8 Ways To Respond When Life Dishes Out A Bitch Slap

8 Ways To Respond When Life Dishes Out A Bitch Slap

What To Do When It’s All Too Hard

We’ve all experienced the reality check of a hard or difficult moment. We’re familiar with the bitch slap sensation. You wouldn’t be human if you haven’t experienced this.

When hard shows up in your life, it can feel and look like overwhelm, stuck, or lost. You find yourself feeling reactive. There’s very little capacity to thrive in this situation.

When those reactive behaviors, thoughts, and feelings arrive, we often fail to recognize that we’ve simply activated an unconscious neurological survival program. This subliminal program runs unconsciously in order for you to defend yourself.

All humans all experience moments that can challenge us to the core of our being. Healing from our reaction to these hard moments is how we learn, grow and evolve — because we don’t want to continue feeling the slap.

Growing from the lessons learned is how we evolve, mature, and adults.

This reactive neurological defense program was created in response to a past experience, and it’s often created during our formative years. When the reaction is activated, the signal to our body is “This is not safe”.

As an adult, the slap of this reaction infers you simply don’t have the internal resources or capacity to immediately respond to what life throws your way. So our brain literally switches you into survival. The result is you either fight, flee or freeze.

It’s that simple, and complicated.

As a therapist, I hear a lot of disturbing stories. There are so many humans experiencing life without a functional moral compass or a competent neurological system that enables the client to relax. This is a learned behavior, and it’s been well practiced at a subliminal level.

What experiences you have witnessed, and your reactions to those moments remain intact until you work through that reaction. This is how we formulate beliefs about various things that happen to us.

No one is perfect. We all have slap experiences.

And I know that referencing a crappy childhood to explain away bad behavior is no excuse. But witnessing someone in the midst of a hard moment does allow me to have compassion and do my job well.

For me, the clinical days that can feel hard, are those when I hold space for minors who have experienced sexual assault by a parent. It’s simply one of those topics that trigger my own survival reactions.

But here’s the thing, this type of work is incredibly rewarding as well. To see a child and their family flourish after assault makes this job worthwhile. In fact, I’m doing this as a dis-service by referencing it as a job. This is my calling. Most days, the harder the story is to hear, the better work I do.

I’m sure this analogy is true for most types of employment — when you can overcome the hard days, you’re really accomplishing something incredibly positive in your life.

When you’re currently experiencing a moment where life is hard, it can feel extremely isolating. You look somewhat normal on the outside, but inside you, there can be a myriad of overwhelming negative thoughts, feelings, and turmoil. You can feel like you’re being bitch slapped across the face with a dead fish.

1. Practice the pause

Use Practice the Pause to begin the process of acknowledging when you have activated your survival reaction. This is a mindful breathing exercise that buys you time to recenter yourself and bring yourself back into the present moment.

Remember your survival reaction activates an unresolved feeling process from your past. When you can bring your nervous system back into the present moment, you are creating a choice point — a positive space to heal, a space to change.

This method also provides a lovely way to introduce rules of conversation to navigate your survival reaction.

2. Self-love

Once you’ve calmed yourself, a small act of self-love is just what is in order to reinforce you are in fact safe. You could start with something as simple as a forgiveness statement to yourself “I’m so sorry you thought that”.

This type of conversation is actually consciously engaging your inner child, that part of your psyche that observes everything you think and feel.

If this is too confrontational, try a short walk, a brief meditation or even a glass of water. Leave the trigger space and change your visual surroundings.

Any small action that supports you feeling better will do. This does not include bingeing on sugar or drinking alcohol — this is when you attach your unresolved emotions to the substance and create dependence habits.

3. Talk it out

Talk about whatever is pushing your buttons. Talk it all out to someone you trust. Share your feelings, thoughts, fears and worries with a trusted friend, family member or health professional.

Talking is one of the fastest ways to defuse the emotional component of a survival reaction. The key is to not overburden a single individual repeatedly, nor spread your trigger story to everyone you know.

