for everyone. Everyone takes a turn coordinating the gathering, playing host or sharing the cooking chores.

If there are big feelings, unresolved feelings or expectation resentment between family members, then make your larger tribe gatherings in a public place. This will infer you can come and go on your terms. Public places also help people to keep their manners in check.

4. Your presence is a gift

Cut back on the gifts purchased, and consider gifting experiences instead. Some of my fondest memories with my late mother involve her teaching my daughter how to make gingerbread. Their laughter in the kitchen was the priceless sound I captured on video.

Other favourite festive memories involve lazy grazing over a bowl of prawns. The mouthwatering mechanics of shelling the prawn and dipping it into the sauce whilst going around the table sharing stories of what we are all grateful for.

Now that my daughter is almost an adult, we have the most beautiful conversations about the experiences she’s chosen over the years instead of gifts. Our trip to New Zealand to visit ‘Hobbiton’ was one of the more memorable, not just for the places we’ve been to, but the experiences we shared with our travelling friends.

My heart expands when I hear my daughter talk of her visceral memories of our adventures. I realise when she describes a landscape, I have gifted her the gift of being present when she experiences anything. She doesn’t just see a new place, she feels, hears, and smells the colours of life all around her. Is this not a gift that keeps giving?

5. Plan Ahead

When I know I’m busy, I jump into food prepping. The meals are either cooked in advance or at the very least portioned and containerised in the fridge ready to go. The week’s menu is on the family notice board. There is an unwritten rule that everyone pitches in.

It’s not rocket science, but food planning means that we all maintain nutrition to fuel our bodies to do all the things on the schedule. It also means we don’t overindulge with extra calories from the festive food.

6. Maintain exercise routine

Without fail, I walk every morning at sunrise. It’s not negotiable. Moving my body guarantees ‘me time’. This precious quiet time also means I get to be laser-focused on my mental planning for the day ahead. I get to create a vision of how I want things to flow.

Walking at dawn also enables the liver to dump cortisol and sugars into the blood system to help you ‘wake up’ and get going for the day. The movement in the early morning orange light also resets your circadian rhythm, and generates energy for you to utilise later in the day.

7. Conversations

Often during the festive season, you’re socialising with people you haven’t seen for a year. This is often family, and there are instances where there have been historical disputes that create unfinished business.

This can equate to uncomfortable conversations. Decide to be a pleasant adult, and take the high road. Say “Hello, how are you?”

If you can’t say a simple statement like this, then I challenge you why are you accepting the invitation?

Keep the topics of conversation light and fluffy, and steer away from politics. If you are attending an event with a friend or partner practice your statement of topic changer if you feel triggered. Additionally, discuss and agree on a ‘code’ word to activate your departure if conversations become hostile.

Conclusion

The festive season implies joy and merriment, not combat or defence. A little time invested in being present in meeting your needs doesn’t have to be time-sucking or energy-depleting. Remember it’s a season, and just like running a marathon, it’s important to savour what is important — special moments with loved ones.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

Copy of calm retreat (Instagram Post (Square)) (9)

Do you need a ‘taste of calm’?

Join Kaz for a free immersion experience A Virtual (Taste of) Calm Me Mini Retreat to

Prioritise Your Well-being,
Restore Your Calm,
Revitalise Your Energy Systems,
Recalibrate Your Nervous System!

Join Kaz and Set Aside a Little “Me Time”! Best of all it’s free!

Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’

Christmas Is A Marathon

by Karen Humphries | Dec 4, 2023 | Self Development

10 Tips To Remain Calm & Embrace The Season

Christmas celebrations in western culture have become a seasonal marathon, rather than a single eventful day. It’s time to do your warm up, and stretches.

Not everyone has fond memories of the season and it’s a massive trigger for anxiety, overwhelm and panic. I’m witnessing stress seeping through the cracks of people everywhere.

If you’re nodding your head, that your own internal furnace has started to warm, then you’re not alone. I often remind my audience that modern Christmas has become a season of events. You need to warm up and figure out ways to pace yourself.

There are ‘breakup’ parties for everything from work, to kids sport, the school year and family gatherings. Why are you breaking your neck to try and fit in gatherings with people whom you don’t spend quality time with throughout the year? Why is so much emphasis placed on the tradition of the season, when no other ritual is honoured?

When you research the actual intended meaning of Christmas, it was intended to be a celebration of life. This infers a single gift experience, rather than filling the boot of your car or maxing out the credit card.

If you’re already in overwhelm from hearing ‘Jingle Bells’ playing in the shopping plaza, then here are my simple tips to help you embrace the Christmas season and stay calm!

1. Remember to breath!

Get your nervous system into a calm and relaxed state before you leave the house. Be sure to invest ten minutes whilst getting ready, and practice your self caring soothing ritual such as meditative breathing that incorporates grounding and centering yourself.

2. Start everything a little earlier!

Don’t wait until the last minute to do your holiday shopping, decorating, cleaning, food preparation or cooking. Be sure to carve out time in the diary to happily complete each task in order to avoid that pressure sensation from running.

3. Set realistic expectations

Gift yourself permission that nothing needs to be perfect, it simply needs to be enjoyable. Remind yourself of the true meaning of the season is to spend time with loved ones, not having a picture-perfect home or meal.

Sometimes the biggest food flops create the most hilarious memories and photos — just ask my brother who set fire to the meat one year and we ate Christmas lunch five hours late!

4. Make quality not quantity the priority in your schedule.

Given this time of year feels like a marathon, it’s important to create a pace that doesn’t involve you running around like a panicked elf on Christmas Eve.

According to the American Heart Association, research inexplicably highlights that heart attacks are more common during holidays. There are a myriad of possible reasons including unhealthy changes in diets, higher alcohol consumption, stress from family interactions, strained finances, travel and entertaining can all contribute to health impacts.

I have come to learn the importance of the festive season can be spread out over the entire summer holidays. This means that I never rush from one event to another.

I experience a quality connection with people that I value. There is mutual respect for the meal prepared and shared. There is an calm energy exchange of love. Why would you settle for anything less than this?

5. It’s ok to say “no”

Given that the season is a marathon, it’s vital to continue to make time for rest and regeneration. And depending on the type of job you do like teaching, retail, rest is life saving!

Don’t feel pressured to attend every party or event. Negotiate when you are available, and create space to welcome the connection, not dread having to show up and perform for multiple events on the same day.

You’re an adult. Regardless of who is attempting to guilt you into showing up, your health and wellbeing will always be more important. Think of this as your permission to simply say “no thanks”.

6. Do not embrace guilt

I think we all have a family member or friend who tries to manipulate at this time of the year, in order to get what they want. I invite you to try something different this year.

When you respond “no thanks” to an invitation, take a deep breath and smile. This will subconsciously generate endorphins that make you feel good. Don’t say anything! Not a single word! Simply pause your end of the conversation, breath slowly, and observe. Watch or listen for any reaction and know that this is not yours to deal with.

If your response is not accepted, that’s perfectly ok. You don’t have to agree on everything. But if you’re not free (or willing), then the fact is you’re not available. End of story.

You can be cheeky like me, and ask for the person’s magic time machine, so that you can teleport and be in two places at once. Be warned this can piss people off.

The ideal alternative response, is to advise when you are free, after Christmas has passed and the world has calmed it’s farm. If the caller doesn’t like, that’s not your bag of monkeys to manage. Continue to breath and celebrate your decision to maintain your wellbeing.

7. Learn to negotiate terms

Managing relationships requires decent communication skills. The ever evolving dynamics of family gatherings during the festive season, can escalate to UN hostage negotiation skills. It’s often delicate work.

Negotiation skills are fabulous when dealing with those who believe they are ‘golden’, those who hold grudges or unhealed emotional wounds, and those who struggle to communicate their needs. Negotiation is also a skill that is especially helpful when trying to embrace different ways of celebrating the season with the in-laws.

8. Learn to take turns

I wonder how much easier it might be to plan your family gathering if you had a roster of where and when you gather? If you took Christmas day off the table, and gather the extended family together on a different day, could you all then make the effort? Might that make life easier?

Since the death of my mother, trying to get everyone together at Christmas time has been a dismal failure. We’ve settled for an annual long weekend in September school holidays.

Weird? Yes, but this one weekend at another time of the year means we eat normally, rather than spend a fortune on gifts and food. Our presence is the gift. We walk, talk, play board games and graze over beautiful food.

This new tradition has become something to look forward to each year without stress or fuss.

9. Stick to a budget

It’s obvious that overspending leads to stress and anxiety, especially in this economy. But when it comes to the festive season, all fiscal rules seem to fly out the window.

So set yourself a budget, and utilise the challenge of what bargains you can obtain by sticking to the limit. There is an alternative, and that is the gift of experience like a family zoo pass.

For those who maintain the argument, “I just want my kids to have what I didn’t”, I want to ask you this — what was really wrong with your upbringing that you felt you missed out? And more importantly, is buying your kids stuff really a replacement for your love and affection?

10. Simplify everything

One of the best things I’ve come to realise is that you have to do everything yourself. Delegate tasks or simplify your holiday traditions to make things easier.

For example, let the kids decorate the tree, make home made Christmas cards, bake cookies or create the deserts. Ask guests to bring contributions to your gathering meal like a desert, nibbles or drinks.

Conclusion

By following these tips, you can manifest calm into your Christmas season whilst managing moments of overwhelm or stress. Remember it’s a season, and just like running a marathon, it’s important to remain in the moment and savor the special moments with loved ones.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

Do you need a ‘taste of calm’?

Join Kaz for a free immersion experience A Virtual (Taste of) Calm Me Mini Retreat to

Prioritise Your Well-being,
Restore Your Calm,
Revitalise Your Energy Systems,
Recalibrate Your Nervous System!

Join Kaz and Set Aside a Little “Me Time”! Best of all it’s free!

Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Meet Joy In It’s Tracks!

by Karen Humphries | Oct 29, 2023 | Self Development

Tell Yourself These Three Things To Find Your Peace

I have found myself working with clients lately who tell me they feel completely stuck in their lives. They describe experiencing lots of intense big feelings. They are connected to symptoms of anxiety, overwhelm and report an inability to move forward.

Are you experiencing this too?

Are you lying in bed at night, and feeling completely overwhelmed with all the thoughts of the day, instead of falling asleep?

Do you wake feeling exhausted and continue to overanalyse life? Is it easy for you to make decisions, or does the analysis paralysis kick in and everything has to be considered?

Before I commence any work with clients, I find myself exploring all their perceived blockages. I get the client to explain in detail how they internally experience their challenge.

When you breathe air into that area that feels stuck, things start to open up from within. You can gain an incredible understanding of exactly what is jammed into tiny spaces. You can learn, see and feel all of the things that contribute to what you are perceiving as stuck. When you shine a light on the resultant subconscious behaviours that you implement unknowingly to keep you safe.

When you are in neurological survival, you aren’t thriving. Your clarity of thought has been sabotaged. Your decision-making ability has been hindered by trying to process too much information.

When you are in survival, your brain is simply reacting to the outside world. You aren’t seeking joy bubbles, and you are running a behavioural program that is likely anchored into something from the past.

When you are in the space of survival, you are not present.

There is an art to returning to the present moment. It is where you can create change. The present moment is where you can reset and revitalise. It’s also where you maintain motivation to continue chasing joy bubbles.

Here are three things you can tell yourself to return to right here, right now.

1. Start the day right

Before your feet hit the floor, the moment you wake up. Take a deep breath in and out. Smile (because the muscles required to move your face generate a tiny dopamine hit) broadly and state the following-

“Good morning gorgeous! Today is going to be a great day!”

Sounds ridiculous I know. But seriously try this. The reason it’s so successful is that this is your first energetic intention for the day.

This singular statement can be likened to ringing the bell for the universe to come calling, ready to take your order for the day. This statement (or something like it) is very intentional. It drives purpose and it is very high in vibrational energy.

Stating this statement first thing in the morning is like you are creating your internal weather system. It’s the easiest way to manifest emotional sunshine for your day ahead!

2. Choose again.

Throughout the day, remind yourself that the human mind can experience up to 80,000 thoughts a day. I know busy mind right? Additionally, you need to be aware that these mostly subconscious thought processes can contain up to seventy-five per cent negativity.

Why so blue?

Your brain automatically defaults to what you thought about yesterday. You’ve laid the thought cable already through your analysis, review, and audit. And then you attached emotions to the thoughts — in other words you have already attached evidence that you were correct to feel bad about the thought.

The brain has already placed the thoughts into the memory system. Evidence locked in. It’s that simple.

When you have a positive thought, your brain will seek evidence to demonstrate you were correct. Therefore it takes a little more effort on your part to create a shift in the tide of negative you think about.

I liken your body to a gigantic hotel. Your mind is the presidential suite. When you have a negative thought come along, it’s like a homeless person is using the bed of the presidential suite as a toilet — you get the drift.

That negativity needs to be immediately evicted for you to remain present.

If the thought is crappy and negative, then your presidential suite is being trashed and abused. This is what negativity does to your psyche.

Due to the sheer number of thoughts in your mind, in my clinical experience, we don’t need to analyse everything. You simply need to insert a circuit breaker into the mind mix and change the direction of where you’re heading.

You can try saying “choose again”, which was coined by Gabby Bernstein a decade ago. Alternatively, you could try the Byron Katie question “Is that real?”

Both are useful and have their place as guards against negative thoughts continuing.

Here’s the thing, the moment you consciously recognise that something negative has sprung up into the mind, you can choose to take action. Insert the circuit breaker question and simply breathe.

The use of breath allows you to calm down physically through the recognition that you aren’t under threat. This breath brings you into the present moment and reactivates the brain that the old survival program is not required.

Once you’re present again, you can better discern what is real and right in front of you, or what is simply an old and unwanted thought pattern. In this moment of recognition, you are changing the plasticity of your brain and choosing a new neural pathway to reroute the thoughts.

Fair warning. When you first begin to ‘choose again’, or ask yourself ‘is this true?’, you may easily become overwhelmed with the number of times your awareness is alerted to negativity.

Let me say that this is normal when you first realise how much smack you think and say to yourself!

I choose to see this as a very productive step forward, and you can too. The more you acknowledge, the more you shift, and the faster you change the old reactive thoughts.

3. Wrap up the day well

At the end of the day, as you’re brushing your teeth be sure to make eye contact with yourself. Allow your eyes to soften at who you see.

This is a simple act of kindness to and for yourself.

This single gesture also sets you up to dialogue with yourself. No matter how extreme your day has been, you need to celebrate you survived another day.

Dig deep and find some small component of your day that you could celebrate — even if only starting a high vibe with your morning intention.

Celebrating small wins allows the body to create small hits of dopamine. It also trains your mind to actively seek positivity, instead of becoming trapped once more on the negative mouse wheel.

This simple exercise works well for your night and sleep routine. You’ve inserted a circuit breaker of thinking of the negative and actively gone searching for evidence of what was potentially good.

For those days where it seems nothing has gone well, I invite you to use the time to reflect on what you learnt about yourself or another. This activity allows you to place yourself in another’s shoes and observe their behaviour or actions.

Observation allows you to see another’s experience, without you having to judge or invest in their drama. Sometimes when you can acknowledge that another‘s behaviour is subpar, the realisation is a gift on many levels.

We are all human, working towards perfecting our imperfections. We all have good and bad days. We all experience stress. We all respond differently to stress.

Conclusion

What might you lose if you could set your intention, keep those negative thoughts in check, and wrap up a day by being your cheerleader? Give just one of these tips a go, to shift your motivation to live the life you want!

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Need a taste of calm?

Click here to enjoy Karen’s latest
freebie offer.

Enjoy this program’s short presentation, which includes the experience of a meditative hypnotic recording to support resetting your calm.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website. Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here 8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Do you look good in orange

by Karen Humphries | Oct 22, 2023 | Self Development

Ask yourself this question next time you’re about to lose it

I had a client exclaim in her clinic session the other day that she was ready to kill someone. Namely one of her family members.

Don’t worry. She’s not a serial killer. And I took the opportunity to remind her that losing your shit causes you to wear orange and heavy duty bracelets!

It’s just that her frustration had escalated so significantly and tipped over into a space of unregulated emotion — namely anger and rage.

She had become a volcano head – ready to explode at any moment, fuming and seething with barely contained disdain. She was exactly like a volcano before it erupted, just smoking away frightening the local townsfolk -namely her family. Her emotional state was exceptionally volatile and she felt completely out of control.

There are numerous things that lead us to feel frustrated. Here are some examples:

Feeling not heard within a conversation or space
expectations not met despite your best planning efforts
juggling too many balls in the air at any given time

Frustration is likely to be the top layer of a feeling. There will be more emotion beneath that has not been spoken, expressed, or given air. It’s highly likely that you may not even be consciously aware of all that is festering beneath the surface.

Frustration can have a voice of its own. A voice that rants, raves and yells uncontrollably. A voice that speaks often from a sense of stagnation or helplessness, an inability to make things happen in the way that someone wants.

The vibrational frequency of frustration means that those feelings of unmet expectation can rapidly escalate to anger or rage in the blink of an eye.

Need some tips to release frustration?

Frustration is often a kinetic energy. This means frustration is a moving emotion, and you’re unlikely to be able to sit still with it. Additionally, you are likely to require some movement to shift the sensation of the unwelcome negative-based emotion. Moving your mouth will commence activation of the release, but you are likely to continue to feel frustration deeply within your body.

1. Stay present

When we feel uncertain about something, this can be likened to triggering an unconscious fear. Therefore our human reaction is that we tend to want to control the process or outcome. This is driven by fear of the unknown, uncertainty, or loss of control. It’s an emotion that is based on the future tense.

When you can remain present, you’re not activating the neurological survival program that drives you to start planning all of those contingencies in your head to counteract the undoubted and misperceived doom you’re stressing about.

2. Accept you are human

Our human existence mandates that we are always gathering data from our experiences. Our brain gathers sensory data of what we see, hear and feel. What also happens is that our brain attaches an emotional response to the sensory data, and creates a program.

This allows your brain to simply respond when an experience is repeated without having to recreate the same program. When we re-experience an emotional response, our brain simply reactivates the survival reaction that was originally created.

Why?? Because change is a constant in our lives. Our brain has a wonderful compensation program to reduce the need for reprograming everything, and therefore screen out what it perceives as useless detail.

Change is a gift. A gift to learn more. A gift to evolve. A gift to flow and receive/give more through our life. I am referring to the gift of shifting or relearning the subconscious survival reactions to create positive change in your life.

However, if your expectation is unrealistic — that you want the outcome to be perfect the first time — you’re setting yourself up for heartache. We weren’t born and then ran within hours of birth.

You’re not a horse. You are human.

You must first engage your neural pathways to create patterns and habits, rather than stumble, trip or fall. In turn, this trains the brain muscles to move you into new experiences of attempting to walk in new ways without falling. You learn to step out of your survival reaction, refine your resilience and then move forward metaphorically.

3. Manage Expectations

When you place an unrealistic expectation in relation to that experience you attempt something the first time and there is failure, two things happen. You doubt yourself.

Doubt makes you feel big emotions associated with failure when you don’t meet the expected outcome. You shame yourself subconsciously in relation to not achieving. This can lead to diminished self-worth and a misperception of insecurity. This doubt expands your fear of trying again and failing, rather than simply feeling safe or confident enough to make another attempt to achieve the experience.

4. Acknowledge your beliefs

Think back to when you were younger. Were you raised a winner?

I’m being serious now.

Set the snoopy snigger aside, and reflect on whether you were raised with ‘tough love’ or ‘all participants receive a reward’?

Your response links to the previous point and the potential expectations you developed from childhood about how things should be. Your beliefs and values influence your bias, what you know to be true. These aspects of your psyche also influence your behavioural patterning.

When your perceived expectations are not met, this will generate a negative emotional response. This reaction is often subconscious and not something we can initially control. This reaction reaffirms the fear to be true.

Continually failing to meet expectations can generate bad behaviour within ourselves, and worse, trigger misperceptions in others about who we are. In other words, it can quickly lead to a misperception of feeling, or worse feeling judged.

In this circumstance, before you lose it ask yourself the Byron Katie question in relation to the unrealistic expectation — “Is this real?”

This singular and powerful question allows you to acknowledge that the old reactive belief (based on the survival reaction) may now be outdated or no longer serve you. This acknowledgement allows you to step out of the old non-serving program, and release the negativity of frustration, anger and rage. It allows you to choose a different emotional outlook.

Our old programmed survival reactions drive the negativity of frustration and anger. Ignoring the signals this emotion generates, allows the energy of it to build.

As the frustration escalates, your capacity to remain calm diminishes, because your survival reaction is heightened. This is the mental and emotional tipping point of whether you change the colour of your outfits — can you walk away or do you find yourself reacting and later regretting?

Conclusion

Consider implementing one of the suggested actions should you experience those moments of intense frustration, anger, or rage and don’t want to wear an orange jumpsuit!!

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

Need a taste of calm?

Click here to enjoy Karen’s latest
freebie offer.

Enjoy this program’s short presentation, which includes the experience of a meditative hypnotic recording to support resetting your calm.

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Wellbeing Coach, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and training Resource Therapist. She’s also a published author.

She is a self-confessed laughaholic. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’

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