We Do Not Care Club

I work really hard at attempting to not troll mindlessly through social media. But there are days that feel “ho hum” and even a lot “meh”. It was one of those days that I stumbled across a hilarious reel by Melani Sanders.

Melani is the founder of the “We Do Not Care Club”. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but she paraphrases all the crap women of that certain age are fed up with. I showed it to my husband, and he exclaimed that, whilst funny, it’s a public announcement that might save your life!

Melani is a 45-year-old mother of three in West Palm Beach, Florida. She’s probably like other working mothers experiencing the change; she’s fed up and needs a good laugh.

According to Dr. Yvette Alt Miller, “the We Do Not Care Club is a viral movement helping women ditch unrealistic expectations and focus on what matters in maturing women’s lives.” And she’s right.

Women of a certain age have had these crappy BS influencers, social standards and medical system gaslighting up to their eyeballs! Women of a certain age is a triggering statement in itself. So let’s get it all out on the table, folks, I’m talking about women experiencing peri-menopause and menopause. I’m talking about how a woman can lose herself as the oestrogen drops and the social influencers get louder and more prominent.

This is a time of our lives when we become cranky and less tolerant of those we love the most. This is attributed to the drop in hormones that allowed us to fall in love and make babies, and put up with a myriad of crap to remain married. Those hormones kept us tolerant of your stupidity, whining, outbursts, and demands on our time, energy, and mental capacity.

Can you tell I’m already a club member!

Yet as those same hormones that helped us love you dwindle, so too does our capacity to tolerate things that frustrated or upset us. As the last of our viable eggs is released, and the hormonal balance flutters, we start missing periods, or worse, experience flooding periods. We feel like we’re on fire from the inside out. We steam and sweat when outside and it’s cold outside.

In my own experience, I swear more, and I don’t care! (That should read I don’t give a f*ck).

The pause makes us feel different within ourselves. Without oestrogen lubricating our joints, tendons, and organs, things change drastically. This change isn’t subtle. We begin to digest differently — physically, mentally and emotionally. Even our brain rewires during this phase.

Estrogen is in everything. We begin to experience a depth of fatigue. Women’s memory glitches. We can so easily feel like we’re going crazy.

Is it any wonder we transform into Oscar the Grouch?

It’s called ‘the change’ for a very good reason.

Whilst there are physical changes, and the medical industry is just starting to recognise that gaslighting women that their life-altering symptoms are not normal and can be assisted. Frankly, I don’t know how some doctors have kept their jobs.

There are emotional and mental changes that occur due to the loss of estrogen within the brain and neural pathways. Know that there are positive actions you can undertake to support your evolving neuroplasticity, but it takes time.

Imagine, if you will, that estrogen is the conductor of a grand symphony, orchestrating a harmonious balance within the body, especially during fertile years. When that time of change arrives, that same conductor abruptly decides to take a permanent vacation to a tropical island. The conductor is a bit of a bastard and takes the sheet music too. This leaves behind a cacophony of violins playing out of tune and trumpets blaring at random intervals.

With estrogen on its sabbatical, women may find themselves in a whirlwind of emotions — sometimes cranky, sometimes tearful, and for some, it can be the source of serious mental health problems, especially if their memory is affected.

What most don’t understand about the neuroscience of menopause is that the brain literally rewires itself to function without estrogen. If we could take a sabbatical, like estrogen, then we might fare better.

“We do not care if our clothes are tight — they fit when we bought them,” Melani stated matter-of-factly, with her deadpan face. It’s stuff like this that makes me laugh hard at my evolving hormonal situation. It’s refreshing to know I’m not alone.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that is jammed packed with messages of being skinny and ageless. We are meant to change, not remain the Stepford wives. Yet we sacrifice our joy to achieve something that’s not often humanly normal. And then we punish ourselves emotionally and mentally for not achieving the desired plastic fake outcome.

“We do not care that we just went grocery shopping and we’re ordering takeout instead of cooking — we are tired.” Have tears rolling down my face with her brutal honesty.

The fatigue and weight gain from menopause have personally stopped me in my tracks. And I’ve tried everything to create change in this space. Where I landed was “I am the heaviest and happiest I have ever been — and I do not care”.

Latest research indicates that once ovaries stop manufacturing estrogen, it’s generated by fat cells. So I don’t care that my body has adapted, I am an evolving ecosystem!

“We do not care if your house is aesthetic — our house is a hot mess and we’re ok with that.” God bless you, Melani. This satire will inspire thousands globally to ditch unrealistic societal expectations, to find joy in their lives. And perhaps a nap.

Dr. Miller discusses the risk of feeling inadequate or even depression when we fixate or obsess over our perceived shortcomings. In this menopause phase of heat glitching, sweating, not sleeping properly, and swearing, I am routinely reframing my thoughts. This permits me to let go of unreasonable expectations from others.

“We do not care if we have fingerprints on our glasses — we can still see.” Melani, I love you! Your dry humour is hilarious.

The We Do Not Care Club is thankfully taking off. I can only hope that it generates a viral movement of women walking away from the mental to-do list. My wish is that this club allows women to declare that there are more important things in life than how tidy your home is or how put-together you look. Ladies, if you showered and put on pants before leaving the house each day during this phase, you’re winning.