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Have You Tried Failing Forward?

Have You Tried Failing Forward?

by | Jan 31, 2024 | Self Development

10 Ways To Change Your Mindset And Achieve Success

Our modern society has made us soft. So many clients that I work with experience anxiety because they lack the resilience skills to pick themselves up off the floor after splatting against the wall.

When was the last time you tried something new? I am being serious now. I am talking about sticking to something until you nail the outcome you want.

I will share an example of my tenacity. I hate tech. Hate is a big word to use, but when it comes to figuring out tech I would rather have a colonoscopy without the good drugs. When the tech doesn’t work, it can be so easy for me to feel overwhelmed to the point that there are tears.

Sometimes I have to remind myself how much my laptop costs before I throw it out the window whilst in the throes of frustration. What I have come to learn, is how to change my mindset so I don’t go out of control and activate my inner four-year-old tantrum self.

What I have learnt is that stumbling is a natural human art form. It’s normal to stumble, trip, and navigate your way around obstacles. As long as you can propel yourself forward, you’re still winning!

I do these things instead to ensure I continue moving forward, even if I am stumbling.

1. I take a couple of mindful breaths. 

Breathing slowly and purposefully allows you to become present. The present moment is a choice point. This is the headspace that allows you to choose your next action, rather than continue reacting defensively from a place of survival (and lack of clarity).

2. Adopt the mindset that every attempt is simply more experience

I remind myself I am learning something new. Every attempt I make with new action is building muscle memory and a foundation archive of experiences. There is no pass or fail, good or bad. 

The best part of learning is you are refining your brilliance, therefore your actions do not have to be perfect. When you gift yourself this awareness you are practicing kindness. Allowing yourself to learn means you move forward practising and refining your moves.

3. Connect with the feelings of trying

There’s great emotional power to be embraced when you work from your heart space instead of your head. Embracing your feelings allows you to step out of judgment about your performance, and simply step into your cheerleader outfit. This is one of the best forms of self-care — simply observing yourself do-ing rather than wish-ing!

4. Set a reasonable timeframe for your attempt. 

Where possible, do not continue with the frustration of not successfully attempting something new for hours. Perpetuating a perceived failure only makes you feel like shit and reinforces you are failing (in that moment).

This is demonstrated well when training a new puppy. A couple of minutes with a treat to repeat the first step of the sequence is all you need to create the dopamine effect associated with the attempt rather than the outcome.

5. Have a plan when success isn’t instant

For those occasions that I am unable to figure out the problem (and it’s usually tech) in twenty minutes I walk away. This singular action saves my nervous system 90 minutes to have to calm down from an episode of anxiety.

6. Do something different

I do something completely different for five minutes to reframe my visual reality. This soothes my nervous system. More importantly, doing something different gives you a fresh view and provides you with a different perspective. This is often where you open the door to possibilities. The fresh perspective is where you find new options and solutions.

7. Try bush flower essences

I take an electro essence by Australian Bush Flower Essences when doing anything electronic. A couple of drops of that elixir and the tech gremlins disappear. 

If you experience anxiety you may choose Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower Essence). Energy medicine is gentle and powerful at the same time. Open that mind of yours and see what might work for you.

8. Try again

I sit and make another attempt. If the tech still glitches I reboot my computer. If all else fails, I ask for help. There’s no point getting my knickers into a twist. I email or ring my tech person for support. I fall forward rather than stagnate in stress or overwhelm.

I did not realise there is a secret to be discovered when something continues to not work the way you want. The secret is that you are learning about the working parts of the problem. This enables you to describe the problem in detail. It also supports you to know what to ask help for from a big picture down to a microscopic view.

9. Know when to delegate

Some tasks initially seem impossible and completely out of your sphere of expertise. Here is an example. I recently received an email from my email platform providing me with the exciting news that Google was changing requirements for free email. To comply and have my emails not land in the spam folder I needed to take care of the SKM files.

Yeah, I had to look up what that acronym link meant as well, and still had no idea. I chose not to panic, I chose to be proactive and watch the instruction video. Still had no idea, and instead of panicking remembered that my website host has brilliant technicians who perform miracles like this task every single day. So I requested that they perform the task and explained I’m a bit of a technotard.

