fbpx
Seasons Greetings Or Reflections?

Seasons Greetings Or Reflections?

by | Dec 17, 2022 | Self Development

Could you pause this festive season from all that running and determine what best serves you moving forward?

What could you gain from limiting your festive season celebrations, to pause long enough, to reflect on the year …

I recognise that’s an odd question.But gosh, when you can gift yourself some precious moments to pause, you can find gold, buried deep within.
Could you limit your festive season celebrations to pause long enough to reflect on what worked and what didn’t?
But between all the running around that happens at this time of the year – with kids breakups, work parties, and social gatherings – we so easily deplete ourselves.
With all this running, a great fatigue set in, at the soul level.

Have you paused long enough recently on how you’ve navigated this challenging year?

This year has been challening for so many reasons.  Many have spent a year running back towards their definition of ‘normal’.
Are you one of them?
Our lives changed so drastically during the last two years. They changed to a space whereby they won’t return to what we once knew.
Our need to escape and return to all the old things that there known, certain and reassuring, for some, became an addiction.
Is it time to sit down somewhere comfy, put your feet up with a cup of coffee, and simply reflect on what worked in your life this year and what didn’t?

Have you created an unrealistic expectation that next year will be the best in your life?

If you answered yes to that question, then perhaps we should talk about sabotage patterns!

Can I invite you to use your reflection skills to reframe those expectations? Know this, you’ll need to to generate a certain willingness to make some changes?

I’m not talking rocket science. I’m talking about reflecting on how the simple things in your life like-

🥳 housework
🥳 shopping, or even
🥳 shuffling the kids to all the things.

Out of all of your commitments – can I invite you to reflect on what actually works in your life?

And perhaps whilst you’re at the task of reflection, can I invite you to consider what’s not working?

Take a deep breathe and ask yourself how not working affects you?

Here’s a fabulous reset tool for any overwhelming stress caused. Click the link below.

Reframe your New Year Intention

Considering the things you’ve identified that didn’t work this year, consider now what small changes you could make to restore calm and internal peace?

Could it be as simple as offering family members an experience instead of a present this festive season?

Might you also consider making a stronger commitment to more self care next year?

Perhap you may book a year’s worth of self care appointments?

Conclusion

Whatever your reflection of this year is, can I invite you to reframe anything negative into a motivating force to make slight alterations for the future?

Often it’s just little things, repeated over time, that generates big results.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

A Spiritual Awakening Is Just Muggle Speak For …

A Spiritual Awakening Is Just Muggle Speak For …

by | Dec 17, 2022 | Self Development

I recently had a client in my clinical practice, weeping and sobbing.

She’d been accused of changing during the pandemic by her husband. She agreed with him and responded “you’re right, I’ve had a spiritual awakening”.

He didn’t like it. Not one bit. They fought. He told her that she was different now, and he wanted the woman he married before children. He wanted the woman who was once

  • carefree and vivacious
  • liked to have fun
  • had all the time in the world for him
  • loved wild, passionate, hot monkey sex

I told this client that a spiritual awakening is simply muggle speak for loving yourself.

Let’s clarify something — most of us are hot to trot in our twenties.

When we are young, we often lack inhibitions and therefore willing to try all sorts of things in life. And most importantly we are energized to undertake those activities.

There’s a reason for all that energy — it’s not spread out anywhere yet. It’s all yours. All that golden bright light is yours. Your days, your time, your joy is yours to do with as you please.

And then the shift comes as soon as the babies arrive. Your investment in others meanders, causes your heart spark to spread outside of yourself. You are no longer the center of your attention whilst the babes need you for survival and nurturing.

There is a shift within relationships as we share the load of the babies in our home. Traditionally the societal expectation and conditioning infers that the woman remains at home as the home maker and nurturer.

Any parent, regardless of gender, will tell you that active parenting is challenging. Showing up constantly to be the parent you choose to be can be exhausting. And you tend to lose a little of yourself whilst parenting young children.

The act of parenting creates a form of disassociation from your heart — that space deep deep inside. All that giving separates you from that inner part of you, where your calling resides. Where your inner child listens and feels to every experience you have. Whilst this space is physically small, it is energetically enormous.

This sacred space holds your inner treasure and alignment to your soul space.

Sometimes your inner self, (that inner child) can no longer hold onto all the fear, or the pain, or the worry, or the thoughts. All that emotional energy must spill out. This causes us to shed tears and provide some semblance of release.

When we hang onto all that unprocessed emotional energy, we pause our maturation. We pause our growth. Our evolution stalls.

The thoughts, feelings and attitudes that trigger us boil within, much like a rumbling volcano.

This causes the frustration, anger, and rage to build until we explode — volcano eruption.

The bread winner who leaves the home each day for work, may wonder where their partner has disappeared when fronted with these exploding emotions.

It’s quite common for the breadwinner to experience confusion at their mate’s despair. For they are unaware of the cabin fever experienced by their partner. They aren’t observing the lack of adult conversation or stimulation. They are oblivious to the boredom and simple desire for connection -not sex.

It stands to reason, that when one partner leaves the house each day and experiences the joy of stimulation of variety — different places and people. The person left behind has the experience of too much time to think combined with a temporary loss of identity (you become someone’s parent).

And the search for self begins. When you feel so lost and detached from yourself, the motivation to find yourself again is high. You become a seeker, of your own truth.

This is the beginning of the spiritual awakening.

For those entertained with the outside life, the thought of the spiritual awakening can be quite intimidating and often misunderstood. It can feel threatening to pay witness to your partner to evolve and actively become a seeker of truth.

The person on the spiritual awakening can change in front of your eyes.

After all, a spiritual awakening is simply a state of mind and heart harmony whereby you learn to like yourself, accept yourself, respect yourself. Your spiritual awakening is your journey to love yourself.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

4 Ways To Lift the Curse of The Good Girl

4 Ways To Lift the Curse of The Good Girl

by | Dec 12, 2022 | Self Development

You can be good to yourself first

 

As children, we are often exposed to a parenting style that has been passed down through generations. It’s fundamentally a societal shame.

The behaviour pattern creates a structure around a false belief that the parent is in charge, is the boss, is the only one to have an opinion, needs or emotions that need to be met.

In a recent Instagram post, Dr Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist), the “good girl” conditioning we receive in childhood creates an expectation that we should be agreeable, pleasant, polite and nice.

Dr LePera continued that this taught behaviour incorporates a training that the child does not express their feelings, especially anger. The child is encouraged to surrender all boundaries – just think of having to have your photo with Santa or hugging pervy old uncle Arthur at the family gathering.

The good child is also advised to hide their needs.

When a person parents with this behavioural style, the expected result is a good child. The actual outcome is a traumatised child who constantly seeks conditional love, in an attempt to heal a massive emotional wound.

From the child’s perspective, this consistent treatment creates a wound which contains low self worth, low self esteem and a sabotaging behavioural pattern of never feeling good enough.

The rigid parent instructs (who is a good child themself), teaches and actively guides their child to behave in a certain way – especially when out in public.

We are told that our behaviour is an extension of our parents capability of controlling us, which in turn apparently validates their role as a good parent.

What actually happens is the child becomes a super pleaser. They don’t know how to face their emotions because they are always too busy helping everyone else.

We are told as children, that if we aren’t good we don’t make the nice list – and it’s inferred that we are bad. The threat of santa not visiting is enormous to a child and the ultimate punishment.

A good girl grows up with the understanding that a good person doesn’t speak up, share their opinion or behave in a certain way

A good girl grows up with the understanding that a good person doesn’t speak up, share their opinion or behave in a certain way … because you know, the neighbours might think something bad of you.

Dr LePera suggests that this type of good girl is referenced as ‘mature for their age’.

However the sacrificing of your needs for others, sets up life long patterns of sacrifice, whereby you feel guilty as the adult for doing anything for yourself.

Girls who are encouraged to drop boundaries of their emotions and personal space automatically develop the freeze response.

This leaves the adult completely incapacitated to respond when triggered. The result is activated anxiety, an inability to express self clearly, and automated emotional dysregulation. And it stems back to when you were forced to ignore your feelings about that drunk uncle as a kid, and embrace that person because it would look like you’re being rude.

The result of being a good girl is that you crave being liked, because this is the behaviour that has been reinforced as a child – do what it takes to fit in and be accepted.

The child is warned “don’t rock the boat”, and the message is well received – act out at your own peril.

That warning is the actual curse for the child – a silent  threat of consequences.

 

This subconscious need for approval, fitting in and being liked becomes a hypervigilance of approval seeking.

Dr Lepera describes that when we aren’t frozen, we disassociate – we enter fawn phase. That translates to don’t create conflict, don’t rock the boat, appease at all cost.

Lepera states that the good girl doesn’t learn vital interpersonal skills like expression of needs, creation and enforcement of boundaries, or conflict resolution.

This need to suppress all the emotions creates a cauldron of unresolved, unexpressed emotions that simmer away, just ready to explode out like a volcano erupting.

Here’s the thing, denying the expression of the feelings, especially publicly with a side dish of shame creates two things.

Firstly, it generates fear. Fear to let go, fear of being judged, and fear of the unknown. All of this crap creates the disillusion that we aren’t authentic if we tap into our feelings bucket.

Secondly, if you decide to siphon off the feelings bucket, it has to be done in a controlled way or you are no longer good or there is something wrong with you.

Lepera’s advice is golden – “it’s not our role to get approval from those around us.“

I am reminded of Regina Brett’s quote – “What other people think of you is none of your business.” Another person’s response to you is their stuff.

If you’ve been raised by a good girl, then you haven’t been taught to connect with your own emotional response. Y ou’ve been taught to shove those feelings down into a deep dark abyss.

Modern psychology now understands that raising children as a good girl isn’t mirroring the resilience skills required to function adequately into adulthood – feeling secure within oneself.

Our role in life is to

  • understand and connect to our emotions
  • learn how to clearly express what we need and want
  • install boundaries or limits to ensure our safety.

Lepera offers up some gems of wisdom of how to heal this good girl wound through unlearning the patterns.

1. Recognise your emotional limits

The young good girl may have learnt that when you’re emotional your parent(s) react negatively. This may have lead to harsh punishment, rejection or the silent treatment.

This develops the hypervigilance pattern and fear of saying the wrong thing, getting it wrong and fear of failure.

It’s ok to to speak your truth. If this upsets another, their reaction is their stuff, not yours. You don’t have to pick it up and become responsible.

Know that if someone is upset, they can adult and express their feelings. If the other party doesn’t communicate – that’s ok too. It means you no longer have to search for clues.

2. Know your needs

Lepera states that the young good girl learns through repeated experience that their needs don’t matter. Learning to say / not say something or behave in a certain way to be polite, or not appear rude will over ride the discomfort of hugging the drunk uncle.

The key here is to connect into those bodily feelings and initial thoughts. Even a ten second breath or not responding out aloud, but acknowledging what you’re thinking and feeling starts the process.

Practicising the pause and reverse the swirling stress are two techniques which enable you to connect into what you’re needing.

3. Install and maintain boundaries

I cringed reading Lepera’s statement that most good girls have their boundaries violated. They key is learning to say no without the guilt, apology or guilt.

Here’s some examples:

  • “I’m not available at that time”
  • “I’m not comfortable with that”
  • “I’m not seeking feedback right now”
  • “no thanks”

4. Accept you aren’t for everyone

Not everyone will agree, understand or get your vibe. This doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong – like it was when your parent didn’t approve of you doing something as a child.

People moving in their own path is simply an indication that you’re individual and doing your own thing.

Conclusion

Being raised a good girl can feel like a curse. But it’s just a behavioural habit. Habits can be changed.

The only person you really need to be good to and for – is you.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Tips To Detach From Drama

Tips To Detach From Drama

by | Oct 10, 2022 | Self Development

Become the navigator of your inner peace

 

No matter how great it is, from time to time, we all have drama in our life.

Have you been racing around this week?

Planning, shopping, and cooking meals?

Dropping and picking up kids from school and activities?

Squeezing in time to rush off the gym or feeling guitly for abandoning the poor dog! I’m such a sucker for sad puppy eyes!

Do you use the excuse that you don’t have time? I bet there’s a side dish of guilt and perhaps even shame you serve yourself with this?

Maybe you have the misperception that the solution for dealing with all that popcorn (pop-up thoughts) in your head will arrive, once the kids are ok?

Perhaps you find yourself mentally blocked due to all that crazy shit running around in your head?

I can almost hear your head nodding in agreement! Guess what we all experience this from time to time.

Do you experience those moments of overwhelm – especially when you are relaxing? Does that anxiety spin your head because there simply is no logical reason for you to feel anxious – your life is amazing right?

Right????

Don’t kid yourself.

We ALL have stuff!!!

Here’s the thing.

We when live our life at full speed, there is no capacity for our body to rest, let alone process anything that we have experienced.

It’s at this point I hear the “yeah but” excuses like:

  • I’m too busy
  • There’s no time
  • I have to stay up late
  • I like having me time
  • Just have to get it all done before I go to bed, go to the gym, go to work
  • I am exhausted
  • But I count my calories
  • I only drink on weekends
  • I’m down to three red bulls a day
  • I’m overwhelmed
  • I’m panic over everything
  • I’m afraid of …

Underlying all those excuses is simply FEAR

Fear comes in many forms but often relates to two different time zones – the past or the future.

Fears from the past look and feel like:

  • judgement
  • letting go
  • perfectionism
  • not good enough

Fears of the future look and feel like:

  • uncertainty
  • unknown
  • expectation
  • need for control

1. Take A Breath

We all breathe, but do we do it well?

When you are relaxed your body breathes without giving it conscious thought.

But what happens to your breath when you’ve activated your survival reaction? What happens to your body when your flight-fight-freeze stress response is activated?

What I see every day in the clinic are clients who have become anxious, meerkat look-alikes!

People often need conscious reminding to just breathe when they are experiencing a trigger response. This is because on a subliminal level, your brain’s response believes your survival for life has been challenged in some way.

It’s vital to remind yourself that you are likely to experience some resistance to change when trying to gather your thoughts, or even a rational response. This is common.

So next time drama smacks you upside the back of your head, try taking a slow deep and purposeful breath to calm yourself. In relation, the slow deep breathing brings you back into the present moment – this is the only time zone where you can make change.

2. Dial Down The Survival Switch

We all have built-in neurological survival switches that keep us safe from perceived threats. When the switch is activated, there’s a biochemical response, and the body is flooded with stress hormones, which prime the body to fight, flee or freeze.

The trouble is, when we’ve done our survival reaction for a long time, we create subliminal habits and become reactive to all sorts of things. In turn this can formulate habits which drive anxiety and panic.

Try rubbing your switching points the next time you feel overwhelmed or panicked. Want the points, download the freebi guide below.

There’s no quick way to turn off these subliminal stress reactions, but you can wind down the dial of the intensity. Over time, becoming consciously aware of when you’re triggered, and taking small actions, enables you to change the neuroplasticity of your reactive programs.

Conclusion

Change is always possible, especially with a little consistent effort. The trick I find to detaching from drama, is to know which little action that I need to implement.

Want more?

Download the free ebook – Detach From Drama.

This eBook is a A 36 page resource to navigate the path to your inner peace.

By submitting this form, I consent to receive a regular newsletter which includes invitational offers and related promotional communications from Karen Humphries T/A Blooming From Within. You can withdraw consent at any time. 

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

Time to make a change?

Bookings – book today for an individual appointment

What is Kinesiology?

Join the private membership group Above & Beyond.

Learn more about other services offered click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland