I feel like I’ve tried everything
Is this statement the biggest miss?
Whenever I hear a client tell me that they perceive they “have tried everything”, I know they’ve missed the most obvious thing. In fact, I wish I had a dollar for every single time I heard this phrase about someone on their healing journey.
Clients often boast of the list of things they’ve done to resolve their issue. They’ve set goals, created vision boards, put reminders in their phones, changed their routines, sampled every single diet known to mankind, taken expensive supplements and tried various therapies.
Their lists are expansive and exhaustive.
After twenty years of running a therapeutic space, I have one thing that my clients haven’t tried — reviewing their perception of themselves. Your self-image is critical to any change process.
So often, we look outside of ourselves to problem-solve something that is actually an internal issue. Your thoughts, feelings, and subsequent behaviours come from within you — these emotional aspects are a part of you.
You can’t cut that part out of you, nor can you stop it by pushing a button, taking a tablet or drinking a potion. You can however, learn to accept and hopefully love these emotional parts of yourself.
I ask clients (who have ‘tried everything’), what their worst perception is of themselves — I am treated with a stunned look or blank face. Sometimes I wish I had a camera to capture their reaction, because it’s so dramatic.
If the person is brave enough, they will admit their negative self-beliefs. These deep and dark confessions sound like –
- not good enough
- hopeless
- unworthy
It’s word vomit like this that dissolved your positive foundation. I use the metaphor “think of your body as a house”. When you have strong positive beliefs, the foundation of your house is solid and grounded. But when you experience thoughts and feelings that are negative, you’ve got termites.
Negative self-beliefs eat away at your confidence —using the metaphor, negativity destabilises your walls and roof, letting in the outside weather. Imagine looking at a termite-infested house, with rotting walls and holes in the roof.
Go on, imagine that right now.
Imagine trying to relax or get warm during a storm, with the rain and wind gusting through all those holes. Imagine how uncomfortable you’d become.
This is what happens to your body when your belief in self becomes negative. When you continue with negative self-beliefs you erode your inner world-
- your outlook on life
- your willingness
- your motivation
- your boundaries (especially with how you allow others to treat you)
- how you show up to the world
To stabilise your emotional foundations, I use a combination of modalities and tools to support my clients in defusing the negative emotional energy associated with their lowered self-belief.
Try my H.E.A.L. method – Four simple steps to guide you inwards and find your solution for healing
My H.E.A.L. Method is a simplistic approach designed to guide individuals through their healing process that is both intuitive and effective. By following these four steps, you can facilitate your own personal growth to restore positive belief in self.
STEP ONE — H: Hear
The first step is to hear what you are saying. This involves listening deeply to the language you use about yourself.
Emotional negativity is comprised of thoughts, feelings and behaviours (because they can’t be separated). There is power of choice when you explore what you are feeling, what you think when you feel those thoughts, and what your resultant behaviour becomes.
Your ability to ‘hear’ gives you a conscious awareness of your triggers.
STEP TWO — E: Evaluate
So you’ve started listening attentively. Your next step is to evaluate the emotion you become aware of. This will often be associated with those thoughts and feelings you’ve become stuck within. Gentle exploration of what activates your old pattern of negativity invites you to make different choices of what you may need to accept and even release.
Evaluating your own signals from your body and mind can be empowering. You’ll very quickly be able to identify people, places or situations that push all your buttons and cause the negative flag to fly.
It’s critical during this phase to be really kind to yourself — because we all have experiences of big feelings, patterns, triggers, and areas that need attention.
STEP THREE — A: Adjust
Once you have gained a clear understanding of what and how your negative self-belief likes to dance, it’s time to adjust. You can choose to make a myriad of changes to your lifestyle, mindset, or environment that support your healing journey.
The best part of this step is giving yourself permission to pause once you’ve recognised your old pattern has been reactivated, and make a choice to change. This could involve setting boundaries, adopting new habits, or seeking support from professionals.
When you work with me, know that we don’t knock down your walls, we don’t destroy, we explore and adjust. We use kindness to repair and rejuvenate your nervous system so it feels safe to make those adjustments.
Sometimes you install windows within your walls, unlock doors, or install a ladder to climb over the obstacles you’ve built yourself. At each session we renovate your house to allow more light to shine from within, and for you to access your true inner essence. This is high vibration at work.
STEP FOUR — L: Liberate
The final step is to liberate yourself from the constraints of past pains and patterns. Embrace the freedom that comes from hearing, evaluating and adjusting to achieve your desired healing outcome.
Liberation from old negativity incorporates celebrating all progress (no matter how small the step is) and continuing to nurture your well-being. What could be better to create meaningful change in your life than to maintain this new, healthy emotional state to balance your life?
Liberation often comes via homework, which gives you the opportunity to reconnect to the path that shines your light, over and over until it becomes subconscious muscle memory.
Conclusion
Following the H.E.A.L. Method is a process. You drive the speed at which you progress and create meaningful change in your life. By implementing the H.E.A.L steps, individuals can embark on a transformative journey towards healing and personal development.
About Karen
Change Facilitator
Karen Humphries is a Mental Health Counsellor, Kinesiology Practitioner + Accredited Business Mentor, Wellbeing Coach, Meditation Facilitator, Hypnotherapist, and Resource Therapist. Karen is also a published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’
