How To Welcome The Queenager To Her Throne

There comes a significant moment in a woman’s midlife. It is often when she looks in the mirror after her morning shower. Whilst it’s a silent moment it’s disruptive to her inner equilibrium, because she has just realised she doesn’t quite recognise herself anymore.

Do you relate?

Maybe it’s in the quiet stillness after the kids have left home? Maybe this moment of awareness occurs in the thick of midlife, when everything that once defined you starts to feel… misaligned. Or maybe it arrives during permi/menopause, when your body, emotions, and identity begin to shift in ways no one fully prepared you for.

If you’ve ever thought: “I feel lost… but I don’t know how to find my way back” — this is for you, Queen.

Because here’s the truth: Whilst you feel like parts of you are broken, you’re not. You’re being called back. Your return isn’t on any map, but it does have a beacon nestled deep within your heart.

Welcome To The Season of the “Queenager”

In my hot, sweaty world, there’s a powerful term emerging — queenager — and it appropriately summarises women in their midlife, who are often navigating peri-menopause, menopause, or the empty nest phase.

Queenagers are those women who are no longer willing to abandon themselves to meet the needs of everyone else. These are women who are becoming more of themselves, without the oestrogen ‘nurturing’ mask affixed.

Queen, this place that you have arrived, the things you think and feel, this isn’t a crisis. This is literally your time of recalibration.

For empty nesters, the identity of “mother” shifts with the absence of noise. There is space once more to find oneself. For women in peri/menopause, the biological and emotional landscape changes dramatically.

For many queens, there is a deep internal, profoundly communal question that both captures the moment you become aware of the season, and illuminates the path of change —

“Who am I… when I’m no longer who I had to be?”

Queen, take a breath because that question packs a punch.

Here Is The Science To Explain Why Queens Feel Lost

Nerd Alert! Let’s ground the age of ‘Queenagers’ in science for a moment.

1. Nervous System Overload

Modern life keeps our bodies in a chronic state of stress. Women are constantly activating their sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, freeze or fawn). Regular activation of your sympathetic nervous system disconnects you from your internal cues, intuition, and emotional clarity.

Over time, when you repeatedly override our body’s signals for pausing, resting, stopping, changing course, you are subconsciously creating a program that the normal up’s and downs of life are not safe.

When you’re constantly “on,” you lose access to the quieter voice within. You lose access to relax, find peace or embrace joy with enthusiasm.

Queen, you cannot feel comfortable on your throne if you‘re in survival.

2. Hormonal Shifts Change Your Perceived Identity

During permi/menopause, declining oestrogen doesn’t just affect a queen’s body. Oestrogen is your nurturing and caretaker hormone. Without it the following is impacted:

• Mood regulation
• Cognitive clarity
• Emotional tolerance
• Social bonding behaviours

As oestrogen declines so does the desire to constantly prioritise others. What replaces the desire to nurture others is a biological push toward authenticity.

Cue no fucks given, however Queen, watch your temper or you risk losing your crown and wearing an orange prison jumpsuit!

3. The Brain’s Patterning System

Queen, your brain function is based on patterns and programs you created from early life. These are fundamentally based on your embraced values, learned beliefs and past experiences.

Queen also note that your brain will respond, or react to the world, based on the role you have identified with — nurturer, mother, wife, sister, daughter etc. You have taught yourself to behave in certain ways with specific people or roles. Society has additionally overlayed a ‘good girl’ filter to behave ‘properly’.

When life changes — like children leaving or your role shifts — your internal “map” no longer matches your external world. Your map is actually undergoing an upgrade that takes a bit of time. In turn this destabilises what once felt safe and grounded into uncertainty. This creates the feeling of being stuck or lost.

Queen, this is not dysfunction. It’s your brain asking for an update. Be certain to have good support people in your circle of trust.

4. Modern Life Pulls You Out of Biological Alignment

Let’s be honest — modern life isn’t designed for deep self-connection. Society influences us through a myriad of ways. Queen you’re regularly pulled outward by:

• Constant notifications and digital noise
• Societal expectations of productivity and perfection
• Years (or decades) of prioritising others
• Disconnection from nature, stillness, and your body

Over time, this creates a subtle but powerful drift away from your true self. The disconnection isn’t realised overnight. The distance created is gradual until one day … you feel it, deep within your core.

Queen, take a breath, and learn to listen to your internal compass signalling the way home.

There is a truth about feeling “lost” during your identity shift. I’ve come to personally learn that feeling lost, is not a failure of direction. It’s simply a reminder of external distraction influencing my nervous system.

It is simply a signal of disconnection from my heart. This signal is divine in nature, for it can be trusted to guide me back to myself.

Queen, that signal is an invitation to guide you back to your core essence of who you are. Because you can guide yourself back. Not by becoming someone new…but by remembering who you were before the world told you who to be.

Queen, when you stand naked infront of the mirror, don’t ask yourself who you are becoming, allow the signal to show you how it feels to become ready to sit upon your throne.

Here Are Five Ways To Reconnect Your Queen (True Essence) To Her Throne

Queen, let’s explore some really simple, yet powerful ways to return to your core self as she journeys through her midlife shift.

1. Regulate Before You Reflect

It is so easy to become distracted and disconnected, which results in neurological dysregulation — overwhelm, overthinking or anxious. We all know that ‘tired but wired’ feeling.

Queen, you simply can’t hear your intuitive signal from within a dysregulated nervous system. I recommend retraining your nervous system by starting with regular moments of the following:

• Slow, intentional breathing
• Walking in nature
• Ground yourself into your day with an intentional affirmation such as “Spirit / God / Universe (insert your preferred deity), show me how amazing today can be”
• Gentle body-based practices like stretching or kinesiology

Remember Queen, when your body feels safe, your inner voice becomes clearer.

2. Create Space for Stillness

Queen your body will scream at you for stillness. You will likely intially struggle though, since you’ve been in busy training for years and perhaps even decades.

Your truth doesn’t shout. It whispers, and you need silence to first hear the call.

Start by building moments in your day where there is no noise, no input, and no need to perform. Even 5 minutes of stillness begins to reconnect you to your internal world.

Queen, even a single breath can contain stillness if you choose to allow it. Take a slow deep breath in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 2, then slowly exhale for a count of 5–6. Repeat as often as needed without excuses.

3. Rebuild Trust With Yourself

Many women — especially queenagers — have spent years overriding their own needs. As the oestrogen declines, our craving for nurturing is drug like and rampant.

My advice, start with tiny small things and moments such as these:

• Follow through on what you say to yourself
• Make decisions based on alignment, not obligation
• Take a breath, pause, and then reply “can I get back to you?” when asked for more than what you can give others.

Self-trust is the foundation of self-connection.

4. Listen to Your Body’s Intelligence

Your body holds truth before your mind can explain it. Honour what you are feeling , because Queen you’ve been over riding your feelings for so long. Here are some things to observe to retrain your nervous system to feel comfortable with your rising emotions:

• Hurry kills presence
• Worry kills peace
• Doubt fills faith
• Ego kills love

Queen, when you listen to your body’s signals, you will recognise the sacred wisdom of that list in reverse:

• Presence kills hurry
• Peace kills worry
• Faith kills doubt
• Love kills ego

Catch yourself to observe where your energy feels expansive or contracted. Notice how energised or focussed you are when you are rushing, or present in the moment. Allow your thoughts to come and go like clouds, and simply observe what loops or gets stuck. Ask yourself are you even in control of the thing you have concerns about? Does that negative thinking energise or drains you. What feels light or heavy within your daily routine?

Queen, your body has a magnificent intuitive guidance system, learn to listen the signals it gives freely and stop over riding them. The one thing you own in life is conscious choice!

5. Redefine Who You Are Becoming

Queen, you are not meant to stay the same. Midlife, menopause, and life transitions are not endings — they are identity reinventions. This shift in your life is designed to heal the teenage wounds, gather the wisdom of life experience so far, and consolidate who you are destined to be moving forward.

So ask yourself:

• What no longer fits?
• What feels true now?
• What am I ready to claim?

Queen, this is conscious evolution.

Conclusion

Queen, midlife is not starting over , but a return to who you really are. Here’s the reframe that changes everything:

You’re not lost. You’ve just been living externally for too long.

And now… You’re being invited inward. Back to your intuitive signal. Revitalising your energy, and learning to speak a deeper truth.

Remember Queen, if something in you resonated reading this, trust that. Because your inner voice never leaves you — it just waits for you to come back. And the most powerful thing you can do in this season of life… is reconnect with the woman you were always meant to be.

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This episode is part of the Awakening Series.