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Change Your Misperception Of The Outside World

Change Your Misperception Of The Outside World

5 Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Daily To Transform Your Life

When clients first walk through my door, my first question is always something along the lines of “What brings you here today?”. The answer lately has been very consistent — “I’m feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or stuck”.

During a therapeutic session, we unpack the root cause of those big feelings, and we wrap up with big sighs of relief. Clients are frequently prescribed homework interventions with the view of creating new positive infused habits.

Once you get home, rather than deep dive down into a rabbit hole, and potentially reactivate a trauma experience’s reaction, we can utilise a circuit breaker to simply interrupt that old, uncomfortable program called survival. You know what I’m talking about, those behaviours of negative based thoughts, feelings and self-sabotaging actions that leave you feeling like crap.

Sometimes, the best way to create change habits in your life is to pause and take a breath. My clients often report they feel a little lost as to what to do next. I always suggest they ask themselves a circuit breaker question to interrupt the negative neurological pattern(s) of survival.

In my experience, it’s so useful to ask yourself these simple coaching questions because it forces your brain to switch off the survival program and return to solution-orientated thinking.

Try these self-exploration questions yourself today

Ask as a singular question or as a combination.

Question 1 — Does this align with the life I want to create?

This question is designed to reconnect and focus on the goals associated with your dream life. By questioning your current status quo, you can discern whether you are still aligned with your true north.

Question 2 — What would the best version of me do?

This question enables you to step out of a drama dance, whether it be yours or that of another. Quite simply turn off the tantrum and get on with having the life experience, learning the lesson and frankly getting on with it.

Question 3 — Does this compromise the energy I want to operate?

So often we get caught up in the humanness of our experiences, and so easily get caught up in the old reactive story of life. When you are reactive or defensive, all of your energies (physical, mental and emotional) are directed towards keeping you primed to fight or take flight. 

When you’re in this mindset, there’s no capacity for solution-based thinking or doing. Therefore, asking yourself this question enables you to recognise exactly what and how much energy you are investing to maintain the survival status quo.

Question 4 — Am I chasing this for myself or others?

Don’t get me wrong, you’re allowed to be of service to others. But the age-old saying “You can’t pour from an empty cup” always rings true. If you use all your energy for your service, how do you continue saving, helping, and servicing without burning yourself out?

This question is also a gentle method to become curious as to why you’re invested in an action. Step back and ask yourself this question enables you to identify whether support (especially if over time) is still appropriate or even safe for you to continue.

Question 5 — Will my future self, thank me for this?

This question can be used to reinforce the desire and need to step back and simply observe what is happening outside of you. It’s only then that you can fully consciously recognise that this isn’t your stuff.

Conclusion

If you’re ready to tackle your sense of foreboding overwhelm, anxiety or sensation of feeling stuck, try these coaching questions today, and change the way you perceive your external reality.

Listen to the audio version via the “I Am Change-ing” Podcast – click here

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Self Reflection – A little Look Withinclick here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

Can You Risk Not Stepping Up To Mother yourself?Click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

Can Counting Really Defuse Overwhelm?

Can Counting Really Defuse Overwhelm?

Could this be the easiest technique to soothe self?

Honestly, I never would have thought that a counting technique could soothe the symptoms of overwhelm, panic and anxiety so quickly as this gem.

Most people who experience this phenomenon don’t realise that when experiencing stress, you have activated a subliminal fear-based neurological program called ‘survival’. Generally, this patterning is derived from something in your past.

Survival programs anchor your sensory response with emotions from a moment in time when you first experienced a place, person or situation(s) that made you feel unsafe.

When we experience stress, we activate a state of neurological survival and deactivate our normal sensory response. This means that our brains utilise as little data as possible to ascertain whether we should fight, flee or freeze. There’s no ‘big picture’ being assessed in those moments after being triggered.

Once you’ve activated survival, you can feel ungrounded and untethered. This unsettles us neurologically from the perspective that we’ve disconnected from our internal compass that points north. We can feel uncentered or cut off from our hearts.

It’s at this point that the overthinking and over-analysis begins. The result is we get stuck in our heads. All that mental energy drives the sympathetic nervous system into overdrive and the panic button is internally pushed.

What’s actually going on, is the mental energy from too many thoughts creates a glitch in the neural network. I liken overthinking to chaos. Until there is a relief valve to siphon off this energy, it simply builds. This is why you can feel overwhelmed without an escape.

You’re using all your mental energy to find a solution for something that’s likely to not even be real. Additionally, as soon as we start strategising about ways to control the problem doing laps inside our head, we’ve moved away from the present moment, and have anchored fear of the future. Our head is now in the clouds with worry about the future.

This is what it feels like to be ungrounded and disconnected from your feelings of the heart.

The Laws of Nature dictate that we can only ever make change in one reference of time — right now in the present. You can’t go back into the past and change anything there, and you can only wait for the future.

The following grounding technique of 54321 is a beautiful and gentle way to settle yourself back into your body. When operating from your heart, you can bring yourself back to a state of internal calm.

Essentially this breath is utilising a self-hypnosis technique promoting you use your breath to re-engage your sensory response.

Here’s the grounding technique

The technique begins with recognising you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious and taking yourself somewhere quiet.

Five

Take a deep slow breath in. I instruct my clients to count the number as they go. This is a distraction technique away from the overwhelming and annoying thoughts and brings you back into the present moment.

Release your breath slowly and breathe as if through a straw. A slower outward breath sedates the vagus nerve and gut. This signals to the survival program (perhaps I’m actually safe and calm down).

State to yourself “relax” as you breathe out.

Repeat five times.

Four

Open your eyes and look around where you are. Name four things you can see.

The trick here is literally just to observe the space around you. You’re utilising the sense of vision to really look at your reality in the present moment and verify there’s no sabre-toothed tiger in front of you. You are safe.

It’s worth noting that the visual processing centre is partially shut down whilst a survival program is run. This means you lose quality information from your peripheral visual field and look around your space like a meerkat (ie you’re moving your head to look around you).

Three

Name three things you can hear, either inside or outside the room. There’s no judgement required here, and the act of listening is gathering further evidence of what and where are sounds coming from and whether are they a threat.

When you can recognise sounds in the distance, you’ll undoubtedly take a long slow deep breath of relief — “hey I’m actually ok”.

You can even tell yourself “In this moment I’m ok!

Two

Name two things you can smell. Please note this may be very subtle, and you may simply smell your clothes.

One

Pause and take another slow deep breath. Re-assess how you’re feeling. Have you calmed down, even just a little bit?

I do recommend repeating the process for at least a second or third time. You will be stunned by how much more you will observe what the senses are detecting.

Why?

Because when you bring yourself into the present moment, you are inserting a circuit breaker into your survival program. This defuses the intensity of mental energy swirling around in your head, and grounds you back into your body quickly.

Repeating the 54321 cycle several times takes less than 2 minutes. Therefore it works faster than any medication and can be used anywhere.

Conclusion

This isn’t a once-off strategy tool and your anxiety will be sorted. However, this is a tool you can utilise anytime and anywhere to soothe yourself. I’ve provided my regular audience access to a video + worksheet via the following link below should you wish to experience regrounding yourself right now.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Practice The Pause  – click here

5 Ways to Boost Self – click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Change Facilitator. She is a qualified Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland