Self-Care Or Self Absorbed?

Self-Care Or Self Absorbed?

Do you know when it is time to nurture yourself?

With Mother’s Day around the corner, I find myself sitting peacefully and quietly, thinking of two things-

  • I think of my own mother who departed her earth-bound existence nearly a decade ago. My memories with her are fond and I often draw upon those experiences in my own parenting.
  • I think of how I mother myself. By this I mean how well I nurture and care for myself — for this is not taught in school and certainly isn’t openly discussed in Western culture.

Sure, there is a societal discussion about which self-care is all the rage within pop culture. However, when you’re in the throes of stress, the knowledge of where exactly to turn for guidance is substantially lacking.

Autumn is a season for reflection of the recently passed high vibe season that was summer. Let’s face it, since the peak of the pandemic we’ve experienced a lot of change in the world. We haven’t returned to normal, and we’re showing signs of feeling a little frayed around the edges — I call it the unspoken pandemic effect.

Reflection is unavoidable with the change of season. The energy associated with this activity is elevated due to the reduction of sunlight. We naturally slow down from the high vibe summer pace. This slowing down allows you to ponder all those special joy bubble moments.

Are your messages clear?

As you reflect on all your awesomeness from summer, is there a them arising from your experiences? Can I invite you to ask yourself the following?

  • What did you learn about yourself?
  • What lit up your heart?
  • What gave or took your energy?

When you reflect on the season, are the messages that you receive or interpret clear? Or are you stuck in the product of your stress response?

I’ve been asking those questions above in my professional clinic space, within my meditation and coaching circles, and amongst my friends and network.

There is a resounding and very shared collection of responses that sound a lot like this-

  • I wish I had the time to do …
  • I’m too tired to do that …
  • Lately, I’m screaming at the kids from a space of frustration, and I hate myself for it
  • I’m worried about money and job security
  • I’m feeling more anxious than usual
  • I’m having trouble getting to sleep because of my overthinking

Do you know what?

There’s a truckload of shame jammed into those responses, and most of the people I talk to are using phrases that sound like “I’m just so stressed …all the time“.

What I consider worse, is not only are people disassociated from their stress reactions, they are unable to measure its impact until there is a symptom experienced — like impact on quality sleep, capacity to remain focussed, ability to remain tolerant or patient.

Self Care is NOT being Self Absorbed

Implementing small actions and developing habits to regularly and consistently defuse stress and regulate a calm nervous system is vital for thriving in life. Otherwise, you are merely surviving it.

One of the key fundamentals of your reflective self-care practice is to learn how to acknowledge and then measure your stress response within your body.

Do you know how to observe how your nervous system responds to life experiences?

When you understand your own signals, you can make different choices. You can choose to invest your time and energy into an activity (or chore), or you can rest. It’s that simple and complicated.

For example:

  • do you wake up energetic or lethargic?
  • are your energy levels sustained throughout the day, or is there a slump?
  • do you find yourself over-analysing situations or feeling out of control?
  • has the fear of money or lack of money mindset kicked in with interest rates?
  • are you concerned about your budget with respect to rising food prices?

What activity could you explore to quieten this busy mind, or even soothe your frayed nerves?

There is no shortage of activities that you can undertake to feel calm. Everything from varied types of meditation, playing music and dancing, walking outside in nature or even just cooking can be calming.

Do anything that enables you to become mindful. By this I mean the sounds of the thoughts quieten. Perhaps purposeful breathing can reset your diaphragm reflexes and your back muscles relax accordingly. This releases stress on the dorsal root of the vagus nerve which drives a soothing action to the gut and enteric nervous system.

In other words, do whatever calms your farm. I’m not talking about meditating like a monk. I’m talking about understanding what small action will calm you in under three minutes.


I’m inviting you to immerse yourself quietly and gently back into a space of calmness. This is the space where you adult yourself and can feel nurtured. This is not a selfish act. Being calm enables you to maintain focus, relationships and your capacity to juggle all the balls of life.

Take charge of mothering yourself this May. Your future self will thank you! It’s not being selfish, it’s essential.

First published with Illumination, a Medium Publication. Click here this piece.

Listen to the podcast episode.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

Practice The Pause  – click here

5 Ways to Boost Self – click here

About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Change Facilitator. She is a qualified Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and published author. She is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland

5 Foundations Of Resilience

5 Foundations Of Resilience

What are the five foundations of resilience?


What is resilience? It’s defined as “our ability to bounce back from the stress of life”. Stress is a funny word. Most people don’t recognise that whilst we need some stress, like the alarm going off in the morning, any sustained stress is actually not great for our body or wellbeing.

