Tops Tips to Engage with your Emotional Juice!

Tops Tips to Engage with your Emotional Juice!

One of the ways I’m always building and refining my own resilience is to quickly reflect on the day in terms of my ’emotional juice’. You know, my feelings! What things worked, what flowed, what made me feel good during the day. Not analysing anything inside my head, just allowing myself to feel how the day went.

The more we connect with our ’emotional juice’ the less we are inside our head, wasting precious energy, minimising time spent on over analysis and worry. When we get stuck inside our heads, two things happen. We disconnect from our feelings, and we misperceive reality and imbed the experience into the negative memories bank.

When we connect with our ’emotional juice’ we’re giving ourselves much more opportunity to create a space for gratitude. The more gratitude you have in your life, the larger your happiness account.

The larger your happiness account, the more opportunity you are giving to universe to give you MORE happiness through abundance!

Try answering these simple questions in your journal. It doesn’t have to be a war and peace entry. They can be one liner answers or you can explore self a little further.

  1. How was my day?
  2. What specifically happened?
  3. What was great about today?
  4. What do I appreciate about today?
  5. What do I regret or wish to do over?
  6. Why do I feel this way?
  7. How do I want to feel?
  8. What valuable lessons can I learn from all this?

Exploration of your emotional juice allows you to connect to that true ‘gut reaction’ response. It allows you to feel if you’re on your right path, or whether you’ve strayed and need to pause and change direction. It’s a valuable tool. Remember your body never lies, but the mind can be filled with blithering monkey chatter!

You can choose to change and bloom from within xx

Top Tips for Reflecting on your Journey Path

Top Tips for Reflecting on your Journey Path

In a previous work life, I have been both an Investigation Officer and HSE Auditor. Both of these roles taught me to dig deep, without fear, to find the evidence of where the gold is. Today my role as a Change Facilitator is similar, in that I still dig deep, but to find the stress patterns which stop you accessing your gold so that you can walk your journey path and shine your light brightly to the world.

I utilise reflection as a tool in my daily practices, both private and clinical. It’s second nature, and if I’m stressed it sometimes turns into overthinking. When the ‘merry-go-round’ or monkey chatter is active in my mind that’s often when I’ll stop and take myself for a walk. The rhythmic movement clears my head and allows me space to analyse.

In business, the use of ‘review’ within a management system is used to measure compliance with the objectives and targets for a specific period. Reflection of our journey path is no different. In wellness coaching, we

  1. Set our intention of the dream life we want to live
  2. Create goals of the new habit(s) which will support us in achieving our dream life
  3. Identify strengths, weaknesses (I like to call these opportunities for improvement) and obstacles which may prevent us from achieving the goal
  4. Identify the small steps associated towards creating the overall new habit to support our dream life
  5. Take action by scheduling, planning and implementing through agreed commitment to self and coach
  6. Reflect on success of how well you progressed!

So here’s some of my top tips to support your reflective progression on working towards achieving and living your ideal life…

 

When you commence your goal setting process, write yourself a love letter, dated perhaps six to twelve months from the day you set your goal(s). Write to yourself, as if everything you desire has already happened. Sit and connect with how awesome it feels in your body and heart space. Capture these feelings or ’emotional juice’, write them in the letter.

Why bother capturing these feelings on paper? This way you are reinforcing the evidence of how you want to feel, as well as setting your intention with the universe for it to be delivered. By writing down the emotional juice you’re creating an evidence alert system for your conscious brain to be alerted. When the alert signal is activated, your emotional brain activates the brain reward pathways (ie your positive brain chemistry) and you naturally seek more of it!

You are also writing a recipe of how you want your dream life delivered. Be careful not to focus on acquiring stuff, but the feeling of how living your dream life will be.

When reading the love letter, later in time, you are able to connect with the intention of what you wanted to feel. You are then able to reflect on the success you have achieved or need for further improvement and refinement of some of the steps. Note that if you’re not quite there, you haven’t failed – because you’re reading the letter! You’ve made it, you simply have more of the lesson to learn.

Perhaps when you initially wrote the goal you may not have been able to factor all the steps involved, and this is the exciting component of your evolution towards your dream life, your expansion. So, be nice to yourself, you’re so worth investing your energy and effort into this change process.

