Not all relationships smell like roses. In fact, some of them smell like compost! We all have stuff to deal with, but we don’t need to play shit sandwich tennis! Not all people over the age of 21 are actually capable of appropriately adulting.
Some people are stuck playing the ‘blame game’, others avoid confrontation and gossip behind your back. Some people aren’t responsible or accountable for their behaviour and will never be able to self-reflect or change.
But before you too, hop onto your soup box, and declare that someone has done something to you – remember this, you allowed it. That is sometimes a hard pill to swallow isn’t it? But it’s true.
Our thoughts because our actions. So, unless you, within yourself are authentic and own your processes and deal with your feelings, you too will allocate responsibility for someone doing something to you.
Now before you go off your head, no one chooses to have criminal offences committed against them – that’s not what I am saying. What I am talking about is your reaction to the thing which triggered you. Let’s focus on how our families and friends trigger stress in us.
Think of a time your buttons have been pushed. Think of that time where you lost sleep because of the stress. Think of how this ‘thing’ or ‘event’ consumed your waking thoughts.
Everyone on the planet has had an experience just like it. Right?
What lesson did you learn from the trigger experience? Or are you still hanging onto your pain? And if you’re still hanging onto your old stuff – what’s it costing you? Your happiness? Your available physical energy? Your positive mindset and outlook on life? How do you move forward if you’re still hanging onto the old paradigm? The herd mentality if you will?
How have you modified or adjusted your thoughts and actions? Do you observe and respond, in order to move forward in your life? How do you own your journey? What small actions are you prepared to implement in order to change your reaction?
Instead of investing in the drama of others, just stick with your stuff. People might treat you like you’re the black sheep, but you don’t have to stick with the flock and their negativity. You get to choose whether you perpetuate the ‘family pattern’, or whether you’re going to be the generation who instigates change.
Own your observations and reactions. When you react to external influences, you detach from your logic and run a defensive mental pattern which consumes a lot of your time and physical energy.
Recognise the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. Stop comparing yourself to others. Whilst it is easier to compare yourself to others, you can never truly understand what another person is thinking or feeling. Why? Because you haven’t lived their exact experiences and you don’t have their exact behavioural patterns, so you can’t truly understand their response. The other thing to consider is that some people are so fear bound, that they aren’t capable of change.
We don’t have to like the people in our lives that choose to remain toxic, unfriendly, hurtful, spiteful, and stuck. But we can choose to love the connection. Why? Because on some level we understand the depth of the lessons gifted to generations of families.
We can choose to explore how certain traits shared with family members may affect us. We can gain understanding and use this knowledge to overcome challenges and gain maturity along our journey path.
Remember that as you gain an understanding of your pain, you gain awareness of how to overcome the lessons that life throws at you. It also provides you with an understanding of where those toxic trigger people in your life, may be stuck in their pain or worse stuck in fear.
You get to choose to not invest in other people’s stuff and their journey. Just focus on you!
So what if they call you a black sheep of the family? They have more fun! Simply love the lesson, not the bad behaviour.
You can choose to change and bloom from within xxx