Stress is defined as “a state of mental or emotional strain from an adverse or demanding situation”. Furthermore, the definition is further categorised that when in a prolonged state of stress, can cause imbalance and influence our ability to cope with life.

Resilience (or our ability to bounce back) therefore, requires a strong foundation and comprises five components: self-awareness, mindfulness, self-care, positive relationships and purpose. Resilience is not a skill we’re born with, it’s something we have to learn.

And what a time in the history of the world to learn these skills!

According to the creators of the WorkLife App, there are five pillars of resilience which include:

  • self awareness
  • mindfulness
  • self care
  • positive relationships
  • purpose.

One of the things I am constantly coaching clients, is that we are responsible for the lessons we embrace on our journey called life. Our humanness, all those experiences, are often messy.

Having a sense of self-awareness is empowering. It keeps you in the present moment, which is on the only time reference where change happens.

When exploring self awareness we commence with focussing on our ability to be conscious (present moment). It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge your stuff (what triggers you).

Self awareness includes your courage, willingness, motivation and intention to be aware so that you can change and navigate the path of life. Having an awareness of self allows you to understand how those around us perceive us.

When we are self-aware, and present we can choose to react or simply observe situations around us. This gifts us the space to then be compassionate and potentially consider what others around us are experiencing or hypothesize reasons for their actions.

Having a consistent self care practice that incorporates mindfulness enables you to practice your ability to be fully present, aware of where you are, what you are doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what is going on around you.

Berkley University defines mindfulness as “maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens”.

Therefore every time you acknowledge you’re stressed (this is the art of mindfulness) you can gift yourself the choice to actively become self aware to the experience you are having, and what is required to resolve the discomfort of what you are experiencing.

Self-care is the practice of implementing positive action(s) that improve or maintain your wellbeing and health. This practice looks and feels different for everyone – and so it should since we’re all uniquely different.

It is up to you to distinguish how you’re feeling and what self care strategy you need in the present moment that will create an intentional positive effort.

I recommend radical self care for everyone. This means try a bunch of different activities, so that you have a variety of strategies to support you when feeling tired, triggered, low or just in a funk.

The next criteria to solidify the foundation of your resilience is positive relationships. This starts with the relationship you have with yourself, and how well you are prepared to acknowledge what you need and when.

It additionally extends to creating and maintaining healthy relationships with people in your life – those people who we exchange love, care, and respect with.

Knowing your why or purpose. This fundamental understanding of why we are here in this life enables you to create a supportive mindset and attitude towards yourself and others. Your sense of purpose is the key to feeling that you belong or serve something bigger than yourself.

In his book, The Giant Within, Tony Robbins elaborates on this sense of significance and loving connection as two of the required human needs. Our sense of purpose is founded on your faith, your family values, or simply perhaps where you work or volunteer your time and energy.

Utilising these foundational tools takes practice. Let me explain why.

Creating a new skill and mastering it’s effect takes time. It’s often important to stick with a new skill so that you can discern how well it works for you when you’re feeling calm, and then gain an understanding of how it will benefit you when stressed.

An activity like meditation is beneficial in the moment when you’re calm, but really useful if you are consistently undertaking short span practice on a daily basis – then it’s like topping up your zen tank.

Self-care should looks different for everyone. It is the practice of taking action to maintain or improve our health. It is up to us to make an intentional effort to practice self-care.


Learning and maintaining these foundational skills takes practice – to know what skill works best for you and when to use the tool. Using these five foundations of resilience can provide you with the gift of reframing your thinking so you see yourself and the world around you in new ways.

Sometimes, capturing a different view of your reality is all you need to step out of drama and back into the present time frame.

Prioritising foundation resilience upskilling is a radical and fabulous holistic approach to manage the stress in your daily life as well as your overall well-being in the long term.

Want to read more like this?

This is My Roarsigned copies of my first published book can be purchased from this website.

5 Questions to Identify What is Enough – Click here

5 Tips to Focus on What Really Matters – Click here

Self Reflection – A little Look Withinclick here

8 Hot Tips How To Journal – click here

How To Stop Making Excuses & Start Living Your Best LifeClick here

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About Karen

Change Facilitator

Karen Humphries is a Kinesiology Practitioner, Health & Business Coach, LEAP & TBM & NES Practitioner, Intuitive Meditation Facilitator, Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis Practitioner – she is a Change Facilitator!

Karen is a self-confessed laughaholic.  She loves being of service to the world with her humorous and positive approach to life, encouraging people to ‘choose to change and bloom from within.’ 

Karen Humphries, Change Chick, Change Facilitator, Kinesiology, Wellness Coach, Australian Bush Flower Essences, LEAP Facilitator, Trauma, Public Speaker, Cancer Ambassador, Blooming From Within, Traralgon, Victoria, Gippsland