Journalling is an amazing tool, a little old-fashioned perhaps, or corny some might say? But I find myself in my clinical practice sharing how useful journalling can be in releasing the monkey chatter merry-go-round thoughts. You literally defuse the mental energetic habit which is stuck on analyse everything, anchor in negative feelings and emotions and then REPEAT! It’s a vicious cycle.

Additionally, journalling is very effective for allowing you to vent, to release all that negative verbal vomit that just sometimes isn’t appropriate to say. There are time and occasions where it is simply not appropriate to say the first thing that comes to mind. It’s not appropriate for example to word vomit to a child, or perhaps an in-law, or a police officer. Everyone deserves your respect, for that’s the energy we want returned to us.

Journalling is exceptional for capturing the word vomit in a safe and expressive way. Practicing kinesiology has helped me to see, that once you release it out of your head and onto paper, you’re no longer storing that negative energy in your body. The science of psychology shows us that hanging onto our emotions isn’t healthy. When you pull this together with how neurology works, kinesiology shows us exactly which part of the body stores it. You might be surprised to learn that specific organs will house specific unexpressed emotions. Store too much negative unresolved emotion, and think what that will do to the physical energy of that organ!

 

Releasing the negatively energised monkey chatter is an exceptionally good way of clearing your mind so that you can concentrate on the quality of your emotional juice – your feelings!

It takes courage to dig beyond the expression of whatever drama happened in your day, and explore how these experiences made you feel. It takes honesty with self to acknowledge whether there is something for you to let go, because it weighs you down and prevents you from evolving. An example of this would be hanging onto being angry with someone instead of forgiving them and yourself for your reaction.

Journalling allows you express yourself safely, when perhaps you can’t physically do so. It allows you to literally reflect on whether your behaviour and actions of the day or moment have aligned with your intention of living your dream life. Journalling with honesty and integrity for self also removes that critical voice within, and reconnects you to how you feel. After all, it’s the emotional juice, the good juju we want, not the monkey chatter!

You might ask yourself this – how do I commence this journalling process. Consider the following questions and start writing the answers!

Go to this LINK and decompress.

Coaching combined with kinesiology allows you to defuse stress and honestly explore self without fear or recrimination. Once negative emotional charge is removed from your body you can:

  • Learn from your failures, mistakes, and experiences and identify areas for enhancement and improvements (ie change);
  • Clarify your values, priorities, and strengths and access these internal resources;
  • Release emotional attachment to people, things, and events and live your life without drama;
  • Make different action choices, independent decisions, and new associations for YOU first, not others;
  • Remove inner roadblocks (otherwise called negative emotional charge) that hold you back from achieving your goals and get in the way of you taking action;
  • Examine your habitual behavior patterns and intuitive feelings without fear of being vulnerable;
  • Gain deeper insights into your thought processes associated with a vast array of your experiences and assess whether you have correctly perceived reality or whether your negative emotional charge created misperceptions (which you can change);
  • Expand your perspective and understanding of people and situations, and not invest in the drama of others;
  • Acknowledge old behavioural patterns (which you are trying to shift) as they arise in given situations or triggered by certain people, providing you the opportunity to consciously change the habit with positive charged emotions and motivations; and
  • Respond calmly and appropriately to challenges that may have otherwise hindered your progress.

Adam Sicinski nailed it by saying “As a whole, self-reflection provides you with an opportunity to consciously and actively create your life on purpose. What this means is that you no longer respond haphazardly to events, people, and circumstances. No longer are you at the mercy to the world around you, you are instead the captain of your ship, steering it in the direction of your choosing.”

Revision of your intention and associated goals allows you to ascertain whether you have strayed off your target objective, or whether you are on course. Reflection of the small actions implemented enables you to gain that emotional juice, of how you want to feel once you’ve achieved the goal. By connecting with the feels you readily connect with whether the action is right for you, whether you need to do more of it to increase the feeling or change action altogether. By doing this you are connecting with YOU – the most important person in your life!

 

References:

Sicinski, Adam. () “Self Reflection: How to make the most of every experience” IQMATRIX. https://blog.iqmatrix.com/self-reflection

Did you Marry into a Muggle Family?  Top Tips to Deal with the In-Laws!

