Allow Social Distancing to Gift you Back Your Voice
The precancer and lockdown version Karen was very independent. Some might say stubborn as a mule. Ok, I admit it, I am fierce when it comes to proving to the world I can do it. But lockdown has gifted me something very unexpected — a whole new reality that revolves around me.
Why don’t we ask for help when we need it?
I’ve paused and pondered why we don’t ask for help when we need it and my thoughts are often taken back to movies of power women in the eighties with their puffy-sleeved outfits and huge teased and lacquered hairdo’s who did everything for themselves! Oh dear god, now I”m humming that Pointer Sister’s song “Sisteeeeeerrrs are doing IT for themSELVES!” (hahaha if you’re singing along too- I’m a giver like that!).
I blame society and social media and this false and externally perceived expectation that you need to be IT. What the fuck is ‘IT’ anyway? Who gets to define what ‘IT’ is?
It is literally not possible to be and do everything, so why do we think we can be ‘IT’?
Getting back to asking for help.
If we perceive that there’s an expectation to be everything, then there will be an unconscious stress, block, red flag (call it whatever you want) when you hit a crossroad space. I like to think of this as a ‘choice point’.
Reaching the destination of the choice point means that you have reached a space in time, whereby you don’t have all the answers. And that’s ok by the way.
Your brain, when it reaches this space, will naturally and unconsciously dig for the answers. The stress only arises when you perceive you don’t know how to solve the challenge at hand. This is the point where your brain can take you in one of two directions. You can reach outwards or remain inside yourself.
I’m a child of the 80s and grew up on British Britannica Encyclopedias. My mother had a 14-inch think dictionary for shit’s sake! There was no limit to accessing documented scientific facts by simply picking up a book.
If you didn’t know the answer, I didn’t bother my busy working mum, I looked the answer up myself! She would have told me to do that anyway. I would find the solution myself, and would often store that context in my cortex for another fact riveting period of time.
Nowadays the younger fluff of society simply says “I’ll google it”. And if a quick google search doesn’t render the answer you’re looking for, you phone a friend. They go external to seek the solution and share the load. Problem solved. But is it?
Either problem-solving option is perfectly reasonable. Both have their limitations and benefits.
For the option whereby you go external to seek solutions from others, are you ever responsible for doing it yourself? Or do you rely on others to prop you up?
If however, you’re an internal processor you run the risk of putting on Negative Nancy pants. When you can’t find the answer and don’t feel comfortable asking for help you can then generate dialogue that runs laps inside your head.
And here ladies and gentlemen is where the overthinking begins. Unless you reign that shit in, it’s like a formula one race to the shit city and you end up at subliminal fear town.
Do I deserve this? Am I good enough? Will I look pathetic if I ask when I should be able to do it myself? I’d rather go without than have someone see me as weak.
Does this dialogue sound familiar to you?
Let me give you the tip, at one point in time we’ve all experienced this type of shit inner monologue.
It would be safe to say, the aha I have gained is that my ‘boss girl’ would have perceived that if I asked for help it would diminish my power in some way.
I considered this small act of seeking support would make me weak.
The new and upgraded version of myself calls bullshit on the boss girl. Frankly, instead of giving her a talking to, I have learned to simply surrender to her and gift her with an internal hug. This reassures her (that part of my psyche where the boss girl resides) that as long as we are grounded and anchored to our intuition we’re gonna be ok.
The lesson here is to be kind to yourself – always.
More importantly by loving all over myself on a conscious level with meditation and reiki, gifts me a Kintsugi like healing experience, whereby I get to meld together all my broken pieces and still shine my light brightly.
Kintsugi is a Japanese art form in which breaks and repairs are treated as part of the object’s ceramic history, are carefully mended by artisans with a lacquer resin mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. The repairs are visible — yet somehow beautiful. Kintsugi means “golden joinery” in Japanese.” — Source Mother Nature Network.
So with my boss girl receiving a hug, I put a call out for anyone in my local social media circle have an abundant lemon tree and could spare a bag. Part of my chemotherapy recovery as well as boosting the immune system involves daily lemon squeezes – just like a liquid hug!!! See the reference, more liquid gold!
I am sharing this simple story of asking for help because these are unprecedented times. We have stepped away from the art of sticking our head over the neighbour’s fence and saying “hey mate is everything ok?“
So if you’re not travelling ok emotionally with lockdown (and believe me after 4.5 months I get it) I want to remind you that it is ok to struggle with your choice point moments. In these moments reach out to see support in finding your solutions, even if only lemons.
Allow the abundance gifts to flow towards you rather than pushing them away. Remain open to the possibilities that the universe can gift you. This can be as simple as being mindful of whether your inner dialogue is positive. If it’s a little on the negative scale, choose to reframe the phrase immediately.
No punishment of self in this process is required. Just be gentle with yourself as you have this gorgeous quiet time to explore the self.
Don’t sit around the house with your frown upside down. Your home is your sacred space and you have to de-clutter the negativity in order to feel more comfortable. These interesting times are calling upon us to sort out the feelings of our internal bossy mean girls selves and learn to give them a voice, rather than bringing them out when feeling cranky.
So do what it takes today to seek your bag of lemons to nurture you!!