Bazinga five minutes later, I still have no idea what an SKM link is, but the email platform now links correctly. Problem solved.

10. Let go of expectations of how success will arrive

Allow yourself to experience the joy of simply being well enough to participate, without the expectation of completing what you are attempting. This is a mindful practice of simply being present at the moment and allowing yourself to observe what is happening.

When you are present, your need for control is reduced.

Conclusion

This is your permission slip to continue dreaming. Dream as big as you want. Just be sure to take small, achievable steps using these tips, to the summit of the outcomes you desire. Know that you may stumble, trip, have obstacles in the way and may need to fall to learn. Just be sure to fall forward!

Listen to the audio version via the “I Am Change-ing” Podcast – click here

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Change Facilitator — Kinesiology Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Wellness Coach, and Training Resource Therapist.

She is a published author of This Is My Roar.

She is a self-confessed laughaholic and loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

4 Questions To Answer The Call Of Your Dream Life?

4 Questions To Answer The Call Of Your Dream Life?

by | Jan 9, 2023 | Law Of Attraction

When was the last time you actively connected with the dream of the life you want to live? No faffing about. I’m being serious now.

Let me ask you these coaching questions …

When was the last time you dedicated even just ten minutes to connecting to that dream of your ideal life? 

How often are you making yourself so busy to the point of distraction and avoidance of what you really want? 

Why are you making yourself busy pleasing everyone else first?

Answering these questions can feel confronting. I get it.

The reality is that one of the most common replies made by my clients is this — “I don’t have time”.

I always pause the conversation by calling bullshit. Then I asked the individual “what would Dr Phil say to that statement?”

I generally receive a quizzical look from the client. I always continue with Dr Phil’s classic question “how’s that working for you?”

It’s at this point of a clinical session, that the coaching begins. If you haven’t been doing your personal journey work, these questions may feel like I’m slapping you with a fish.

Source — SA Fishing via giphy.com

NYE isn’t a reset, it’s a milestone reminder.

It’s the perfect gift to reassess where you’re at in relation to working towards living your dream life.

Instead of making NYE resolutions, as a Change Facilitator, I recommend you ask yourself these four questions.

1. What is the exact vision of my dream life?

Is the picture of your dream life crystal clear? I’m not talking about you picturing yourself winning Tattslotto. 

I’m asking you whether you can the vision clearly. Can you see what you’re doing in the dream? Who are you with, sharing the dream life?

2. What are the new habits?

When you assess the vision of the dream life, take a really good look and explore what you’re doing. Examine the habits required to be achieving success — this is the path you’ll need to be walking.

3. What small actions can be implemented to create new habits?

Habits are simply a bunch of small actions mushed together on a consistent basis. 

For example, when you first train to walk a marathon there’s no running involved. You begin by putting your shoes on every morning and walking to the front door. Do that for a week, and progress to the letter box. And then walk around the block.

You can see where I’m going with this — master the little steps until it becomes unconscious muscle memory and progress to the next milestone. Living the dream is no different. The key is to implement small actions and where ever possible! 

4. Can you connect with how the dream feels?

When you connect with the feels of living your dream life, you create conscious evidence that your dream is real AND can be achieved. That’s a motivating distinction.

Every time you step towards your dream, and those feelings, you are magnifying the energy associated with what you want — at a soul level. Chase those joy bubbles everywhere!

Conclusion

Remember this. Every year is your year. What you learn from the experiences each year is a conscious choice to continue striving to live the dream you desire.

Imagine how different life could be if you approached it with the enthusiasm of the new year.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself? – Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

5 Foundations Of Resilience

5 Foundations Of Resilience

by | Sep 2, 2022 | Self Development

What are the five foundations of resilience?

 

What is resilience? It’s defined as “our ability to bounce back from the stress of life”. Stress is a funny word. Most people don’t recognise that whilst we need some stress, like the alarm going off in the morning, any sustained stress is actually not great for our body or wellbeing.

Stress is defined as “a state of mental or emotional strain from an adverse or demanding situation”. Furthermore, the definition is further categorised that when in a prolonged state of stress, can cause imbalance and influence our ability to cope with life.

Resilience (or our ability to bounce back) therefore, requires a strong foundation and comprises five components: self-awareness, mindfulness, self-care, positive relationships and purpose. Resilience is not a skill we’re born with, it’s something we have to learn.

And what a time in the history of the world to learn these skills!

According to the creators of the WorkLife App, there are five pillars of resilience which include:

  • self awareness
  • mindfulness
  • self care
  • positive relationships
  • purpose.

One of the things I am constantly coaching clients, is that we are responsible for the lessons we embrace on our journey called life. Our humanness, all those experiences, are often messy.

Having a sense of self-awareness is empowering. It keeps you in the present moment, which is on the only time reference where change happens.

When exploring self awareness we commence with focussing on our ability to be conscious (present moment). It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge your stuff (what triggers you).

Self awareness includes your courage, willingness, motivation and intention to be aware so that you can change and navigate the path of life. Having an awareness of self allows you to understand how those around us perceive us.

When we are self-aware, and present we can choose to react or simply observe situations around us. This gifts us the space to then be compassionate and potentially consider what others around us are experiencing or hypothesize reasons for their actions.

Having a consistent self care practice that incorporates mindfulness enables you to practice your ability to be fully present, aware of where you are, what you are doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what is going on around you.

Berkley University defines mindfulness as “maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens”.

Therefore every time you acknowledge you’re stressed (this is the art of mindfulness) you can gift yourself the choice to actively become self aware to the experience you are having, and what is required to resolve the discomfort of what you are experiencing.

Self-care is the practice of implementing positive action(s) that improve or maintain your wellbeing and health. This practice looks and feels different for everyone – and so it should since we’re all uniquely different.

It is up to you to distinguish how you’re feeling and what self care strategy you need in the present moment that will create an intentional positive effort.

I recommend radical self care for everyone. This means try a bunch of different activities, so that you have a variety of strategies to support you when feeling tired, triggered, low or just in a funk.

The next criteria to solidify the foundation of your resilience is positive relationships. This starts with the relationship you have with yourself, and how well you are prepared to acknowledge what you need and when.

It additionally extends to creating and maintaining healthy relationships with people in your life – those people who we exchange love, care, and respect with.

Knowing your why or purpose. This fundamental understanding of why we are here in this life enables you to create a supportive mindset and attitude towards yourself and others. Your sense of purpose is the key to feeling that you belong or serve something bigger than yourself.

In his book, The Giant Within, Tony Robbins elaborates on this sense of significance and loving connection as two of the required human needs. Our sense of purpose is founded on your faith, your family values, or simply perhaps where you work or volunteer your time and energy.

Utilising these foundational tools takes practice. Let me explain why.

Creating a new skill and mastering it’s effect takes time. It’s often important to stick with a new skill so that you can discern how well it works for you when you’re feeling calm, and then gain an understanding of how it will benefit you when stressed.

An activity like meditation is beneficial in the moment when you’re calm, but really useful if you are consistently undertaking short span practice on a daily basis – then it’s like topping up your zen tank.

Self-care should looks different for everyone. It is the practice of taking action to maintain or improve our health. It is up to us to make an intentional effort to practice self-care.

Conclusion

Learning and maintaining these foundational skills takes practice – to know what skill works best for you and when to use the tool. Using these five foundations of resilience can provide you with the gift of reframing your thinking so you see yourself and the world around you in new ways.

Sometimes, capturing a different view of your reality is all you need to step out of drama and back into the present time frame.

Prioritising foundation resilience upskilling is a radical and fabulous holistic approach to manage the stress in your daily life as well as your overall well-being in the long term.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

5 Questions to Identify What is Enough – Click here

5 Tips to Focus on What Really Matters – Click here

Self Reflection – A little Look Within – click here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best Life – Click here

Time to make a change?

Bookings – book today for an individual appointment

What is Kinesiology?

Join the private membership group Above & Beyond.

Learn more about other services offered click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & TBM & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis Practitioner – she is a Change Facilitator!

Karen is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Healing Emotions Hurt More Than The Physical Wounds

Healing Emotions Hurt More Than The Physical Wounds

by | Aug 24, 2020 | Breast Cancer

How to come to terms with the emotions of cancer

There are several reasons that cancer is associated with strong emotions. Cancer is an evocative word, which has traditionally referenced a deadly disease. Yet this doesn’t change the fact it is much harder to heal the emotions of cancer, more often than the physical wounds.

What I know to be true, is that upon diagnosis, there is an overwhelming sense of uncertainty thrown in your face. Your mortality is slapped down in front of you. There is an immediate fear of the future, fear of the unknown and fear of losing control.

I still vividly remember the Saturday morning my breast surgeon delivered the news of my pathology results. I had been able to get myself out of my hospital bed unassisted. It physically hurt like hell, but once I got comfy in the upright chair I was able to settle. The bed was for sick people, I didn’t perceive myself sick then. I was simply recovering from mammoth surgery.

When my surgeon sat at the end of my hospital bed, her face was serious and I knew something was wrong. You know that dread you feel watching a suspense movie? You experience that sensation when you know instinctively something is coming and can’t prepare for it?

She informed me that the results were significantly scarier, from what the original scanning and biopsy had shown. That was one of several days the floor disappeared and I felt like Alice falling down the hole.

I allowed myself to sit in the vulnerable

Hysterical tears don’t even come close to describing everything I felt and experienced that day. Hot mess doesn’t either. But I did both of those things and everything in between. Panic. Terror. Overthinking. Sadness. Worry. Anxiety. I experienced all of it, smothered by it in fact.

There was little resilience left after surgery earlier that week to do anything but cry. At that moment I felt completed defeated. In those conversation moments, my physical pain didn’t even rate. But I was gutted emotionally.

I can now reflect on that horrible day, understanding the true power of the fear of the unknown. It’s crippling and leaves you feeling nothing but raw, extremely vulnerable and very isolated.

The healing I’ve done on myself since has shown me that with patience and the loving support of friends and family, I have turned that raw into MY ROAR!

Even now, as broken as you may feel, you are still so strong. There’s something to be said for how you hold yourself together and keep moving, even though you feel like shattering. Don’t stop! This is your healing. It doesn’t have to be pretty or graceful. You just have to keep going. — Unknown

It did, in fact, take the promised eight weeks to recover from that mammoth reconstructive surgery. In hindsight that was the easy part. The hardest part was dealing with the resultant PTSD emotions that arose from a traumatic biopsy experience.

I had buried myself inside the physical recovery from surgery with very little time to deal with the magnitude of why I had surgery and my diagnosis in the first place.

The subsequent emotional feels that are incorporated deeply with diagnosis, and were often expressed as feelings like dismal failure and depression. Feelings of perpetual entrapment ensued, both physically and mentally.

 

Identifying dark places

That was a dark hole, which took some intense therapy to work through. With hindsight, I can see exposing the darkness of those negative emotions with external assistance, allowed me to openly explore all the feelings as the gift it was. Healing those emotions was so much more intense and way more challenging than healing from breast cancer surgery.

The talking therapy was the trick. I didn’t avoid it, I couldn’t, for that messy bitch of emotions slapped me every day. I didn’t process having cancer at the time of diagnosis. I was too busy being shuffled between appointments, having surgery and learning to walk again.

The emotional bastard bit me as I started chemo. The feels oozed out with my energy as the magic medicine flooded into my body. This was the time that my strong facade faded. And once again I was back to feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable.

 

The talking therapist supported me to gently explore the maze within and find myself again. The talking granted permission to the floodgates to open, which had been bolted tight. Those gates had held everything inside. It was everything inside that robbed me of my energy to recover physically. 

 

As soon as I wrote in my journal or purged with my therapist the cascading avalanche of all my stuff spilled out. There was a release. It was those moments of releasing the emotional that granted permission for the physical to relax and heal.

A friend shared the following quote with me during these darker days. The message was received. Be kind to self. Put self first. Do what it takes to heal. So I did.

I know you are hurting — really bad. I will not tell you to love yourself or smile, but to keep surviving, to get through this day, to eat whatever you want and not feel guilt. I will not tell you to stay in bed for a week, a month or a year if that is what your soul needs. I will remind you that you are still beautiful, even when you are dressed in all the grief. — Rune Lazuli

The emotional roller coaster of cancer is expected and very normal. It’s our human response to a stressful situation. The various things we feel are simply exaggerated because there is a societal perception that we are fighting for our lives.

 

I worked with a therapist

With the support of my therapist, I dug deeper into the abyss of the connective tissue within the wounds I now wore. Initially, those new lines caused much shame and embarrassment.

 

I openly explored my old wounds

I openly explored what my breasts had meant to me as an individual, a woman, a girl, an infant, and mother. I healed more mother wounds, and in doing so in poured an immense and deeply felt gratitude for my feminine.

 

I worked through the physical loss

I worked through what it meant to have nipples, and the grief I felt when I lost one. I was forced to process the new bumps to my milky white chest landscape.

 

I worked through the tears

I worked through months of crying every time I looked at my new chest landscape. The red scarring, the skin graft, the puckered skin and the limited range of motion made the emotions raw. It was this rawness that slowed the physical recovery. I was looking too closely at physical wounds, spending all my energy literally trying to fix them. Trying to control the uncontrollable.

From every wound, there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says “I survived” — Ft Craig Scott’’

What I’ve learnt is the depth that connective tissue stores emotional trauma. It stores a negative outlook. The tissue stores the false expectations we think we need. The stretch of the tissue holds onto the need to control and keeps you in a state of physical stuck and emotional disbelief. This equates to non-acceptance and inability to flow physically and mentally.

Now that I am embracing my role as a patient it’s getting easier to see those new landscape lines. I’ve researched tattoo designs, and the meaning of the symbol I’ve learnt that the ancient Amazon Warrior amputated her right breast in order to shoot her arrow strong and true.

The lesson learnt and accepted is that I now point true north — metaphorically, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. 

Final words

 

If you find yourself, a friend or relative, on the cancer rollercoaster, and the likelihood is that someone in your life will be affected at some time, I offer you this. We are gifted challenges, not to endure but to experience. These challenges which arise enable us to explore more of self. These challenges gift us the chance to choose a mindset to focus on what is in our control and surrender to that which is not.

The more we can soften our emotional and mental perspective, the faster and more at peace our physical vessel will respond.

 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, self-confessed laughaholic, and now Wellness Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

How To Stop Making Excuses And Start Living Your Best Life

How To Stop Making Excuses And Start Living Your Best Life

by | Aug 20, 2020 | Self Development

How To Take Charge of Your Stuff

 

How you perceive these current global circumstances is a mindset choice.

  • I don’t have support.
  • I don’t have equipment or resources to achieve my goal
  • I don’t know the best way
  • I’m too old or young, to do what I want
  • I’m too busy to do what I want.
  • I’m too tired.
  • I’m too sore, too much pain or simply not feeling the vibe of wanting to do what I want.

Recognise the excuses are no valid, they aren’t you. They are conjured and fabricated from your self-doubt. The doubt arises from the fear that you may fail, miss out, be left behind, fear to be considered yourself unworthy, fear of feeling not good enough, fear the future, uncertainty or unknown.

Our truth is our capacity and commitment to rise above the experience and show the world who we really are, despite the fears of showing the world our true self.

And here’s the catch. You have to choose that outcome. You have to want your truth more than you avoid fear.

Starting your day with a positive intention-based mindset sets you up for success. Being aware of any negative dialogue you have during the day and reframing a negative thought, like a judgement, into something positive allows you to drag the energy of the excuse (and it’s associated behavioural pattern) into the consciousness to be addressed.

Being happy is like a savings account at the bank. It takes regular deposits into the account to make it grow, to evolve the habit and turn things around.

This commitment to self means no more cheating the rules, calling yourself on the laziness, and basically being committed enough to self to just do the life you want, over and over until it becomes the new habit of doing you.

Summary

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, self-confessed laughaholic, and now Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’