I feel like I’ve tried everything

I feel like I’ve tried everything

Is this statement the biggest miss?

Whenever I hear a client tell me that they perceive they “have tried everything”, I know they’ve missed the most obvious thing. In fact, I wish I had a dollar for every single time I heard this phrase about someone on their healing journey.

Clients often boast of the list of things they’ve done to resolve their issue. They’ve set goals, created vision boards, put reminders in their phones, changed their routines, sampled every single diet known to mankind, taken expensive supplements and tried various therapies.

Their lists are expansive and exhaustive.

After twenty years of running a therapeutic space, I have one thing that my clients haven’t tried — reviewing their perception of themselves. Your self-image is critical to any change process.

So often, we look outside of ourselves to problem-solve something that is actually an internal issue. Your thoughts, feelings, and subsequent behaviours come from within you — these emotional aspects are a part of you.

You can’t cut that part out of you, nor can you stop it by pushing a button, taking a tablet or drinking a potion. You can however, learn to accept and hopefully love these emotional parts of yourself.

I ask clients (who have ‘tried everything’), what their worst perception is of themselves — I am treated with a stunned look or blank face. Sometimes I wish I had a camera to capture their reaction, because it’s so dramatic.

If the person is brave enough, they will admit their negative self-beliefs. These deep and dark confessions sound like –

  • not good enough
  • hopeless
  • unworthy

It’s word vomit like this that dissolved your positive foundation. I use the metaphor “think of your body as a house”. When you have strong positive beliefs, the foundation of your house is solid and grounded. But when you experience thoughts and feelings that are negative, you’ve got termites.

Negative self-beliefs eat away at your confidence —using the metaphor, negativity destabilises your walls and roof, letting in the outside weather. Imagine looking at a termite-infested house, with rotting walls and holes in the roof.

Go on, imagine that right now.

Imagine trying to relax or get warm during a storm, with the rain and wind gusting through all those holes. Imagine how uncomfortable you’d become.

This is what happens to your body when your belief in self becomes negative. When you continue with negative self-beliefs you erode your inner world-

  • your outlook on life
  • your willingness
  • your motivation
  • your boundaries (especially with how you allow others to treat you)
  • how you show up to the world

To stabilise your emotional foundations, I use a combination of modalities and tools to support my clients in defusing the negative emotional energy associated with their lowered self-belief.

Try my H.E.A.L. method – Four simple steps to guide you inwards and find your solution for healing

 My H.E.A.L. Method is a simplistic approach designed to guide individuals through their healing process that is both intuitive and effective. By following these four steps, you can facilitate your own personal growth to restore positive belief in self.

STEP ONE — H: Hear

The first step is to hear what you are saying. This involves listening deeply to the language you use about yourself. 

Emotional negativity is comprised of thoughts, feelings and behaviours (because they can’t be separated). There is power of choice when you explore what you are feeling, what you think when you feel those thoughts, and what your resultant behaviour becomes.

Your ability to ‘hear’ gives you a conscious awareness of your triggers.

STEP TWO — E: Evaluate

So you’ve started listening attentively. Your next step is to evaluate the emotion you become aware of. This will often be associated with those thoughts and feelings you’ve become stuck within. Gentle exploration of what activates your old pattern of negativity invites you to make different choices of what you may need to accept and even release.

Evaluating your own signals from your body and mind can be empowering. You’ll very quickly be able to identify people, places or situations that push all your buttons and cause the negative flag to fly.

It’s critical during this phase to be really kind to yourself — because we all have experiences of big feelings, patterns, triggers, and areas that need attention. 

STEP THREE — A: Adjust

Once you have gained a clear understanding of what and how your negative self-belief likes to dance, it’s time to adjust. You can choose to make a myriad of changes to your lifestyle, mindset, or environment that support your healing journey. 

The best part of this step is giving yourself permission to pause once you’ve recognised your old pattern has been reactivated, and make a choice to change. This could involve setting boundaries, adopting new habits, or seeking support from professionals.

When you work with me, know that we don’t knock down your walls, we don’t destroy, we explore and adjust. We use kindness to repair and rejuvenate your nervous system so it feels safe to make those adjustments.

Sometimes you install windows within your walls, unlock doors, or install a ladder to climb over the obstacles you’ve built yourself.  At each session we renovate your house to allow more light to shine from within, and for you to access your true inner essence. This is high vibration at work.

STEP FOUR — L: Liberate

The final step is to liberate yourself from the constraints of past pains and patterns. Embrace the freedom that comes from hearing, evaluating and adjusting to achieve your desired healing outcome. 

Liberation from old negativity incorporates celebrating all progress (no matter how small the step is) and continuing to nurture your well-being. What could be better to create meaningful change in your life than to maintain this new, healthy emotional state to balance your life?

Liberation often comes via homework, which gives you the opportunity to reconnect to the path that shines your light, over and over until it becomes subconscious muscle memory.

Conclusion

Following the H.E.A.L. Method is a process. You drive the speed at which you progress and create meaningful change in your life. By implementing the H.E.A.L steps, individuals can embark on a transformative journey towards healing and personal development.

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Mental Health Counsellor, Kinesiology Practitioner + Accredited Business Mentor, Wellbeing Coach, Meditation Facilitator,  Hypnotherapist, and Resource Therapist. Karen is also a published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

5 Ways To Boost Belief In Self

5 Ways To Boost Belief In Self

Pick yourself up when the doubt starts to lurk

Living our human experience, we are firstborn without the capacity for anything more sophisticated than the basics — eat, poop, sleep and scream for attention.

Sometimes we forget this — we didn’t learn to walk and talk straight away. All these new skills take time to explore, attempt, fail, and develop. We don’t master perfection of these small actions, we practice and fall over and pick ourselves up — over and over again.

Developing our beliefs (defined as “an acceptance that something exists or is true”) about ourselves is just like walking. Our self-belief is an evolution of thought, reflection and acceptance of who we are. This changes and evolves throughout our entire life.

Yet as we age and mature we are exposed to experiences that challenge us. Some of these challenges even trigger us, and we have to work hard to acknowledge the trigger and heal.

Sometimes just pausing and mindfully breathing is enough to bring you back into the present moment. This takes practice.

Fundamentally though, we need to believe that our abilities can be developed to overcome the hurdle we face. Without that belief we have no hope. Without hope, what’s the actual point?

When we don’t initially succeed, a seed of doubt can get sewn. When you keep fertilising that seed on the unconscious level, the doubt can smack you so quickly. It’s at this point we unknowingly sabotage ourselves.

To minimise your tendency to sabotage, you need to be proactive in managing your belief in self.

So how can you proactively boost ‘belief’ in yourself? 

1. Practice positive self-talk

Gift yourself encouraging words. This is especially a healthy practice when you can catch yourself thinking or speaking something negative. When you can instantly acknowledge low vibration or negativity, and reframe with something positive you can instantly transform your emotional vibration.

Positive self-talk can also be boosted with the use of affirmations which create a positive and intentional mindset.

2. Set achievable goals

I’m a big advocate of trying to achieve good things in your life. Here’s the thing, I coach people to dream big and create tiny actions (that later become habits) that are super easy to achieve.

When you break down larger goals into a list of small actions, that are more achievable you quickly build confidence and belief in your abilities. You are more likely to achieve small wins on the board which will contribute to your motivation to continue when the actions get a little tougher and more challenging as you progress.

3. Celebrate every success

When we implement those tiny actions (mentioned above) and have tiny wins — celebrate it all. Celebrate everything. Be sure to make the time to acknowledge every single little accomplishment, no matter how small they may seem.

You’ll gift yourself a dopamine hit and be your own cheerleader. Play your favourite song. Tick the job off the list. Pump yourself up with the little things. Before you know it, you’re ticking off all the things from your ‘to-do’ list.

4. Surround yourself with positivity

When self-doubt kicks in, you can feel incredibly isolated. This can exacerbate your sensation of lowered self-worth.

I’ve learnt over the years to include positive people in my tribe. They build me up when my knees shake or the nervous agitation rises.

I choose to surround myself with people who support and encourage me. They enquire about and track my progress. We debrief with each other’s projects and dreams.

So be sure to seek out positive and uplifting people and environments.

5. Embrace failure as a learning opportunity

We learn to walk by first figuring out how to roll, then crawl, then rise and step forward. This process isn’t without falls, slips and trips and the odd face splat.

But should you quit attempting to walk because you fall? Repeat the steps advised above, and reframe the experience — what did I just learn? Where can I make small changes or implement small actions?

Instead of letting failure bring you down, view it as a chance to learn and grow, and use it to fuel your belief in yourself.

Conclusion

Enjoy playing with these small tips and tricks to pick yourself up when the doubt starts to lurk. Belief in self is one of the most powerful actions you can gift yourself to live your best life.

You really can choose to change and bloom from within.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Withinclick here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself?Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland