Forget Goal Setting — Start Aligning

Recovery from cancer is never-ending. It’s not spoken about much, and I think that is because cancer is a tough topic to discuss safely. There’s a societal expectation that once treatment is over, you can go back to the status quo.

Everyone expects you to return to normal.

The reality is that normal no longer exists.

The experience of cancer teaches you the lesson of change, that we grow and evolve. The lesson reminds us that we never remain the same.

The experience of cancer teaches the patient the importance of regularly tuning up their physical body to ensure optimal functionality. However, when you pair recovery from oncology treatment(s) with menopause changes within your mind and body, big changes are required.

Those changes aren’t just physical; you need a different mindset.

Why?

Your chemistry changes with age. Your capacity to detoxify, oxygenate, and energise cells changes over time. As you can imagine, your body’s chemistry is bombarded during oncology treatment — and it can take years to recover.

Therefore, trying to re-align to former behaviours and patterns from before a cancer experience is impossible — and sets you up to fail dismally.

Gone are the days when I can push my body beyond the fatigue signals. Oncology treatment ensured that I’m left with finite energy levels every day. That took a while for me to wrap my head around.

For someone who is neurodiverse, the concept that something is blocking me from being able to function with 50 mental browsers open, or juggle six things at once, was unfathomable.

I’d spent nearly four decades literally on the go and unable to sit still. Oncology treatment instigated the arrival of menopause, and it felt like I had joined a world wrestling match without training or preparation.

I got slammed.

To feel sane, I had to address the loss of expectation that I would recover to who I was before I was diagnosed. I had to say goodbye to the old me.

This translates to the fact that I could no longer coach myself through hard days. If I’m honest, I couldn’t coach myself through easy days either.

My level of fatigue was so extreme that I couldn’t talk myself into a positive mental place. I could no longer push for more or dig deep. I couldn’t recite affirmations to get myself through the mental fog.

I felt stuck in mud up to my shoulders.

This was a physical stress merged with mental thoughts and emotional behaviours. I felt the fullness of that stress vibrationally. Coaching no longer worked. Gone were the days when I could give myself a stern talking to.

I had to feel into a new alignment.

Menopause has gifted me an enormous awareness of how much oestrogen padded me out, and buffered me from a case of the ‘can’t be f*cked’.

On the other side of the cancer experience, I find myself in a place called nowhere. It’s liminal in nature, where space and time have little relevance. v

I have grown tired of making plans I can’t sustain. I have arrived at a mature awareness that I’m both neurodiverse and menopausal. This translates to — my hormones no longer masking my neuro-spiceyness!

I’m now a fully fledged ‘Karen’.

I try to keep her happy and lean into life, rather than coach my way through it.

I can no longer push myself to function without observing the emotional space of that moment, and actively listening to what my body needs or is capable of.

I was tired of always trying to do more, and now relish the stillness.

I was tired of the grinding and pushing. Just thinking about anything associated with ‘have to’ feels uncomfortable.

These days, I connect with what feels right. I align with the bodily sensations of feeling good. It’s a full-time job some days to take good care of myself.

I treat myself with kindness, not coaching. Coaching infers pushing, alignment invites stillness and recuperation.

And the truth is … I am not alone.

My clients tell me similar menopause transition stories, too. In fact, I hear these stories all the time from my clients. The mature women express their frustration at the expectations placed upon them, and the mature man doesn’t understand why he is now feeling disconnected from his partner.

Menopause is a kicker of asses.

The decline of oestrogen teaches women that our energy changes daily. We can’t pretend to perform and repeat a ‘big day’ every day. We simply aren’t designed that way.

Therefore, we must release the rigidity of fixed routines and lean into the toolbox on a daily basis. Try asking yourself, “What do I need right now/today?” Allow the answer or action to arise.

Sometimes the most important thing a menopausal woman can do is just breathe and practice stillness. After all, during menopause, scientific research shows us that a woman rewires her entire brain.

Is it any wonder our thinking becomes foggy, and our memory lags? You can’t perform like a thirty-year-old circus monkey anymore. It’s time to use your wisdom gained and lean into what you need, rather than who you can prove yourself to.

Menopause is a rewiring of puberty. You get to psychologically revisit any unresolved emotional trauma from your teen years. Have fun with that!

Menopause isn’t a time for more coaching-style discipline. You’re being called to incorporate more awareness and observations, and less doing.

By all means, use the coaching structures work, like waking and honouring your body in some way before breakfast. This pays homage to the energetic alignment you desire for the day. This will create your mood and outlook.

As you move each morning purposefully, do whatever is required to plan your day with clarity of what feels good. Eliminate the pressure or plan for success wherever possible. Plan kindness into your schedule. The version of you falling into bed exhausted won’t thank you for adding more to the list of things to accomplish. In fact, she’ll be a snarky bitch.

The menopausal woman wants to feel alive, purposeful, and aligned… without that crispy, singed, burnout sensation. What if there was a way each day to authentically connect to your heart, and let that lead you throughout the day?

What if leaning into the sensations of your body gave you permission to be gentler with yourself and your schedule?

Would your approach to life direct a shift or a slower and more consistent momentum of achievement?

Conclusion

Might alignment be the way of understanding your energy instead of pulling you out of yourself into exhaustion?

I have learnt to stop fighting my inner wisdom — it took me years of experience to get it, so why wouldn’t I use it for myself? Because here’s the thing, when I stopped forcing myself into coaching programs and systems that didn’t match me, things started falling into place:

I began to understand what I needed.
My clarity of what tools I needed to use returned.
My energy has slowly reignited with fire.
I am back in flow state.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here to read published article.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roar – signed copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

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