Did you Marry into a Muggle Family? Top Tips to Deal with the In-Laws!

If you’re like me, and a fan of Harry Potter movies, you will resonate with the saying “I will have order” (spoken in that god awful high pitched voice)!! Is this how you feel when you have to catch up with your in-laws? You go into a defensive state driven by the need to control. Do you feel like you’ve entered into a new realm, a bit like leaving London and going to Hogwarts School for Magic? Sometimes interacting with the outlaws can feel like entering a time warp.

Are there times when visiting family, that you experience stress, simply because you are so different to them? Do you react to this new family rather than observe them?? How do these family visits leave you feeling? Do you sometimes feel that this extended family you’ve married into are so different that you feel almost magical and they are muggles?

And before we continue, I don’t consider a muggle to be a derogatory term, I’m using it as a light-hearted reference to someone who doesn’t like change. These people perhaps resonate on the negative side of life. They thrive on putting others down and align themselves to societal stress – When will you find someone? When are you getting married? When are you going to have a baby? When will you have another baby? Why did you put on so much weight? blah blah blah, you see where I’m going now? Notice that none of these questions are actually about how you feel, but rather focused on gossip and on negative bullshit.

With Christmas now over, did you have to have the obligatory family visit? And was is successful or dreaded? Christmas is meant to be a ‘wonderful time of the year‘ but for some of us, we can find ourselves in uncomfortable situations and even worse, awkward conversations.

Reacting to the family we’ve married into only upsets us, and sometimes, based on our stress response, stress extends to our partners too. After all, your partner understands their family because they have genetic coding which aligns them together! That’s not to say that there is acceptance of some old behavioural patterns, but there is understanding, even if it is just unconscious.

Worrying about impending encounters and visits is also counter productive to having a positive interaction with in-laws or dreaded family members. You are simply investing in a negative mental habit of an unresolved emotional upset. You’re also sending a message of intention to the universe of a negative outcome that you are envisaging!

I think we’ve all got, what we feel, to be “special” family members who push our buttons.  I’ve had my own internal battle, and after much soul searching and clearing of my etheric and heart space are convinced that energetically the muggles get a little frightened of my witchypoo-ness and that’s ok. I use the following tricks when dealing with the muggles of my extended family!

 

 

One of the best tools I learnt in 2017 was this series of coaching questions, and I share it often with my clinic clients:

1. Am I in control of the situation? Generally, the answer is no, we’re not in control because we’re learning lessons for our journey path.

2. Can I shelf my feelings until later? This buys you a couple of moments to ask yourself, in the heat of the moment, can I shelf my feelings until I get home / can debrief with my partner later?

3. Can I choose to change my perception? Literally the second you choose to change your perception, you swing your energy back into positive. This means that you are disengaging from that sympathetic nervous system response (flight or fight), and resuming your rightful place in your space! This is often enough to buy you ten seconds to take a deep breath and choose how you’d like to respond rather than react.

The worst thing you can do is feed their need for negative attention. You can choose not to mirror negative behaviour or comments. If the comments are truly offensive, then say so. Boundaries are vital for ongoing appropriate behaviour. Stick to your guns when expressing your feelings. Use that ten seconds to focus on your feelings and breath out tension, addressing the person directly. Maintain your message and practice it if necessary.

Once you’re ready to confront the situation, stick to “I statements“. For example I feel angry when you say …”.

The feedback sandwich can come in handy at these times where you start with a positive remark. Then fill the sandwich with the negative (how you’re feeling). Then finish off with a positive.

Here’s an example. I love spending time with family at Christmas time because it makes my partner happy. I’m feeling a little hurt by x comment you just said. I would like for us to be able to get along for the sake of partner and share our life with you. Remember it’s ok if the muggle response is negative or non-responsive – they are choosing not to change. They are choosing not to evolve or get along with you. It’s literally not your stuff!

Or my favourite “no I don’t watch the news, as I choose to focus on the people that I share my home with. The news doesn’t report anything positive, and I can’t control anything the news reports on. In fact, I choose to avoid the news because of how it makes me feel. I focus on the joy and abundance in my life and are grateful. What made you happy today?”

In the past I have often found myself repeatedly saying, “well I guess we have a different way of looking at things, and that’s ok“. This is essential if a topic of conversation is becoming heated or out of control. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Remember this strategic key – that whatever anybody says about you is none of your business!

I operate my own clinical practice, often working with people who have experienced a varying degree of trauma which hasn’t been resolved.  When dealing with muggles, I keep interaction limited because I don’t want to gossip about other family members. I choose to focus on positive, so I am always armed with good things my family has achieved during the last visit.

I no longer reside on a standardised societal plane. I don’t follow the norm. I walk on the wild side and not from a naughty perspective. I choose to walk my path, and not that of another.

I am on such a different plane that I’ll never be understood by some – and I’m ok with that now. I respect the journey of others is often on a completely different paradigm to mine and I respect this. When dealing with muggles, I literally treat them politely, much like a client. I observe, I use compassion in my dialogue and don’t offer advice!

If you’re struggling with your preparation in dealing with the muggles of your life, consider booking yourself a CHANGE session today!

Click here – www.karenhumphries.net.au/bookings

Just wanting some quasi coaching support, join us in the private Facebook Group called #ChangeTribe.

Click here – https://www.facebook.com/groups/changetribe/?source_id=143133559060778

Nurture Self – Want Vs Need

Nurture Self – Want Vs Need

One of the fundamental steps to living your dream life is enjoying where you’re at right now, it’s being grateful for all that you are and have. And I’m not talking about all the stuff you have. I am talking about how much love is in your heart.  I’m talking about how easy it is to express that love to self and others.

When in Clinic, I’m liaising with clients who are so busy helping everyone else but themselves and I liken the need to nurture self as a vital step in moving forward on their journey path – and by that I mean the essential journey, back to self.

Think of yourself as a bucket of energy. When you give your time and focus to another, you give a little bit of the contents of your bucket contents away. You don’t easily get this back. If you fill your bucket and allow it to overflow, you can then direct the overflow to others, saving the bucket contents just for you. This means that you are always energised and raring to go. This means that your focus remains on YOU, where you’re going, and how you’re going to get there!

This is important in this day and age in these busy lives that we live. The other thing to consider is that when we keep our energy to ourselves we increase our ability to remain focused on self – your health, your vitality, and your dreams. Not the drama of another.

Tony Robbins was once quoted as saying “if you cant find 10 minutes each day for yourself, you don’t have a life”! This resonated strongly for me, making me think about how important I am in my life – and that’s me!

So when I am looking after myself properly I feel absolutely effervescent! I am high on life.

Here’s some of my top tips for nurturing self.

1. Remain hydrated at all times – our body and brain need lubrication to bring oxygenated and nutrient rich blood and lymphatic fluids for maintaining ideal function. Reduced hydration means our organs work harder to dispose of wastes. We can feel sluggish and don’t function at our best.

2. Eat plenty of veggies – vegetables are colon cleansers packed with nutrients to fuel our bodies and brain. If we want to remain focused on self we need our brains functioning at optimum power.

3. Send loving messages to self – this may be the use of daily journalling or simply reading positive affirmations! I start every new year and in fact, every single project I embark on, with a love letter to myself. I write a letter to future myself, expressing gratitude for the creativity and time I invested in my success and achievements. In other words, I write my future self a letter expressing gratitude for the life I am intending to happen – my dream life.

4. Set boundaries – it’s vital to set boundaries for things that you will and will not do for self and others around you. It’s especially vital to set boundaries for others who act like energy vampires! We’ve all encountered someone from time to time, who after a single conversation can leave you feeling drained, depressed or even exhausted! Learn to say no, or limit time spent with these people. Say yes to you!

5. Be grateful – The more grateful you are, the more present you become, the more joy you bring into your life. The more joy you experience, the better you feel. The more you feel good, the more motivated you will be to continue feeling like this.

It’s ok to have off days, but maintaining a practice of gratitude each day, like this jar (whereby every time you feel good about something you write it in the jar and nominate a future time to open the jar and read all of your good experiences).

I have one of these in Clinic and will often randomly message a client with a reminder from a lovely moment we shared.

6. Get a massage – it sounds obvious, but touch from another person stimulates feelings of belonging, nurture and relaxation. As a professional massage therapist, there is nothing more rewarding than seeing a client hobble into my Clinic space with a grumpy attitude and leave with their shoulders back and a smile on their face.

