How To Stop Making Excuses And Start Living Your Best Life
How To Take Charge of Your Stuff
With COVID-19 lockdown now up swinging, I’m hearing a lot of whinging and whining going on. Poor me. I can’t do this. I can’t do that. I’m stuck inside. I feel alone (yet this is broadcast on social media).
And yet, I’ve never seen so many families out walking their pets in my life in the nearby park.
How you perceive these current global circumstances is a mindset choice.
Before you even consider busting my chops, let me share this. I’m currently undergoing chemotherapy. I’ve been in self-isolation for four months. Do you hear me smoking? Hell no, I’m relishing the downtime and utilising it to work through my monster business to-do list. I’m also creating new slower lifestyle habits which nurture me on all levels.
I get symptomatic neuropathy pain which causes my feet to burn and not be able to walk. Do you see me sucking it up and walking anyway with a few pain meds on board? Yes of course you do, I choose to walk so I don’t become a fatty boombalada during treatment.
I clearly can’t work 1:1 with patients right now, but have you seen my presence disappear from social media? I’m still connected with my audience, engaging them in different ways to ensure they are still there when I return to work. I have simply reconfigured my daily ‘how to do life’ in a different way.
I am focusing on being positive. That’s a choice. I am constantly committed to seeking out all manner positive in my life, every single day. I’m still getting on with what I can given my physical limitations. I accept the new boundaries, and that’s ok for now. It won’t be forever, and neither will COVID-19.
You too can be in charge of the results you want for your life. Alternatively, you can wallow around in your excuses. It’s that simple. But here’s the thing. You aren’t in charge of both!
It does sound harsh when you break life down into action versus excuses. But bear with me. Take a breath, and an honest reflection of your mindset and attitude right now.
Do you feel trapped during this COVID-19 experience or embracing the free time? Congratulations if you’re embracing the ‘me time’. If you’re feeling trapped, let me gift you another way of viewing this current situation.
“You have to realise, know and accept that all your excuses are lies.” According to Jocko Willlink, “excuses are lies we use to take the easy road and leaving discipline behind.” This can be confrontational to read so take a breath and let’s break it down some more.
I am seeing and hearing the following statements on social media right now:
- I don’t have time.
- I don’t have support.
- I don’t have equipment or resources to achieve my goal
- I don’t know the best way
- I’m too old or young, to do what I want
- I’m too busy to do what I want.
- I’m too tired.
- I’m too sore, too much pain or simply not feeling the vibe of wanting to do what I want.
Well, pause for effect, I call bullshit on it all.
The list of excuses can one conjure is endless and never stops until you decide, enough is enough. And before you react, which is part of your inbuilt negative emotion-based defensive reaction, which justifies the excuse in the first place, hear me out.
Recognise the excuses are no valid, they aren’t you. They are conjured and fabricated from your self-doubt. The doubt arises from the fear that you may fail, miss out, be left behind, fear to be considered yourself unworthy, fear of feeling not good enough, fear the future, uncertainty or unknown.
These fears have a lot of power to sway the mind and create an excuse to avoid pain, much like a child would. Since none of us live in a bubble, we all have experiences and resultant stuff from where life takes us. Our experiences influence our beliefs and values, and resultant subconscious habits of how to do life.
My internal coaching dialogue is reminding you to take a steadying breath right now and return to a calmer state. Because we all have fears, and it’s a choice whether you continue to work on yourself despite them anyway. The alternative is that the fear runs you and you remain paralysed in excuses to continue to run away from the life you really want to live.
Jocko Willinik discusses the need to connect with your truth, and it will set you free. He discusses the connection with your truth is like delivery from procrastination, laziness and freedom from the downward spiral of lack of discipline.
I consider it a little differently. Our truth, or rather our dream life, can often appear unobtainable due to fear-based perceptions and our mindset. Our truth in actual fact is our connection to how we want to feel, despite all the stuff we have experienced. Our truth is our connection to joy, love and gratitude despite the crap and shit we’ve been dealt.
Our truth is our capacity and commitment to rise above the experience and show the world who we really are, despite the fears of showing the world our true self.
The raw truth is this. You are your own miracle.
And here’s the catch. You have to choose that outcome. You have to want your truth more than you avoid fear.
You have ample time in any given week, should you choose to make it. You are in control of how you manage and allocate time for yourself.
You have the knowledge, support, willpower, discipline and all the tools within you, you just need to decide to use them. You need to decide to dig deep and become your captain once again, steering yourself on your journey path to actually live your life, not merely exist in it.
The excuses are lies. Cast them out. Burn them down. Listen to your truth. Become your truth. Live your truth. Seek additional support and resources to shine brightly. It’s called self-improvement, self-empowerment. It’s called self-responsibility.
There is no one magical pill in your life that makes a miraculous change, other than your decision to go for it, own your stuff and be accountable for what you achieve.
There is no enlightened path to unlock your human potential to live the life you have always wanted to live. It’s YOUR commitment to self, day after day.
It’s not one thing. It’s not ten or one hundred things. There are no shortcuts to your happiness, no quick paths. It’s a daily dedication to self and I’m not talking about becoming a Buddhist monk either, I’m talking about being accountable with yourself.
Starting your day with a positive intention-based mindset sets you up for success. Being aware of any negative dialogue you have during the day and reframing a negative thought, like a judgement, into something positive allows you to drag the energy of the excuse (and it’s associated behavioural pattern) into the consciousness to be addressed.
Once the negative is out in the open you can proactively do something with it – like let it go! And the best thing is this, the more you reframe, the quicker you break down the negative and the sooner the excuses dissipate.
Being happy is like a savings account at the bank. It takes regular deposits into the account to make it grow, to evolve the habit and turn things around.
Meditation alone or a miracle drug or superfood give you the results you want. Getting better or making changes in your life won’t be attributed to any single thing. It is a dedication to self. Jocko calls it a campaign or fight, but I much prefer to call it to surrender back to self.
This commitment to self means no more cheating the rules, calling yourself on the laziness, and basically being committed enough to self to just do the life you want, over and over until it becomes the new habit of doing you.
The campaign of hard work and dedication and grinding out every second in between, every single day. And this is a mindset shift in itself. If you are doing small action-based tasks that you can associate with your goals, they only seem like hard work until you connect with your good juju (you know, you connect with all the feel-goods).
Want to get better? Want to self improve? Stop looking for a short cut?
Get an alarm clock. Get your walking shoes. Listen to positive podcasts. Cook nutritious meals. Light whatever fire you need in order to juggle your desires rather than your jobs!
Do what it takes to connect to your motivation and willingness and simply get on with it. Start small and build from those initial successes.
Then you will find your freedom, we all live our life, not search for it!
Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, self-confessed laughaholic, and now Breast Cancer Advocate residing in Gippsland Victoria Australia. She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’