4. Take a break

When we feel triggered and have activated our defensive survival reaction, there’s little capacity to focus or concentrate. There’s simply too much of the cognitive processing pathways shut down when you’re in survival.

Sometimes, you simply have to leave the space, place or person who has triggered you. Walk away. Refresh the scenery you’re looking at.

This forces the brain to switch back to rest-and-digest when you have to process your new surroundings. This is a beautiful and gentle way to reset your nervous system as well as your peripheral visual field — this enables you to see your reality through clear lenses.

Gift yourself a couple of minutes to settle the heart rate. Only once feeling calm and safe, do you then have the capacity to acknowledge you’ve been triggered. It’s at this point you can ask yourself “What do I need right now?

5. Write it down

Writing about what is inside your head is extremely useful when it’s difficult to find your words. It’s like siphoning off the pressure from a cooking pot.

Journalling can become quite meditative and also defuses the subconscious mechanism of overthinking. It’s the best form of purging the sting of that bitch slap.

Once your shizzle has been written down on paper, it’s no longer performing race laps inside your head!

6. Reflect on what is in your control

When we are triggered, we tend to dramatize everything inside our heads. Our mental energy escalates, and we can overthink and overanalyze. Repeat this mental anguish, and we begin to develop unconscious fears.

When you’re practicing your pause, you get to ask yourself the following:

  • is this actually real or imagined?
  • what does this feeling relate to?
  • What action can I acknowledge is my responsibility or in my control to resolve?
  • What is out of my control?

The reality is, if you’re not in control of the outcome then you have to shelf the thoughts. Acknowledge the discomfort you’re feeling. Breathe and allow yourself to resign to the fact there’s nothing you can do.

7. Be nice to yourself

At some point, there must come a time when you have to be nice to yourself. Because if you aren’t kind to yourself, who will be?

The damage of negativity associated with shame, blame, or guilt isn’t just a feeling. It impacts the beliefs we have of ourselves as an individual.

It’s one thing to have a bad day or week. But continue within the discomfort and heaviness of this type of unconscious emotional energy and you’re risking creating patterns that lead to symptoms of depression and autoimmune disease.

Whilst we may not have a choice who raises and influences us during childhood, we are absolutely in control of how we parent ourselves as an adult.

8. Take a step back

Removing yourself from hard situations gifts you the opportunity to breathe purposefully. A fresh view of your reality often enables you to quietly reflect on the challenge or situation with a different perspective.

When you gift yourself some space, you implement self-soothing techniques. You can also ask yourself “What do I need right now at this moment?

9. Focus on the positive

We all experience those days when it is hard. When you can acknowledge all that you are feeling and responsible for, there’s only one thing to do — seek to find something positive.

Sometimes this can be as simple as acknowledging that the old reaction is no longer relevant. Those thoughts and feelings are merely a habit and not actually relevant anymore.

Sometimes proactively reframing something negative into a positive can literally have the power to turn your frown upside down.

Conclusion

You can’t avoid the bitch slap of life from those hard moments. However, you can choose to change, and rewire your survival reaction. You can learn how to defuse the sting of that slap. With practice, you can thrive once again.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Listen to the podcast episode

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Withinclick here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself?Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

A Warning To Solopreneurs

A Warning To Solopreneurs

Don’t be fooled by the sharks, bots or scammers

I delete spam comments daily on my social sites. You have to be able to discern who is visiting your site and you have to read between the lines for possible scammers, cheats and time-wasters.

I delete all references that look like this-

Heey, great post. Share it to all arseholes located at @areholeland who have 100,000s followers.

Here’s why…

1. Check the spelling!

Any post that starts with “Heey” is your indicator of an impending sales pitch. Hit the block, then the delete buttons instantly. They are wasting your time.

2. Share it to …..

There is never a free ticket in life. You always have to pay in some way, whether it be money or some form of energy exchange.

When you are encouraged to share something to a different location, this is sales speak spam! The language itself is code for “please purchase some air space and I’ll get a percentage cut of what you pay.

3. The accounts aren’t real

Be aware if the ‘person’ making a comment on your fabulous post has no likes or followers. It’s likely to be a bot. We’ve all seen the promos to purchase 10K likes — well, that’s part of how they do it. They use algorithm machines to activate discussion traffic on your site, and direct traffic to your site based on #hashtag themes you nominate.

4. The importance of your network

If there is a genuine invitation to visit a site, there will be an actual person on the end of the account. They will have posts and have shared something with the world.

Even if they share nothing, there should still be pages they follow.

Numbers don’t lie, if there aren’t any on the account, then hit the block and delete buttons. Keep moving, nothing to see here folks.

A genuine invitation will hopefully eventuate because you’re growing your existing professional network. These are the very best shares to acquire.

5. Get curious

Sometimes you may receive DMs (direct messages) to your account with a sales pitch. Be sure to check the business as you may find the needle in the haystack and that larger company may just very well be interested in you and your product.

The reality is they are likely seeking free endorsement and advertising by gifting you a sample of the product.

Warning — read the disclosure statements carefully. You may stumble into an agreement by which you could be dispensed a product to sell, or liable to pay for post promotions on their site.

6. Check the integrity of the referral sites

I encourage all my business mentoring clients to explore the integrity of the promo site you’ve been directed to. Review the quality of posts including graphics and copy, and ask yourself these questions:

  • Does their vibe align with yours?
  • Is there a clear strategy or message achieved?
  • Does that strategy align with your own strategy, values and beliefs?
  • Are there a bunch of cheap-looking practitioners, authors, or coaches — if yes, block that page (so it can’t be tagged in a message to you again)

7. Genuine growth

I’ve challenged alleged highly acclaimed coaches who have stalked me in an effort to engage in sales conversations. Sure they can start out complimentary, but more often than not, there’s a sales pitch sent by the third message.

This indicates a bot or pre-planned message strategy has been engaged.

Sometimes there’s a real person involved who challenges me with the enticing question — “wouldn’t you want to grow your social site to 100K?

I have been known to reply with the witty “why would you presume I’m not successful with my current strategy?” I’ve had real people respond with apologies when I challenge their integrity.

Here’s the thing.

  • I have over 1000 clients in my database
  • I am always booked three months in advance
  • I post with authenticity and integrity and strong feminine vibration
  • I don’t sell my soul on tiktok trying to ride a skateboard
  • I don’t mime songs on reels
  • I don’t sell snake potion or promise a quick fix

What you see is me consistently showing up and achieving organic growth. Whilst I may only have 1.5K followers, I know most of them by their first names!

I know my niche. I know my audience. I know the key message. I know who I want to attract and how to talk to them.

We have a relationship. That’s worth more than hundreds of thousands of followers who never show up or truly engage on my sites.

I discern my audience and the boundaries of a professional practitioner.

I recognise and celebrate I’m not as big as NIKE. I am one hundred per cent okay with that. Sending me a “heey” message and thinking you can capitalise, buy or dip into my brand and reputation that I’ve built over two decades just won’t cut it.

Conclusion

The next time you receive a “heey … share it here” message, can I invite you to use the tips above, and discern the integrity of the comment? If your vibe doesn’t align, delete and block!

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Withinclick here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself?Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Six Tips To Prevent Xmas Burnout

Six Tips To Prevent Xmas Burnout

I can vividly remember a time when I worked in both government and consulting jobs and there was enormous pressure to do a month’s worth of work in three weeks during the month of December. It was the classic case of kill yourself to get the stuff on the boss’s desk, and then you could take a festive break. And you’d need it from the burnout caused by nearly killing yourself to get all that work done.

Now as a small business operator, I’ve learnt this is the same. However being my own boss means that I get to plan when I’m busy and how busy I choose to be. These days are filled with a lot of self care.

I can remember a time when I felt completely burnt out and was way too tired to enjoy Christmas. How sad is that, that I’m too tired to enjoy the festive-ness of the season!??

Do you feel the same?

My husband still works in a retail job and deals with cranky customers for those six weeks in the lead up to the big day. He hates celebrating Christmas because he is exposed to the toxic energy of people running, people frantically buying up all the stuff. He is exposed to those burnout people. And he was completely over it.

Thankfully that’s not us anymore, because we’ve got strategies now.

We learnt to embrace our race at our pace. As a business coach now, I regularly share my tips on how to avoid burnout as a practitioner this festive season.

Here’s six tips to prevent burnout this festive season.

Tip # 1 – Plan Ahead And Dedicate Time For Family And Friends First

By booking time for commitments you want to keep with family and friends, you can then choose to work around these times. You get to remain in charge of your calendar and not be dictated of your availability.

Be sure that these special times and appointments are clearly marked in your diary. Over the years I’ve coped a lot of flak from family when booking way in advance in the calendar, but I feel awesome when I arrive to an event, feeling refreshed and have set aside time to be able to contribute to the meal by doing some food preparation and gift wrapping.

Tip #2 – Have A 100 Day / Appointment Countdown Till Xmas Campaign

After you have marked time for you in the festive season, calculate a 100 appointment vacancy count down till xmas. EVERY time I run this campaign, I quickly fill my forward bookings. I use ‘Buddy the Elf’.

And whilst I have some grinchy clients who groan when they see Buddy, there are those regular clients who will book a couple of sessions to ensure they can tolerate their mother in laws and visiting family who they only see once a year.

I always laugh when people tell me these sessions help them to stay out of prison, for without it their patience and tolerance of others would have taken a vacation to the north pole!

Tip #3 – Meal Planning & Food Preparation

Now I know this sounds ridiculous, but what do you find yourself advising clients – look after yourself first!

As a busy working mum who has an active social life, the month of December for me is filled with a huge variety of ‘end of year’ activities, catching up with friends etc. and then there are all the events for my daughter as well.

The last thing I want to think about is what to cook for dinner.

So, I plan a month’s worth of meals, which are quick and easy to prepare. I have variety to stimulate my palate and ensure that I maintain my calorie intake.

I dedicate half a day each week to do food prep for the week to limit the time I do before each meal. I want to be able to dash into the kitchen and choose less than 10 ingredients and pull together a nutritious meal.

Tip #4 – Continue Your Exercise Regime

In order to maintain my high vibe I have to move my body each and every day. So I schedule this time into my calendar.

Frankly you may call this ‘control freak’, but I call this keeping myself honest and dedicated to self. It also sends a message to universe that I am committed to self.

I am also demonstrating to my clients that I walk my talk. I am filling up my cup first and everyone else gets the overflow.

Tip #5 – It’s Ok To Say No

During December, sometimes friends and family may have to wait. But this is my choice because I don’t want to compromise my time with loved ones. I want to capitalise on the time we spend together and not rush it.

Therefore, I have most of my ‘delayed dates’ in January. Instead of spending an hour with dear friends and family in December, I can dedicate an entire day or weekend in January. Everyone wins and I feel so much more relaxed. We practice the pause.

This means that my vibrational energy remains high to be of service to clients. Those nearest and dearest to me understand I run my own business and feel happy that I prefer quality time with them.

December is a crazy clinical month for me. So, I limit what I do on weekends socially during this month and tend to celebrate life after xmas is over. I choose to see people after their burnout has finished and they’ve relaxed a little.

Tip #6 – Make Your Own Traditions

We’ve experienced a family rift because we weren’t gathering on the expected Christmas day event. If we are realistic, this is just another day of the year. Yes, it’s special for kids, but frankly you make it what you want to make it.

My husband almost loathes Christmas after working in retail for nearly three decades. So he hates shopping, even for groceries during this time. So we do things that are away from the crowds. We spend quality time with people who make us laugh and make our hearts sing. We click and collect our grocceries.

We minimise our exposure to the burnout crazies in town.

There is always silliness with my crazy festive hats. There’s also laughing at my dancing, of which it is intended. There’s always friends around my table rather than immediate family who are spread three corners of the state. Our extended families all work either for themselves or shift work. So to get us in the one place on the one day is a logistical nightmare. It makes sense that sometimes we have to do our festive catchups over the summer to create the alignment. It’s not about the one big day, it’s about the gathering.

Conclusion

Just do your best. If some year’s this doesn’t appease someone, remind yourself that their complaint is theirs and not yours. Just please you and respect others.

Embrace your race at your pace. Plan ahead so it’s more likely you can cruise along the festive pathway rather than careen towards a cliff!

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Mental Health Counselor, Hypnotherapist (incl psychotherapy), Resource Therapist, Kinesiology Practitioner, Wellbeing Coach, LEAP, NES + TBM Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author.

Karen is a self-confessed laughaholic who loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen sees the value in bringing her tribe together for all to flourish.

Use COVID Pause To Boost Your Business

Use COVID Pause To Boost Your Business

When pairing up with a colleague, learn the addresses of their social media sites. Invite the opportunity to like and share each other’s pages. If you like the balance provided by your new colleague, give them a testimonial and/or review!

I have created a template in my professional www.canva.com account. Each time I get feedback I can knock up a draft for the client to review and approve and have it posted in under ten minutes.

 

 

 

Set up your systems so that you can easily capture testimonials and feedback from your clients. For example, automate sending the client a text or email the day after their session and ask them “so how are you feeling today?”.

When you receive a response that is positive, ask permission to use it as a testimonial (limit name reference) and provide a sample for the client to ‘see’ what your intention is. To date, I’ve never had anyone say no!

Commence gathering a collection of testimonials and utilise them sporadically throughout your marketing and across social media platforms. Remember, varied length testimonials are also very handy when building or updating your website and filling in blank areas!

Remember as always, everything in life is practice. Use this COVID period to gather your testimonials and reviews, create a capture system and promote our amazing modality and your business all at the same time!

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, self-confessed laughaholic, and now Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

It’s the simple things in business that matter

It’s the simple things in business that matter

The two most significant things I initially invested into my business fifteen years ago, are still relevant and useful today. Both items at the time purchase, were financially significant because my business was only part time and they were what I considered then to be expensive.

The first item was a high-quality portable massage table. It was not only comfortable for the recipient to lie on for the duration of an hour consultation, but also had a large weight carrying capacity. This was an important factor when dealing with people trying to lose weight, pregnant women and gigantic footy players! This meant that I could have big people on my table and not have to worry about the legs failing, or the table tipping.

This portable table is also very light to carry, and easy to place in and out of my car. And the best feature of all, it is height adjustable. So, my back never gets sore when I work.

Of course, now that I have permanently migrated into my clinical environment, I have an electric table, which is brilliant for altering heights based on the size of the client, not just my height. I look after my body as well as yours when I work to ensure I can continue to provide one to one service for a long time to come. Therefore, the purchase of long lasting and suitable hardware is essential.

Can you guess what the second big initial investment was? Well it was two things actually.

My towel warmer still creates toasty warm towels for massage and trauma work, or even simply clients in need of nurture and reassurance. For such a simple gesture of warmth, the trust factor of quickly building the working relationship with a client is immediate.

The final fantastic investment I made in my business was exceptionally good quality towels. I purchased them in bulk quantity which enabled a wholesale purchase price. I swore after having a massage experience whereby I could see and smell the previous (what felt like 15) clients prior to me, that I would change the entire set of towels for each and every client. Whilst this is in accordance with the Code of Conduct, many therapists don’t do it.

I know, Eeeeeeewwwww with a capital E!

So, I purchased sixty towels, which sounds like a lot, but when you use 4 towels for every session and can massage upwards of eight to then clients each day, then that washing pile rapidly grows! It’s a regular site to see my Hills Hoist full of nothing but towels! The washing alone can be time consuming and expensive. Hanging the towels outside also exposes them to direct sunlight, so they fade, but are also exposed to airborne particulate matter. So, if you have a client who gets hayfever from pollen, having air dried towels is a massage issue!

Nowdays I have an industrial sized washing machine and drier. No sooner have I finalised one client, the towels are straight into the washer, dried at lunchtime and folded at the end of the day for tomorrow.

Today, I have undertaken purchases for training equipment that has cost me in excess of twenty thousand dollars. I see this as a long-term business investment and are grateful to be in a position to do this. That said,

starting your own business doesn’t mean you need all the bells and whistles upfront. You just need the basics and bare minimum to deliver the service, and, test the marketplace to see if there is demand for what you have to offer.

Nothing purchased in my clinic has been spur of the moment. It has been well thought out, and I’ve done a cost benefit analysis to ensure I can justify the purchase in the first place. Any new item must be able to compliment my brand and services offered.

It’s the little things that clients comment on – the hot towels, the reminder emails, recorded video summaries, and support essences, all support and contribute to making my service unique and desirable for repeating.

Nowdays as a coach, I often get asked what would I invest in. Here’s my top tips.

2.  Invest in quality items

As you can afford, invest in business acquisitions which provide value to your business, whether it be time saved by your client using an online booking system, or an electric treatment table. There’s nothing worse than paying money and spending your valuable time to acquire a service and the equipment fails. It’s such a strong reflection on the business and its brand.

1.  Invest in quality training.

Always undertake training from credible and industry known service providers. The reason for this is that their content is of a high standard, and their training programs have been scrutinised. Additionally, a good trainer will provide you quality content AND quality supervision to ensure you are learning their material correctly. This is vital to bring it back to your place of business.

Quality items which last a long time are a good investment if your business can afford.

3.   Be authentic

Let’s be honest. When first starting out, it’s absolutely ok if you don’t have all the bells and whistles.

It’s also ok if you don’t have all the technical knowledge.

Simply be upfront with clients about where you’re at.

Remind yourself of the passion that led you to provide the service you are providing. Always remain connected with your ‘why’ and that tends to get you through any bumps along the journey path.

Continue to be devoted to who you are and what you are trying to achieve. I often find it’s the simple little things that we bring to the table that make our product so attract – it’s an extension of our authentic self!

TOP FIVE BIZ TIPS

TOP FIVE BIZ TIPS

So you’ve graduated or are close to graduating your chosen course. You’ve probably started thinking about how you’re going to translate your studies into a viable business – but where to start, right? When working with coaching clients, there are a couple of consistent small actions I find myself sharing. These tips are above and beyond the basic business needs like organising the following:

  • modality insurance;
  • a business name;
  • finalising your qualification;
  • opening a separate business bank account; and
  • establishing a place of business.

In fact, riding the rodeo of small business is often associated with stepping right out of your comfort zone and learning to wear all the hats – finance controller, administrator, marketing to name just a few, all before you work as a practitioner! Crazy right? In my 15 years of running my own business, and 25 years of working for corporate businesses, I’ve learned to adapt my investigative and audit skills.

You’ve got to bring the focus right back to you.

Want to know more? Here’s my top tips to embrace your dream job!!

Tip number one is to ensure your focus is on you!

 

I know that sounds a little weird but the age old saying that “you can’t pour from an empty cup” is so true!

When you’re wearing all the hats in your small business, it can very quickly get overwhelming and exhausting.

Furthermore, when you work with people, you’re going to use a lot of your energy to maintain and hold space for another person. So, it’s a good idea to regularly review how you look after yourself.

Some people scoff at me when I advise that I book all my self care appointments in advance. Come each and every new year, I’m booking in appointments with the hairdresser, chiropractor, massage therapist, kinesiologist for the coming twelve month period. Why? Because I matter and when my bucket isn’t overflowing with energy, I don’t do my best work. So I book for me first, and then block these times out of my online booking system.

You need energy to maintain the ability to run the marathon that a business requires. So schedule time for yourself each and every day to nurture the energy you have. You’re going to need to be able to ramp this up in order to deliver your heart felt service.

So, if you’ve been feeling sluggish, I strongly recommend you re-assess how you’ve been caring for yourself.

Great food, movement and even moments of mindfulness (like meditation) all contribute to filling your vessel with self love

And don’t forget, before you started your small business you already had a life! You’re going to need to figure out how to balance your time and energy between business and everything else in your life – family, friends, sport etc. So remember this, focusing on you and your schedule is vital.

Your race your pace

In other words – schedule yourself first in your diary!

Tip number two is to ‘accept the to do list’

 

Two of the biggest lessons I’ve ever had to learn are (1) that the ‘to do’ list for business is ENORMOUS. And (2) the list NEVER ENDS!!!

Once you get your head around those two facts, small business is easier to get your head around.

Creating a ‘to do’ list is vital to ensure you align to all the tasks you need to complete in order to satisfy your business plan targets. Additionally, having a ‘to do’ list helps you prioritise what you do each day or each time you decide to work.

There’s a couple of tricks with a ‘to do’ list. Be sure to scratch off each completed task as evidence YOU CAN DO IT! Often we need visual sensory input to remind our motivation that we are making progress!

Don’t be overwhelmed by the size of the list. If the stress creeps in get it sorted pronto. There’s nothing worse than having stress to derail you away from the dream life you are trying to achieve.

When looking at your ‘to do’ list, be honest in your assessment of the tasks. Identify what is the most cost effective tasks for you to complete quickly. The reason I say this, is because there are going to be times you can engage a sub-contractor to get things done. They’re going to be quicker and more efficient that you, and they’re likely going to be cheaper than you wasting time figuring it out yourself.

So where possible, outsource small finite tasks so you can concentrate on being a practitioner, not a web designer! If your current budget doesn’t permit outsourcing, talk to your mentor about options.

Tip number three, get a mentor!

 

I learnt very early on, when I started working out of university, that what I learnt from books meant jack shit when it came to the real world. I had foundation knowledge, but I needed to learn how to apply it.

I was fortunate that when I started working in a government job, I had to pair up with everyone in the team to do my work. I was the youngest by at least fifteen years, so I was so gifted working within such an experienced team.

This meant I learnt different tips, tricks and methods to approach all manner of different facets of my job. This also meant that I got good at checking the ego at the door, and, asking for help when I was stuck so that I didn’t fall behind in my work.

There is no possible way you are ever going to know everything on how to run a business when you start out, or even when you want to grow it.

The learning curve when starting your small business is extremely steep, and, can often feel very lonely and overwhelming. I find the trick is to accept you’re running a marathon, and pace yourself accordingly. If necessary, break down the task into small actions (hence the ‘to do list’) and schedule them into the diary. The list often helps me identify that what I initially thought would be a ‘quick and easy’ gig turns into something much more time consuming. So, it all comes back to the planning.

Additionally, scheduling these small actions into my diary helps me map out the prioritising of tasks each week. My forward planning improves as I gain understanding and experience of implementing actions. This helps me not overload my expectation of what I can reasonably achieve in a single week, whilst still being a member of a family and friendship circle. Remember the balance and focus on you!!!

I’ve got three mentors who I regularly touch base with for various reasons. One for money who has helped me gain understanding of profit and loss, turn over and budget forecasting. I’ve got a marketing mentor who has assisted me enormously to step out of my comfort zone and through social media show the world who I am. And I have a third mentor whom I refine the application of my technical knowledge.

Why would I want to waste any more of my time in learning things my mentors have already mastered? It’s a complete waste of unpaid time and energy to attempt to resolve the ‘hard stuff’ all by yourself and work yourself into a stressed-out meerkat.

Additionally, picking someone’s brains will navigate a path that often avoids a mistake they made in terms of learning lessons. This navigation is invaluable to the small business operator, who’s cash flow is often not high and trying to keep overheads low and do things yourself.

I strongly suggest in your first year of business, invest and book in regular touch bases with your mentor or mentors! They have helped me stay on track and kept me to task in terms of my strategic business plan and the targets I set myself. They also shared with me their contacts of subcontractors of who helped them. This was extremely useful because it meant I could use a model already created- rather than paying to reinvent the wheel.

Now that I coach myself, I’ve got standing arrangements with my virtual assistant who I send my biz clients to and we arrange the fabulous Deb to “do the same as Karen”. I’ve already consented to reapplication of my material with a change of brand. It’s lovely to pay this forward and help out those in my network where I can. Afterall, we are all ambassadors for change in our own way!

Here’s the classic mentor questions you could ask:

  • Have someone you trust in your corner for support
  • There’s no harm in asking “what did you do when this happened?”
  • How do you approach this?
  • What are the words you use?
  • What do I need to be mindful of?
  • Is there someone I can outsource this to?
Top tip number four is have a strategic plan

 

The strategic business plan helps you identify the four most important facets of your business:

  • Forecast budget;
  • Professional development;
  • Brand; and
  • Network

The plan helps you to identify a realistic forecast target (what you are capable of making if every appointment is filled) and subsequent spending budget.

I find my strategic plan is exceptionally useful in driving at what points of the year I can afford to study, or, place my focus on marketing because my forward bookings are down.

It’s vital to ensure you have ongoing professional development – yep more study. This keeps you apprised of developments in your field. It also provides new stimulus for you and your clients. Additionally, you build your network with every course you participate within.

The strategic plan helps you look ahead each month or quarter and identify the big gaps in your booking calendar. Where there are gaps, this is the signal to communicate now with your network to generate conversation about you and your services. Identifying who you will bring into your network each year is vital, as this steers where your business will grow both in demographics and services provision.

The best thing I love about my strategic plan is that it’s not complicated – it’s one page! Yep, one page. Most people I work with are baffled by this. My plan provides me a rapid overview of where I want to take my business each quarter.

I get to review it easily and quickly each quarter. It literally keeps me on track in terms of where I invest my energy and efforts. Often when I am reaching for the stars, I can share elements of my plan with either my mentor or virtual assistant to give them the heads up that I’m going to be talking to them more often in a given time period. This is often the impetus for me to schedule time out of clinic to meet with these contacts to ensure I get all the actions done. There’s nothing more satisfying to a control freak who loves to plan, than ticking stuff off the to do list.

Top tip number five is ‘be prepared’!

 

Being prepared for absolutely everything and anything to be thrown your way.

Small business is like riding a roller coaster. There’s the euphoric highs, and nauseating low times. There’s the thrill of the bends and turns and surprise of the view from the top. There’s the poo inducing feeling when you step out of your comfort zone and your outlook on life changes and you realise you really can do it.

And be prepared to back yourself and that dream you had when you first started studying.

So be prepared for a long list including but definitely not limited to:

  • Anything
  • Everything
  • Failure
  • Success
  • Stepping out of your comfort zone
  • For big lessons about who you really are and what motivates you
  • Freedom
  • Heartache and frustration
  • Challenges
  • Overwhelm
  • Stress
  • Sleepless nights
  • Judgement from family and friends thinking you are NUTS to follow your dream because it’s hard work
  • Joy from working with repeat clients
  • Elation from seeing clients change because of your service.

In my experience the first step to small business is believing in yourself and what you plan on offering. Don’t allow anyone to pull you off your path. Surround yourself with awesome, and, call in the abundance! When stepping out of your comfort zone, be sure to have someone experienced in your corner to help you ride the rodeo!

Always remember you can choose to change and embrace the real authentic practitioner within, and bloom from within.