7. Be your own advocate – once you’ve gone within and explored strengths and weaknesses, you can then step into your light and shine your light to the world. You can advocate for self in terms of what you’re good at.

You can also show vulnerability and your human imperfection side, allowing self and others to observe your weakness. This in itself is an incredible strength of resilience to have and share with the world. Recognising your weaknesses is also empowering because you can either delegate and seek assistance or train to acquire the skill.

 

8. Believe in self – it’s vital to understand and acknowledge your strengths – so that you can use what you’ve to move forward on your journey.

Understanding of both strengths and weaknesses, allows you to draw upon your life experiences, knowing intuitively what will work or won’t.

9. Good sleep hygiene – after suffering debilitating insomnia for several years, I discovered the importance of essential sleep hygiene patterns. Create a routine whereby you can easily wake refreshed every single night just by cleaning up your sleep routine.

Try eliminating blue light exposure at least two hours prior to going to bed. If you can’t go without technology, then install red light filters onto your mobile phone and tablets. Avoid TV right before bed. Sugar is definitely out after dinner and try not to snack before bed.

10. Take a walk along the beach – every chance I get I will splash in the water. I’ve been seen in my gorgeous red gumboots in the middle of winter, jumping in rock pools whilst collecting shells.

I love frolicking and connecting with the kinetic energy of the waves. It’s extremely cleansing, and in the summertime, the salt water and sand is a fantastic exfoliant for the feet!

Often I will take a bag of my crystals and wash them in an outgoing tide to refresh them!

11. Watch the sunrise – It’s invigorating and magical, getting up in the dark and watching the last star fade away as the sun chases the moon! You get to start an entire new day!

It’s nearly always chilly in the early hours of the morning, and extremely invigorating when out walking. Literally everything you see changes in front of your eyes, reinventing itself as the light begins to shine!

12. Sit in the warm sun and read a book – have you got a favourite comfy chair? Ever blobbed in your favourite chair with the dog at your feet, a hot chocolate and a good book? What a delicious way to relax and gift self a couple of hours!

13. Watch a movie that makes you belly laugh – our family are big movie buffs. Whilst technology and sci-fi rate highly, the funnier the movie the better. Often there are verbal replays of great one-liners for weeks to come after a good movie – so the entertainment continues.

14. Make a bucket list – there’s a movie about it, but have you got one? Mine is constantly being revised, as I tick off things that I’ve done and accomplished! I love exploring new places and immersing myself into new cultures. I also like challenging myself and removing fears out of my system.

15. Play a board game – my family has developed somewhat of a routine with special friends and family members, often who come on a Friday night for dinner. Everyone takes it turns cooking, and we play board games that make us think. Traditional and perhaps a little old-fashioned – well maybe, yes. Boring? Hell no! There’s raucous laughter and debate of accused cheating and reaching for the rule book, and presently the girls are beating the boys! There’s nothing wrong with ditching technology and the idiot box and having actual conversations with people. It’s inexpensive and can be as simple as playing different games with a deck of cards.

16. Spring clean your space – as I write this I’ve literally gutted each of the bedrooms in the house whilst on my annual Christmas break. We’ve gone through wardrobes and toy boxes. We’ve repurposed everything we no longer use, sharing with those less fortunate. We’ve also adopted the new philosophy from friends traveling around the country in a caravan – you can only purchase new stuff if you’re getting rid of something old. That way we won’t recluttter the house!

17. Have a manicure or pedicure – did you know that reflexology maps out all of the body areas on the soles of the feet and palms of the hands. Therefore, whenever you have someone stimulate your hands or feet, you’re treating your entire body!

18. Go to your favourite restaurant – this might only happen every now then due to budget or child minding constraints. But when you do get to go, savour every mouthful. Enjoy the textures, the flavours, the scents and the visual creations plated up for you to have a food-gasm!

19. Re-create your favourite dish – my daughter is now sufficiently old enough to learn to cook. For advanced activities I support, but for the most part, she is learning to chop and dice, stir and shake. It’s a bit sneaky, but she thinks she is training to be the next Masterchef. I’m just making sure she’s got enough skills to survive when she’s old enough to move out, and won’t be tempted to live off take away!

Exploration of food is vital in today’s society, where convenience food (food in a packet) can be readily purchased. But with global health declining, one must ask oneself, is what is inside the package actually food. That’s entirely another blog!

20. Visit a playground – how long has it been since you swung on a swing? Or climbed a tree? Or rode a bike? When did you last play, like a child? Role-playing enables children to connect with their innocence, to act out certain feelings, to express themselves, and to practice societal roles (ie being a parent or teacher). Allowing yourself to play like a child, connects you with a simplistic view of life, disconnecting from the busyness, even if only or a moment or two.

21. Moisturise your body after a shower / bath – it’s like giving yourself a massage. I massage topical magnesium oil every day with a homemade body cream (containing aromatherapy oils). My legs and arms never get tired, and I feel revitalised after some quick lymphatic drainage moves! All upward movement from your ankles or wrists is a lovely way to flush the limbs. Note if you have any medical condition, please check with your medical practitioner that this is suitable.

 

22. Watch the sunset – sometimes we have those days where we want to go back to bed and hide. There’s nothing more delicious than watching the sunset and saying goodbye to the day we’ve had, and hello to the sparkles in the sky.

23. Play your favourite dance music – often when it’s time for my family to arise on a school day, I’ll crank up the dance music as I’m cooking breakfast. I’m jigging around the kitchen, laughing as small person (ie tweenie who likes to sleep) emerges from her room questioning why I’m so chirpy. It’s a great motivator for movement! Think of the Rocky films and that theme song where you want to jump out of your chair and punch the air!! Right??

24. Find your favourite cafe – I have date day with my daughter at one of our local cafes most Saturday mornings. We’ve been going so long now that all of the staff know our usualorder. It’s where we go to debrief on the week we’ve had and celebrate our relationship. We both savor the sights and smells and often change the cake we share.

I’m glad I started this tradition now, so that hopefully as my daughter gets older, she still wants to talk to me!

25. Explore your backyard – I absolutely love exploring new places and sights. There’s something wonderous about seeing how places are put together, how they were built. I love imagining how those places were first settled and have gratitude moments for the generations before me who created these places for me to visit now.

There’s always a story of how someone’s life turned out. How they created their lives, survived and overcame challenges. They made it, so I could enjoy it.

26. Meditation – I do lots of things to clear my thought patterns, wipe the slate clean so to speak. It’s challenging, and yes there are days where the grey matter goes a million miles an hour. This is why I journal. To get it out of my head and onto paper so I can let go. Sometimes I use guided meditaiton cds or apps, other times I sit quietly with a candle. Then there are times I walk very early with my crazy dog. I shake up my routine because my busy mind likes different stimulus to address different types of stress.

27. Go bushwalking – connecting with nature is essential for us all. The sights and scents of untouched bush and forest is incredible, and generally not somthing I easily capture on film. That’s not to say I don’t take photos, I do. Hundreds of them! In fact I took this one with my tripod at Noojee Bridge, which has been converted from an old rail trail.

28. Do colouring – grab yourself a pocket colouring book to throw into your handbag or backpack, for the next time you’ve got a spare ten minutes. Doodling literally drains away the overthinking thoughts and helps break up the mental pattern associations!

29. Walk barefoot outside – it’s very grounding and connects you immediately to mother earth!

30. Have potted indoor plants – I’ve got plants everywhere inside my house. Firstly they take carbon dioxide and replace with oxygen, which combats the amount of technology. But having green inside my living space supports my connection with nature and life itself. It’s very calming to have plant life, evolving just like me, in my space.

31. Subscribe to daily positive quotes – seeing something whilst having breakfast or that first cup of coffee, which makes you laugh or is inspiring, supports you to set your intention for the day – hopefully positive.

32. Go window shopping – for the simple joy of observing the creativity of the window dressers. There’s a florist shop in a nearby town, that each festive season, engages a professional window dresser from the city. Fair dinkum, this particular shop window is worth stopping for, each and every time I go past – for it generates wonder! My attention is captured and they literally tell a story through the window.

33. Take happy snaps of fun times, especially with friends and family – instead of a wedding photo album, I’ve got the equivalent number of photos in huge A1 framed posters on my wall. I remember the joy of our wedding day, every single time I walk past.

I can remember when my mum died, and the family was preparing for the funeral. I had literally hundreds of photos to choose from. Recalling stories from these pictures made it very easy to formulate my eulogy speech, but also, rather than grieving, I celebrated a life lived.

34. Get moving – even if you’re only walking or doing something lovely like yoga, moving the body is vital to holding onto your youth and vitality.

35. Enjoy your circle – be sure to touch base with your circle of friends and family regularly and with integrity. I have a wonderful group of girlfriends, I’m so blessed. We catchup for lunch at least once a month. We each bring a plate to share, to each other’s houses. Often we leave with sore ribs from laughter and my soul literally feels lighter from having shared a space with them for a couple of hours.

So you see, there’s really no limit to being able to nurture yourself and fill your bucket of self love. Figure out what you need to feel good about YOU in your life and schedule it into your diary.  After all, you can choose to change and bloom from within xxx

What are my Strengths? Superhero or Wimp?

What are my Strengths? Superhero or Wimp?

As we migrate on our journey path, to live the life we want, we need to IDENTIFY aspects which support us in achieving that NYE intention we set. It’s important to know and understand what our core STRENGTHs are so that we can focus on boundaries of success.

Often we jump quickly into goal setting without pausing and reverse engineering the processes of the steps involved to achieve success. You don’t need superpowers to go within and have a good look at where you’re at in life. You just need courage, a journal and a deep breath!

One of the best first steps of assessing whether a goal is achievable. It involves taking a few moments to acknowledge what you’re good at. When you have faith in yourself of the things you can do, you can then focus on building resources to improve your weaknesses.

Strength is something which all people have like talents, positive attitude, patience and confidence. Looking at strength is about opening up new opportunities and focusing on the possibilities rather than the problems. It’s useful to understand your strengths on a conscious level, so that when a challenge or obstacle arises, you instinctively know you can reach into YOUR toolbox and work through to a solution.

Additionally, recognising and understanding strengths provides you more available energy and motivation to jump onto opportunities as they arise! When we understand our strengths, we are generally able to clearly FOCUS on working through the challenge. Our motivation often remains very high because of our belief that we can climb the mountain, overcome the obstacle – because we’ve got evidence in our life that we’ve done it before.

A skill on the other hand, is something that you can do, like riding a bike, reading and writing, holding conversations. The reason strengths and skills are looked at during one of my clinical or coaching sessions, is to demonstrate you have evidence from your past that YOU can improve your quality of life, sense of competency and life satisfaction.

Your weaknesses are the things that appear difficult to learn and/or difficult to do. We all have them! Sicinski states “Your weaknesses are simply areas of your life where you have had very limited experience, given very little attention to, or been misguided in some way. They may include underdeveloped characteristics and skills, poor learned behaviours, limiting beliefs, and inadequate knowledge. Above all others, your limited beliefs are probably the biggest culprits.”

I like to think of a weakness as merely untapped opportunity for change!

There are three main reasons why you have weaknesses:

  1. You have limited experience;
  2. You have been misguided in some way;
  3. You have a set of limiting beliefs which lead to less than optimal habits of thinking.

You have limited experience in certain areas of your life due to one of two things – you have probably shown little interest in these areas, or are too young to have had the experience. When we have interest in a thing, this heightens our receptivity and natural curiosity to be willing to learn new ideas quickly. We are naturally more open to new perspectives and ways of looking at things. The direct result we increase focus and mental resources on the topic of interest more and more.

Weaknesses also manifest from the fact that you were misguided or have misperception in some way. You might, for instance, have certain traits, characteristics, behaviours and limiting habits that you learned and picked up from observing other people. Often this occurs in childhood and what we are exposed to in terms of belief systems and values of adults around us. I see this most frequently manifested in my clinical practice as ‘unconscious fear’.

These patterns of behaviour we observe as a child, in parents, grandparents, extended family, teachers and community leaders etc formulate our belief system – which can be positively or negatively emotionally charged. If your belief is negative based, your weaknesses can for example often stem from the fact that you think about things in less than optimal ways. This may link back to a lack of experience or to the fact that you were misguided or misperceived events in some way in the past. And as a result, you have a set of limiting beliefs in certain areas of your life that negatively influence your behaviours, decisions, thoughts, and actions.

Exploring your weaknesses isn’t a bad thing. This process allows you to gain the necessary support you need in areas where you require the most assistance, support or training. You can therefore turn these weaknesses into strengths by acquiring the necessary knowledge, people or resources you need to accomplish your goal.

When you clearly understand what your strengths and weaknesses, you are likely to receive the following benefits:

  • You will easily focus on the things that have the biggest or most positive impact on your life;
  • You will save time by drawing your attention and focus on things that will bring you the greatest happiness;
  • You increase access to your internal and external resources and therefore make better decisions every single day;
  • You can delegate tasks to people with more proficiency, OR undertake training to gain the additional skills;
  • You can reduce levels of stress, anxiety, apprehension, overwhelm, or frustration because your confidence in your ability has been acknowledged OR your willingness to try increases;
  • You connect positively to your values and belief system, enabling you to contribute more to others and to the world around you; and
  • Your levels of self-confidence increases because all of a sudden there is more certainty and clarity in your life.

Being aware of your strengths and skills is a great way to start looking at what tools you already have which can assist in achieving goals associated with living your dream life. In her book, “Believe in Yourself & Do What You Love”, Kate James discusses that people are far more likely to be happy, content and engaged in their life, when you do something you’re naturally good at. And remember, it’s ok to not be good at everything!

So here’s a couple of tips! You may like to get your journal out for this exercise and allow the questions to percolate the answers over a couple of days. After all, you have to allow your subconscious mind to drip feed you the information sometimes!

1. Write down everything you’re good at! It’s not rocket science, but can be a little confrontational because society tells us we’re being egomaniacs when we highlight what we’re good at. Bollicks I say! Let’s focus instead on everything you love doing and why you’re good at it!

Having compiled your list of strengths, take the time now to ask yourself three additional questions (in relation to that dream of the ideal life you have):

  1. Which of my strengths would I like to improve upon?
  2. Which strengths are most important with accomplishing my goals?
  3. What strengths will help me to become the person I seek to be?

2. Write down areas of life you’d like to improve (notice I’m converting negative into positive!) Ask yourself these questions!:

  1. In what specific situations are these weaknesses unhelpful?
  2. In what situations are these weaknesses potentially helpful?
  3. What’s the value of knowing this?

3. Reflective questions are brilliant to steer us back to goal setting in terms of what needs to change in terms of living my dream life?

Ask yourself these questions. You may like to pick one that pushes your buttons or answer them all!

  • How could I best overcome my personal limitations?
  • Who could potentially assist me in this area of my life?
  • What resources and knowledge might I need to acquire?
  • What experience might I need to gain?
  • How can I potentially use my strengths to overcome my weaknesses?
  • What potential opportunities can be found within my weaknesses?
  • How could my weaknesses become strengths in a different context?

As you work through these questions it’s important to keep in mind that even though you might have a weakness in a certain area, this doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s an actual “limitation” or that it should stop you in any way.

I’m supporting people’s change process every single day in my clinical practice, utilising Kinesiology and Wellness Coaching to defuse negative emotional charge within values and belief systems. Change is possible for anyone who chooses to be open to possibilities!

Remember that we all have weakness, some of which are an actual limitation (like my ability to sing!) so it’s important to accept this as a fact. Should I choose, I could focus on taking singing lessons and developing strengths and skills to utilise my vocal cords in a way that doesn’t sound like I’m causing a cat pain, but at the end of the day, I’d rather spend my time and energies on other aspects of life. I shall leave the singing for the shower!

4. Therefore in some scenarios you need to assess where you’re better off utilizing other people’s strengths to offset your weaknesses in order to get the outcomes you desire to have in your life.  As such, it might be worthwhile asking yourself three additional questions:

  • How have I managed my weaknesses in the past?
  • How can I minimize my weaknesses in the present?
  • How can I better manage my weaknesses in the future?

The answers to these questions should provide you with the information and ideally solutions you require to gain the most value from your choices and decisions moving forward to live your dream life.

Good luck in going within and exploring self. Remember you can choose to change and bloom from within xx

 

References: 

James, Kate. (2015) “Believe in Yourself & Do What You Love“, Affirm Press.

Sicinski, Adam. “How to critically assess your greatest strengths and weaknesses“, IQMATRIX